Coven
by madame.alexandra
Summary: One of Leia's daughters is forced to deal with the repercussions of an impulsive action. The women in her family rally around. A story set in the Identity 'verse. More than anything else, it's a story about women. H/L heavy, though (of course!).
1. Prologue

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* * *

_Prologue_

* * *

The bedroom was silent, which might have been a less miraculous thing, were it not occupied by two teenage girls – one nineteen, one a rather newly minted sixteen – who were usually vivacious and loud. The door was shut as well, which was an oddity in its own right; Jaina Solo, the eldest, and to whom the silent bedroom belonged, rarely shut her door unless she was sleeping. She was also _home_ much less often than her younger sister and, being of legal age, given to many more freedoms – freedoms which were, she thought grimly, wasted on her, and coveted by the more extroverted and adventurous Noura.

Jaina sat with her back against her bed, her legs folded neatly in front of her, arms crossed across her chest. She watched the jewelry box that sat before her, her head tilted at a slight angle, and her lips pursed in a cool, calculating way that others often joked took her face from a spitting image of her father to a spitting image of her mother.

"Will you _stop_ with that _look_?" Noura asked, breaking the silence in an annoyed hiss.

She sat across from Jaina, on the opposite side of the ominous jewelry box, her legs drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Her chin rested on her knees, and her lips and nose were scrunched up tensely.

"It's just my face," Jaina retorted. "I'm thinking."

"Well, _stop_! You look like Mom," Noura snapped.

Jaina glanced up, and found her sister glaring at her, and it was the first time either of them had taken their eyes off the jewelry box. The jewelry box, which Rouge had given Noura such a short time ago, for her sixteenth birthday, and which Noura had opened about three minutes ago and slammed shut again, right before placing it between them.

They stared at each other for a long time, and the silence buzzed and grew louder – haunting them, and looming like a physical dark cloud. Noura's bright blue eyes were skittish and angry, and Jaina's were guarded – she forced herself to remain as calm as possible, because Noura could have gone to someone else. Noura _could_ have tried to handle this by herself and then who-the-fuck-knew what could have happened.

"_Stop it_," Noura demanded again.

Jaina scowled, which changed her expression, and Noura bit her lip, anxiously scraping it over and over again. Jaina held back a sigh, and tapped a finger on her arm, tilting her head slowly to the other side.

The jewelry box lurked between them.

"You have to open it and look, Noura," Jaina said finally. She lifted her chin. "It's been longer than three minutes."

Noura paused, her lip caught between her teeth. Jaina saw a little speck of blood start to bloom where her incisors dug in, and frowned. Noura gave a violent little shake of her head.

_"Or_ I can leave it closed, and then everything stays in the jewelry box," she muttered.

Jaina raised an eyebrow.

"Haven't you been…mentally preparing yourself to look?" she asked.

Noura winced.

"I've…been," she began faintly. "I've…well, no! I mean, _yes,_ but…only if it's…you know, like," she faltered. "_Negative_," she whispered.

Jaina laughed, and then hurriedly tried to stifle it. It was just – such a Noura thing to say; only consider the consequence that was_ desired_, the best-case _scenario_. Don't ever dwell on the worst of the worst. Well, clearly Noura had applied _that_ thinking to the decisions that led up to this moment.

"Okay," Jaina said, taking a deep breath. She held Noura's gaze. "That's _likely_," she said firmly. "You said you were only two days late. That isn't _that_ abnormal. Some women _never_ end up bleeding on a pinpoint schedule," she pointed out logically.

Noura licked her lip, then tucked her head for a moment, then looked away. She cleared her throat shakily.

"Noura? You said it was only two days."

"I may have been lying," Noura said finally, her face flushing.

Jaina unfolded her arms and placed her palms on the floor on either side of her, her heart rate jumping.

"Well," she started.

"It's, um," Noura said faintly, "been, um, a week…and a half...and a few more days."

Jaina's eyes widened incredulously.

"Noura, _are you fucking stupid_?" she hissed before she could stop herself – and then she put a hand to her mouth, cringing.

Noura's face swung back to her accusingly.

"You _swore_ you would _not_ be judgmental and – "

"You lied about the chances of it being – "

"It's the same, though, it's the _same_ thing, you promised to…be supportive and, like, help, and…Jainy, please, you're my sister, I didn't want to go to anyone else," she trailed off, biting at her lip again, and Jaina held up her hands.

"Okay," she said softly. "Okay, I'm sorry. It's just that – I assumed you were being your typical overdramatic self," she explained, an undercurrent of panic running through her – for Sith's sake, when Noura had finally managed to get out the words _'I think I might be pregnant,'_ Jaina had very nearly rolled her eyes. She'd gone along with this assuming Noura was just…being Noura!

She was _more_ than a _week_ late?

Jaina's heart plummeted, rammed into her stomach, and then tumbled with all the rest of her vital organs basically into her feet. She could – she could just feel it, all of a sudden, this was not going to be some hilarious, hijinks story they told at family dinner when Noura was older, this was going to end in something horrible, like Noura begging _her_ to tell their parents -

"You have to look," Jaina said firmly. "_Now_, Noura," she ordered. She grit her teeth, rubbing her forehead. "Or can't you – can't you tell? I think Mom told me she knew the minute she got pregnant."

"You have to know what you're looking for," Noura retorted. "_Yeah_, like I was going to go _ask_ her, 'at what point, while you were having sex with Dad, did you notice your life was about to be absolutely fucking ruined' – "

"I wouldn't ask her either," Jaina interrupted hastily. She did not point out that it was unlikely their mother had that specific, devastated reaction to the conception of – well, _any_ of them.

Noura began to chew on her thumbnail, eyeing the box.

"I have desecrated that box," she hissed. "Aunt Ro is bursting into flame somewhere. She can just…_sense_…sluttery."

"_Sluttery_?" choked Jaina, snickering.

"Why do you keep laughing?" snapped Noura.

"What do you want me to do, start sobbing?" Jaina asked, exasperated. "I don't cry."

Noura's eyes began to well up, and her lip trembled.

"Will you look?" she asked. "_Please_, Jaina."

Jaina took a deep breath. She felt bewildered and intimidated, yet she had always taken her position as elder sister very seriously, and despite the magnitude of the situation, she was glad Noura had come to her. Noura so often seemed…dismissive of her, or oddly alienated from everyone other than their father, and it was a relief that some part of her did see their family as the safest place.

She sat forward and picked up the box, holding it gingerly in her lap.

"Do you want me to tell you, or look, and then show you?" she asked calmly.

"Tell me. No. Show me. No. Just…open it, and then give it to me. Don't say anything," Noura said, nodding. "I need…I guess I have to actually find out. Myself. To look," she murmured.

Jaina nodded. She flicked open the neat little clasp on the box and opened it to peer at the two items inside – one was a blood test, that really had been ready in a mere thirty seconds, and the other a more traditional sani strip – Noura had locked them both away immediately, and they had begun their vigil.

Jaina looked at both, noted the indicators, and then wordlessly turned the box around and handed it to Noura. Noura took it, held it in her palms as if it were poisonous, and stared at the two items – which Jaina knew were both showing a very bright, gaudy, neon _positive_.

Noura looked up at her sister, her bright eyes filling with tears again. They shimmered there, precarious and threatening. She was silent for a moment, frozen, her lips pursed in a picture-perfect representation of helplessness, and then she gave a quick gasp, her eyes widening, and burst into tears.

"They're going to kill me," she whimpered.

She wrenched her hands upwards and flipped the jewelry box onto the floor, spilling its contents. The blood test and the sani strip bounced to her feet. Noura bowed her head and buried her face in her palms.

"Oh, no. No, oh no. No! Jaina, Mom and Dad are going to _kill _me!" she cried, tucking her body forward into her knees, making herself impossibly small.

Jaina stared at her, biting the inside of her lip, trying to be the calm, wise older sister that Noura obviously thought her to be. She herself tried to process the information, all the while thinking it unimaginable – Noura was _little_, Noura was her _baby_ sister, it couldn't possibly make any sense that she could be -

"Um," Jaina uttered softly, at a loss herself. She fumbled for something to say. "Well, maybe not, I, um, don't think Dad's killed anyone in like, at least six years," she said faintly.

Noura started to sob harder, looking up in disbelief.

"_Are you trying to be funny?"_ she shrieked, and then slapped a hand over her mouth in horror – no one was home, but the instinct to hide this, all of it, was raw and immediate.

Jaina winced, licking her lips.

"I don't think so," she said apologetically - she didn't know what else to say, but it was a fair bet to at least assure her little sister – "Noura, no one is going to _kill _you."

Noura shook her head, nearly clawing at her face. She kept nodding. Jaina lunged forward, and crawled over to her, shifting to sit next to her. She put an arm around her and pulled her close, turning Noura's face away from the life-altering items on the floor.

"No one's going to kill you," she said again, keeping her voice a brave, reassuring whisper.

"Oh, yeah, they're going to love it. The teenage daughter of the _last_ Princess of Alderaan, the _angel_ of the Republic, the _savior_ of democracy, a fucking disgrace, a total _fucking_ speeder wreck."

Jaina sighed heavily. Noura had always had a specific sensitivity to the way she thought – _thought_ – their mother perceived her. It didn't feel like _now_ was the time to rehash that tired old argument. Noura was scared, Noura was hurting, and Noura was facing a harrowing consequence of her impulsivity, and Jaina was – if nothing else – still young enough to be a teenager, and to grieve, and to bond, like one.

"Dad," sobbed Noura. "Dad is _never_ going to look at me the same."

"That's _not_ true," Jaina said sharply.

She could not…fathom what the reaction to this was going to be, or what the fallout might be like, but Jaina had a very different opinion of who their parents were as people, and she felt that no matter how angry they might be, their first instinct would be to protect.

"What am I going to do?" Noura whimpered, her tears wet on Jaina's shoulder.

"What do you want to do?" Jaina answered quietly.

"I don't know. _I don't know_."

Jaina put her hand up to Noura's scalp and ran a hand through her hair, silent, offering herself as strong support, and then came Noura's frightened, desperate plea, bubbling up from the muffled depths of her anxious heart –

"Jaina, I can't…I can't…will you tell…will you tell Daddy for me? If you tell…because then he can tell," Noura nearly choked on the word, "_Mom_."

Jaina had no doubt that their father would immediately agree to handle telling their mother. That was just what Han Solo _did_ for his daughters – he took care of them, he stood up for them, he moved mountains for them. More than anything, though, Noura needed to assert her power over this, and Jaina hugged her, but she shook her head.

"I'll be there," she assured her. "I'll have your back, but," she swallowed hard. "_You_ have to tell. You. This is your story."

Noura groaned weakly. She clasped Jaina's hand and held it tightly, and she stopped talking, choked up, distracted by her own tragedy, and Jaina rested her head against Noura's temple, fixing her gaze on the splayed open jewelry box, and because it was one natural way she could help, she closed her eyes and wove an intricate emotional shield around Noura, enough to help her cloak her own projections with just enough subtlety, buying them time to strategize.

* * *

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	2. One

a/n: hello there! back to the Identity 'verse, and with yet another long leap into the "future." i really at no point planned on going this far, but sometimes stories must be written. i never really intended to do this kind of topic with H/L their children, but when an idea comes as fully planned as this one, it bears writing. i know it will be one of my more controversial ones. that in mind, remember that you don't have to read anything you don't like. and you could always consider leaving me alone re: mean comments if it's not your cup of tea.

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**tw: abortion, mentions of (past) rape, (past) sexual assault**

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Coruscant  
28 ABY

One

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Jaina looked around her little sister's room with a heavy heart, a sinking sense of gravity just _sitting_ in her stomach. It looked like a teenager's room – fitting, since that's what Noura was: a teenager. Jaina herself was still a teenager, but somehow she suddenly felt eons older than Noura, situated in a completely different plane of existence, and at the same time, younger than ever, and in need of her mother. Noura seemed younger than she had last week – why did sixteen seem so absolutely mature when you were living it, and then astonishingly childlike three years later?

Noura's room was usually messy – outrageously messy. Jaina had never exactly been a neat freak, but Noura had always been on level all her own, a level that finally prompted Leia to tell her if she couldn't keep her room remotely tidy, she had to keep her door shut so the rest of them didn't have to see it. Noura hadn't minded that at all; Noura _loved_ locking herself in her room. And she'd always thought it was stupid that anyone cared how clean _her_ space was.

She seemed to quite abruptly have reformed, Jaina noticed, as the room was now painfully clean – perhaps Noura had considered the merit of tidy surroundings facilitating a clear headspace, or perhaps she was just manic and stir crazy and slowly unraveling, and cleaning her room was the only thing keeping her sane.

Jaina rubbed her temples gently, gritting her teeth, and stared at the fashion glossies Noura had created a collage out of on one wall. In the middle was a shimmering holo of Noura, just a few months ago, side by side with Marisol Celchu at the premiere show of Coruscant's Fashion week. She had fixed a flirtatious smirk on her face, and glowed with glamour and sophistication.

That image was a far cry from the Noura who was sitting cross-legged on her bed now, anxiously twisting her hands through her hair. She'd bitten off most of her nail polish and the make-up she'd worn to school today was smudged. She'd bitten her bottom lip raw in the past week, and if they didn't say something soon, Jaina was quite convinced Noura would just – stroke out, or something.

How she was getting to her academy and acting normal around her posh clique all day was unfathomable, but Jaina admired it. She didn't think she'd be able to put on that kind of act; she was strapped enough helping to shield Noura's distress –

"How bad is your headache?" Noura asked, yanking on her hair – one of her jagged nails was tangled in it. She ripped a few strands loose, and sighed.

"You're going to give yourself a bald spot," Jaina muttered.

"Jaina, I have like, bigger issues right now," Noura snapped. "Your _head_?" she prompted.

Jaina sighed, and stopped rubbing her temples. She straightened up.

"It's not intense or anything," she said. "It's just a long time to keep up a shield, and you're not, uh," Jaina winched apologetically. "You aren't helping much."

Noura flushed, and looked away, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry, okay?" she mumbled, flicking her eyes down. "I have to shield other things," she said. "I'm not as disciplined as you or Max," she protested. "I don't pay attention to Uncle Lu enough. I don't listen to anyone," she breathed angrily, her voice trailing off.

Jaina sighed. She hung her arms over her knees and watched Noura sadly. She toyed with the idea of placating her, but in the end, remained silent. Perhaps it wasn't very kind and sisterly of her, but she tended to think Noura sort of deserved this humbling.

Then, a split second later, she was ashamed of herself, and she cleared her throat.

"Don't worry," she said. "I _do_ have the discipline," she assured her. She paused. "Are you using your energy to shield stuff like…nausea?"

Noura nodded, a greenish tinge touching her face.

"I mean I can't, you know, be _vomiting_ every morning. Dad's not stupid," she hissed, crossing her arms under her breasts and wincing at that, too. "Everyone always talks so much about how Mom was _sooooo_ sick with me. He'd remember."

She bit her lip, digging her teeth in.

"And I just am blocking off…my perception of the," she shoved her arms against her abdomen. "I'm just worried I might accidentally feel it," she said, shivering, "and then what if it talked to me? Luke and Mara were always _talking_ to Lytha," she said, thinking of their youngest cousin. "Remember? It was so gross."

Jaina frowned.

"I don't think you're that far along," she said. "You can't be. Like you said, anyway. You're not skilled enough."

Noura grimaced.

"I can't _get_ an _abortion_ if it starts _talking_ to me," she snapped.

Jaina rested her chin on her knees.

"Is that what you want?"

They hadn't really touched on this subject since the – since Noura had found out that she was, indeed, facing a positive pregnancy test. It was more that they had both tacitly agreed not to mention this to _anyone_, to band the fuck together, and quietly try to plan things out in secluded moments – easier, right now, considering their mother was at a conference across planet, and their father wasn't Force sensitive.

Noura thrust one hand out, a pinched expression on her face.

"Yeah, that's obviously the solution here. Don't give me shit about it," she hissed.

"I'm not giving you shit," Jaina hissed right back, narrowing her eyes. "You've been saying you don't know what you're going to do."

She sighed, her shoulders drooping. Noura turned her face away angrily.

"Are you like, against that or something? Morally?" she sneered – but she was unable to hide the insecurity and apprehension in her voice. "Aren't we all _liberals_ here?"

"Noura," Jaina sighed quietly. "It's not that. I just think – "

"Are Mom and Dad?"

"You _know_ Mom isn't," Jaina retorted sharply. "Dad never talks about politics. Who knows? He's sensitive and he loves babies, though," she said, musing about it without really thinking.

Noura gave a nasty, hurt laugh, and Jaina winced.

"Oh, good, another reason for him to hate me."

"Will you _stop_ it with that?" Jaina snapped. "For Sith's sake! No one is going to hate you, or kill you, or kick you out, or disown you," she listed, trying to cover all of Noura's anxieties.

Her head throbbed, and she put a hand to it tiredly, rubbing her knuckles against her forehead for a moment.

"You've got to tell them," she said, glaring at Noura. "That'll answer your questions. I was trying to say, I think an abortion will be easier the earlier you do it, so you – we – can't just let this _sit,_ it's a time sensitive issue."

Noura bit her thumb.

"Maybe Max can help you with shielding," she mused aloud, ignoring Jaina. "He's really good. He's – "

"We are not telling Max about this."

"He'd never rat us out. He _never_ tells on us."

"He doesn't, and he doesn't deserve to be saddled with this," Jaina retorted pointedly. "Needing me is one thing. I'm your sister, I'm older, and this is what I'm here for. But we can't go running to the baby of the family before you tell Mom and Dad! That _would_ piss them off."

Noura turned to look at Jaina incredulously.

"More than me being _pregnant_?"

Jaina just gave her a withering look. Noura drew her knees up and clutched her hair, running her fingers up to her scalp. She blew air out through her nose, her eyes watering, and shrugged, trying to pass it off as careless.

"The more I think about it, the more its like…do I have to tell them at all?" she asked, eyeing Jaina cagily.

Jaina blinked.

"What?" she asked, taken aback. "What do you – _how_ can you not? They'd notice eventually! It's not like when Max tries to sneak more stray pets in – "

"No, because I'm getting an abortion," Noura reasoned. "I'm sixteen. I don't even need parental consent. I could just cut school, and like go, and yeah."

"No."

"Why not?"

Jaina sat forward angrily.

"Because I'm not keeping that secret," she protested. "I'm _not_ keeping that from Mom. If you wanted to go and do something that stupid and be all by yourself, you never should have told me. What if something happened to you? What if there were complications, or – "

"It's Coruscant," Noura sniffed. "No one has botched abortions on Coruscant."

"You don't just go in and get an abortion and then go get dessert, Noura!" Jaina said, rather loudly.

"Shut up, _shut up_!" Noura hissed, lunging forward. "Dad could be in his room!"

Jaina lowered her voice, but kept going, seething.

"You have symptoms after. You bleed, you cramp, sometimes you feel really bad, and then we'd have to lie more and more and – no, no, fuck no," she said decisively, waving her hands.

"Sounds like dessert would be comforting, then."

"I am _not _doing this without Mom."

"But – "

"Noura," Jaina said heavily. "Noura, please listen. If we had parents who were these like…horrible, controlling, people who would – I don't know, beat us, or lock us up, or if we'd be in danger if we went to them, I'd feel differently. But they're _not_ like that. They're just not. I know you don't think you need parents, or anyone, or whatever, but you do. You need Mom, you _really_ need her," Jaina said, her voice catching. "She's older, and she knows more, and she is not a stranger to pain, okay? Trust me."

Noura stared at her, lips trembling. She reached up to wipe her cheek.

"I _know_, okay?" she said in a small voice, cowed. "You're right, if I really wanted to be alone with this, I wouldn't even have _told_ you, I just…I mean," she trailed off, tears spilling down her cheeks. "What if _you_ had to tell Mom something like _this_?"

Noura wiped at her face again.

"Like, she already thinks I'm just…such a ridiculous person," Noura shrugged. "And I can't help it that I'm not all into politics, or I'm not – _you_," she flung her hand out at Jaina.

Jaina sighed, and lifted her eyes.

"She doesn't think that, though. You project all this nonsense onto Mom. You think she doesn't like you – "

"She's not interested in me! She just ignores me – "

"She lets you do your own thing! Half the time you freak out at her for no reason!"

Noura covered her ears and shook her head, gritting her teeth. She wiped her nose, sniffled, and then folded her arms again, clutching her elbows. She took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"Well, whatever," she said. "I've ruined it now. Even if you're right, now I'm just…just the fuck up."

Jaina looked at her, heart aching. She was closer to their mother than Noura was. They were, admittedly, more alike. But Noura was so far off base in thinking that Leia was uninterested, or disappointed; they were different _people_, that was all.

Noura scowled bitterly.

"She was right, though," she said, mostly to herself. "I am full of myself and I think I know everything and…look where it got me? I'm smart," Noura said. "I'm smart, you know, so why did I do something this fucking _stupid_?"

Jaina got up. She pushed her hair back, and paced around, shrugging.

"Well I – I mean, how _did_ this happen, Nour?" she asked softly. "You haven't even been clear about who the guy is."

Noura looked away warily.

"He's not really relevant. Like I don't want to keep it, so."

"Are you dating him?"

"No. Not really, I mean."

Jaina stopped, and looked at her uncertainly.

"Is he an instructor or something?"

To her surprise, Noura started laughing, even if it was a bit hysterical.

"_Um_, holy bantha shit, _no_," she protested hoarsely. "He's basically my age – look, um, it was Xippa's older brother. Like, I've known him a long time."

Jaina had trouble hiding her grimace. _Xippolyta _– so, one of the snakes, as Jaina and Leia referred to Noura's more volatile circle of friends. They were tight-lipped – so they thought – about their distaste, but Jaina suddenly felt slimy.

"And you're not seeing him," Jaina said carefully.

Noura shook her head.

"But you still," Jaina started vaguely, "…with him?"

"What are you, a _priestess_?" Noura griped under her breath. She examined her nails, then her shoulders slumped, and she twitched her nose. "I've always kind of liked him, and he's cool, and he showed some interest, so a couple times we like, fooled around, and I liked the idea of dating him and, um," she took a shaky breath, mumbling: "I also would be, you know, the first of my friends to…have sex and for once I'd be like, the authority around them," Noura broke off sheepishly at the look on Jaina's face. "I know how I sound," she muttered.

She swallowed hard.

"Anyway, um, we just…went farther, one day. I didn't really plan on it, but mostly everything felt good, up until the actual sex, at least, so like, we kept going, and…yeah, now my entire life is ruined," she said dully.

She looked up.

"You know how it is. You get all caught up," she rolled her eyes, embarrassed. "Passion."

Jaina shrugged.

"No, I don't," she said bluntly.

Noura narrowed her eyes at her suspiciously.

"What do you mean _you don't_?" she quoted.

"I've never had sex," Jaina said, shrugging again.

Noura's mouth fell open.

"But – but – you're mostly moved out and – and you're _nineteen_ and – oh that's just great, that's _fucking_ great, not only am I the family disgrace, you're still a fucking _virgin_?" she hissed. "I was at _least_ banking on some sex positive backup from you-!"

"I can still give you that. I don't have to _have_ sex to have a positive attitude about it, god," Jaina protested, annoyed. "I just haven't _done_ it."

Noura still seemed enraged.

"You have that secret boyfriend though!"

Jaina eyed her sharply.

"Cassian isn't my boyfriend."

"_You sleep at his apartment when you aren't here."_

Jaina shifted her feet.

"Yeah, I – I am not sure how you found out about that, but – we are very close, and we are…discussing things, but he has some issues and…he's—_regardless_, we haven't had sex," she said. "And I think we need to return to _your_ life."

Noura bared her teeth suspiciously.

"Unbelievable," she growled.

Jaina steadied herself, tilting her head.

"So you didn't use birth control? Not even a skin?"

At that, Noura put a hand to her face, clearly mortified.

"Like I said," she admitted, abashed. "I didn't…plan. Or think."

Jaina bit her lip.

"Mom's always told us we can go to her to get an implant or prescription or – "

"Oh, come on. Would you do that? _Really_? Are you going to do that if you and your big prude self ever decide to fuck – what's his name?"

"Noura, _stop_ it," snapped Jaina. "Yeah, I get it, I probably wouldn't go announce to Mom I'm having sex, but I'd go buy my own contraception."

"Well, I didn't," Noura said, deflating, "and he didn't. Here we are."

Jaina nodded, frowning. There was nothing that could be done to change that now, but her heart ached at it; it was such a simple thing, such a simple thing to remember, and take care of, and she wanted to shake Noura, thinking – _how could you, how could you forget?!_

Noura suddenly unfolded her legs, and let them dangle off the bed, hunching forward. She cradled her abdomen in her arms and shook her head.

"I mean, I learned my lesson," she said. "I fucked up, I'm in a huge mess, and he's not really interested now, so there's that, too. I don't really care, but, you know," she shrugged. "It wasn't like it was that good."

Jaina moved closer and sat down gingerly. She put her arm around Noura's shoulder and just sat there, silently. She leaned closer, and put her temple against her sister's, pulling her into a side hug.

"I'm sorry, Noura," she said. "That's not very nice of him."

"I don't care," Noura said again.

Jaina just kissed her temple. It sounded very much like she did, but it wouldn't do any good to push the issue. She was dealing with too much, and again, Jaina drifted back to the worry that if they didn't bring their parents in on this soon, Noura was going to have some sort of unhealthy breakdown. Or do something stupid and desperate.

"Does he know?" Jaina asked.

"No. _Absolutely_ not," Noura choked. "I don't even think he's told Xippa I had sex with him."

Jaina sniffed quietly – miracle, that. She squeezed Noura's shoulder again.

"I don't think you should tell him for now," she said. "But, Noura," she began delicately. "You have – "

"I know, okay. I know," Noura said. She closed her eyes tightly, sinking into Jaina. "It's just, every time I think I've got myself steeled enough to do it, Dad calls me Noury or Mé-flower or something and I just…freeze."

She twitched her nose.

"And I should tell him before Mom gets home, because I don't think I can handle both of them, because it's like, Mom expects me to probably be a disaster, but Dad," she trailed off. "You know he doesn't sleep when Mom's gone," she noted. "I _hear_ him up."

Jaina didn't get into the mother-daughter issue again. She just sat there, comforting her sister, reflecting thoughtfully on what she'd just said.

"Well, I said I'd be right there with you," she promised quietly. "I will."

And she would. She felt overwhelmed, and way too young, and out of her element, but that was of course marginal compared to what Noura was going through. Noura seemed more than aware of the gravity of her situation, and Jaina didn't really have a desire to add to that. She would help her find the right time to corner their father and – and figure this out.

"What do you think he'll say?" Noura asked in a very small voice.

Jaina shook her head, silent. She couldn't even begin to answer. She couldn't imagine it. She had an easier time imagining what Mom might say or do, but Dad? She was pretty sure their father saw them as perpetual four-year-olds, and not in a diminutive way, but in terms of youth and innocence.

There was a knock on the door, and a split second later, Han's voice.

"Dinner?" he asked.

Panicked, Noura lifted her head, making an outraged noise.

"Dad! Leave me alone!"

Jaina looked at her, startled, and Noura raised her shoulders, eyes wide – the idea of interacting with him now was unthinkable, and she slipped into an immediate overdramatic reaction –

"That a no to food?" Han asked dryly, his voice muffled.

"We're busy! The door is like, _shut_, can you just – "

"You two have been locked up here for _hours_, Noura, it's starting to make me paranoid," Han interrupted sternly.

Noura looked at Jaina, her eyes even wider, silently screaming at her to do something. Rolling her eyes, Jaina got up and went to the door. She opened it a crack, glared at Han indignantly, and said, deadpan:

"We're doing drugs."

Her father gave her a withering look, which Jaina bore placidly, and then he rolled his eyes.

"Is everything okay?" he asked bluntly.

"Yes."

"Our vaginas are BLEEDING, Dad, go AWAY!" howled Noura.

Han held up one hand and shook his head, giving Jaina a searching look. He sighed, turned on his heel, and left them to it; Jaina shut the door, and turned to glare at Noura. For a moment, the sisters glared at each other, and then, unexpectedly, they both started laughing. The laughter had an edge of desperation and hysteria to it, but it was almost a relief how normal it seemed, just for a moment, to laugh over the trials two teenager girls could give their father – and both of them needed it, more than anything, to help them face the trial to come.

* * *

The older he got, the more difficulty Han had sleeping when Leia was gone. She wasn't really gone that often, and she was never deployed the way he used to be deployed in his General days, but during the short stints when she traveled, he developed insomnia.

It wasn't quite the worrying about her, though he always did, and it wasn't that anything had happened to him, or between them, to agitate his ability to sleep – which he'd always had little trouble with. Forced to think about it too intently, he grudgingly had to conclude that it was really just getting older – he had more aches and pains – and when his fairly routine habits were disrupted, it threw him off.

Leia being gone was a disruption.

She'd been gone for a week and a half this time, just to a work conference on the far side of Coruscant. She wasn't even off planet, or in a vastly different time sector, and still he was restless. He felt something was off, and this new furtive, shady behavior his daughters were engaging in wasn't helping.

Though it wasn't exactly new for Noura. She was always brooding and evocative and deeply…_teenager_-_y_. Jaina, though had never been prone to dramatics or hunger strikes or bolting herself in her room – at least, not since she was a toddler.

Han may not have had the connection to the kids that Leia had, but he had street smarts and intuition and if anything else, he wasn't stupid; he knew there was something going on. He also knew they weren't doing any damn drugs, because they were being too clever about whatever they _were_ doing.

The main signifier that something was askew was the fact that Jaina had been home virtually every single night this week. She did still technically live at home – she was adamant that Noura couldn't move into her room and have her precious window seat – but the Embassy Residence where her grandfather lived was closer to her university, and she stayed there more often than not. She had her own cluster of apartments, a small sector of the residences because Leia didn't want her spoiled, but she was perfectly fine with Jaina branching out.

It was _weird_ that Jaina had spent more than a week sleeping in her own room here, and not even spending much time with her brother – or anyone _other_ than Noura, really. It was hard not to grow increasingly alarmed by the private cabal they seemed to be having.

On the other hand, it couldn't be anything truly dangerous, at least he was confident of that. Leia would be aware in an instant, and he spoke to her pretty much daily. She hadn't expressed any concern over the girls, so Han hadn't brought up anything either, for fear he'd sound like he was nosing into their lives.

These were the thoughts that ran through his head as he blinked groggily on the living room sofa, half-nodding off there. A side effect of his insomnia – he'd often unexpectedly fall asleep in random places. That is, mostly the living room sofa, like some god awful archaic stereotype of a househusband. It pissed him off every time he found himself staring at their stupid ceiling with the Holo on in the background, and this time he was doubly annoyed because he had no idea what time it was, his kids could be burning the house down around him, and on top of that, one of Max's zoological rescue projects was cutely creeping over his head and onto his face, which was what had woken him up.

Scowling, Han gently reached up and scooped the Tooka kitten off of his head, which for some reason, was its favorite place to snuggle up. The thing was fluffy and rather scrawny and always looked earnest and slightly mischievous; it had a split lip that Max was slowly healing, stitches on one half-torn ear, and a tail that had been surgically forked, Max said for aesthetics. He'd brought it home off the streets, like he often did.

Usually, Leia made him take the rescues to professional rehabilitation centers, or menageries, generally because Max was an equal opportunity rescuer and he'd once brought home a Bantha Rat, but of course she took one look at this pitiful kitten thing and said it could stay.

Han said the thing was a nuisance. Leia retorted that he always used to say that about Zozy, and Han had no response to that, because she was right, and they _all_ still missed Zozy.

"You _gotta_ find a different pillow," Han grumbled at the Tooka, holding it by its scruff. It made a squeaky noise at him, and he sat up, placing it on the table. He forgot what Max was calling it. "Your claws are sharp," Han told it.

It splayed out flat and flicked its ears at him. He checked around him to make sure he was alone, and grinned at it.

"C'mere, rat," he muttered, picking it up in one hand and placing it in the crook of his arm.

He yawned, sharpening his ears and listening for any activity in the home, and then went to check the security system at the door. Its log indicated everyone was home, and no one had snuck out. He snorted, a little impressed. Noura usually tried to sneak out at least twice a week.

He checked the time. It was late, but not necessarily late enough for everyone to be asleep. Kind of strange they'd all just let him sleep on the couch. Had they fed themselves? Were Jaina and Noura still acting like goblins, like they had yesterday?

He took the Tooka upstairs with him. It sank its teeth into his sleeve and chewed happily. He stared down the hall, frowning. He could see Jaina's door was wide open, and Noura's was shut tightly – so they were both in there again. Max's door was open, too, and the light was on, so he stopped there first. He knocked on the wall to get Max's attention. Max was intently focused on a circuit board, and looked up, blinking behind thick protective goggles.

"Your _thing_ attacked me again," Han announced, deadpan, crouching down to set the Tooka in Max's room.

Max seemed confused, and then looked down at the Tooka. He clicked his tongue at it, and it scampered over, hopped onto his bed, and curled up on the pillow.

"She's not a thing," Max retorted.

"What's her name again?" Han asked, lazily augmenting his words with hand signs. Max alternated between glancing at them, just listening, and watching Han's mouth. His hearing had never gotten any worse, but none of them had ever seen a reason to stop learning intergalactic sign.

"Biia," Max said. "It means cute. In – "

"Alderaanian, yeah, I know that one," Han said. He had never been able to pick up the language fluently, but having spent the last nineteen years with Leia's family speaking it to his children, and them speaking it amongst themselves, he'd picked up quite a lot.

He glanced around the room, and pointed to the corner.

"That one has to go back in his cage when Leia gets back," he said sternly, jabbing his finger at Max's beloved rock lizard. "Damn thing is always lurking in the 'freshers."

"He _likes_ Mom," Max said, grinning wickedly.

Leia did not feel the same. She had nearly screamed the roof down last time the lizard had snuck into their shower. She loved Max's gentle heart and how much he felt for animals, but she _hated_ that rock lizard.

Max nodded. He was pretty good about remembering to put Ork up when Leia was home. Better than he had been about the pittins, which now lived with Rouge. Han continued to look around the room for a moment, and then stepped back, looking down the hall. He turned, started to leave, and then hesitated. He went back.

"Max," he grunted, lowering his voice. He stepped into the room and leaned against the wall.

Max looked up from the circuit board again, and this time he shoved his protective goggles off his face. He frowned a little, apparently sensing the change in tone. He blinked at Han, and blew air out of his mouth, sending dust and sparks up. He turned slightly so his good ear was better angled towards Han.

Han grit his teeth for a moment, going back and forth on whether he wanted to investigate, or whether he really was just being overly protective and suspicious.

"S'there somethin' wrong with your sisters?" he asked finally, figuring there was no harm in asking.

"Uh, _yes_?" Max retorted, as if it were obvious. "Have you met them? They're insane."

Han rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean. Somethin' off?"

Max shrugged, unconcerned. He blinked again, as if the thought had never occurred to him.

"Dunno. I have them blocked."

Han arched a brow. Max stuck a finger in his ear pointedly, and scrunched his nose, and then lowered his hand.

"Dad," he said, "you know how Noura is _all_ the time? Like, out loud. How she is. Just in general."

"Yeah," Han said slowly, arching a brow.

"Imagine what it's like in her _head_," Max said solemnly, "_amplified_, through the _Force_."

Han struggled to suppress a laugh. He didn't want to make fun of Noura with Max. Noura was a dramatic, volatile, energetic person, headstrong and bright. Han loved her regardless of how she could sometimes be.

"Jaina's not that dramatic, though," Han started, and Max just looked at him sympathetically.

"She is inside her _head_," he told him with the air of someone breaking bad news to an invalid. "I blocked them both three years ago. Uncle Luke taught me. When Jaina would just scream inside her head about her cramps and how she wanted to, like, totally, like, die."

Han blinked, startled. He stared for a minute, and then cleared his throat.

"Didn't know you could shut each other out totally like that," he muttered.

"Well, if something really bad was happening, it would break through," Max said flatly. "I dunno, if Noura had actually jumped out of a window when Mom told her she couldn't go to the Kest concert, I might have felt that and got a headache."

Han folded his arms dryly.

"I'm touched by your concern," he said.

Max shrugged. He touched his goggles, narrowing his eyes.

"Anyway," he said, "I'm not a snitch. I wouldn't tell you anything even if I did know somethin'."

At that, Han smirked - proudly.

"Good," he said firmly. Then paused. "Uh, except, if someone is in trouble – "

"That's different," Max dismissed. "If one of them was hurting herself or going to get hurt, that's different. That's not snitching. But I'm not gonna rat them out for drinkin' or somethin' stupid," he snorted, grinning.

"You think they're in there getting drunk?" Han laughed. "They're both of age! Why would they - "

"Noura and I aren't of drinking age," Max reminded him.

Han hastily stopped laughing.

"Oh, yeah," he muttered – kriff, he needed to remember that. They were really going to pull one over on him. He was just so accustomed to Corellia's lax drinking laws, even after all this time.

Max adjusted the strap of his goggles, glancing over his shoulder.

"They're just…like that, Dad," he snorted. "They're weird."

"You don't think anything's wrong?" Han asked warily. He tapped his head, narrowing his eyes at Max. "You can't sense any…problems?"

"I don't get into their heads," Max said, his expression darkening. "None of us do that to each other. It's bad. It's Vader."

"Kriff, son, that's not what I meant."

"Mom and Uncle Luke are really aggressive about it – _no_ forcing into anyone's head."

"'_Course_ they are," Han agreed earnestly. "Hmm," he grumbled. He turned, and eyed the hallway thoughtfully.

"You're giving off _really_ anxious vibes, Dad," Max said warily.

Han gave him an annoyed look. Max shrugged.

"It makes us sick when you're upset," he said bluntly – he had such a habit of being almost shockingly blunt sometimes. Surprisingly, Rouge absolutely _loved_ it, uncouth as it could be.

Han set his shoulders.

"I am serious, though, 'bout anythin real bad breaking through my blocks," Max said firmly. "And Mom's fine, too. I checked in with her this morning."

Han grunted. He was being dramatic himself, it seemed. He glanced down the hall again, and then nodded at Max's project.

"What're you doing?"

"Oh, this is for Biia," he said eagerly. "I took a med scanner from the _Falcon_, but I'm modifying it for some zoological capabilities," he said, "so I can do more work with rescues and that stuff." He held up gloved hands. "I'm followin' safety pro," he promised.

"Cool," Han said, glaring at him, "don't remember you asking to steal one of my med scanners."

Max paused. He tucked a hand behind his back, winced, and then said, innocently:

"…Can I…requisition…a med scanner?"

Han rolled his eyes.

"You guys eaten?" he asked. "I know it's late," he added sheepishly. "But _someone_ in this house coulda woken me up."

Max burst out laughing.

"Nah, you were _out_. You were _dead_ to it," he snickered. "I went to get a soda _twice_, and the second time, I knocked a bunch of plates down, and you just," he mimicked Han snoring, "and when Jaina came home she watched the news for like, fifteen minutes and you didn't even twitch. We could have prob'ly thrown a raging party."

Han stared at him stonily, trying to decide if he was offended, or just confused. Max sort of existed on his own planet, it was pretty normal for him to walk through rooms, do something klutzy, and somehow manage to be zoned out through the whole thing. He was a good kid, and got along equally well with both of his parents, but he was also a space cadet.

Jaina usually liked to make fun of him, though, and waking him up from a sofa nap would have thrilled her, and Noura, mercurial as she was, showed more affection to _him_ than anyone else.

Yet they'd just…let him alone.

He frowned, and Max sobered up, scrutinizing Han.

"I'm sorta joking," he said seriously. "We know you can't sleep when Mom's gone," he added. "We left you alone." He tilted his head, brow going up. "Oh, but Jaina said she was gonna order endwa if you didn't get your shit together."

Max checked a chrono on his wrist.

"Not sure if she did that yet."

"Don't tell me to get my shit together," Han reprimanded darkly.

"Uh, I didn't. Jaina said that," Max retorted.

Han rubbed his jaw. He stepped back into the hall and, to avoid being screeched at like he had been the other day, he hollered:

"Jaina, Noura! You want me to order endwa?"

He half expected to be rebuffed again, and for a long stretch of time there was silence. Then, Noura's door opened, and she and Jaina came out, both of them looking collected. Han eyed them suspiciously, and wondered for a moment if their weird behavior was because Noura had borrowed some of Leia's clothes without asking and fucked them up – _that_ had happened before.

"Oh, good, you two are alive," Han said dryly.

"_Why_ are you being _such_ a drama queen?" Noura demanded, entirely her sharp self. "Just because we wanted to be alone, like, one time."

Han gave her a look. Jaina did, too, and stepped forward.

"Endwa's good," she said mildly.

Han felt like he was staring at two recently armed thermal detonators, but he wasn't exactly sure why, so he just shrugged, and nodded.

"Right," he drawled. He pointed over his shoulder. "I'll go do that. Come look at the menu if you want anything else."

Max began clearing up his work. Noura pushed her long hair back and came forward, her expression surprisingly ornery.

"I need to talk to you tomorrow after school, Dad," she said.

Han scratched his jaw, frowning.

"We can talk now," he said.

She shook her head.

"I don't want to talk _now_, I want to talk tomorrow after school," she said, matter-of-fact.

He tried to catch her eye, but she slipped past him. He turned to watch her march down the stairs, and then swiveled back, looking straight to Jaina. Jaina folded her arms neatly and dipped her head in a calming nod, and she just looked at him placidly, but Han didn't quite buy it.

Everyone always said that Jaina favored him but right then, right there, she looked just like Leia, and there was something about the look on her face that reminded him of something, and he just wasn't sure what.

* * *

Jaina had been right. Picking a specific time to tell Dad what was going on made it very concrete, and thus enabled Noura to compartmentalize, focus, and sort of…decide what she was going to say. More than she already had been.

That was the annoying thing about Jaina: she was _usually_ right. She was usually right, _Mom_ was usually right, and Dad was usually right, but Dad was less grating about it, somehow; Dad was always quick to laugh and pretty much say _I-told-you-so, Nerf!_ – Mom and Jaina were big on silently going about their business, not saying anything – but somehow it was smug.

That was worse. Noura had always preferred a more aggressive, volatile approach to things, rather than dignified grace – which was why she was sure _she_ was most like her father, even though people said _Jaina_ was, just because Jaina loved the _Falcon_.

Well, Noura loved the _Falcon_, too, she just didn't want to fly it or fix it. She really thought it was the safest place in the world _and_ she thought its history was interesting, too. She didn't love getting greasy and inhaling exhaust smoke and that sort of thing, but she liked doing her homework at the Dejarik table, at such times as she decided doing her homework was worth it.

In fact, she'd spent half her day at her academy wishing she were on the _Falcon,_ where she had a snug little bunk that Dad had put in years ago as part of his remodeling projects, and that's where she'd snuck off to during one of the mid-morning breaks.

She just didn't _feel_ like being at academy. She was at her general academy this week. She was of age to select into specialized education, and initially she'd selected into an art academy, and the diplomatic academy. She'd since eschewed the diplomatic academy and aimlessly gone back to general, which often meant she was bored by the "well-rounding" courses she was enrolled in. The cohort of girls she ran around with was still in general as well, mostly because very few, if any of them, planned on attending higher education, and _that_ had been getting on Noura's nerves this morning.

For the first time in her life, she was beginning to see her so-called friends as Jaina and her mother saw them: social-climbing, status-_obsessed_, Holo-fiend _vipers_ that would sell her out for a handful of credits and a fur coat.

She wasn't sure what she wanted to do after her general schooling was finished, either, but she wasn't disdainful of more study – most of the women she knew were very well-educated – and considering the magnitude of what she was dealing with, everything they cared about was so frivolous and stupid and – and –

Noura rubbed her forehead, turning over in her small bunk and hunching over. Her chest ached and she closed her eyes, trying to make herself cry. She was usually quick to tears; she never felt ashamed of crying. She and Max shared that. Jaina _never_ cried. Mom cried enough that she wasn't inhuman. Dad didn't really cry, either, but he joked that was because he'd cried for three years when they were all babies and he was all out of tears.

For the past few days, though, Noura found she'd had increasing trouble actually crying, and because of that, her head hurt, and her chest hurt, and everything _hurt_. It was just one more horrible thing to grapple with. Why was she losing the ability to cry when she really, _really_ needed to?

In her first class this morning, she'd been trying to pay attention, to act normal – which was futile; she already knew she hadn't acted normal since she'd first suspected she might be – she didn't even like to think the word – but she really did not want an instructor reaching out to her parents out of concern. She hadn't been able to focus, though; she sat next to Xippa in that seminar, and she'd kept looking at her friend's profile thinking…_If I have a baby…it might look like her…she'd be my baby's aunt…_

And that had horrified her for so many different reasons, mainly because she didn't want to have a baby at all, so that thought made her sick, and deep down, she knew, she really did know, that Xippa wasn't a nice person, none of her little clique was – they all had famous parents, too, but they _weren't_ the kind of famous Han Solo and Leia Organa were.

It hadn't helped that Xippa was such a _bitch_ this morning. Leaning over, hissing at her, demanding to know what was wrong – _Did your mother find out we cut school to go to that rave, is that your fuckin' damage? You're such a good girl! _–

Noura had sort of forgotten she was still hiding that, and she was pretty sure her mother probably knew anyway; Mom knew everything. Sometimes she let it slide, and sometimes she put Noura in her place, and one day, Noura would figure out what the formula was for when she got in trouble and when she didn't. Xippa's comment was so…bitter, and it made her feel worse in every way, and angry, too because she wanted to scream at her - _I'm the "good" girl? I got myself pregnant, beat that, bitch._

She opened her eyes and stared at the wall. She knew Dad would come down to the ship eventually. He rarely went a day without coming down, and that's what Noura was planning on. Jaina was going to meet her down here, and probably hold her hand, and then she'd tell Dad, and it would probably ruin the _Falcon_ for him forever, but she really, _really_ did feel safest here.

She still didn't know what she was going to say. She didn't know how to say it. She didn't know how to _comprehend_ it. She felt like everything had shattered all around her, cluttering any escape route she could take, and now she was just huddled in the middle of it, unable find anyway out without getting hurt. Or hurting everyone around her.

She felt bad she'd dragged Jaina into it. She was surprised at how much she'd known she needed Jaina, and how immediately she'd wanted to go straight to her. The moment she'd flicked through her datapad manically, trying to figure out how long it had been since she'd menstruated, she'd known instinctively that none of the girls she hung out with could help her; they wouldn't keep her secrets, they wouldn't understand – she'd _wanted_ her sister. Now Jaina was all stressed out and worried too, _and_ she had to exhaust herself helping with the mental shields, and despite all that Dad was still suspicious, and Mom was coming home soon and there was no getting anything past her - !

Part of her still wanted to run off now and do something about this behind all their backs. She shouldn't have told Jaina if she wanted to do that, though and – and Jaina was right, deep down Noura knew that; no matter how daunted she was at the idea of telling Mom about this, no matter how much it frightened her and made her feel ashamed and small – she _needed_ her.

It should make it all a little better that she wanted to just…get rid of it. That was how she was reasoning with herself at the moment – she'd gotten herself into this mess, it was a problem, but she knew how to fix it and she could just do that and move on. It wasn't as if she wanted a baby, for Sith's sake, and she didn't want a baby with this guy, and no one was going to make her have one, she was pretty sure about that.

How would they react, how would they look at her, _think_ of her…?

She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Over the years, she'd stuck images of her favorite fashion styles up there. More than one of the images was of her mother, because regardless of how Noura and Leia constantly clashed, Noura could not deny that her mother had _style_. She always looked gorgeous, put together, pristine – well, in public, she did.

Noura smiled miserably. She'd seen her mother in all kinds of unflattering ways, and she had to trust now that Mom would…would accept seeing Noura in the most unflattering state she could have put herself right now.

She heard someone moving around and sat up, rubbing her cheeks. She took a few deep breaths, steadying herself, and cocked her ear. Heavy footsteps. Which meant Chewie. She tucked her hair behind her ears, and pushed herself up, sliding her hand over the lock to open the door. She peeked out, and watched Chewie walking down the hall. She cleared her throat softly.

The Wookiee turned around immediately, ears twitching. He arched his silvery brows, eyeing her. She lifted her hand and waved a little.

"Is Daddy around?" she asked.

_[He is on his way down_,_] _Chewbacca rumbled softly, shuffling closer. Noura came out to greet him, coming closer. She crossed her arms over herself self-consciously, pursing her lips. _[You are supposed to be in school,]_ Chewie observed gently.

Noura gave him an innocent look.

"I had a half day," she said.

Chewbacca flared his nostrils. She winced apologetically. Chewie always knew when they were lying. He always kept secrets, too. He gave Noura a knowing look, and then turned to go back about his business. A split second later, however, he stopped, and turned back around.

He scrutinized Noura for a long time, and then he lifted his head high, his pupils widening. He looked alarmed, and stunned, and Noura scrunched her nose, confused – until she remembered he was a Wookiee, and there had always been stories about his sense of smell, and how he'd known – oh, _fuck._

She felt her face drain of colour.

"Chewie," she started.

_[Do your parents know about this?] _Chewie asked, his face full of concern. _[Noura—]_

"I'm telling Dad today," Noura interrupted. "Chewie, _please_ don't say anything. I'm telling him, okay? I promise. I swear."

He retraced his steps, walking back over to her, and stood, towering over her for a moment. He crouched down so he could look at her more levelly, his huge, wise old eyes studying her intently.

_[Did someone hurt you?]_ He asked carefully.

Noura shook her head.

"_No_," she said. "It's all my fault. I _swear_ I'm telling him, Chewie," she said again. Asking Jaina to keep this quiet was one thing; asking Chewie was totally unconscionable. It very likely violated his oaths.

He continued to look at her for a long time. Then he gave a quiet, sad sigh, and rested his paw gently on top of her head, comforting her. He nodded, and retreated, leaving her standing in the hallway by herself.

She stared at him for a while, even after he'd disappeared around the corner, and then she went into the galley and poured herself some water. She eyed her father's whiskey dubiously – she supposed she could just choke down a bunch of that and try to _poison_ it out of her – she shivered; what a _grotesque_ thought.

And what if she hurt herself? She was already ruining her parents' lives enough without killing _herself_, too.

She sat down at the end of the Dejarik booth and leaned forward on her knees, staring at her nails. She wondered what _Chewie_ was thinking. How would he view this, culturally? He definitely knew this wasn't normal for humans. How would _he_ feel when he found out she was going to –

"Aw, kriff, Noura," the sound of her father's voice almost gave her a heart attack; she looked up, her eyes wide, and found herself staring right at him. "Can't you cut academy when Leia's _home_?"

In spite of herself, Noura smiled weakly. She'd discovered ages ago that Dad…didn't really care if she – or any of them – cut school. He'd busted all three of them at least once, and as far as she knew, had never ratted them out. In turn they, of course, protected him and did not do it very often.

Han rubbed his jaw and gave her a look, sliding off his jacket and tossing it on the table.

"Y'know, if you cut when she's home, and you get caught, it doesn't seem like I'm aiding and abetting you as much," he muttered.

"I only left at lunch," Noura lied.

Han grumbled. He furrowed his brow.

"Hang on, and you came here?" he asked skeptically. "Didn't go…shoppin', or to some bar, or – "

"Can I help you fix something?" Noura interrupted. "Like, broken wires? Or something? Something is always broken," she said, sounding snippier than she meant to.

"Hey, be nice to the ol' girl," Han said, pretending to be wounded. He tilted his head. "You want to help fix something?" he asked.

Noura noticed his eyes lit up a little, and that made her feel awful. Jaina always hung out on the Falcon with him fixing things; did the idea of Noura wanting to do so really make Dad _so_ happy?

"Yeah," she said shakily. "Just…um, anything."

"I was gonna do some programmin' today," Han said. He gestured towards the cockpit. "C'mon, that'll be easy for you – and you don't got to wear gear or anything," he said, well aware that Noura hated the gunky safety pro he always made them wear. "You're good at coding and stuff," Han snorted.

That was because she was constantly trying to code the home security to stop ratting her out when she tried to sneak out. Listening to how excited he was, and feeling even more morose, Noura swore to herself she'd never sneak out again – she'd never give them any trouble again – she'd be humble, and good, and she'd _behave._

"Sit in Chewie's seat – s'he here? I thought he was comin' straight down, but he was helpin' Rouge with somethin' – hey, y'know, we're gonna _chat_ about you skippin' school," he added, throwing a narrow look over his shoulder. "You're not supposed to do it. I know it seems like I don't give a damn but, _c'mon_," he trailed off, ducking into the cockpit.

Noura chewed her lip. She followed him in and then sat down gingerly on the edge of Chewie's chair. She forgot to answer any of what he said; she was thinking – _what if I just tell him now? I don't need Jaina; Jaina doesn't want to be a part of this anyway – _Jaina would be here really soon, though, they'd agreed to meet here.

"Noura," Han said again.

She looked up.

"'M serious," he said. "You shouldn't be cuttin' school."

Noura stared at him. Unexpectedly, she felt annoyed, and she narrowed her eyes.

"It's _not_ a big deal," she snapped. "It's not like, the _worst_ thing I could do."

"Yeah, I know," Han said. He paused. He sat back, and rested his hands on the armrests, frowning at her thoughtfully, as if he couldn't decide what he wanted to say.

"You okay, Noury?" he asked finally. He arched his brows. "You wanted to talk, didn't ya?" he asked.

"After school," Noura said.

"Well, you cut school," Han retorted dryly. "So now's after."

Noura shifted. She looked down at her nails again, flicking at her thumb.

"Jaina," she muttered.

"You and Jaina not gettin' along?" Han guessed.

Noura shook her head.

"No, I mean…Jaina's supposed to…help me," she muttered.

When hr didn't say anything, she looked up. He stared at her patiently, and sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Like, she's going to be here, too," Noura said edgily. Her father just looked at her, and she stiffened, anxious. "I don't want to…I just like, don't want to ruin the _Falcon_ for you," she said tensely.

"If you broke somethin' on the ship, I don't care," Han said flatly. "I can fix it. You three have been puttin' the _Falcon_ through the ringer since you were born."

"I didn't break the _Falcon_," Noura snapped, looking away. She lifted her hand to her face and bit her nail, mumbling.

"What?" Han asked.

"I said _I'm_ broken!" Noura hissed, turning back to look at him, her eyes widening.

They stung, but didn't exactly fill with tears, and the look of shocked concern on her father's face was so devastating, she didn't want to say anything else, at all. But even though she didn't want to, and even though she'd kind of had a template for this – Jaina had helped – it all went to hell, and it was all just going to come up –

"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" Han asked.

Noura let her hand fall.

"I'm pregnant," she said, the words bursting out angrily. She scraped her lower lip furiously, bouncing one leg. "I'm _pregnant_. I can't – I'm – I know it's really _bad_, I know I fucked up, so please don't _yell_ at me because it won't, um, _un_-knock-me-up, and I don't know what else to say to you," she said, her voice starting to shake, "and I'm sorry I told you on the _Falcon_," she whispered, "and now the _Falcon_ is ruined, and so am I."

She was speaking so aggressively, and so defiantly, but so timidly at the same time, and her ears were ringing and her vision was going blurry, and she was losing her grasp on her mental blocks, so she was feeling a little sick, and she felt like she was going to pass out – so for a moment, she couldn't tell if he'd said anything at all, and she couldn't see his face.

Then she swallowed steadily, lifted her chin, and focused on him…and he was just _staring_ at her, his elbows still perched on his knees, his head tilted at an odd angle, a pale, aghast, strained expression on his face.

He continued to stare at her. He didn't say anything. Noura looked down, and then she looked back up, holding his gaze helplessly.

What was he _thinking_, what was going on in his _head_? Was he – was he going to have a heart attack – for _Sith's_ sake, Mom would definitely never forgive her if _this_ killed Han Solo -

Noura's mouth started to water, and she thought, faintly, that she might vomit. Before she could, there was the sound of rather perky footsteps, and Jaina materialized in the doorway, unwinding a silk scarf from around her neck and brushing specks off the shoulders of her tunic.

She slouched against the doorway.

"The pollution is out of control today," she said distastefully. "It's ashing like crazy."

Noura barely looked at her, and Han didn't move at all. Jaina cocked her head, and then stepped forward, resting her palm on the pilot's seat. She gave Noura a questioning look, and Noura only looked at her miserably, then nodded at Han.

Jaina slowly looked at Han, took note of his expression, and immediately realized Noura must have gone ahead without her, after all that begging – which she supposed was good, at least, it showed some maturity. Jaina winced, plucking at her gloves. She removed them.

"I suppose, uh," she began smoothly. "Hmm. Well, I guess she told you," Jaina said blankly.

When no one said anything, she cleared her throat.

"Oh, Noura, I meant to tell you. Chewie will smell it," she said blithely, and rather unhelpfully.

The look on her face right after she said it was contrite, and she flushed; she wasn't always diplomatic with situations such as these, and could rely on bluntness, and dark humor.

The silence continued, and Jaina cleared her throat again, and then brought her hand down on Han's back, smacking him hard – as if _physically_ discharging something from his throat. It worked, to an extent; Han straightened, and turned to give her a sharp look.

"Don't do that," he said shortly. "Don't hit me."

Jaina held the offending hand in her other palm, looking mortified and chastised.

"I was just – well I – Dad," she stammered, and then pointed at Noura. "You need to say something, she's, she's – "

"I heard her," Han said slowly.

"I know you _heard_ her, I mean she thinks you don't _love_ her anymore! You have to _say_ something to her!" Jaina said loudly.

At that, Han looked even more appalled. He lunged forward almost manically, and touched Noura's knee, squeezing her almost _too_ hard.

"_Noura_," he said. "Nothing will ever make me stop loving you," he said firmly. "Nothing. _Ever_."

Noura turned, wrenching her knee out of his grip, and bent forward, covering her face. Han glanced at Jaina helplessly, and then leaned forward again, reaching for Noura's hand.

"Look at me," he said, perhaps more harshly than he meant to. "Look – Noura," he said, and finally, she did, and he held her gaze sternly. "You _hear_ me? Listen," he ordered. "I love you."

Noura licked her lips. She looked at him for a long time, and then she gave a small nod, her face gaining a small bit of colour. Han swallowed hard, his stomach twisting uncomfortably, and then turned to look at Jaina narrowly, his mouth dry.

"You knew about this?" he asked.

"Yes, and – "

"How long did you keep this from me?" he asked, though he was looking between them both, and they weren't sure whom the question was directed to. They also weren't sure if he sounded angry, or frightened or – or what he sounded like at all.

"I wasn't keeping it from you," Jaina said bravely. "Noura came to me for help, and I went to a pharma with her," she explained. "She – I – we were never going to hide it, she just wanted some time to – "

"I asked Jaina to stay quiet," Noura interrupted in a small voice – she felt very protective of Jaina, suddenly. She didn't want her sister in the hot seat and – and on top of that, there was at least some relief, regardless of how incongruous it seemed, to having finally told a real adult about this – and to hear Dad tell her he still loved her, that was…that meant something.

Even if she hadn't _really_ thought he'd stop.

"I made her wait to tell you and I," Noura lifted her chin, trying to be as strong as Jaina was acting. "I wanted to tell you before Mom, so you can't yell at her about that, either. It's all me. It's my fault."

Her voice cracked at the end, and she felt absurd for even trying to be bold right now. She was a child. She was such a child, and she'd never felt more childish than she did right now, with her whole privileged life ahead of her, a life she'd taken for granted and thrown around, and wonderful parents who she'd repaid by…doing _this_.

"I didn't get her pregnant, either," Jaina joked.

Noura's mouth fell open, and she turned very slowly to stare at her. Jaina blanched, her own mouth falling open in horror at herself. She lifted her shoulders in a sort of shrug, but before she could beg for forgiveness, Han's face suddenly changed, and he gave them both a withering, flat look.

"Oh, this is a prank," he said, his shoulders sagging. He pointed sharply at Jaina. "This ain't funny, Jaina," he barked, well aware she was the notorious prankster.

Jaina turned even whiter, and seemed to withdraw into herself. She looked worriedly at their father, and shook her head very slowly.

"Dad," Noura said.

Han still glared at Jaina.

"Dad. _Daddy_," Noura called, until he looked back at her, annoyed. Noura shook her head emphatically, very slowly. "It's not a joke," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but it's…it's not a joke."

He looked at her again, and the withering glare went away. The helpless look came back, then the shock. Then something – oh, it was _disappointment_; he looked disappointed, and one of the reasons Noura was so much less antagonized by her father was because he never, ever looked disappointed. Sometimes he looked pissed, but he never did – _this_.

There was something else on his face, too, but Noura was too overwhelmed to try and decipher it. She was too drained, and she felt…worse than she'd ever felt in her entire life, exceeding all the dramatic times she'd thought she felt that way before.

"Ahh," Han said finally, though it wasn't really a word, as much as a sigh. "Noura," he mumbled.

It sounded…like he was in so much pain. Noura clutched at her arms. He didn't say anything else for a long time, and then he sat back stiffly. He cleared his throat, a rough, loud noise, and turned his head, looking to Jaina again.

"How long has this been going on?" he asked.

Jaina moved her mouth soundlessly.

"I…a week, she found out a week ago," she answered. "But I don't know how…I mean, you'd have to ask her when she, you know," Jaina muttered awkwardly.

Han ignored that. He looked down at his knees, and then up at Noura.

"Have you known longer than a week?" he asked.

His voice sounded funny, like he had just learned how to speak Basic or something.

Noura ground her teeth together, hating the sound of his voice. She shook her head. That was the truth. She might have suspected, but she hadn't known, and if he decided to ask next something like _how far along are you_, because that would basically mean telling him exactly when she'd had sex – she'd die on the spot.

"Okay," Han muttered. He fell silent, then again, said "okay," under his breath.

He rubbed his hands over his face. Noura locked eyes with Jaina, and Jaina chewed on her lip – they had a conversation with their eyes, with increasing intensity, while their father sat between them, apparently struck dumb, until Noura heard him mutter – again, under his breath –

"Leia needs to know."

"Will you tell her?" Noura burst out, before she could stop herself. She tucked her hair back, her hands shaking, and her face paled again. "_Please_," she started, huskily, "Daddy, I can't…I _can't_ tell her," she said desperately. "I could barely even face you, and you're looking at me like, um, in not a good way, and she'll be _worse_," she took a breath, gasping. "I can't face her, you know she already thinks I'm just…really frivolous and, kind of a shallow idiot."

Han blinked.

"No, she doesn't," he said, brow furrowing, genuinely confused. "Huh? Where'd you get that idea?" he asked, shaken.

Noura noticed Jaina had a bit of a satisfied look, hearing Han correct Noura about that, too. But Noura just scraped her lip anxiously, chewed it until she drew blood, and tucked her arms around her middle.

"I can't tell her," she repeated.

She licked her lips.

"I don't want to keep it," she added abruptly, because that should help, again, she kept thinking – this could be fixed really quickly; and then they could forget it ever happened. Without thinking, she said – "We don't have to tell her, even, it might be nicer to not – "

"Noura," Jaina whispered warily.

"Not tell her?" Han repeated, cocking his head as if his hearing was off. He shook his head, and then looked at Noura like he didn't recognize her. He shook his head very slowly. "I let a lot of things slide," he said coolly, "for all three of you. This ain't the same. I _don't_ keep things from Leia."

Noura drew back, bowing her head. She reached up to touch her face, and made herself as small as possible.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," she whispered.

She heard her father sigh heavily. She chanced a glance at him, and he was just looking at her, though this time his face was very controlled, entirely unreadable. She was afraid if she tried to sense his emotions through the Force, she'd fall apart. She held back. He made a decision.

He nodded, once.

"I'll tell your mother," he agreed.

Jaina fidgeted uncomfortably; she'd known he would agree to do that.

Han rubbed his jaw.

"You've been going to school? You've just been…going to school?" he asked, brow furrowed. He gestured between them. "This is what's been wrong with you two?"

Neither of them answered, but the question was mostly rhetorical. When he said it like that, Noura realized how insane it was that she'd been forcing herself to go about her life; she really should have just immediately gone to him, or both of them or – or – Baba or something – oh…_Baba_, and Aunt Rouge, they would…_oh, no._

Han took another deep breath. He held his hand out, and placed it on Noura's knee.

"You're not goin' tomorrow," he said flatly. "Stay home." Then, to her surprise, he said: "Haven't you been _sick_?" he asked. He seemed distracted, like he was fervently trying to find the right thing to say, and be normal. "Your mom, y'know, she got sick, at first."

That bothered her more than anything; that he was concerned about that? How she was feeling? Was he that shell-shocked? Was that a normal reaction for a father whose sixteen-year-old had told him something like this? It sort of…shook loose something inside her, and she wanted desperately to be out of the room.

She stood up, twisting her hands.

"Can I go lay down? I'm going to…Dad, I just…can't…stand you looking at me right now," she confessed.

He sat forward a little, bewildered.

"Noury, I," he started – but she was out of the room before he could say anything.

She stopped halfway to the main hold, catching her breath, and then hesitated, thinking she should go back. He seemed…he wasn't yelling, he said he loved her – and he was going to tell Mom, so -! She went back down the hall, but stopped outside, listening.

"Don't call her the cutesy nicknames right now, it makes her feel worse," Jaina was saying.

Dad didn't respond. Then he said, heavily:

"How come Leia didn't sense this and come home?"

"I've been helping her shield," Jaina said firmly. Then she went on: "You shouldn't tell Mom for her. She wanted _me_ to tell you, but she needs to take responsibility for this – "

"You aren't making the decisions here, Jaina," Dad said sharply. "You don't know everything. I'm her father. I can handle Leia."

"_Handle_ her? She's not a package – "

"Don't start," Dad snapped.

His tone was harsh, and brooked no argument. He so rarely _ever_ sounded that stern with any of them, and Noura knew it was because of her – and Jaina was getting told off because of her. Jaina and Dad were fighting because of her, and maybe next Mom and Dad would fight, and it would also be all her fault.

She swallowed hard, nausea stirring in her. She turned and went away quietly, picking up pace as she burst into the hold. She was planning on dashing into her bunk and hiding there, but Chewbacca was standing there in the open, and he looked so steady and protective.

Noura flew right into his arms and found, quite suddenly, that she was able to cry again.

* * *

Leia knew something was up.

She had no qualms about her children shielding their emotions; adolescence was tempestuous, and she wanted them to have their privacy and trust that she would not invade it. It wasn't the excessive shielding that tipped her off, it was more an amalgamation of things, and notably Jaina's sudden radio silence. Jaina was usually very tuned in to her when she was away, and Jaina had basically gone dark.

Han, too, was acting abnormal; when she was away, he made it a point to message her every day, and that was at the very least – he preferred calling. Her last day across planet, she hadn't heard from him. There was always the chance he'd forgotten, but she doubted it; it was much more likely that one of the children had done something idiotic, and Han was doing the nice dad thing and attempting to handle it without stressing Leia out or getting on the kids' bad side.

She did not really even need her enhanced abilities to sense the undercurrent of stress in her home; good-old fashioned maternal instinct was enough. Given that Jaina was home when she returned – an increasingly rare occurrence, now that she was nineteen, in university, and doing her own thing – Leia _tacitly_ guessed this all might have something to do with the guy Jaina was seeing.

The guy she apparently thought nobody knew about.

What mattered was that no one was in mortal danger, and Leia trusted Han to take care of things and to clue her in to whatever it was, so she did not immediately demand to know what was going on, or sniff around investigating. She arrived home later than she'd meant to, and ate dinner standing up in the kitchen while Max told her about his Tooka's recovery process, Jaina sat at the counter studying, and Han _lurked_, a grim, withdrawn look on his face.

Noura, she noticed, did not even come downstairs to greet her.

"I see now I manage to piss her off when I'm not even home," Leia remarked evenly.

Max had paused in his storytelling just to make the offhand comment – "Noura's not mad, she's sick" – and keep going, and though Leia kept listening, she'd tilted her head at Han curiously.

He'd only shook his head, frowning a little. Jaina had gathered her things.

"I'm going upstairs, I'm tired," she'd said, shooting Max a narrow look. "You should give it a rest, Max, Mom's tired," she added.

Leia had thought that uncharacteristically snotty of her, but it hadn't fazed Max a bit. He'd only stopped, blinked thoughtfully, and said – "I can stop talking. I can tell you later."

"No, I'm lagged, talk away," Leia assured him, shooting Han a look that implied he needed to get on to Jaina for that.

Max talked, and he talked. He continued to talk and talk and _talk,_ and Leia did not try to silence him. Max could ramble on, but he was also often silent for days, and Leia loved when he was talkative. He had so many weird interests, things she and Han had no knowledge of, so they always ended up learning something, and that was a wonderful thing.

It was after Jaina had stalked off to study, and Max had retreated to see to his growing menagerie of rescued animals, and Noura still hadn't appeared and Han had continued to sulk and act abnormal all evening – only after all of that did Leia confront him in the relative privacy of their 'fresher.

She washed her face, eyeing him in the mirror with a matter-of-fact expression.

"What's going on, Han?" she asked.

"Nothing."

She peered around her washcloth at him, pressing it to her cheeks gently. Han cringed; he obviously regretted that, and it seemed he hadn't meant to deny something was up, anyway.

"Did she get kicked out of school?" Leia asked dryly.

"Jaina?"

"Well, considering _Jaina_ has looked me in the eye multiple times tonight, she's not the one I'm concerned about," Leia retorted.

Han shook his head. Leia folded the cloth, and set it aside. She tucked her hair back, putting a hand on her hip, and turned to Han, giving him her full attention. She arched one eyebrow.

"I know she wasn't at school today," Leia said quietly. "The notifications of absence go to both of us."

"_I_ let her stay home," Han said defensively. "I sent a note!"

"They still notify, for record keeping purposes."

Han folded his arms stiffly.

"Narcs," he muttered.

Leia pursed her lips, amused. Trust _Han_ to consider academies communicating with their students' parents as _tattling_ on them.

"She didn't get expelled," Han muttered.

"So whatever this is, it _is_ about Noura?" Leia asked, though it was more of a guess than anything – it didn't surprise her. Noura was always the problem child, so to speak, though as problems went, she hardly even scratched the surface of being an actual delinquent.

Han sighed. He shuffled his feet, and looked behind him at the open door, frowning into the bedroom for a moment. Discomfort and anxiety rolled off of him in waves, and Leia's brows knit in concern – she'd been gone just under two weeks, and that was hardly a new thing. The children were grown, nothing dramatically injurious could have happened or she'd _know_ – so what was the problem? Noura already bled, so it wasn't as if Han could have had some awkward encounter in that department – and he'd been through it before with Jaina, anyway; he was _used_ to teenage daughters.

Mostly women surrounded him _most_ of the time anyway; he wasn't squeamish. He never had been.

Han fidgeted again, swallowing hard. He had not come up with way to tell Leia what Noura had confided in him. He was having enough trouble processing it himself, and it hadn't really helped that Jaina – his other teenager – had probably been right; he shouldn't have told Noura he'd take care of this. Noura was going to be involved in it no matter what, wouldn't she?

So she should –

"Noura's," he started, the worry lines in his forehead deepening. He sighed heavily. "Noura's in trouble, Leia," he said finally, deciding that was a good way to begin.

That's what it was, trouble, and not just in the sense that her parents were mad at her – Han wasn't even sure he was, and he had no idea how Leia would react.

Leia parted her lips slightly, and watched him, uncertain.

"I've been trying not to worry, or pry," she said carefully. "They're generally protective of their privacy, which I encourage, but I knew something was going on because Noura and Jaina both are shielding with astronomical precision. To an unprecedented degree. Noura's usually lazier," she added flippantly – she was always getting struck with stray tendrils of Noura's histrionics.

"Yeah," Han said dully. "I knew somethin' was up, too, even without all that," he muttered.

"Because you're a good father," Leia said, shrugging – of course he'd noticed; if they were being this weird internally, it was unlikely they'd pulled off acting normal externally.

She waited for a beat, and then pressed him, her stomach shifting uncomfortably.

"Han, what is it?"

Han appeared to brace himself.

"She wanted me to tell you, and I said I would," he said gruffly. "So don't be too hard on her about that part– "

Leia suddenly lifted her chin, and looked right past him.

"Noura?" she said, cutting him off.

Han turned, and there stood Noura. She looked utterly disheveled – since she'd told Han what was going on, she'd let down some of the walls she'd had up, and had been feeling sicker – or so Jaina tried to explain. She was wearing baggy pants and a sweater that was much too big for her, the sleeves of which she had curled up and wadded in her palms.

She fidgeted nervously, looking first at Han, and then coming forward, crossing her arms tightly over herself. Han looked surprised to see her, but he stepped aside, giving her a nod that Leia couldn't interpret – he almost looked proud of her.

Noura took a deep breath, and straightened her shoulders a little, meeting Leia's eyes.

Leia tilted her head, and then winced, and looked awake. She narrowly avoided putting her arms up to physically block the onslaught, but Noura let down every single shield she'd been holding up for a week, and it hit _hard_. Leia grit her teeth and then, amidst the chaos, she suddenly pressed her hand to her lower abdomen, an absurd thought striking her – _am I pregnant?_

She grimaced – _impossible_, and if she was, she'd lose her mind; she did not want to start over again when her youngest was fifteen, for Sith's sake – and then she realized it wasn't her, Noura was – _Noura – _

Leia looked up sharply. Noura put her hands up to her face, peering at Leia over them, and nodded once, shakily, before lowering them a little, and finding the courage to say it out loud.

"Mom, I'm pregnant," Noura said, mumbling around her hands.

She stared at Leia, and when Leia did not say anything right away, she took a deep breath again, and said:

"Um, you don't…have to worry though, um, because I," she very briefly flicked her eyes to the side, at her father, and then looked back, "I want an abortion."

Leia moved her hand away from her abdomen sharply. She put one palm on the counter and just stared at Noura, her vision blurry. She _heard_ Noura; she heard her very clearly, and she _felt_ her, too. It was just so far beyond anything she'd expected to hear this evening – Noura was a _child_, she was…she was just…she was _sixteen_, but Leia could swear she was in play braids only _yesterday_, she remembered fixing them herself!

Pregnant? _Pregnant_. How was it a reality that her sixteen-year-old daughter was uttering the words pregnant and abortion in the same moment? What the fuck was going on? A slew of thoughts ran through Leia's mind, the first of which was – _for fuck's sake Han I was barely gone two weeks_ \- but that was ridiculous; he had nothing to do with this. She recognized it as ridiculous and discarded it.

The second thing she thought was – _I failed. I failed her, I failed at mothering her; I've failed, and I can't do it over again._ _I did something wrong and her life is ruined. _She was, blessedly, careful not to say any of that out loud, but she knew her mouth was open, and her eyes were probably wide, and glazing over, and she needed to say something.

She needed to snap out of the horrible shock that had crashed down on her, step away from the horror she felt at the very idea – horror that Noura would do something so stupid, that she was now going to have to deal with the consequences – and now wasn't the right time to ask all the furious questions she wanted to ask – _who did this? Why didn't you talk to me?_ _You want an _abortion_? How is _that_ supposed to make it less worrisome?_

She blinked, swallowed hard, and then glanced at Han. He looked vaguely ill, and grim, and she supposed he'd felt much the same as she did right now. He hung his head, as if he couldn't bear to look at her and confirm this was not a prank, not one of Jaina's _pranks_.

"M-Mom?" Noura asked huskily. She wiped her face with her sweatshirt, her lips trembling. "Mommy?"

_Mommy_. Noura hadn't called her Mommy in years. Jaina and Max had both carried on with that sweet, cutesy, childish name for a rather long time, but Noura had dropped it when she was very little, six or seven. One day she'd been _Mom_, and never anything else, ever a symptom of how mature Noura ached to be.

That spurred her into action. That woke her up. She straightened, and stepped forward, her hands fluttering to straighten her top, tuck her hair back, and walk forward. She placed her hands on Noura's shoulders, clearing her throat, and quietly forcing Noura to look at her.

She held her gaze firmly for a long time, making an effort to see her in this reality, and in that golden threaded world of the Force, showing her warmth, and affection, and strength. She took a deep breath, leaned forward, and gently kissed Noura's forehead. She dried her cheeks, and then she breathed out.

"Noura," she said quietly. "We love you. I love you, Dad loves you – we love you," she affirmed. "You did a very mature thing deciding to come in here and tell me this yourself instead of having your father do it for you," she said.

She leaned forward, and kissed Noura's forehead again, lingering longer this time. Her lashes fluttered, and she felt ill – _no_, she thought, _no, why is this happening; why did she do this, why didn't I save her, or protect her, or…why did I fail her? _Leia grit her teeth, and pulled back, touching Noura's cheek bracingly.

"I want you to go to bed. You can't have been sleeping well," she said.

Noura blinked, her eyes red, and uncertain.

"Bed? You want me to just…_go to bed_?"

Leia nodded.

"I want to talk to your dad," she said. "You need to sleep. We will all be here in the morning. We will talk in the morning," she decided.

Noura's eyes filled with tears.

"That's it?" she burst out. "I just told you I'm _pregnant_! _I'm sixteen_!"

Han closed his eyes in an exaggerated wince.

"I heard you," Leia said sharply, her voice taking on an edge – which was _exactly_ what she wanted to avoid; sometimes sleeping on it was a very good thing to do. "Would you like to yell about this?" she asked crisply.

Noura sniffled.

"No," she said miserably.

Leia squeezed her shoulders. She nodded.

"I didn't think so," she murmured. "Go to bed, Noura," she ordered calmly.

A curious look flashed through Noura's eyes. She seemed angry and offended, and then relieved, and then simply devastated, and she teetered on her feet for a moment. She leaned forward, gave Leia an almost embarrassed hug, and then glanced at Han worriedly before scurrying away.

Leia stared at the spot she'd been standing.

"Han," she said quietly, "make sure she went to bed, and close our door."

Han left the room, and Leia meant to leave the 'fresher and go into their bedroom, but she was frozen. Had she done the wrong thing, sending Noura to bed? It seemed such a small act, for such a big, big deal. Or was it the right thing? It was certainly too late to get into this now – but it was a time sensitive issue, wasn't it?

_Oh, Noura. Noura, Noura. _

Noura, who always wanted to be so grown up; Noura who had such fire and vivacity and brightness in her veins, who was ambitious and creative and so…so lost in figuring out _who_ she was, sometimes.

Leia put her hands over her face and started to cry.

"She went to Jaina's room, but I guess that's – " Han broke off, shuffling back into the 'fresher.

She heard him make a sad noise in the back of his throat, and then he wrapped his arms around her.

"Ahhh, Sweetheart," he mumbled, hugging her tightly. "Yeah, I know. Me too," he said heavily.

Leia furiously dried her face on his shirt. The spurt of tears was over quickly, a violent expression of all the emotions she'd just drained out of Noura and taken into herself, but when she pulled away her eyes were red and her face was pale, and she stumbled back to lean against the counter again.

Her shoulders fell, and she folded her arms, hunching over. She bit her lip until she drew blood, and then she looked up at Han tiredly. He stood with his hands hanging at his side, and her sorrows, and her disbelief, were reflected in him – in his eyes, his posture, and the sagging frown of his lips.

"When did she tell you?" she asked.

"Yesterday," Han said. "She…I…she did sorta the same thing. I think she wanted Jaina to tell me, but she did it. Think Jaina made her. Then Jaina told me not to tell you for her," he muttered. "I," he paused, rubbed his forehead. "I didn't call you 'cause…how'm I supposed to tell you that over the comm?" he asked, almost to himself. "She just seemed so scared," he said heavily.

Leia dug her heels into the floor.

"She went to you, Han," she said, her voice strained. "She went to her _father_ before she wanted to come to me," her voice got quieter, trailing off.

That was almost as painful as everything else. Leia knew she and Noura had more conflict than any other two people in this house, but for the life of her, sometimes she couldn't figure out why. She tried to let Noura be her own person, within reason, and Noura…hated every way she tried to do that, it seemed.

"Nah, she went to Jaina," Han corrected slowly.

"That's normal," Leia dismissed. "I'd have gone to Winter, immediately," she murmured. "But then I would have gone to my _mother_."

She rubbed her cheek.

"This is such a female…thing, and she couldn't even come to me," she murmured. "She couldn't come to me to get contraceptive, either, apparently."

She covered her face, breathed out, and ran her hands down over her middle, fidgeting. She looked at Han again.

"Did she tell you anything else?" she asked hoarsely.

Han shook his head.

"Is she seeing someone? Did you ask who," Leia moved her hands a little vaguely, "you know, who else is involved?"

Han looked wary.

"She said she didn't want to keep it," he said. "She said…the same thing, pretty much," he admitted. "Leia, she won't say much else," he added, gritting his teeth. "She, uh…I don't know, I haven't been talkin' to her much," he said, his shoulders falling. "She told me she didn't want me to look at her, so," he trailed off.

He shrugged, dejected.

"I was just…worried I'd make her feel bad or somethin'," he mumbled sadly. "Y'know you, you told her you loved her right away, and I…Jaina made me do that, she said I had to say it, or Noura'd think we didn't…_of course_ I love her!"

He swallowed hard.

"She didn't want me to even look at her," he said again.

Leia sighed.

"Well, that's not… necessarily about _you_, Han," she soothed grimly. "You can't tell your father you're pregnant without also essentially telling him you're having sex. That's awkward, for any young girl."

Leia looked down at her hands, and then back up; something on Han's face had caught her eye. He looked startled, and she furrowed her brow, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Han?"

"I hadn't thought about that," he blurted.

Leia stared at him. She felt like she was having an out of body experience, suddenly; she was abruptly separated from everything else, and focused on this one stupid thing Han had just said, blinking incredulously.

"It didn't _occur_ to you that she had to have sex to get pregnant?" she hissed. "What did you think happened? She _tripped_ in Art-InSem clinic?"

Han shifted uncomfortably. He glared at Leia.

"Well, I dunno, Leia doesn't spontaneous pregnancy sort of _run in your family_?" he retorted, his face turning red, stammering. "Luke seems to think – "

"Luke is full of bantha shit," Leia interrupted, keeping her voice low. She wished Luke had never run his little virgin birth theory by them, which apparently he'd come up with through years of meditation and studying old relics, prophecies, and Jedi history – the idea that Shmi Skywalker had just magically conceived one day was _insane_.

She shook her head at him, her lips thin, and her teeth grit.

"I can't believe you thought the Force got our daughter pregnant."

"'M not sayin' I thought that! I just mean I was more focused on – I didn't think – there was a lot – but she's just a baby!" Han protested.

Leia folded her arms. She grimaced, her heart sinking.

"That's the hard part about teenagers, Han," she said tiredly. "They don't realize how young they are until something like this happens. They don't think. They just _do_."

Han rubbed his face roughly.

"Where – _who_ – " he groaned. "D'you think _Jaina_ – or Max - never mind, don't answer," he muttered.

Leia didn't.

"She's so young," Han grumbled. "She failed her pilot's license exam a month ago!"

Leia licked her lips.

"I don't think the sex is the problem, Han, it's the unprotected sex, the result of that – the fact that she obviously feels she can't come to us to prevent that, or to even tell us she's seeing someone – "

"You don't think sex at her age is a problem?" Han hissed.

Leia gave him a skeptical look.

"No, problem isn't the word I'd use," she said flatly.

"What _would_ you call it?"

Leia flung her hands out.

"I don't know. A…maze. An emotionally difficult navigation," she snapped.

"_You_ weren't – "

"I am _not_ an average litmus test, Han," Leia said, rolling here eyes. "She's in a _very_ average age range. The choices I'd have wished for her to make are immaterial and you – _you_ should _not_ be throwing morality stones."

Han pointed to himself.

"I wasn't doing it at sixteen, you _know_ I wasn't," he retorted.

"Not for lack of trying," Leia retorted. "She's not us!" Leia argued. "She's Noura! She's her own person! This isn't what we should be focusing on – "

"It she wasn't having sex, she wouldn't be pregnant – "

"Thank you for that explanation, Han, but she is, and she is," Leia said bluntly, "and that is what we now have to contend with. The result. Not the action. She didn't come to me and now she needs us. The end. We move forward."

Leia shifted tensely, shaking her head.

"The one thing we're not going to do, during all of this," she said, moving her hands in a sort of encompassing circle, "is slut shame her."

Han looked aghast, recoiling.

"I didn't call her that," he said. "I'd never – I don't think," he stammered. "She's just…she's…_she's my little girl_," he said, his voice breaking. "She's so _young_."

Leia looked at him for a moment. She sidled closer, and reached out, and took his hand. She ran her thumb over his palm, and then squeezed tightly, sighing.

"I know, Han. I know. I know to you she's…she's little. You raised her; you're still raising her. You're going to have a hard time seeing any transition from…from a little toddler who needed you to fix her hair to…to a woman," Leia's voice shook. "I struggle with that, too, but I've been a teenage girl with a father, so it's easier for me. I have perspective."

Han looked at their hands, and squeezed Leia's right back.

"'Course I knew," he muttered. "'Course it was in the back of my head, that's why I…like I said, I didn't want to say anything to make her feel like I thought she was, y'know…_bad_," he said. "I _don't_ think that."

Leia kissed his knuckles.

"_How_ can she be pregnant, Leia?" he asked desperately.

It was rhetorical. It was the _same_ thing she was thinking. No one with half a brain actually required an answer to that, but it was more philosophical; _how can this be happening, what did we do wrong, how are we going to fix this, help her, keep our relationships intact?_

Leia knew exactly what he was feeling, because she felt it too, deeply. She felt wounded, and angry, and it wasn't necessarily directed at Noura. It was entirely personal, too, because she felt as if this were a reflection of years of trying her best as a mother, of trying to give her children everything, and then…Noura was in this situation, and nothing would ever be innocent for Noura again.

It was nowhere near the same as the things that had shredded Leia's own innocence, but it was not what she'd so desperately wanted for Noura; all she had ever wanted for her own children was an easier, sweeter youth.

"I don't even know if how I handled it so far was right," Han said miserably. "Jaina snapped at me. She said I should never have let Noura put it off on me."

"Jaina can be a bit impressed with herself at times," Leia said neutrally. "She's always been mature for her age, but she's got years of wisdom to come."

Han grunted.

"Han, don't beat yourself up," Leia sighed. "You told her you loved her. You kept her home from school and let her wallow." She shrugged. "What else could you do?"

Han shrugged. He looked at her searchingly.

"What _are_ we going to do?"

Leia slipped her hand out of his. She put her hands to her cheeks. That was the question, wasn't it? What were they going to do? How would they support Noura? What would they say to Noura? What was the best way to go about this, to make her understand just how serious this was without driving a shameful wedge between them? How much of the upcoming decision would be Noura's?

It had to be entirely hers, didn't it? That was the worst part. She was sixteen and they'd have to…let her take the lead. Wouldn't they? Was that the best course of actions to make them good parents?

Unbelievable.

She lifted her shoulders.

"We go to sleep," she said, "if we can. Like I told Noura to. And then," she breathed out. "Tomorrow we talk. Jaina doesn't need to be involved, Max doesn't," she shook her head. "We need to make sure she wasn't coerced in any way, we need to know more about," she waved her hand vaguely, "who, because we'll need to protect her from…from herself, from the press," she bit her lip. "And discuss her options."

Leia cocked her head.

"She told you she wanted to have an abortion, too?" she asked carefully.

Han nodded.

"She said she didn't want to keep it," he murmured. He hesitated. "I think she thinks we _want_ to hear that."

Leia grunted. Han looked at her worriedly.

"Is that what we want to hear?" he asked, uncertain.

Leia didn't look at him for a moment. She looked away, in fact. Years ago, when she'd first gotten pregnant with Max, she'd told Han that she knew he'd hate the idea of an abortion. He'd given her a pretty convincing, quite beautiful speech about why he wouldn't hold it against her – but she knew him. And she knew that the idea of it just hit him wrong. She did not feel the same way.

She finally turned back, her expression placid.

"Honestly, Han, I think that's the best decision for her to make."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but at the same time, he looked resigned, and like he agreed with her. She grimaced and looked down at her feet, stepping away from the counter.

"I'm going to go check on them," she said softly. She started to leave, and then she turned back, pursing her lips worriedly. "Has Noura been sick? I was so sick with her," she said.

Han was struck by how similar it was to what he'd thought, too. He shrugged.

"She was hidin' everything real well," he said, "but this morning she was sick."

Leia nodded. She continued on, slipping into the dark hallway. First, to Max's room, as it was the closest; he was the last baby, so the nursery had evolved to suit him as he grew. He was asleep on his covers, with his protective goggles on. Leia removed them gently, smoothed his hair back – which he no longer allowed her to do when he was awake – and kissed his forehead, leaving him be.

As she left, that sweet little Tooka he'd brought him purred at her happily, its ears flicking curiously.

She skipped Noura, for the time being, and knocked on Jaina's half-open door, peering in. Jaina sat bathed in the light of her lamp, staring down at her books, her hair all pulled up into a tight, braided bun. She looked up at Leia with wary, dark eyes, uncertain.

"Noura told me," Leia said simply.

Jaina visibly relaxed; slumped even. She looked exhausted.

"I told her to go to you," she said, "but I helped her shield, too," she confessed.

"You're a good sister," was all Leia said. "I'm glad she felt safe with you."

Jaina grimaced. She started to speak, and said nothing. She started again…and then fell silent again.

"This isn't your burden, Jaina," Leia said gently. "Dad and I have it from here."

Jaina cringed, and shrugged.

"Okay, but I want to be with her for all of it, no matter what," she said protectively. "Like you said. I'm a good sister."

Leia nodded. She paused, her hand on the doorframe, and then sighed heavily.

"You know I have to ask you this now," she sighed. "Are you using contraceptives?"

Jaina folded her arms.

"I'm not having sex," she said.

"Great," Leia retorted flatly. "Not what I asked. At your age, you should use something. Just in case. They won't hurt you."

Jaina fidgeted a little.

"I got an implant when I was sixteen," she said.

Leia felt a twinge of hurt that Jaina hadn't come to her – hadn't she always gone out of her way to make it clear to hear girls that they could _come to her_? But she just nodded; good, if nothing else, at least Jaina had done her due diligence.

"But I'm not," Jaina said. "I swear."

Leia tilted her head.

"That doesn't make you a better person than your sister," she remarked.

"That's not really what I mean," Jaina mumbled. "Just…don't worry about me. You don't have to."

"I worry about all of you, all the time."

"Sounds like a drag."

Leia smiled tightly. She arched a brow, sighing again.

"Jaina, I know about Cassian," she said frankly. "I know you aren't staying at Baba's most of the time when you're not here. I believe you when you tell me you aren't sexually active. Just in light of…this thing, that Noura's going to have to go through now…be careful."

Jaina looked annoyed.

"I should just stop shielding, I mean, like, you know everything just because you're _Mom_," she grumbled. "How the _fuck_ do you and Noura always know…no one knows what they _think_ they know about – "

"I know he's married," Leia said bluntly. "I don't know what else is going on, and I don't ask that you tell me. I want to trust you. But I also think now is a good time to reiterate that some choices must be considered very carefully. And if you can avoid choosing to hurt someone, you should."

Jaina turned back to her book. Leia watched her for a moment, and then retreated. She'd meant what she said, every word of it, and other than knowing that this _person_ of Jaina's existed, she truly did not know what the details were. It seemed a lesser concern, right now, and last of all, she checked on Noura, who had obviously vacated Jaina's room at this point, and gone back to her own.

She actually was asleep, though there was a distorted, pained look on her face. Leia was not surprised; after all the exhaustion that must have been involved in shielding, and dampening her nausea, and everything else, she was probably more tired than she could ever know.

Leia moved closer and watched Noura sleep. She looked even younger like this, and it made Leia's heart ache and her stomach churn. She moved her hand over her without touching her, soothing her nerves, moving her lips in a wordless prayer to grant Noura a more restful, dreamless sleep.

She'd need her strength to hash all of this out tomorrow, and she'd need her strength for the weeks to come.

She paused her hand over Noura's abdomen, nudging very carefully. She confirmed that there was something there, though she didn't disturb it, or connect to it with her senses. She wanted to make absolutely sure that Noura wasn't mistaken, hadn't somehow overreacted and gotten spun up over nothing.

There was no mistake. This was an eight-weeks-gone issue. Leia thought back listlessly; what had she herself been doing eight weeks ago, what had Han been doing? – While Noura was off getting pregnant.

She couldn't remember.

She bent to very lightly kiss Noura's forehead again, and then she made her way slowly back to the master bedroom. Han had not settled in to bed; he was pacing. When he saw her, he sat down heavily on the edge of her bed, his hands hanging in his lap, and he just stared at her, his mouth tight and withdrawn.

Leia stumbled over, and sat next to him, feeling in her very bones the same harrowing, worried despair he was. She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes, tears burning at her lashes again.

Noura had always wanted to grow up so fast, so badly, and in quite a different way, Leia had wanted her to act less dramatic and more mature; Leia had wanted her to grow up, too – but not like this, _no_.

Never like this.

* * *

_-alexandra_

_story #400_


	3. Two

a/n: welcome to chapter two! all trigger warnings discussed at the beginning of this story apply to all chapters. this was sort of meant to be a short(ish) story, but the chapters ended up being very long, and it ended up needing two more chapters than i planned. i think sometimes when i strive to write conversations that feel normal and natural, the scenes end up getting way out longer than planned but...i've always liked side stories in my fiction.

* * *

Coruscant  
28 ABY

Two

* * *

Leia woke up queasy, and she woke up abruptly, and she was not privileged enough to have that bleary, brand-new-morning moment of blankness that usually existed upon waking up. She remembered everything as soon as she opened her eyes. She knew it to be true, and not some harrowing nightmare, and the sympathetic nausea she felt because Noura was in the 'fresher vomiting drove the point home in a dull, tiresome way.

Still, this was a normal day of the week to absolutely everyone else, and she still had to get Max to school, and rearrange a few things with her office, and she needed Han to chase Jaina out the door, and there were difficult conversations to be had.

So the morning was controlled chaos, as usual, even though this storm cloud lurked over them, and Noura trudged into the kitchen as Max was gathering haphazard things for lunch and arguing with Leia about some promise she'd allegedly made a few weeks ago.

"You _said_ it was fine if I cut school because the exhibition at – "

"I never would have said that, Max," Leia said, moving her hands deliberately in front of him to augment her words. Max was notorious for putting words in her mouth. He seemed to think she forgot things because she was so busy.

She did not.

"But I _hate_ history, and I'm going to choose the zoological academy anyway, _why_ can't I just start planning for that? I'm going to sleep through class!" he threatened.

Leia rolled her eyes.

"Pack your fruit and go," she ordered.

He slung his pack over his shoulder.

"This isn't fair, and everyone is acting so weird!" he complained.

Noura sidestepped him.

"Am I going to school today?" she asked edgily, her eyes darting around. "You said we were talking but…like, this is day two, I'll need another note – "

"Noura," Leia sighed, cringing. "I'll take care of it. Sit down and eat."

"_Why_ doesn't _she_ have to go to school?" Max demanded loudly. "She's _dumber_ than I am, she needs it!"

"Shut _up_!" Noura hissed at him, pouring kaf into a mug.

"I'm leaving, Mom!" Jaina yelled from the hall.

"Take Max," Leia yelled back. "Max, go with Jaina."

"I can take my _own_ transport to school, I _don't_ need – "

"Open your mouth and argue with me one more time," Leia threatened. She held up one finger, as if tempting him. "Do it, Max."

Max stared at her stubbornly, as if genuinely considering it. His face crinkled, and he scowled.

"Fine, but if Biia _dies_, it's because you _didn't_ let me go to this exhibit, and I _didn't_ learn how to save her, and you have to live with that," he whined.

"That's me! Tooka killer!" Leia retorted narrowly. She pointed to the hall. "School. _Now_."

Max threw his fruit violently into his lunch pail and skulked off, grunting moodily at Han when Han walked by him into the kitchen. Han gave him a look, stepping back to make sure he left with Jaina and actually got out the door.

"Why do you guys want your mother to turn to the dark side?" he joked, shaking his head.

Leia blew air out through her nostrils and shook her head, rolling her eyes. Many, many years ago the mere suggestion of such a joke would have caused all kinds of problems, but since an incident when they children were little, and at their absolute worst, it had become sort of a running joke – all because one _single_ time Leia had lost her temper and told all of them that if they weren't in bed and quiet in ten minutes, she'd turn into a Sith.

She caught his eye, and noted his good cheer seemed pretty shallow – so he was feeling just as morose this morning as she was. She sighed, rubbing her forehead, and turned around to see Noura backing herself into a corner awkwardly and drinking a massive mug of kaf.

Without thinking, completely on instinct, Leia took it away.

"You can't have this," she said, dumping it out.

Han looked surprised, and Noura just stared at her, her mouth falling open.

They all heard the door chimes that indicated Max and Jaina were out the door, and Leia looked at the fresh kaf swirling down the sink, watching it bubble. She frowned at herself, and then looked up at Noura's shaken face.

"I always have kaf in the morning," Noura said in a small voice.

"I," Leia started. "That's…sort of an ingrained habit," she muttered. "I'm sorry," she began, but Noura interrupted:

"It's not going to hurt it. It doesn't have to be healthy for an abortion."

Leia set the cup down loudly, and gave Noura a sharp look.

"_Kriff_, Noura," she snapped. "There is no need to be flippant."

Noura hugged herself and looked away. Leia stared at her profile for a moment, her stomach turning uncomfortably – was that a defense mechanism, Noura acting like this was no bigger deal than getting her teeth cleaned? Did she think it was mature, _cute_? Leia may not want her to have a baby at this age, but she sure as hell didn't want her treating the other options like they were an easy nothing.

Han cleared his throat.

"Okay," he muttered. "Why don't I make breakfast?" he suggested. "Noury, you feel like eating?" he asked, gesturing at the bar stools and offering her a seat.

Noura shuffled over, her head ducked.

"_Don't_ call me that," she muttered under her breath.

Han's face fell, but he didn't respond, and Leia squeezed his wrist as he walked by. She swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and then went to a cabinet in the back of the kitchen and started rummaging for some tea. She knew she still had a certain kind that Malla had given her years ago – Malla always stocked her very well with medicinal, and this tea was good for any sort of unsettled stomach, not just one afflicted with morning sickness.

She was silent as she found some of the leaves and started to brew it, and Han was silent as he made toast with grilled fruit, and Noura finally spoke up, turning on her seat.

"I'm…going to go upstairs until…this talk starts," she began.

Leia turned and gave her one look, and Noura straightened up and dispensed with that idea, slouching over the counter. She folded her arms and laid her head on them, her lashes fluttering. A moment later, Leia set a fresh cup of tea in front of her. Minty, citrus steam curled out of it, and Noura slowly sat up to peer down at it.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It helps with the nausea," Leia answered. "It stings a little, but trust me on this one."

Noura curled her hands around it. Leia watched her until she hesitantly took a sip, and then turned back to Han, folding her arms. She watched him spend too much time grilling a single slice of fruit, and then she finally elbowed him a little, and he grimaced, and caught her eye.

There was no reason to put this off. They had shared a few words about it in their room this morning, decided what sort of things needed to be asked, what needed to be decided – the logistics. Above anything else, she was sure they both just wanted to talk to Noura – to really hear her.

Han wiped his hands off, and transferred the bread and fruit to a plate. He turned around and set it in front of Noura. Noura, fiddling with her teacup, stared at it warily. Han tilted his head.

"It's your favorite," he said.

Noura turned to the side a little.

"It smells bad," she muttered.

Han looked confused, and then he grimaced, and whisked it away.

"Oops," he said, trying to find a place to hide it. For some reason, he opened the ice box and stuck it in there, hoping that would kill the smell, but he could tell from the commotion behind him that he hadn't been quick enough.

When he turned around, Noura was hanging over the sink retching, and Leia was pulling her hair back.

His hands fell to his sides and he watched lamely, feeling awful. Leia looked up at him, and he turned to fill a glass of water, making himself as useful as possible. Leia took it and handed it to Noura as she straightened up. She turned around, her eyes watering, and buried her face in the glass, wrapping one arm around her middle.

"Sorry," Han offered.

Noura just shook her head.

"It's not your fault," she mumbled.

Han scratched the back of his neck.

"I dunno _how_ you managed to hide this from me for a week, kid," he said, concerned.

"Yeah, well," Noura blushed, and refused to look up at him. "It was, like, pretty motivating to uh…not tell you," she said. "I mean I wanted it to just…go away."

Leia brushed her hand over Noura's hair, making sure it was all out of her face. She sighed quietly.

"It won't go away," she said.

"I _know_, Mom," Noura snapped, dodging away.

Leia let her hand fall. Everything was combat with Noura; _everything_. She chose not to take too hard a stance right now. She was quiet for a moment, watching her daughter, and then she stepped back, her hands folding together in front of her automatically. It was her negotiating stance, and she couldn't help it. She gave Noura some space, and some more silence, before she spoke again.

"I've spoken with your school regarding today," she said. "No issues there. We clearly have some things to figure out, but this morning we can talk about what you want to do in terms of attendance, which I'm sure will be informed by what we think we're going to do."

"I've already said like _five_ times that I want an abortion," Noura said. She set her water aside angrily. "Do I need to use hand signs? Am I talking to Max?"

"Noura," Han warned.

"You are not in a position to give us any attitude," Leia said coolly. "You need to humble yourself. Now."

Noura inched away. She scowled, but she wilted a little, and then she looked up, her face flushing.

"Um," she said. "I know. I'm sorry."

Han shifted his feet. He braced his hands behind him and leaned back against the stove.

"We just got to talk about some stuff, Noura," he said gruffly. "_We've_ got to know more."

"Okay, but what if it's private? I don't want to, you know…talk about some stuff," Noura said uncomfortably.

Leia glanced at Han.

"We're going to respect that within reason," she said. "If you need me to ask Han to leave the room, I will," she promised.

Noura cut her eyes at Han and shrugged roughly.

"You're in an adult situation. You have to commit to an adult conversation about it," Leia said.

Noura nodded.

"Mm-hmm," she muttered anxiously. She rubbed one ankle against the other.

"Before we talk about anything else, your father and I want to make sure that all of this was consensual," Leia said evenly.

Noura looked up, chewing on her lip.

"What?" she asked, startled. Her nose scrunched up in confusion.

"That you, y'know, said yes to the guy," Han said tensely. "You weren't coerced, or drinkin' and couldn't say yes, or," he waved his hand. "You wanted to do it, Noura," he clarified, wincing.

"I didn't want to get pregnant," Noura retorted.

"Yeah, _obviously_," Han said dryly. "But did you want – "

"Oh my _god_, yes, okay, I _wanted_ to do it," Noura said. "I wasn't drinking, I wasn't doing drugs, he didn't rape me, I had sex – but I _wish_ I hadn't consented," she snapped, "if I'd just been raped, I wouldn't feel so stupid and _this_ wouldn't be my _fault_!"

Han raised his eyebrows incredulously. Before he could point out how stupid that comment was, Leia's hand jutted out and collided with Noura's jaw, and Han was even more taken aback.

"Whoa! _Leia_!" he cried.

His own shock was mirrored on Noura's face as she widened her eyes and reached up to grab her cheek, colour draining from her face and her eyes filling with tears.

Leia gasped, clutching her own offending hand as if she wished she could rip it off, and Han reached over to take it gently, pulling it towards him, as if he could take back the slap for her. It hadn't – it hadn't been a _hard_ slap, but Leia had never, _ever_ struck one of the kids before, and Noura looked mortified.

"You _do not_ wish that," Leia said harshly, her voice shaking. "You have regrets. You do not _wish_ you were raped."

Noura curled her fingers in, shaking her head.

"No, no, I'm sorry," she said, horrified. "That's not what I – I didn't mean…that was so stupid," she said rapidly. "That was so stupid to say, I didn't mean it, Mom," she pleaded.

"You have to think, Noura, you have to think before you speak!" Leia said. Han stroked her palm, and she curled her fingers around his. She took a deep breath, and slowly disentangled her hand, flexing it with a look of disgust on her face – disgust at herself.

"I shouldn't have hit you," she said. She reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek. "I didn't mean to. I can promise you I won't ever forgive myself."

Noura folded her arms tightly, hugging herself and blinking back tears.

"It's okay," she whispered. She meant it, too. She knew what her mother had been through, and she never should have – _never_. "I'm um, sorry," Noura said, lifting her shoulders and looking between them. "Yes, it was consensual, all of it," she confirmed, avoiding Han's eyes.

Leia took a moment to compose herself, and Han relaxed a little as the tension eased. He swallowed hard. He'd never been in a position where he felt he might have to choose between protecting Leia, and protecting one of the kids – or worse, protecting one of the kids _from_ Leia. That had been a brief horror story – Leia had obviously had a traumatic reaction, but she'd also slapped Noura, and that threw him for a loop.

He didn't know how to tell Noura he wasn't mad at her for having sex, so he didn't say anything at all. Noura kept shooting him furtive looks from under her lashes, which made him want to say something – but he didn't want to be wrong.

Finally, Leia spoke again, her voice steadier, and back to foraging on with the discussion.

"Did you use protection?" she asked.

She would feel better if at least Noura had tried, and there had just been a failure of contraception –

"No," Noura admitted.

Leia grimaced a little, trying to stomach that. She looked to Han, and sighed; she needed a moment, so grudgingly, Han took over.

"You need to tell us who it was," Han said.

Noura gave him a stubborn look.

"The father," Han prompted.

"I didn't tell _him_," Noura said. "I think we can just keep that a mystery – "

"No, Noura," Leia said. "Who was it?"

It occurred to her that there was, she supposed, a possibility that Noura didn't know, and that must have shown on her face, or in her eyes, because Noura quickly straightened up a little, a look of alarm flitting across her face.

"Xippa's brother," she spit out quickly. She looked right at Leia. "He's the only person I've had sex with and I only had sex once," she said rapidly.

"The socialite girl?" Han asked sharply. "The one with the rock star father?"

"That's Iryna," Noura corrected miserably.

"Xippa's the smoker," Leia said. "Her older brother?" Leia clarified.

"How _much_ older?" Han demanded.

Leia shot him a sideways glance, and he grit his teeth. Noura looked for a moment like she might smart off, and then she looked down, examining her nails.

"He's eighteen," she muttered.

Han relaxed a little.

"And you didn't tell him?" Leia pressed. "Or, actually," she held up her hands. "Noura, why don't you narrate this for us? Give me some background."

Noura scratched her nose. She took a deep breath.

"The _only_ person I told was Jaina," she said. "I missed my cycle, and I kept waiting, maybe hoping it was just late, and then I went to Jaina, and I took two tests. Then I told Dad, like a week after that," she said, "and then you…and I've been shielding a lot, and school has been a nightmare, and I am well aware that I am a complete fuck up."

"Don't say that," Han said tiredly. "That's not true."

Noura shot him a sulky, defiant look.

"Xippa's brother," Leia sighed. "His name?"

"Axel."

"Is there a relationship there?"

Noura shook her head.

"No," she mumbled. She shifted nervously. "I don't want to tell him. I don't think he's told Xippa that I…that we…which is a _miracle_ but…you aren't going to make me tell him, are you?" she asked, her face paling.

"If you are serious about an abortion, then I have no qualms about you not telling him," Leia said flatly. "Is he someone you feel you can trust _not_ to talk to your peers, or the press – ?"

"Is that what you care about? That this might get out?" interrupted Noura.

Leia blinked, caught off guard.

"Like it might make you look bad, and the Media would talk shit about you and your career and – "

"Noura," Han interrupted quietly. "That's not what she means."

"No, it's not," Leia agreed. Her brow furrowed, and she felt sick at the thought that Noura might – might genuinely think she cared more about their public image than her child's well being. "What I want more than anything is to protect you from any Media scrutiny whatsoever. It is brutal, Noura. It is _harrowing_. The one thing I will do everything in my power to do is keep you out of the spotlight and keep you shielded from…_that_."

She paused.

"It's ultimately going to be your decision, whether you tell him or not," she said. "If you," she paused again, delicately. "If you were to _have_ the baby then it might be a bit more complicated," she sighed.

Leia frowned.

"We don't need financial assistance, obviously, but _he_ knows he's been with you, and there – well, there would be more to consider," she said bluntly. "Han and I would back you up unequivocally but generally…we need to be speaking with Axel and his parents if you have the baby."

Noura looked between them miserably. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

"I don't trust him, not like…not like _that_ much, not to, um, be a father or anything, I don't think he'd _want_ that. He'd probably say I was a whore and ask for a DNA test and it would have to have courts involved and," she waved her hands in horror, shaking her head rapidly. "I already told Jaina, I mean…I sort of liked him, and he was nice and fun pretty much up until we had sex, okay?" she said, wiping her nose.

The rest of her words were mumbled into her hand.

"He stopped talking to me now and I guess it's like, more than I could ask for that he didn't go tell everyone, but if he does, and I disappear for like, a while, there's just...rumors, and, _ugh_," she choked, hiding her face.

"That's _not_ more than you can ask for," Han said suddenly, his expression dark. "You can ask for _anything_ you want. You deserve to be respected, Noura," he told her firmly. "Do not settle for anything less. You are priceless, you're – I'll – I'll kill him right now," he threatened.

Noura's eyes widened.

Leia turned her head towards Han slowly.

"For fuck's sake, Han," she admonished, rolling her eyes. She usually didn't swear too much around her children - there were certainly lines she liked kept between herself and how she presented as a mother, but he caught her off guard. She'd specifically told him not to act like that.

He shrugged roughly.

"Was this bastard even good to you?" he asked.

Noura leaned back, her face turning red.

"Um, what?"

"Was he _nice_?" Han prompted. "Did he take care of you? Did he make sure he didn't hurt you?"

"_Ewww_, Dad!" hissed Noura, glaring at him.

Leia felt the absurd urge to laugh. She laid a hand on Han's arm, tacitly reigning him in, and tilted her head at him, arching one brow; if he carried on, she'd ask him to leave, just to make Noura more comfortable – even though he wasn't shaming her, far from it. He was right – Noura did not have to put up with being ignored and shunted aside just because some asshole had treated her like an object and not a person.

"Okay," Leia murmured. She took a deep breath. "Okay," she said again.

"Don't you need to go to work?" Noura asked suddenly.

Leia blinked.

"You don't need to worry about me," she said.

"But people will start to talk – I don't want anyone to know about this, or talk about me, or you – "

"You're more important than my work, Noura," Leia said pointedly. "One thing I can say I've done very well is insulate you, Max, and Jaina from the press – they know better than to look too closely. Jaina is beyond my reach now, but I will take down anyone who comes near you," she said firmly.

Noura pressed her lip together.

"You're eight weeks in," Leia said calmly.

She felt Han look at her; she hadn't told him precisely how far along Noura was, but she did not think that was the major concern right now.

"You don't have to stress about showing or anything like that for a while yet," Leia said, "and what I – what Han and I need you to do – is spend today thinking about what you want to do."

Noura opened her mouth.

"You need to consider abortion, and having it," Leia said. "Those are the options."

"Hang on," Han started. "She could – "

"We aren't doing that," Leia interrupted curtly. Han hesitated, bristled slightly, but leaned back, closing his mouth.

"I _told_ you, I want – "

"I know," Leia said, placating Noura with one hand held up gently. "I hear you. I'm listening. I also don't want you making a decision based on what you think I, or your father, want to hear, and I don't want you making a decision based on the fear you felt when you were alone in this," she explained.

She looked at Noura intently.

"This is my way of trying to give you control over your body, Noura," she said quietly. "You feel like that's been taken from you. You're reeling."

Noura scraped her lip with her teeth, listening.

"An abortion won't make this disappear like it never happened, and it might be physically unpleasant," she said. "That said, you won't receive any moral condemnation from me or Dad if that's what you want.'

Noura looked at Han through her lashes. She looked skeptical. Leia went on:

"If you decide you want to keep it, it will be _your_ baby. Not mine, not your father's, not Jaina's, or Baba's, or anyone else's. _You_ will be _Mommy_. We would not kick you out - we'd never kick you out - nor would we refuse to help you. Han and I would be here to be grandparents with the same attention and care we would for any grandchild. But _your_ life would change. We would hold you responsible for being the mother of this child, Noura. Motherhood is the hardest job I've ever had. It's not a light decision."

Noura flicked her eyes back to Leia, curious.

"Even harder than – "

"The hardest," Leia said firmly. "Though I truly would not trade any of you for anything," she added, because she didn't want Noura walking out of this room with some crazy idea that Leia regretted having her. "But you do need to consider that I wanted you, and even when it got hardest, there remained the fact that I _wanted_ you."

Noura stared at her.

"It's not only about wanting a baby, its about wanting to be a parent," Leia said.

Noura turned to Han.

"No moral condemnation?" she asked him. "You like…promise, Daddy?"

Han looked wary to have been called out, and he frowned.

''Course not," he said.

Noura looked away from him slowly. She moved her lips soundlessly, and then shrugged.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked them.

"We can't decide for you," Leia said.

"Well, then," Noura said, frustrated. "I _said_ what I wanted, and you still want me to think about it, and you're both standing here like we're discussing the _fucking_ weather, and no one will yell at me, which is ridiculous, like, someone should be _screaming_ at me – maybe I should just go upstairs, and fling myself down them, and then I'll have a miscarriage and this will _just—be—over_!"

Han looked up to the ceiling and grit his teeth. Leia's expression was flat.

"That's an unpleasant experience as well," she said quietly.

Noura burst into tears.

"I can't say _anything_ right to you!" she shouted at Leia. "_Ever_! Will you just slap me again? That was _emotional_, that was like, a normal, pissed off reaction! You probably aren't even mad because you just expected me to do this, to fuck up, and be a failure – you know, I'm your daughter, I'm not like, a diplomat, or a treaty - you're so cold! You're so cold _all the time_!"

"Hey!" Han said, raising his voice. "Don't talk to her like that! Noura, the nerve you get sometimes," he growled, but she cut him off, waving her hands.

"You're _worse_! You're all…sad-eyed, and barely talking to me, like, I'm sorry I'm not a fucking virgin anymore – well, guess what? _Jaina_ is! Jaina's still absolutely perfect, with her _pristine_ hymen, and her perfect personality! So, yeah, I just, I can't," she trailed off.

Noura pushed her hair back, her eyes glinting. She gave a hysterical sob, and shrugged, inching to the side.

"I _can't_ talk about this anymore right now," she admitted. "This is humiliating, this is…can I go? Can I just go and do my _thinking_?" she begged, her lips curling in a sneer.

"Noura, I am trying my hardest to help you. I can assure you," Leia said severely, "no one is happy about this."

Noura hid her face. She turned her back, and then folded her arms, and Han stepped forward, trying to touch her shoulder. She yanked away, and he sighed, frustrated, unsure how this had all devolved, unsure what to say, so he just gave her what she wanted.

"Yeah, Noury," he said, forgetting she'd asked him not to call her that, "go upstairs. Take some deep breaths. Do your thinking."

Noura fled the kitchen, and Han watched her, listening to footsteps, slamming doors – and then he turned, and Leia just looked back at him with red eyes and a pale face, her hand pressed to her chest.

"_She_ can't say anything right?" she whispered, incredulous. "No matter what I do, or say, or how I treat her, she's _angry_ at me!"

Leia swallowed hard, and Han nodded tiredly – they were both right. Jaina and Leia had their conflicts – everyone did - but Leia and Noura were worse, and frankly, most of the time it _was_ Noura. She could just be so insecure, so quick to see judgment in everything Leia did, and Han knew, intimately, that Leia was just trying to guide Noura without crushing everything that was bright about her.

Noura just couldn't see that.

"You think she'd need me right now, you'd think she'd _want_ me," Leia murmured, her voice breaking. "Ahh," she hissed, wiping her eyes, setting her shoulders. "_Fuck_, I can't be the one crying," she muttered.

"Yeah, you can," Han said, reaching over to rub her back.

They were both silent for a moment, and then Leia took a shaky breath.

"She didn't have to sell Jaina out like that," she murmured, half-heartedly trying to inject some humor into the situation. "'Pristine hymen'?" she quoted. "Maybe Noura should be a comedienne."

"Leia," Han said seriously, "I don't _ever_ wanna hear that phrase again."

Leia smiled ruefully, wiping her eyes again.

Han didn't say anything for a long time. Then, quite abruptly, he gnashed his teeth, folded his arms, and looked at Leia with outrage in his eyes, shaking his head.

"It wasn't even good for her?" he seethed. "What a prick. _Axel_, what a stupid name," he growled. "I'm gonna have a talk with Max, 'cause so help me god if _he's_ sloppy with some poor girl – "

Leia put a hand to her mouth and gave a squeak of laughter, shaking her head. Han broke off with a grimace, both of them bowled over by the sheer absurdity of how they were trying to cope with this.

"I don't want this for her, Han," Leia said faintly. "_Any_ of this."

Han stepped closer. He slid his palms into Leia's hair, sighing, and pulling her head close to his chest. She leaned into him heavily, grasping tightly at his hips. She was good in a crisis, but this was uncharted territory – and for her daughter's sake, she wanted any – _almost_ any - other crisis but this one.

* * *

Jaina had endured a fairly unfocused day of classes. She was concerned about her sister and what was going on at home, and that bled into everything. She'd also forgotten to back out of lunch with her grandfather, which had been made awkward by the fact that he was strikingly perceptive, for someone without any Force sensitivity whatsoever, and she was petrified she was going to alert him to the fact that something was wrong.

She ended up skipping her last class and going to meditate at the greenhouse on the Alderaanian embassy grounds, secluding herself there until it was time for Max's academy to let out. She picked him up – he was still sulking, though he'd obeyed Mom and hadn't cut school – and he gave her a moody look and mostly grumbled to himself on the flight home, other than to finally say:

"Don't you think everyone is acting like kind of a lunatic lately?"

Jaina had merely shrugged, and Max stared at her expectantly the rest of the flight. When she didn't gossip with him, he rolled his eyes, and let it go. He followed her up to the penthouse to check on his animals, and then he went back down to the hangar to find Dad and see if there was any _Falcon_ work to be done.

Jaina went to find Noura, and Noura had been alone, curled up in Jaina's window seat with a book – she often snuck into Jaina's room to steal that coveted window seat. Jaina did think it odd that she was alone, though. Dad was obviously on the _Falcon_, which was just down in the underground of the private building, but where was Mom - ?

Of course it hadn't taken much to get Noura to relate all the events of the morning, though Jaina was pretty sure her version was at least a little skewed in her own favor.

"You _don't_ know where Mom went?" Jaina clarified, sitting backwards in her own desk chair and eyeing Noura skeptically.

"I guess she went into the office for a bit," Noura said, shrugging. "The whole galaxy doesn't just _stop_ because I am a disaster."

Jaina rolled her eyes.

"It doesn't make much sense that she just," Jaina waved a hand, "disappeared on you when you're dealing with this," she pointed out. "Without _mentioning_ where she was going."

Noura rolled her head back against the wall, sighing.

"Okay, she told me she was going in to settle some things, and she went to talk to her gynecologist to get me an appointment."

"Why didn't you just say that?"

Noura shrugged stubbornly.

"Dad asked me if I wanted to come work on the _Falcon,_ and I said no, and I think he was kind of relieved," she said. "I'm supposed to be thinking, anyway, _remember_?" she scowled.

Jaina held out both hands firmly.

"Tell me again what happened," she requested. "Be objective, Noura. Like, at least _try_," she ordered.

Noura dug her nails into her knee.

"I am being objective! I told you, she was just like she always was, just," she broke off, shaking her head, and then sighed, looking at Jaina.

She repeated some of the conversation, and Jaina frowned at her.

"Hang on, open your mind," she said.

"I don't want to," Noura complained.

"Then you're not being fair! Or honest! I can't help mediate if you only give me your little victimized Noura side!"

Noura scowled at her, but sighed grudgingly, and closed her eyes. She loosened the protective privacy shields she held around her mind, and let her memory of the morning drift to the surface. Jaina caught it with invisible fingers, her mental touch gentle, and began to sift through it, viewing what her eyes, and mechanical brain, had recorded, and separating it from Noura's bias and emotion as they talked.

This was something her mother had taught her a few years ago, when she was having trouble in her diplomacy classes, finding herself unable to see other's perspective, and expecting ideological purity in everything. It had helped her then, and she hoped it would help Noura now. She really did think their parents were interested in making this easier on Noura, not harder.

When she was done sharing, Noura pulled back a little, shooting Jaina a narrow look.

"I'm not playing the victim just by detailing what my experience was," she said edgily. "You know, it might _actually_ be true that Mom sees me differently than _you_ and reacts to me differently."

"Yeah, I get that," Jaina sighed, crinkling her forehead thoughtfully. "You just take it to such extremes sometimes," she muttered. She sighed, chewing on her lip. "Noura," she began carefully. "I know you're stressed out beyond belief, but why did you go off the rails like that?"

"Like _what_?" Noura asked defensively.

"I mean from what I can see, Mom and Dad were treating you pretty gently!" Jaina pointed out, annoyed. "Then all of a sudden you lost your mind at both of them, like you always do."

Noura stared at her for a moment, her eyes flashing.

"I don't – well – they – _she_ was making me feel _worse_," she hissed. "How can she just have no emotion about it? No yelling, no berating me, not even – I mean, other than like, _one_ second last night, she didn't seem shocked," Noura said.

She licked her lips.

"Do you know how shocked and devastated and broken up everyone would be if this were _you_?" she sneered. She folded her arms around her stomach and turned, looking out the window stubbornly. "But it's me, and it's like Mom's just thinking, oh, _of course_ Noura's pregnant, because Noura's just _like that_."

Jaina made a motion like she was shaking Noura, and groaned.

"I still don't understand why you always _think_ like this!" she said, exasperated. "First of all, I can count on one hand the number of times Mom has actually, you know, _shouted_ at us, and yelling at Max when he's pretending he's deafer than he is doesn't count."

Noura snorted.

"You always act like Mom constantly belittles you or mocks you or – or whatever your deal is, and that's not true. Most of the time you have these hostile reactions to the most mundane comments from her and it's like, baffling, I'm like, did I used to act like that – ?"

"No, Jaina, because you're fucking perfect."

"I am not! I've had plenty of fights with her. I've had plenty of fights with Dad and to be fair, I fight with Baba all the time, too – "

"You guys are always arguing politics," Noura interrupted angrily, turning to face Jaina again. "Well, you and Mom and Baba, at least. That's what she loves, that's her whole life. You love diplomacy and all that stuff and you're just – you're just more like Mom, and I'm not, and she's not interested in me," Noura protested.

"Just because you're different people doesn't mean she doesn't like you," Jaina said.

"Nothing I do gets a reaction, even this, _this_! Is not getting a reaction – "

"What kind of reaction do you want?" Jaina demanded, her brow furrowed. "Do you want her to like, grow horns and start wearing a cape and parading around with a red lightsaber telling everything that she loved you so much she went to the Dark Side?"

"What? _No_," Noura scoffed, glaring. "It's more like…I'm always in trouble! Or she's always looking at me like she doesn't understand me! I am part of this like, huge, family legacy, on every side, and I want to go to a _fashion_ academy – you _cannot_ claim Mom thinks that's a worthwhile pursuit."

Jaina blinked, sighing. She grit her teeth in frustration.

"Yes, I _can_, because Mom doesn't want us to do anything except be good people, and be our own people, and sometimes she steps back and lets you be because she doesn't want to crush your spirit or come off like she's dictating your life," Jaina argued. "Also, what are you talking about? You've been in Mom's closet, she fucking loves fashion."

Noura scoffed.

"If you'd show her that you're serious about it, about anything, she'd be all in for you," Jaina pressed. "But you spend all your time acting like you're too good for everyone, and you hang out with such horrible vipers who are so vapid and backstabbing – "

"Socialite games are no different than political games – "

"Except there's no payoff," snapped Jaina. "There's just bitchiness and you just get hurt, and like, a prime example is the fact that you didn't feel you had a best friend you could turn to – the girls you hang out with keep you insecure, and you spend half your time trying so hard to not be one of Princess Leia's daughters that you won't just be yourself!"

Jaina glared at her.

"You're literally smarter than me, way smarter, you can get perfect grades without cracking a book, but you hide it – maybe if you spend more time listening to Mom, and hearing the things she says, instead of taking everything as a personal insult, you'd have a better relationship with her."

Noura's lips trembled. She _wanted_ to lash back out, but she resisted that urge, because she didn't really have much to say to that. Jaina was _right_, a lot of what she said was right. She was particularly right about Noura's lack of true friends, and that was damning in itself.

"Sometimes it just feels like she's given up on me," Noura whispered. "Like she doesn't quite know how to relate to me, so she doesn't try. I mean, Mom spent her youth in the Senate and preparing to lead a whole planet, and then she fought in a war," Noura broke off, biting her lip. "I can't live up to that."

"_She doesn't want you to. _How would you even live up to that? You think Mom wants you to be tortured and lose your whole family?" Jaina insisted. She sighed. "Have you ever noticed how Max isn't much like Dad at all?" she asked abruptly.

Noura looked annoyed at the subject change, but shrugged. She nodded.

"Well, he knows that, and Dad doesn't always know how to relate to him, but _they_ get along," Jaina pointed out.

"Dad's different," Noura hedged. "He's so laid back and he's, well," Noura blushed.

"What, you don't feel imaginary pressure from him because he used to be a criminal?" Jaina snorted.

Noura bit her lip. Jaina inched forward a little in her chair. She rested her chin on the back of it.

"I'm listening to you, Jaina," Noura said after a moment. "I am. It's just…its _not_ imaginary pressure. You know that, you fucking _know_. I want to be who I am, but what if it causes trouble for everyone? Look what I did, being who I am?" she said, her voice cracking. "We're _famous_ even if Mom protects us. Our family is _watched_. Obviously they keep us out of the spotlight, but once in a while someone gets a picture of us and it's like, open season on Mom or Dad."

Noura put her face in her hands.

"I hate it when people are mean to them in the press. I really hate it, and I don't want to be the cause of it, and Mom _already_ brought up the Media, and…she won't be able to get anything done if all anyone wants to talk about is her stupid moron pregnant daughter."

"She wasn't bringing up the Media for her own self image," Jaina said gently. "Maybe it feels that way, considering, but she's worried about you. She _knows_ how it is. She _knows_ what the harassment is like. She'd be more concerned about you than anything else, how they might hurt you."

Jaina chewed her lip.

"Noura, this is the woman who told the _entire_ galaxy she was related to Darth Vader. She didn't have to; she just didn't want to keep the secret. She's transparent and she's honest and she's gotten used to having shit flung at her. People used to say she slept with her captors on the Death Star to get out alive."

Noura grimaced.

"What the fuck? That's repulsive," she spat. "That's rape no matter how you swing it."

"Yeah, speaking of," Jaina said dryly.

Noura closed her eyes, groaning softly.

"I don't know why I said that," she murmured with a wince. "It just came out. She looked _so_ horrified," Noura whispered. "The change was instant, it was like…she went pale, and the light in her eyes was just – gone," she said. She cringed, biting her lip. "Then she wasn't shielding, obviously, and I felt how miserable she was over hitting me and, I mean, come on, she didn't even slap me that hard," Noura rolled her eyes. "_You've_ slapped me harder for taking your shoes."

"I don't recall," Jaina said primly.

Noura shot her a look, and Jaina sighed, resting her chin on her knuckles.

"You really told her she was cold?" Jaina murmured. "_Really_?"

Noura looked down.

"You know that was one of the things that was hardest on her, once upon a time."

"I know," Noura said softly. "I thought Dad was going to go ballistic for that one," she muttered grimly.

She tucked some hair behind her ear.

"I feel like I never say or do anything right."

"Maybe she does, too," Jaina said with a shrug.

Noura nodded.

"Yeah."

She fell silent, and then she wiped her face again. She folded her legs and sat forward, hunching over.

"Your, um, shield is really good, by the way," Jaina offered supportively. "I can't even sense the pregnancy."

Noura shifted, and then swallowed hard.

"Mom…actually did that," she said. "Before she left. She's really talented. Like, really _really_ good, with the Force, even though she's not a Jedi by Uncle Luke's standards."

"He says she has a lot of raw power that she uses emotionally or instinctively," Jaina said. "He thinks she's more powerful than him, or could be, if she wasn't so scared of the Force."

Noura furrowed her brow.

"Well, she didn't want me to exhaust myself doing things I'm not well trained for," she repeated, quoting Leia. "And, um, she was sort of – well, she was vague about it, but," Noura sighed. "You know how I told you I was afraid it was going to start talking to me or something?"

Jaina nodded.

"Mom knew exactly how long it's been there," Noura mumbled, gesturing to her abdomen. "So I guess she can feel it more. I think maybe she figured I might be thinking that, or I don't know…wanted to keep me insulated so I can think clearly," Noura swallowed, "I'm thinking, after all. That's what I'm supposed to be doing."

"How's that going?" Jaina asked.

Noura blew air out through her nose, a little exasperated.

"I'm just confused," she said, irritated. "I tell them both I want an abortion, and I still get told to think it over, and then there was this _weird_ moment where she said I had a choice between that, and keeping it, and Dad tried to mention adoption – I think – and she was basically like, no, Han, fuck that," Noura mimicked Leia, and then cocked her head, "which makes no sense, _considering_."

"Hmm. That's probably a Vader hang up or something," Jaina muttered. "Like she doesn't want some kid to come looking for you one day and it be like, _surprise_! Guess who you're related to."

Noura grunted.

"Okay, well, that doesn't matter," she mumbled. "She said she wanted to give me control over my body, but making me re-think it makes me feel like they don't agree with me getting an abortion."

Jaina rested her cheek on her hands, watching Noura. Noura seemed to be speaking out loud for the sake of it, so she let her keep talking.

"I can't tell what Dad thinks. He just seems like he's moping – um, did I mention he got all pissed off thinking that the guy was not _good_ to me?" she asked, glaring at Jaina.

Jaina furrowed her brow.

"Meaning…?"

"He like, basically asked me how the sex was."

"_Ew_!"

"That's what _I_ said!" Noura said, widening her eyes.

Jaina pretended to stick her finger down her throat, then paused, and shrugged.

"I mean, I guess it's kind of sweet he was concerned about your experience rather than losing his mind in some archaic, possessive rant."

Noura glared some more.

"It's _un_-fucking-necessary how much of a feminist he is," she grumbled.

Jaina laughed. Noura sighed, unfolding her legs and swinging them off the window seat. She let them slowly down to the floor, and then stared at her feet. Jaina watched her jaw tighten, and then she looked up, crestfallen again.

"Feel like I shouldn't laugh," she confessed, "at anything. Like I don't deserve it right now."

Jaina scooted the chair over until she was much, much closer.

"You can't just waste away, and punish yourself, and hate yourself, because of one mistake."

"It's a really big mistake, Jaina," Noura said in a small voice. "You were right about um…you don't just get an abortion and then get frozen ice."

She clenched her teeth.

"What do you honestly think they want me to do?" she asked, looking at Jaina intently. "Don't be all edgy and say it's up to me, blah blah. I know it is. I think everyone knows I do what I want," Noura added bitterly. "I know it's a little late, but I want to be…responsible."

Jaina chewed the inside of her lip. She wasn't sure she could answer that with the kind of certainty Noura was looking for, but she _did_ know their mother took parenting very seriously. So did their father; he'd made it his primary job for twenty years. She had also heard some of her mother's thoughts on how carefully she'd considered having children.

She hummed quietly, thinking, and then took a deep breath.

"I think Mom would be relieved if you had an abortion," she said finally. "I think _Dad_ would, too, honestly," she decided. "I'm pretty sure Mom is taking you seriously when you say that, but she can't risk having you turn around and claim she forced you later," Jaina added delicately. "There's probably nothing wrong with thinking about it."

Jaina chewed on her lip again.

"You don't…_want_ a baby, do you?"

Noura grimaced.

"I didn't even plan on considering the idea for like, twenty years," she retorted. "Is that what you'd do?" she asked. "Have an abortion?"

Jaina shrugged.

"If I was in your exact situation, yeah, probably."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I…just," Jaina sighed. "I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't _love_, so like, I think an unplanned pregnancy would be different, then."

Noura gave her a withering look. Jaina shrugged again, matter-of-fact.

"You can't be so righteous," Noura warned. "You _don't_ know what's going to happen in your life."

"No," Jaina agreed. "But I think sex is the least important part of a long-lasting love, so I'm not in a rush to have it."

Noura gave her a rude hand gesture.

"And _that's_ the sort of saintly shit I'm up against," she said tiredly. She held up one hand, and then the other. "You, this darling little mix of Han Solo and Princess Leia, are following in their footsteps, and me just…_wrecking_ the family name."

"Are we back on this?"

Noura sneered.

"You know, me having different opinions and beliefs for how I live my life is not an indictment of yours," Jaina retorted. "You need to grow up and _learn_ that. Not every different opinion is a bad one, or a wrong one. Sometimes people just _feel_ different."

"It's hard to stomach that when _your_ different feelings make me look _so_ bad," Noura said.

Jaina's heart sank. She inched a little closer, and grabbed Noura's hand.

"No one wants you to feel that way."

Noura sighed.

"You never know, Max might do something entirely out of control and show you up," Jaina piped up. "What if he wrecks the _Falcon_ one day? He's wrecked _two_ of Dad's racing speeders. It's only a matter of time."

"He only wrecked that one," Noura muttered.

"Oh, no, he wrecked two," Jaina said solemnly. "I took the blame for the second."

"Hmm, and let me guess: no one got mad at you because you showed _such_ integrity in admitting it, even if it was a scurrilous _lie_."

"Um, _wrong_. Dad is making me pay him for the damages. But that might be because he knows Max did it, and he wants me to squeal."

Noura arched a brow.

"You want to take the blame for this for me, then?" she asked flatly.

Jaina laughed.

"I'm just saying, all it would take to erase this is Max somehow crashing the _Falcon_ and doing irreplaceable damage to it," she comforted.

"You seriously think Dad would be more shocked and horrified if Max crashed the _Falcon_ than he is over…_this_?"

"_Yes_."

"Whatever, Jainy."

"One-hundred percent. He's worried about you getting hurt or traumatized. If Max crashed the _Falcon_, he'd disown him immediately and probably put a bounty on him."

Noura laughed a little.

"Han Solo has four kids," Jaina went on dramatically. "Jaina, Noura, Max, and _Falcon_."

Noura laughed more fully.

"Yeah, yeah, okay," she pointed at her face. "I'm perked up, Jay. You did it."

Jaina squeezed her hand one more time, and then let go, nodding proudly.

"You should lean on Mom," she encouraged. "Rely on her. But if you really can't open up to her just…understand that she loves you." She hesitated. "And, um, you could talk to Aunt Mara," she added. "I'd run that past Mom, just to avoid blindsiding Aunt Mara, but she's had an abortion."

Noura blinked.

"She has?" she asked. Then: "How do you always _know_ stuff like this?"

Jaina gave her a look.

"Because I _listen_ to the women in our family, Noura," she said pointedly, "instead of going high and right and trying to be anything _but_ them."

Noura lifted her hand and started biting her nail, her cheeks flushing. She had no response; Jaina's assessment hit too close to home.

"You know what I've been thinking about a lot lately?" Noura asked.

"Hmm?"

"The Force," Noura admitted. "I wish I was better with it. I have a hard time meditating. I think I'm afraid of it, too. I think I've always been afraid I'm…like _him_."

Jaina glanced towards the door.

"Anakin?" she asked quietly.

"The Naberries are _always_ cracking jokes about how impulsive he was," Noura murmured. "And also, I just feel so, Jaina, I feel so," she trailed off, scraping her lip, her eyes watering. "Used."

She held up her palms pleadingly.

"I was supposed to feel powerful, and liberated, and now I just feel empty," she said angrily, "except there's something inside of me I _didn't_ ask for! Sure, I didn't use protection, but I didn't _want_ this!"

Jaina got out of her chair and pushed it away. She sat down next to Noura and put an arm around her shoulder, playing with her hair idly. She cast around for some other topics to move on to, at least for a moment, just to give Noura a break, but she couldn't think of anything.

So instead, she turned to her, tilting her head, and offered to help her meditate, or hone some skill in the Force; something to focus her mind, because she needed the discipline, and she needed to be in a better place when the next inevitable conversation with their mother came to pass.

* * *

Han had his head stuffed up under Chewbacca's seat, surrounded by loose wiring, when a loud, unexpected _thudding_ noise startled the hell out of him. He jumped, banged his head, and started spewing expletives at about the same time the brand new cut on his forehead started spewing blood.

He was careful trying to edge out – the only reason he was up under there was because Chewbacca couldn't fit, and Jaina or Max hadn't been around, and he hadn't wanted to push Noura. Chewie said something was wrong with the rotator mechanism – and there was; somehow, the mobility wiring was totally fucked.

Still cursing, Han grabbed an armrest and hauled himself into a sitting position, glaring around.

He saw boots, and next to the boots, a heavy backpack with all sorts of crap spilling out of it, and then he looked up, and there was his son, blinking down at him wordlessly.

"Do you kiss my _mother_ with that mouth?" Max joked, looking gleeful. "She would have a stroke if she heard half of that!"

Han grumbled at him darkly – yeah, right; Leia had _taught_ him half of that. Max had too angelic a view of her.

"Kriff, Max," Han griped, going with a tamer curse. He pressed his hand to his forehead, forgetting his hand signs, and just spoke louder; Max turned his good ear closer. "What'sa matter with you, sneakin' up on me when I'm in the ship's guts?"

Max scratched his chin.

"I told you I was coming in," he said.

Han glared at him.

"For the last time, I can't _hear_," he quoted the word aggressively, "you like Mom can!"

"Huh. Oh yeah," Max said blithely. "I dunno why I always forget that." He tilted his head, and then nodded. "You're bleeding."

"Yeah, I cracked my skull when you came in here tryin' to wake the dead," Han said, gesturing at the mess.

Max kicked it all aside and stepped forward, frowning. He crouched closer, eyeing the sliced skin on Han's forehead, and nodded to himself.

"This isn't deep, head wounds just bleed a lot," he said calmly. He reached out, then paused, and waited patiently. "Can I?"

Han sighed gruffly. He waved his head.

"Yeah, go ahead."

Max pressed his palm to the wound and closed his eyes. Han fidgeted tensely, grinding his teeth as the skin knit together. Max had a talent for healing things, and he liked to do it. He worked with Luke on it quite a bit. Han preferred to fix his injuries by rubbing dirt in them and crunching antibiotics and painkillers, but he silently put up with Max's efforts.

Max stepped back and scrubbed his blood hand off on his trousers.

"It's not gonna scar," he said proudly. "Sorry if you have a headache now."

"Nah," Han muttered. He felt fine. A little lightheaded, but fine.

"Really? Cool," Max said smugly. "I'm getting better."

Han grunted. He jabbed at his head gingerly, and then wiped the excess blood off on his sleeve. He took a rag out of his back pocket and started wiping off his hands as he got up from the floor and sat down hard in Chewie's seat.

"You got a reason for the grand entrance?" he asked dryly.

Max tilted his head, and everything in his bag righted itself neatly, drifted off the floor as if weightless, and settled itself onto the _Falcon's_ dash. Han watched it, and then turned a dubious look on Max. Max winced.

"I shoulda done that the first time," he mumbled.

"Ya _think_?"

"At least I learned some new swear words," Max said wryly.

Han grunted again.

"You cut school today?" he checked.

"No," Max retorted. "Way too scared of Mom to directly disobey her."

"Good."

"Can I ask you somethin', though?" Max went on intently.

Han shrugged. He threw his rag onto the dash and leaned back, his expression guarded. He put his hands behind his head, elbows sticking out, and watched Max. After all of Noura's revelations in the past few days, the one _single_ thought that flew through his head was – _please be something normal, please be something normal – _

"What the hell is going on in this family?" Max asked suspiciously.

Han paused. He tilted his head to the side a little.

"What d'you mean?" he retorted.

Max raised his brows.

"You are all acting _weird_," he said pointedly. "Jaina and Noura are in some undiscovered dimension of hysterical," he said, holding up fingers as he listed things, "Mom's cried twice in the past two days…she doesn't ever hide that well, 'cause her eyes get so red, there's other stuff – you haven't shaved," he added, pointing at Han accusingly.

Han rubbed his palm over one side of his face. He hadn't shaved this morning. He'd been too busy talking things over with Leia, and then having that painful conversation with Noura. It wasn't really the most pressing thing on his mind right now.

"You always shave," Max accused.

Han frowned.

"Thought you said you had them blocked," he said.

"Their mood instability is making it too hard," Max said, and glared at him. "You admit it then, something is _wrong_."

Han opened his mouth to brush Max off, and then sighed. He groaned, and sat forward, leaning onto his knees. He ran his hand over his face and gestured to the pilot's seat. Max sat, scuffing his foot impatiently.

Han scratched his temple, thinking about what to do next. He and Leia hadn't really discussed telling Max about all of this, and he didn't want to go out on a limb without her. Then again, he had plenty of experience making unilateral decisions about the kids, and Leia trusted him. He didn't think they should start off by making it a huge secret and – to hell with it.

Max and Noura had once been so close it was like they really were twins. Noura had hit her teenage years and become more – Noura – and Max had his own interests, but Han remembered what they'd been like when they shared a nursery.

"Everyone's okay," he said, just as Max started to speak again. "No one's sick or dying or anythin' like that."

"Yeah, I know _that_," Max said bluntly. "Except Noura keeps staying home from school sick," he added.

"Noura's dealing with some stuff," Han said, rubbing his nose. He let his hands fall to his lap, and sighed. "She is…pregnant, actually," he muttered.

Max's eyebrows shot up.

"What?" he asked. "Whoa. Uhh," he stammered, slouching. "That…makes sense."

Han frowned.

"It makes sense?" he repeated.

"Well, no, it's stupid that she did that," Max retorted. "It explains a lot though. I kept sensing some unfamiliar energy, and it wasn't Biia or Ork. Then I kind of _wondered_ if it might be something like that, but I'd have guessed _Mom_, which is – at this point, ridiculous, and you think you guys would run that by the rest of us – "

Han snorted.

"Who do you think you are, kid?" he asked. "We wouldn't run a poll if we wanted – 'sides, she can't have babies anymore," Han said hastily.

"Yeah, I know she got fixed, but – "

"Max. She's not an animal," Han corrected, taken aback.

"Right, but, it's not impossible. There's the Force."

Han eyed him warily.

"That _is _a thing? I _knew_…that was a thing," he muttered.

Max slouched a little more.

"But it's not Mom?"

Han shook his head, yanked back to reality. Max knit his brow.

"Oh," he said under his breath. He lifted his hand to his mouth and bit his nail. "Is Noury okay?" he asked, concerned.

Han sighed.

"She's been better, buddy," he answered honestly. He leaned to the side. "Hey, don't say what you just said, a minute ago. That it's stupid she did that," Han quoted. "She didn't mean to. She's pretty broken up right now."

Max blinked at him.

"Yeah, 'course she didn't _mean_ to," he said. "That really explains a lot," he said sadly, touching his head.

Han nodded.

"I don't know how thrilled she'd be that I told you," he said.

"If she doesn't tell me, I won't say I know," Max said seriously. He cringed. "Or if I…space out and say something, y'know, I can say I just figured it out." He tapped his temple. "Force perks."

"Uh-huh," Han grunted. "Just be really nice to her for a while," he suggested.

Max kept chewing on his thumb for moment, and then lowered his hand.

"So…what's going to happen?" he ventured.

Han leaned forward heavily, propping his elbows on his knees.

"That's kinda up to Noura," he said gruffly. "'M not gonna just tell you all her business. She can if she wants to. Me'n'Mom'll take care of her."

Max looked at him warily.

"You're being kind of calm about this," he said slowly. "She's going to have a _baby_."

Han hesitated. He ran a hand over his jaw.

"Maybe," he said heavily.

Max blinked.

"Oh," he uttered abruptly. "She could have an abortion." He frowned thoughtfully. "She shouldn't do that."

Han stiffened a little.

"Max," he warned, his brow furrowing. He was a little surprised by that. For all the interest Han had in politics, he knew all three kids were as liberal as Leia, if not more – which was fairly hard to be.

Max just looked at him sort of bluntly.

"The Force is the only power that governs life and death," he said. "We're Jedi. We don't take life."

Han cleared his throat.

"It's not the same," he said.

"It's a life."

"It's not black and white like that, it's – "

"No, people just do things with their heads to make it sound better," Max said calmly. "You can't say life is only life if it _thinks_, and then also agree from a scientific standpoint that trees are alive."

Max shrugged.

"There was nothing, and now there is, and if she leaves it alone, it's born – that makes it life, that's a fact, and Jedi don't take life."

"_Max_," Han said sharply, his jaw tightening. "Look, I know I'm not Luke or Mara or your mother when it comes to this stuff, but you and your sisters aren't _full_ Jedi, I know _that_," he said pointedly. "You don't even train with Luke full time."

Jaina was the only one who had constructed a lightsaber, and only under Luke's instruction. She had been spending two months a year on Naboo at his academy since since was fifteen, but Leia had not given Max that option yet. He was too young. Noura had shown little interest.

"'M not really arguin' with you on the life thing," Han muttered, "and I don't think Leia would either, _technically,_ but there's other stuff goin' on. It's not that simple. Noura's dealin' with enough as it is, you can't start sayin' she's _killing_ something. It's just not the same."

"I wouldn't say that _to_ her," Max said, offended. "I said I don't think she _should_ do that, not that she can't."

"Good, 'cause it's not your decision," Han said curtly. "You got to watch your mouth about this stuff, kid," he said earnestly. "It's really important that this option is out there."

"I'm not saying it shouldn't be," Max said. "We feel things stronger than other people, Dad," Max pointed out. "It's probably going to mess her up," he said flatly.

Han made a frustrated noise. He didn't want to hear that. He was worried enough about Noura's well being.

"It's her body," he said finally. He arched his eyebrows, incredulous. "Leia is going to have a heart attack if she thinks she raised you to – "

"She raised me to think for myself, and it's just my opinion," Max said edgily. "I don't get an opinion?"

Han shrugged.

"Not on this. Tough luck."

"Men are involved in the process," Max said.

"Well, you get a little more of an opinion if you were dealin' with this sort of thing," Han said grimly. "Havin' an opinion's not the same as havin' a say."

He shook his head and set his jaw.

"Noura doesn't need anything but support," he said edgily. "That's it. Don't go makin' her feel bad –

"I'm not!" Max protested. "I just mean…I dunno, I just said that, I'm sorry," he muttered. "I don't even eat meat or step on _bugs_," he grumbled. He kicked one foot out. "I don't want Noura to have a baby, _kriff_," he said. "I mean, not now. Noura's too much fun to stop...being fun."

He scrunched his nose and looked up again, something glinting in his eye.

"Huh," he said slowly. "I guess I just always thought of it like in political arguments," he decided. "Now it's…Noura."

"Yeah, and Noura's your sister, and you love her."

Max rolled his eyes; obviously he loved his sister. And now he was worried about her, and he wanted her to be all right.

"Just to be clear, though, 'cause I don't want you to think I'm a dick," Max said flatly. "I know it's Noura's choice. I get all that, it makes sense. I just don't _like_ the fundamental _idea_."

Han ran his hand over his jaw with a heavy sigh. He just nodded, accepting Max's words. Max wasn't always the most sensitive in getting himself across, which was so odd, considering how sensitive he could be about other things.

"Yeah, well, keep it to yourself," Han ordered. "'M _serious_, Max."

Max nodded solemnly, holding up his hands in surrender. Han continued to give him a wary look. He hadn't really expected such philosophizing, but Max could be a lot like Luke sometimes – and Chewie, come to think of it. He was an old soul. He also sometimes did impossibly idiotic, average teenage male bantha shit. Like crashing Han's racing speeders.

Han folded his arms, and sat back.

"Speaking of accidental pregnancies," he started grudgingly – Leia said she'd spoken discreetly to Jaina, so he'd take this one, and hopefully save Max some embarrassment. "You need to just get a shot," he said flatly. "S'the best way to make sure you're covered if you slip up, or she says she's on somethin' and she's not – "

"Who?" Max asked, bewildered. "Noura?"

"No, Max, _you_," Han retorted, scandalized. "You need to carry your own weight in makin' sure you don't get yourself in a situation like this. You ain't the one getting pregnant but – "

Max was giving him the densest look, his face all screwed up, and then he opened his mouth as if he understood.

"This talk doesn't need to happen," he said loudly. "I'm not interested."

Han paused. He was fifteen, wasn't he? Leia was right; Han had at least been trying when he was that age. Unsuccessfully, but…trying.

"Good to know, but when you do get interested, you got to take care – "

"No, I don't think I am interested at all," Max said simply. He shrugged, and then nodded.

Han hesitated.

"In…sex?" he clarified.

Max shrugged again.

"Doesn't really appeal," he said.

Han closed his hand into a fist and put it to his jaw, fascinated. He kept his features schooled, and then he very carefully executed the same shrug Max had just given him, planning to pick Leia's brain about this later.

"Okay," he said seriously. "If you change your mind, use protection," he said. "And be attentive to the other person," he added darkly. "Guy or girl."

"What if it's a gungan?" Max asked, deadpan.

Han eyed him suspiciously. Max started laughing.

"For just a _split_ second, I wanted you to think of something _worse_ than Noura being pregnant, and I figured me having sex with a – "

Han lunged forward and grabbed Max playfully, putting him in a headlock.

"_Punk_," he growled.

Max snorted smugly, lifting his hands to wrestle back, and Han was so relieved he actually did laugh, which was a damn _blessing_ – it was nice to find a light moment in all the heaviness – even if it was brief; even if it was not going to last.

* * *

Noura emerged from her room late in the evening, when everyone and everything was quieting down. She had thrown herself into a lengthy 'fresher, during which she did some more thinking, and wallowing, and she ultimately decided nothing except talking to her mother was going to alleviate _some_ of the anguish in the pit of her stomach.

She had gone over and over her conversation with Jaina, and on top of everything else, the way she'd left things with Mom bothered her more and more, so she went looking for her.

She tiptoed down the hallway until she reached the master bedroom, and hesitated outside, chewing the inside of her lip. The door wasn't shut, and she knew no one was asleep – that much she could sense. She tried to peek in the crack, but she didn't have a good view, so she reached out and knocked on the door very gently.

"Yeah?"

Noura cringed. Her face flushed. She didn't want to talk to Dad, but there was no use slinking away now; he'd get all worried. She nudged the door open slightly and leaned in, making herself small against the doorframe.

"Hi," she said, staring at her bare feet. She twitched her nose. "Um, is Mom…?" she began.

"She's in her office," Han said.

Noura nodded. She started to slink away, but he stopped her.

"Noura."

She sighed and turned back, slowly looking up. He was under the covers, sprawled across the bed with his head half on Mom's pillow. In spite of herself, Noura smiled faintly. He was so in love with her, it had been like that her entire life. He was so _good_ to her; he was this great example of how men should behave, and it usually made Noura happy, but right now it made her feel withdrawn, and sad.

_She_ hadn't been treated that well. _Why_?

"You okay?" Han asked, lifting his head alertly.

Noura looked down again.

"Mmhm," she murmured. "I'm just…I need her."

"Office," Han repeated. "She was makin' you some tea. And – _hey_," he stopped her again as she was trying to get away. He cleared his throat. "You go easy on each other," he said, narrowing his eyes.

Noura wanted to snap at him that she was already going to try and make up for this morning, but she bit her tongue. That was exactly what kept getting her in trouble, wasn't it? Reacting instead of listening. Instead, she nodded, and this time when she backed away, he let her go.

She grit her teeth and went quietly down the stairs, her palm running nervously along the banister. She wove her way down a hallway to her mother's office, which was located in one of the secluded back rooms. The door was wide open and soft light glowed into the hallway from it, but Noura halted outside.

She hadn't planned anything to say. She just knew she needed to say something. She wanted to. She was starting to get an itchy, dreadful feeling, like if she took any wrong steps during all of this, her relationship with her mother would be irreparable, somehow – even though, _Sith_, it wasn't that bad in the first place.

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, hesitating. At this point, Mom definitely knew she was out here. There was no point in milling about doing nothing. She pulled her braid over her shoulder and stepped into the doorway.

Leia was, predictably, already staring at the doorway and waiting. She nodded at Noura, and Noura came in, pressing her hands together. She had stretched the sleeves of her sweater out so that they covered her fingers, and she twisted them into the fabric, wandering over to an armchair. She sat down on the edge, noticing there was a mug of tea on the conference table.

When Noura was little, and Leia had been Chief of State, she'd often had late night, highly secure meetings in this office. The table had always been exceedingly neat, then; now it was more cozy and cluttered.

"What are you working on?" Noura ventured halfheartedly.

"Nothing important," Leia said calmly. She closed what programs she did have open – she'd been occupying herself idly, monitoring Noura's emotions subtly to see when a good time to go up and speak with her was. She was heartened that Noura had decided to come to her.

Out of habit, Noura rolled her eyes.

"Everything you do is important," she retorted. She didn't mean to sound bitter or accusatory, because she did think everything her mother did was important. That was just so often her go-to tone. She frowned at herself, but before she could say anything else, Mom shrugged.

"Well, it is not as important as you are," Leia said.

Her voice was so sure and firm that Noura bit her lip, humbled. Leia got up, effectively abandoning her work, and came over to Noura. She swept the tea into her hand as she did, channeling a little extra warmth into the mug to make sure it was a good temperature before she handed it to Noura.

"I intended to bring this up to you," Leia murmured, pressing it into Noura's hands. "It did help this morning, didn't it?"

Noura nodded. She sniffed the tea, breathing in shakily.

"I feel fine at night," she said.

"It helps to keep it in your system," Leia said.

She folded her arms and watched Noura, and Noura took a few obliging sips. She kept her head bowed, and Leia decided she must not like the height disparity. That was an odd turn; Noura had been taller than Leia for a year or so, now; all three of her children were taller than her. Leia was so used to looking up at others that she'd long outgrown seeing it as a disadvantage; Noura probably saw it as intimidating.

Leia slipped in front of Noura, dodging around the table and dropping down in the corner of her sofa. She rested her arm on a familiar indent in the couch, a place her elbow had ground down over the years as she worked long nights in this room, some of them with Noura and Max sleeping in pens right next to her.

She watched her daughter fidget with the tea, then set the mug aside, and she felt a lump in her throat. Noura would never be that quiet baby again, or that watchful, kind toddler, or the bold, confident child.

Noura continued to look at her hands, yanking at threads on her sleeves. She realized, as she did, that she hadn't snatched this sweater from Jaina's closet – it was _Mom's_. She brought her hands to her mouth and didn't say anything. She didn't know where to start, so she was a little relieved when Mom did.

"I spoke with my doctor," Leia said. "I thought you might like to see someone you _know_ you can trust. If you were to become a patient of Arksiah's, she would still keep confidentiality."

Noura bit a fingernail and raised her eyes. She nodded. She had so many things on her mind. The idea of sharing a doctor with her mother was simultaneously comforting and alienating. She was pretty sure that doctor had delivered her, and if anything could make her feel impossibly young – well, _that_ was it.

She took a deep breath.

"I'm, um…sorry," she said, "about earlier. I don't ever joke about…well, I wasn't joking, but I'm not flippant about," Noura tugged at the end of her braid anxiously, "rape and I don't think you're cold," she whispered. "I _know_ you're not."

Leia tilted her head, considering Noura. They never really got apologies out of Noura.

"I appreciate that, Noura," Leia answered. She swallowed hard, leaning forward on the armrest. "_I _am sorry – "

"It's okay, I really don't care," Noura interrupted hastily. "It barely hurt. It wasn't even a good slap," she said glibly, shrugging. "I don't want it to be a thing. It's fine."

"No, it is not," Leia said softly.

She turned her head to the side and pressed her palm to her nose, sighing, and then looked back, steadying her voice. She was never going to be able to let it go, or not make it a thing. In nearly twenty years of motherhood, she had not once raised her hand in anger at any of her children – though there had been one or two hard grabs or yanks to keep them away from danger – and within a day of finding out Noura was pregnant, she'd hauled off and slapped her.

"Okay, well, it's not going to shatter my worldview or my self worth or anything," Noura said uncomfortably, waving her hand as if she could wave the incident away. "I was being a bitch and I hurt you and," she sighed. "Can we just let it go? You didn't even know you were doing it," she said. "I saw your face. You were," Noura paused, "somewhere else."

She stopped herself just short of saying '_back there.' _She hadn't ever had this conversation with her mother. She'd heard it secondhand.

Leia hesitated.

"Noura," she began. "The reason that comment," she sighed tiredly, "triggered a reaction – "

"I know," Noura interrupted again. She swallowed hard. "You don't have to talk about it told me," she admitted. "She told me about the Death Star, and she wasn't gossiping, it was after I was being stupid about something _else_," she said quickly. She fluttered her eyelashes, compressing her lips. "It makes it worse that I said that. I'm _so sorry_, Mom."

Leia pursed her lips tensely. She shifted, crossing one leg over the other, and pressed her fingertips into her temple, reaching out to weave a gentle, soothing hum in the Force and settle it in _that_ part of her mind.

"Well," she started again, her tone dull. "You may like hearing this, and I don't make it a point of making comments about my children to their siblings but," she breathed out: "Jaina did not have the _right_, and as favored as you think she is, she has been told she's so mature one too many times by one too many people. It shows when she does things like that."

Leia kept the bitterness out of her voice, but she wanted to gnash her teeth. She'd spoken with Jaina about this several years ago, and she'd been clear that no one was going to discuss it with Noura except Leia herself. It shouldn't have surprised her that Jaina, in her efforts to be noble, had ignored that, probably in an effort to spare Leia.

Noura shifted tensely.

"You talked to her about it," she said, before she could stop herself. "I wouldn't have known if _Jaina_ hadn't told me."

That had been a conversation that left Noura reeling for so many reasons; she'd wondered why Jaina got all that bonding, and confidence, and intimacy, and she was left to wade in mystery – yes, Jaina had been older, but Noura had never received the same level of closeness.

"Jaina asked," Leia said sharply. "I never sat her down and regaled her."

She bit the inside of her lip, reminding herself she was Noura's mother. She was not allowed to argue with her the way she might argue with Winter, or Rouge, or Han. Noura needed a _mother,_ not an equal, and that's what prevented her from pointing out that Jaina had always had a thirst for knowledge when it came to her parents' past, while Noura had shown little interest once she had grown out of the fairytale parts.

Noura sat back, her shoulders slumping. She stared at Leia, her chest aching, and her muscles heavy with guilt and fear and regret and so many other nuanced emotions she was too busy to identify. So many times she'd complained to Jaina that Mom was not interested in her, and yet she could read between the lines here, she could see the same belief reflected back at her_: You didn't want to know me, Noura._

Noura closed her eyes, and when she opened them, tears burst out and rolled down her cheeks. She sat up straighter, shaking her head at Leia earnestly.

"Why aren't you yelling at me, Mom?" she demanded. "Why aren't you _furious_?" her lips moved soundlessly for a moment, and she lifted her shoulders, feeling helpless. "I got pregnant because I didn't even _try_ to use protection," she hissed. "Like, _you taught me better_!"

It felt so overwhelming and alarming that Mom was being so calm and composed. Noura wasn't sure what she wanted; she wasn't sure how to answer Jaina's demand that she explain her ideal reaction. She just thought – well, she did know she wanted to feel like she was valuable, like her parents were horrified that this had happened, but she didn't want to be shamed – it didn't make sense; it was so complicated.

Leia sat forward, relaxing her shoulders. She moved closer, holding her raw emotions in a safe corner of her mind. She _was_ furious. She was shocked, she was in disbelief, she wanted to take Noura's chin in her hand and scream at her for being so unfathomably stupid, but none of that was useful, and despite all that, the last thing she wanted to do was drive Noura away from her: she wanted her safe, close to home, and loved.

"Because," Leia began, when Noura's eyes grew wild. "I don't think you need that right now, Noura. I don't think you need me to shout at you, and rage in anger. That does nothing for you. I think you need to be supported – "

Noura burst into fresh tears, a sob escaping her throat.

"You're making me feel so much worse!" she cried.

Leia clicked her tongue gently, turning her palms up.

"I am not trying to," she said firmly. "Listen, honey. Noura," she said, trying to get her to calm down. "_Noura_. Listen – "

"You should be _so_ mad, you should be _screaming_ – "

"Noura," Leia said, interrupting again. The word was quiet in the room, but loud and clear in Noura's head, emphasized through their connection, and accompanied by a wave of soothing emotion. Noura shivered, biting her lip. "I want you to listen to me," Leia ordered.

Noura swallowed hard and composed herself, wiping her nose with her arm. She sniffled, and looked down at her lap, tasting blood in her mouth. She must have bitten her lip too hard. She seized the comfort her mother offered, and tried to settle it over her heart like a blanket.

"You are not going to get anger from me," Leia said.

Unable to help it, Noura burst out –

"_Why_?" she demanded. "I mean I really, _really_ messed up. I like, ruined myself – "

"You did mess up," Leia agreed. "You made a mistake, and I am watching you struggle with that. I am watching you hurt, and worry, and suffer," she listed firmly, digging knuckles into her knee with each word. "I am not going to add to that, sweetheart."

She paused, holding Noura's gaze, and continued. She had plenty of time during the day to go over all the things she wanted to tell Noura, and though it might not all get said right now, the words were there.

"I do not want this for you. I am not happy. Neither is your father. Whatever you may think, we did not expect this, and we are not writing it off as something unsurprising. We think highly of you, we always have, and this _is a shock_," she reiterated.

She pursed her lips, tilting her head thoughtfully.

"You know what I do feel, more so than anger? I feel frustrated that you so often ignore me when I tell you that you can talk to me, or when I try to remind you – when I beg you – to grow up _slowly_. I had to grow up so fast that I still have whiplash, and you have gone out of your way to throw away the luxury of a long adolescence. I'm frustrated that you didn't take a moment to _think_ about protection even though I know you know better. I am very unhappy that your first sexual experience is ending in fear and doubt and horror," she put a hand to her heart, "because I have some notion of what that's like, and it's very painful."

Leia took a moment to catch her breath, her voice wavering.

"Noura, my heart is _broken_ for you. Not because you had sex, not because you got pregnant, but because of this incredible adult problem that you now have to deal with – and to a certain point, the only person who can deal with it is you. Your youth is _never_ going to be the same now, and if I have ever," she bit her lip, "ever made you feel like you couldn't come to me for your intimacy questions, no matter how old you were, then I owe you an apology."

She put her hands out, palms up in surrender.

"I never wanted this for you, anything like this," she said again. "You don't have to keep bringing up the reality, or your mistake. _I get it._ I am struggling with it, too. But this can't be taken back, or undone, you can't un-experience it. I am not going to add to your pain if I can help it. Perhaps if you had been flippant, and callous, or treated this as a joke, I would be angrier, but your heartache right now tells me that I don't need to impress upon you the gravity of your situation."

Leia sat up straighter, lowering her chin to hold Noura's gaze forcefully.

"You are not alone, baby. You're not going to be alone, and you're not going to be ostracized. I wish you had waited. I wish you had thought for a split second longer, but you are not the only girl to be passionate, to have sex, or to run into trouble because of it. This is not a sin. There are worse things, Noura, take my _word_ on that. You _will_ be okay."

Noura looked away sharply, staring down at her feet. The whole galaxy said that Leia Organa had a way with words, but Noura spent so much time not listening, she'd never quite understood it until now. She felt like her mother was speaking directly to her soul, fixing up bruises and healing wounds with each syllable, and it was all said with such sincerity and love that Noura felt both gutted, and fortified.

"I feel like such a stupid slut," she whispered.

"We don't use that word in this house," Leia said simply.

Noura lunged forward out of her chair and reached for Leia, dropping to her knees. She launched herself forward into her arms. Leia leaned forward and ran her hands over Noura's shoulders, bending over to pull her close, and Noura draped her arms over Leia's knees, sobbing quietly. The hug was so accepting and so – so warm. Shaken, and afraid, she pressed closer, and closer, and Leia held her, and pressed a protective kiss to the top of her head.

Noura sat back on her heels after a moment, pressing the bottom of her hands into her eyes to stem the flow of tears. She sucked in her breath and looked up, half-avoiding Leia's eyes.

"Does Dad hate me?" she asked.

Leia touched her cheek.

"No," she said firmly. "Of course not. No one in this galaxy loves you more than your father."

Noura leaned on one of Leia's knees, her expression miserable.

"He didn't say much when I told him," she whispered. "He hasn't said much since."

Leia let her hand fall to Noura's shoulder.

"He's scared, too," she murmured. "He doesn't know what to do. Do you know what he said to me?"

Noura shook her head.

"That he didn't want to say the wrong thing," Leia told her. "That he was terrified he'd make you feel worse, or make you feel dirty."

Han, she knew, had struggled as the girls got older, and he had to turn over some things entirely to Leia. He had just always been there, the protector, the comforter, the first line of defense, and when the girls got into their teens, they became more private, and they sought each other, or they sought women, for some things. It was difficult for him to feel less needed, and it was twice as difficult when it was something like this, and Han really had to view them as independent people, and not his baby daughters.

Noura took a shaky breath.

"I didn't want to tell him I had sex," she whispered, grimacing. "Which is like…basically what I had to do. I'm…it's just so…uncomfortable."

Her eyes watered. Leia wiped her tears away gingerly.

"Time to grow up," she said quietly. The words were fairly neutral, but they were bracing, as well, and raw, and blunt. There were no illusions left.

Noura nodded. She bowed her head and rested it on Leia's knee. Leia held out her hand, and after a moment, Noura took it, and allowed her to be pulled up onto the couch. She sat next to Leia, close to her, and she breathed out heavily.

"Mom," she said. "I meant it. I want an abortion."

Leia kept her features soft and understanding; she did not want to betray much of her own opinion. She was too wary of swaying Noura in any way, and being resented later. Still, relief rolled through, unsavory as that probably was. She didn't want Noura having a baby. She didn't think she was ready for the task in the least. And, selfishly, she herself was done with infants, and she knew how much of the burden she and Han would realistically bear if this were to go forward – and bear it they would, with incredible love, if that's what Noura chose.

Leia nodded.

"You can have an abortion," she said.

Noura's eyes stung.

"Dad won't – he won't – you're _sure_ he won't hate me for that?"

"I don't know _where_ you got the idea that your father is some militant anti-abortion crusader," Leia said dryly, "but he's told me to my face that he'd never choose a fetus over me, and I am _sure_ he'd say the same to you."

"Jaina says he likes babies."

"Jaina is not omniscient," Leia said shortly. "Your father _does_ love babies, but that's not directly relevant to this situation."

She was going to have to have a talk with Jaina about her saintliness or motherliness or whatever complex she seemed to sometimes get around her younger sister.

Noura nodded. She licked her lips, and rubbed her palms together.

"Okay, um," she began, her voice shaking. She took a moment to steady it. "Then, um, there's more to it," she swallowed hard. "I think…I mean, I want to go to Naboo. Their privacy laws are like, iron clad. Everything is more private and…I want to be near Aunt Mara, because Jaina told me, uhhh," Noura trailed off, flushing.

_For sith's sake, Jaina, _Leia thought, disgruntled. She didn't even know how Jaina knew about Mara's abortion – Leia herself hadn't known for a very long time.

She considered Noura's words. The suggestion was astute, rather well thought out – and on instinct, Leia tended to agree with it. They had family there; Noura would have more support.

"Naboo," Leia murmured slowly. She nodded. "It might feel good to get away from Coruscant for a while," she agreed. She reached over to stroke Noura's braid. "Are you prepared for the fact that if you and I were to disappear for a bit, and then return, there may be rumors?"

Noura tucked her hands under her legs, but shrugged.

"I don't know. I think I am. The Media is always saying some stupid shit about _you_, and, um, you do protect _us_…really well," she murmured. Her brow furrowed. "A lot of people still think my name is Padmé," she said under her breath.

Leia smiled faintly.

"Who knows how long Axel will keep his mouth shut so…I can…gossip is just gossip," she said flatly. She closed her eyes. "I don't know if I can handle thinking about that, like, maybe I'll just…handle it if it comes. When it comes?"

Leia nodded again.

"If it comes to it, I can help you," she winked dryly, "I've been there."

Noura leaned closer. Leia licked her lips, and then went on carefully, navigating her next words carefully.

"You can't ambush Mara. I'll tell her why we're coming," she said. "I think it best if the Naberries know, maybe Sola, Pooja," she murmured. "I'll speak to Baba and Aunt Rouge," she broke off as Noura straightened up sharply.

She pulled away, turning wide, horrified eyes on Leia. Noura's heart slammed into her ribcage so hard she thought it might burst out, and she put a hand to her ribs, clenching her teeth.

"_What_?" she gasped. "Baba? Aunt _Rouge_? You can't – they _can't_ know," she said, shaking her head. "Why? It will just hurt them, and that's more people looking at me in some kind of distress…looking at me like I'm – _no_, Mom," Noura begged. "No, why would you do that? Why does _anyone_ else need to know?"

Leia turned towards her, reaching for her hands. Noura tried to yank them back, her expression dark, but Leia held fast.

"I'm not comfortable keeping this from _my_ father," she said. "Or Rouge – "

"I don't care what _you're_ comfortable with!" snapped Noura, the edge coming back. "What happened to all that crap about giving me control of my body back?"

"Before you eviscerate me," Leia said firmly, "hear me out."

She'd been wrestling all day with whether or not the Viceroy and Rouge needed to know about this, and she'd come to the conclusion they did; Noura's desire to retreat to Naboo to handle it encouraged her to bring more people into the fold – not to shame Noura, or embarrass her; the _exact_ opposite, in fact.

"When something happens in your life that is difficult to get through, you need the people you are closest to. You need them to be able to treat you gently, and have context for the way you may act, or how you process things," Leia said. "I know that telling me and your father was devastating enough, but I think you'd quickly realize it's suffocating to have to bury this every time you were near Baba or Rouge or," she cast around for more names, "Winter or Pooja or Mara."

She paused pointedly, making sure she had Noura's attention.

"I am _not_ saying the whole family needs an announcement, but you will benefit from having a circle of people around you who know what's happened, and around whom you can feel safe and vulnerable for the rest of your life."

Noura looked skeptical, and Leia squeezed her hands.

"Noura, I know what it's like to keep something, a wound, a trauma, buried," she said huskily, "for a very long time, the only person I shared anything with was Han," she admitted, "and while that made him my safe space, it seriously strained my other relationships. Father, Luke, Rouge," she listed, "they were people who were close to me who could not reach me, who could not come close to understanding why I was who I was."

She sighed.

"It's not so much that you're required to talk about things that have hurt you to heal from them, but I learned – after some long, painful, and lonely years, that the people who love you knowing what's hurt you, or what you're going through, is a relief. You may never want to talk about it with them, but you'll be able to sit with them and know that they love you no matter what. You're going to change, and because everyone in this family loves you unconditionally, they shouldn't be bewildered by it. "

Leia studied her.

"Does that make any sense?"

Noura looked grim, and Leia loosened her grip a little.

"Think about it," she said. "If you decide you absolutely do not want me to tell anyone, we'll keep it under this roof – other than the fact that Mara and Luke will know, and so will the cousins," she muttered.

There was too much Force sensitivity in the Skywalkers' home for this to go unnoticed; even Luke and Mara's youngest was a powerful nightmare.

Noura groaned and leaned back against the sofa. She canted herself towards Leia, and curled one leg up, her face pale with exhaustion. She just nodded, and then shrugged – a sort of agreement that she'd think about it, and acquiescence to the whole situation.

She stared at her mother for a long time, unable to think of something to say, until she just opened her mouth, and a confession came out.

"The thought of telling you was paralyzing," she admitted. "You're just…you're like, perfect, Mom."

"I assure you, I am _not_," Leia snorted.

Noura rolled her eyes.

"You're a war hero," Noura said, "you're incorruptible. You did things when you were Jaina's age that…well, it wasn't what I've done," she mumbled.

Leia leaned back, level with Noura.

"I am not a saint," she said softly. "The angelic image some Media have of me is just as flawed as the demonic one."

Noura licked her lips. For the first time in…a very long time, since she was much younger, much less preoccupied with herself, she felt connected to her mother. She didn't want to hold her at arms length, she wanted to be held by her, and she reached up to rub her eyes.

_"Don't_ tell Dad this, because I don't want him to go to jail," she said, lowering her hand. She plucked at the collar of her sweater. "But…he wasn't nice," she said. "He wasn't _mean_, either, he just…didn't care." Noura shrugged, her lashes fluttering bitterly. "Mostly it just was like...uncomfortable, and like, it kind of hurt. Like I was like, telling him to go slower, a bit, and he kept being really fast? And just, I don't know. It wasn't _bad,_ but I felt like I wasn't actually there. He didn't see me."

Leia reached over to touch Noura's face again, and leaned in, pressing her forehead to hers.

"I'm sorry, Noury," she said sincerely. "It shouldn't be like that."

Noura closed her eyes and accepted the comfort, drawing her other leg up to curl up into a smaller ball, and just be with her mother.

It was a better conversation than they'd had this morning; a better conversation than they'd had in a long, long time, and Noura felt a myriad of emotions about that, reliefs and regrets that were too nuanced to name – she just desperately wished it was different circumstances that had unlocked this bridge of understanding.

* * *

-alexandra


	4. Three

a/n: and at last, Rouge's "mysterious" backstory. alluded to in many fics, explained in none. more notes on that at the end! all trigger warnings discussed at the beginning of this story apply to all chapters.

* * *

Coruscant   
28 ABY

Three

* * *

Seated with her father and Rouge at a small table at their home, Leia dryly wondered if Noura understood that she did, in fact, have the ability to relate to the discomfort of relaying unpleasant information to a parent. There was the fact that Leia had her _own_ minor teenaged scandal, and of course the _additional_ fact that the entire galaxy had known she was involved with Han Solo before Bail himself had found out – publicly.

She wasn't necessarily comparing the different incidences, and she was fervently glad she'd never had to break _this_ news to Bail or Breha, however, telling Bail and _Rouge_ about Noura's pregnancy felt grimly like announcing her own parenting failures. It made her uncomfortable, it made her feel small and girlish – something she hadn't felt for such a long time now – and she bristled all over, primed to defend herself, her daughter, and their choices.

She was unable to ease them into it; that would have been excruciating. Instead she'd ambushed them, barely allowing their little get together to begin – Rouge was still fussing with tea – before she simply delivered the news.

"Noura's pregnant."

Rouge looked up from her tray of teacups and gave Leia a piercing, no-nonsense look.

"That is not funny, Leia," she said coldly.

Leia looked back at her flatly.

"No, it's not," she agreed. "Believe me, no one is laughing."

Rouge dropped a spoon to the tray with a loud _clang_. She pressed her lips together tightly, the lines around her mouth deepening, and sat down so heavily Leia supposed her knees had actually buckled. Leia turned her head to look at her father, and he stared back at her, his jaw slack.

He blinked, cringing slightly as if he was reeling from a nasty blow to the head. He lifted his hands and pressed them together, squeezing.

"Leia," he started. He blinked again, his gaze unfocused. Leia imagined Han must have looked something like that. She would agonize, forever, over what he'd gone through by himself, with Noura and Jaina tag teaming him.

Bail frowned.

"Do you mean Jaina?" he asked.

Leia pursed her lips. She knit her brow a little, giving him a funny look.

"No," she said. "I mean Noura," she paused. "Would that be any better?" she asked, exasperated.

"I," Bail started. He unclenched his hands and ran them over his face quickly, scratching at the layer of salt-and-pepper hair that always neatly framed his jaw these days. He sighed. "I suppose…not," he fumbled. "She's older," he muttered.

Leia's nostrils flared. She sat back hard in her chair, nodding. There was no argument there.

"Noura's just a baby," Bail said, his shoulders slumping.

"Not anymore," Leia said shortly.

She tried to meter how blunt she sounded. They were receiving this information for the first time; she'd known for a few days now. It had time to settle in her, become real, become a thing to navigate and not something to overpower her.

Leia took a deep breath and turned to look at Rouge again. Her aunt had pulled her chair close to the small table, her back straight, shoulders rigid. There was a tight, iron set to her jaw, and Leia was unable to tell if she looked angry, scandalized, or devastated. All three, likely, but which was the prevailing emotion? Only Rouge could tell.

She breathed out.

"I know how you feel," she offered tiredly. "I know. For the rest of this conversation if you could remember the fact that she's my daughter and I likely feel what you're feeling to the umpteenth degree that would be…considerate."

"Yes, of course," Bail said hoarsely.

He rested his elbows on the table, his hands hanging limply.

"She's…?" he started, grimacing. "How did this happen?"

Leia barely had time to raise an eyebrow before Bail cut her off with a sharp look; of course the comment was rhetorical, and he was not in the mood for quips – all well and good, as she wasn't either, at the moment.

"Is she seeing someone?" Bail asked, holding his palms up. "Do we know him?" he asked. Then, he looked at Leia sharply. "She wasn't hurt, was she?" he demanded, evidently going through the same mental process Leia herself had: make sure this was not the result of a criminal act, above all else.

"She wasn't hurt, or coerced, or intoxicated," Leia said softly. "She's…sixteen, and she was out being," Leia sighed, and waved a hand, _"sixteen,_ and she neglected to use her head."

She spared a glance for Rouge, who was still sitting, stone-faced, her eyes on Leia in an unnerving gaze. Leia shifted her weight, crossing one leg over the other. A current of hostility shot up her spine, in defense of Noura – if Rouge dared start spouting some sithspit about purity, or decorum, Leia didn't want to hear it. She had gone out of her way to keep her children grounded. She'd denied them titles and enriched their understanding of their cultural histories. They were not aristocrats; they were not beholden to any of what Leia had once been expected to adhere.

Leia sat forward, interlocking her fingers. She licked her lips, and sighed, reaching up to rub her temple.

"Noura," she began, "didn't want you to know about this," she told them. "She's embarrassed. She's scared. She's angry," Leia listed. "She's obviously in way over her head and it's probably a miracle she came to me and Han at all. I intended to tell you regardless, but Noura _did_ ultimately agree to it. So please," Leia held her hands flat, up in front of her, "do your best to treat her the same."

"Of course," Bail said again, leaning forward earnestly. He let his arms fall to the table, and looked at Rouge with some concern. He bit his lip, sadness etching itself into the crinkles around his eyes. "We would not, we would never," he began, flustered. "We _love_ Noura."

Leia smiled heavily.

"She needs it right now," she told him. "I tried to impress upon her the value of being surrounded by people you don't have to hide from. I wasn't comfortable hushing it up, anyway, not from," Leia nodded at them, "not from _you_."

She compressed her lips thinly.

"I would, naturally, slaughter any journalist who gets near her," she threatened, leaving the term _slaughter_ open for interpretation.

"We wouldn't want to _not_ know," Bail said hurriedly. He looked pale – perhaps green, even – and Leia wondered if he was feeling more horror at the loss of youth Noura would experience, and the stress she was under, or if it was more focused on sexual activity.

She hoped it wasn't the latter, but she could never be sure. Her father had always been rather prudish – Alderaanians were in general, to an extent. There wasn't shame in their cultural view of sex, but it was extremely private and well thought out, for the most part. Leia was dealing with her own shock that Noura had taken that step with someone she barely even considered a _friend._

"I am sure Rouge will find her tongue at some point," Bail said sharply, abruptly shooting his sister a cool glare. "These things happen," he preached.

To Leia's surprise, Rouge fixed him with an icy glare.

"You needn't explain that to me, Bail," she said in that same cold voice. Leia pursed her lips, and Rouge turned to her stiffly, her eyes narrowing. "You're implying you would have been able to hide this from us," she said curtly.

Leia hesitated, looking between Rouge and Bail.

"Well, under the circumstances," she started.

"And what would those be?" Rouge interrupted icily.

Leia pressed her tongue hard against the roof of her mouth, silently counting upwards for a moment. She expected Rouge to be resistant to the idea; she somewhat expected it from her father, as well, at least on a philosophical level. Abortion, though seen as a right and an occasional necessity on Alderaan, had been exceedingly rare – primarily due to the vast social support systems in place to target every path that led to it. Alderaan had done all in its power to foster life, from free birth control, to free post-maternity care, to parental leave that encouraged and valued parents; it stood to reason that most Alderaanians did not like the idea of this, and she knew her father was probably even more sensitive than most.

Still, Leia was not in the mood to tolerate proselytizing, and she wouldn't subject Noura to it, either. Her own life experiences had led her to deviate sharply from many ingrained Alderaanian beliefs.

Leia inclined her head pointedly.

"She's going to have an abortion," she said. "I've started making arrangements—"

"No," Rouge broke in.

"Rouge," Bail began, his voice soft. Leia paused only for a moment.

"This is not up for discussion," Leia said.

"_No_, Leia," Rouge said again, jamming her finger into the table. "You are _not_ going to do this to her."

Her voice trembled, and she shook her head, her eyes flashing.

"She may be young, but she has every right to make her own choice – "

"Rouge," Leia said, taken aback. She frowned. "Do this to her? Do _what_ to her? This _is_ Noura's choice. This is what she wants."

"She's sixteen, she has _no_ power over you!" Rouge countered. "She'll do what she's told, and you will _not_ tell her – I will not put up with this again," she said firmly. "I will not."

Leia sat looking at her, mouth open uncertainly. She had no idea what Rouge was talking about, or why she was suddenly inflamed. If her father's tired expression and worried hand on Rouge's shoulder said anything, he clearly did. Leia looked between them, trying to keep her cool.

"I know an abortion isn't the most palatable thing for you," she tried diplomatically.

Rouge stood, waving her hand.

"This isn't about morality, this is about Noura," she snapped.

"Yes, Noura, _my_ daughter," Leia fired back angrily, her eyes flashing. "My daughter, _my_ responsibility, and ultimately _I _will be her advocate, and this is what she wants to do."

"How can _you_ be sure?" Rouge demanded.

Leia faltered. She stared at Rouge, bewildered. The thing was – she _was_ sure. She'd know if Noura was torn, if she was wavering back and forth. Noura was feeling a lot of things, but she was resolved in this decision; Leia could feel it. What she could not understand was why Rouge was losing her composure.

"_You_ don't know what's in her heart," Rouge snapped.

"I can do a hell of a lot better than most mothers," Leia retorted defensively. "Where do you get off thinking you know better than me?" she challenged.

Rouge touched her heart tensely.

"_I've been in her shoes_!" she hissed, her eyes snapping shut for a moment. When she opened them, they were red, and wet, but she did not cry.

Bail rose out of his chair, placing a second hand on Rouge's arm.

"Rouge," he said heavily. "Leia is not Mama."

Leia looked at him, her stomach twisting. She pushed her chair back, rising to her own feet just to be on par. Rouge shook Bail's hands off of her and straightened, her jaw set defiantly.

"Leia, you have heard stories about Queen Mazicia," Bail said solemnly. "You have heard her neuroticism joked about, you've heard sly comments about how she was as close as Alderaan could come to a bad queen. Well," Bail said, hesitating, "her approach to motherhood was _much_ worse."

Leia stared at her, eyes wide.

"I was Marisol's age," Rouge whispered. "I was in love. Mazicia – _Mama—" _she spat the word "- forced me to have an abortion."

Rouge steadied herself on the back of her chair, a wrenching determination in her eyes.

"I won't watch Noura put through the same thing."

Leia's lips moved soundlessly. Her heart raced.

"Aunt Rouge," she began hoarsely.

Rouge seemed unable to continue. She put a hand to her face, gave a quiet, rocky sob, and shook her head, departing the room. Leia turned quickly, looking after her, and pushed away from the table.

"Ah, no," Bail said, catching Leia's wrist gently. He shook his head. "No, you know better than anyone, let her go for now. Let her get herself together. Rouge hates hysterics."

Leia blinked at him, barely comprehending.

"Rouge is _always_ in hysterics!" she retorted, trying to cope.

"Not like this," Bail admonished – Rogue was prone to the usual highborn lady nonsense, which required smelling salts and delicate speech, everything she'd been raised to abide by, but she abhorred virulent, public displays of affection or distress.

Leia looked at his hand on her wrist and then, after a paralyzing moment, sat down hard in her chair. She looked at the tray of tea that Rouge had never finished fixing, that she'd fiddled with and slammed around, and she put her fingertips to her temples as if she could some how reach into her skull and sort through everything.

She could, she supposed, if she wanted to draw on the Force right now, but she was too jittery.

She peered at her father out of the corner of her eyes.

"What the _fuck_?" she hissed at him.

She was yanked in two directions now, one pointing towards the strain of her daughter's situation, the other pointing at this completely unexpected thing she'd waded into with her aunt. _I've been in her shoes._ Rouge? _Mazicia – Mama – forced me to have an abortion! _Nothing sounded less Alderaanian than that, and yet, revulsion twisted in Leia's chest.

She'd confided her own minor critiques of Alderaan's matriarchy in Han, back when they were first starting a family. She knew matriarchy could come dangerously close to pedastalism, even if women ran it, just as patriarchies nearly always developed systems that normalized violence.

She clicked her tongue, lowering her hands.

"What is she talking about, Father?" she asked.

Bail sighed heavily. He rested his chin on his knuckles and looked at Leia grimly for a long time.

"I was very young when all of that happened," he said. Rouge was closest to him in age, but Bail had still been ten years younger, and his mother had never taken a particular interest in him, once he'd turned up male. It was sort of a cosmic joke on her that he'd eventually married a Queen and become consort. "Rouge never talked about it again, Leia," he said. "She'll have to tell you."

Leia folded her arms tightly across her chest.

"I am not _forcing_ Noura to get an abortion," she said defensively, her voice hushed with horror. "She doesn't _want_ to have a baby, for Sith's sake," Leia murmured.

"I understand," Bail said earnestly. "As I said, you are not like my mother in _any_ way," he added, snorting derisively.

"I thought at _worst_ I was going to encounter some old fashioned prudery from her," Leia muttered. "Not that it particularly matters if Noura is promiscuous or not, but the little," Leia grit her teeth, "she got herself knocked up after _one_ encounter," Leia grumbled. "Which is unfair and, somehow, entirely ridiculous, in terms of fate."

"I'd say so," Bail said faintly.

"Han and I had so much sex on the way to Bespin, we were lucky my implant held," Leia griped. "And the _unprotected_ sex we had leading up to Jaina, well – "

"You mean to tell me you were not playing Sabacc all that time?" Bail said, deadpan.

"Oh, Father," Leia scoffed, dismissing him. "The jig is up."

"Could the jig possibly be up silently?"

Leia arched a brow at him, conceding that point, and fell silent with a tired frown etched on her face. Of course she believed in what she preached – that protection should be used, in any circumstance, absolutely always, unless one explicitly wanted a baby, but it really was a cruel turn of events that Noura landed in this mess after _one_ lackluster tryst.

That seemed to be how things went, more often than not.

"I've managed to alienate Rouge," Leia said, frustrated. "Callous as this seems, I really don't know if I have the energy for someone else's tragedy right now. My daughter is in trouble," Leia snapped. "She's hurting. Noura's _hurting_, and she's been very stupid, but she never meant it, and I am doing nothing but trying to help her – the idea that I – that I would make anyone do something with their body that they didn't want," Leia's voice cracked.

Bail took his chair and moved it next to Leia's. He sat down and leaned over to rub her shoulder, looking on her kindly.

"I don't know what _I'm_ supposed to do either, Father," Leia admitted. "Every damn day it's something new. I wasn't prepared for this. I mean, you worry about it, and I know Noura's…provocative," Leia rolled her eyes. "She's just always been all talk, and you know, it's – when did this happen? When did I stop paying attention and lose her? I _failed_ her."

"This wasn't something Noura did on purpose, and it wasn't your fault, either," Bail said heavily.

Leia threw her hands up.

"How could she not use _any_ protection at all?" she raged, the irritation bursting out of her. "I raised her – I raised them all – better than that!"

Bail listened, and Leia wiped her nose, breathing out harshly.

"Ahh, and I've…hurt Rouge," she said again. She shook her head. "Don't repeat what I said, about not having energy for her," she muttered, wincing. "It's just that I need to give all of myself to Noura right now."

"Yes, understandably," Bail said. "I can talk Rouge off this ledge. I think she'd be more perceptive to me, as it were," he added. "You two can talk later. Understand each other. She may be someone Noura can relate to."

Leia pinched her nose, and her voice came out nasal.

"She's not going to spout that shit around Noura," Leia said firmly, un-pinching her nose and taking a breath. "The hell she will. The last thing Noura needs is to suddenly get it into her head that she needs to have a baby. Bloody broken _teeth_, Father," Leia swore. He raised his eyebrows – it was an old Alderaanian oath, but it did the trick. "It's Noura. She can't even pass her pilot's exam. And it's not even because she's not smart; it's because she doesn't _care."_

Leia grimaced. She leaned forward, digging her elbows into the table and buried her face in her palms for a moment. She groaned, swallowed hard, and slowly lowered her hands again.

"That's been simmering," she said bitterly. "I shouldn't talk about my own daughter that way."

"Everyone has faults, Leia," Bail said. "Even your children. Even if you wish they didn't."

Leia clicked her tongue and sat back, lifting her chin.

"What are my worst faults, Dad?" she asked softly. "That I couldn't protect her from this?"

"I couldn't have protected you if Han had broken your heart," Bail said flatly. "I couldn't have done anything if you wanted him and it didn't work out. You're very involved in your children's lives," he pointed out. "You aren't absent. There's only so much you can do."

Leia looked away. She thought of all the trouble she and Noura had connecting over the years; how it had gotten worse, and both of them seemed to be unable to figure out who was instigating most of it. She wiped her cheek.

"I don't know how good of a mother I've been to her," she whispered.

"_Nonsense_," Bail said firmly. "You've been a good mother. You're being one now."

Leia looked down at her lap. She nodded. Bail watched her profile, and then leaned on the table.

"You're relieved she wants an abortion?" he ventured.

Leia flattened her hands on her knees, and sighed shakily. She felt agitated and judged by that question, like it somehow made her a bad person to admit that, to think, _of course I want her to get a fucking abortion, she's sixteen years old._

"Yes," she said shortly. "I'm relieved. I made her think about it, but I'm relieved."

"And Han?" Bail asked.

Leia blanched. She closed her eyes, her face crumpling for a moment, and then she sighed.

"He's a mess," she said. "He just wants her to be happy."

"I would say we all want that," Bail said.

Leia nodded. Han was so lost, so out of his element. His normal interactions with Noura had been thrown off, and she was avoiding him as much as he didn't know what to say to her. They'd been – they were – so close. It was unbearable.

"I had intended to explain what we're going to do," Leia said, leaning back. She gestured at the doorway Rouge had left through. "I want you both to know, and now there's – this – "

"She'll be fine," Bail said firmly. "Let her be, for now. Talk to me."

Leia nodded. She straightened her blouse, and touched her hair, and then she cleared her throat.

"Noura wants to go to Naboo," she said. "To have the procedure. I've done all the housekeeping," Leia explained. "She's healthy. I made sure we confirmed that this isn't a mistake. I took her to see Dr. Mellis. It was Noura's idea to go to Naboo. For more privacy. I think she wants to escape."

Bail nodded.

"You'll go to Mara, I presume. Or the Naberries."

Leia licked her lips.

"Both," she said. "Noura wants to talk to Mara, and she and Luke live in Theed. So do all of the Vexes. _I _want to take her up to Varykino for a few days," she added, splaying her hand over her heart. "To just…have some peace. To recover. I don't really have any idea what sort of discomfort or physical rigors this entails. I've never had one."

"Well, there's certainly nothing odd about you heading to Naboo," Bail pointed out. "What with all the Naberries and their ilk, Luke's Academy."

"There will be plenty of gossip about why I whisked my girls off in the middle of the school year for a vacation," Leia said bluntly. "I've spoken with Noura about that. She still wants it this way."

"I don't thinks it would be the immediate guess that she's pregnant," Bail said.

Leia laughed scornfully.

"Oh, yes, it will," she said. "That's a reality Noura doesn't want to face. A woman disappears for a while? That's always what it is," Leia sighed bitterly. "She's a minor. I can shut anything down if I need to. When she's older, then it's her story. And, you know, she can't do anything if the boy runs his mouth."

"Is there some chance he – "

"No. Well, he may brag about being with her," Leia said grimly, "but no, Noura hasn't told him about this."

"Do you think he perhaps has a right to know?" Bail asked cautiously.

"No, I do _not_," Leia said icily. "Perhaps if he had been kinder to my daughter."

Bail said nothing, but his heart sank – not at the secrecy, but at the idea that this boy had been unworthy.

"Noura just needs support," Leia said, "and," she added dryly, "to never find out I was so mean about her."

Bail smiled a little.

"You're not perfect," he said.

Leia twitched her nose and made a face – didn't she know it. She caught her lip in her teeth, and rolled her head to the side, staring at her father. Her lips trembled.

"She didn't come to me," she said. "She went to Jaina. Then she went to Han. I was last on her list, and yet when she – when _my_ daughter, was standing there, telling me she was pregnant, you know, all _I_ could think was – _oh, oh no, oh I need my mother_."

Bail nodded sadly.

"I could do with some of Breha's courage now, too," he said.

Leia pursed her lips.

"I still miss her every day. The fact that she never got to meet them," Leia trailed off.

She looked away, exhausted. She listened to her father shift around, listened for signs of Rouge moving around somewhere else in the expansive living quarters. Over the years, despite much talk of it, neither Bail nor Rouge had ever moved out of the Embassy. It was home, it reminded them of home, and when they were not at the Haven, they were here – always belonging to a world that no longer existed.

"Father," Leia said softly. "I need everyone to be a, a – to be solid, on this, to be united, and supportive, for Noura's sake. I need Rouge to understand that I'm not – I am _not_ forcing Noura's hand."

"I know," Bail said. "She will, Lelila. She'll settle down, the two of you will talk – you always do."

Leia leaned forward. She rested her arms on the table, shoulders falling. She shrugged, conceding – he was right; they did always find perspective. Rouge had softened and relaxed immensely over the years, anyway. She'd always been besotted with the children, and their existence, which was in part thanks to Han, had made Han himself an angel in her eyes.

She closed her eyes, and breathed out slowly.

"I need a drink," she grumbled, pressure already gathering again in the back of her skull; she was relieved this was out in the open with Bail and Rouge, but she had this same conversation ahead of her so many times – Mara, those Naberries she did select, and she'd have to carefully craft the way she cancelled engagements over the next few weeks, and how she phrased taking Noura out of school.

She'd never forgive herself if she was sloppy in anyway, and it came back to harass Noura.

Her father sat forward to reach for the abandoned tea. Leia shook her head, giving him a dubious look. He paused, nodded in grudging agreement, and got up to find something a little stronger. He was upset, devastated for Noura, even, but a small part of him – and he was sure Leia could relate – earnestly felt that though this was unpleasant, it was not the worst that could happen, not even the worst they'd ever been through, and get through it they would.

* * *

There was only so much work Han could find to do on the _Falcon_. The _Falcon_ was still the _Falcon_, and as everyone liked to point out, it pretty much constantly needed work; however, Han had all the time in the world to keep it in impeccable shape. These days he was usually tinkering with it, experimenting, more than fixing. He was beyond the years when one of his kids had broken something every other day.

He wasn't on a contract at the moment, either; no lending his skills to Carlist at the Military Academy, no scouting for lost artifacts, and it wasn't racing season, so he wasn't at the arenas or managing speeders, which was a pet interest he'd taken up because he could.

He was _home_, and Noura was home today, and he loathed the thought of her assuming he was avoiding her, or put off by her. He also didn't want to crowd her, since she'd been pretty shy of him lately.

Still, he couldn't go without checking on her. Leia had taken her to the medic yesterday evening, and Leia was with Bail and Rouge for most of today. Noura had said she wasn't feeling well this morning, and after some wavering on what Leia would prefer, Han had told her she could stay home. He ran it by Leia later and she said it didn't matter; she was pulling Noura from school effective tomorrow.

"_I told them she's going to do another round of sampling," _Leia had said – which was what all students did once they reached a certain age, and were entitled to seek out specialized academies instead of generalist education. _"It's common knowledge Jaina trains with Luke every year, it's not a stretch Noura might seek education on Naboo as well."_

She was right, and it was a good out for Noura. It probably wasn't doing her any good to be going to class on and off having to pretend she was fine and act like her usual self. She was completely unable to do so at home, so Han could only imagine school was brutal.

As far as he was concerned, school sounded brutal in general. _Socially_. He'd never experienced it. He never paid attention to schooling in the home. It was a miracle he'd learned to read, and until his brief stint at the academy, he'd been self-educated – and street-educated.

The things he heard from Jaina and Noura – even Max, occasionally – and other teenagers in their circle as well, like Marisol and Arlo and Kofi, were mind-boggling. Luke's twins, Jade and Beru, didn't have the same sort of experiences, but they weren't made to go to school like Han's kids were. Mara was suspicious of it and Luke kept them at his Academy, where he had teachers in every subject imaginable.

Leia thought it was absolutely ludicrous that Luke's girls didn't formally attend school, but she never said that directly to Luke. Han thought it was funny. He also thought they'd all get kicked out of every school they ever tried to attend – _especially_ Jade.

Han knew Noura treated school like some sort of social battleground. He always thought she seemed much happier at her specialized arts academy, and he and Leia were both trying to drag her out of that general academy her more socialite friends attended, hoping it would get her away from them. He wished they'd acted sooner, then maybe she'd have seen less of that Xippa girl – the smoker, Leia said – and less of—Xippa's _brother_.

Gnashing his teeth about it, Han lurked outside Noura's barely ajar door, wondering if she was asleep, or receptive to company. He tilted his head back and forth anxiously, staring at the fading runes she'd painted and carved onto it years ago, and then he heard her voice.

"Dad? Dad, I know you're there," she called faintly. Her voice was so muffled he barely understood her. He leaned closer, poking his nose into the crack between the door and the frame. He heard a sigh. "You can come _in_. Don't be like that, don't be afraid of me."

Han pushed the door open. He stood in the doorway, frowning. Noura only had her lamps on. She was laying on her bed – unmade, as usual – and staring at the ceiling, her head pillowed on one of her arms. She flicked her eyes at him when he stepped over the threshold.

"'M not afraid of you," Han said. "I thought you might be sleepin'."

Noura shook her head.

"How'd you know I was out there?" Han asked.

Noura pointed to her ear lazily.

"I heard you. My powers are," she wiggled her fingers. "Haywire. Things are hypersensitive," she muttered. She continued to stare at the ceiling. "You always forget we have the same connection to you that we have to Mom," she ventured finally. "I know _you_ can't feel it, but _we_ can. Which is unique."

She blew air out through her lips.

"Uncle Luke is always saying there's not much research on the hereditary nature of the Force. Because all of the records were destroyed. And Jedi didn't _breed_. Force users just cropped up," she went on, talking almost nervously. "And then allegedly Anakin Skywalker was just born," she snorted – she and Leia felt the same about _that_ little bit of information; Jaina and Max accepted it. "Anyway. He says we'd probably have some natural connection to you no matter what, but he also says Mom bonded us to you when we were babies."

Han folded his arms.

"Who says that?" he asked.

"Uncle Luke."

"Ah."

Han gave her a crooked smile. He didn't dare regale her with stories of her birth right now. It would probably unnerve her to no end. He wanted to tell her he was sure Leia had done something like that, he remembered, and to tell her that Noura had been a fearless infant – _this one's not scared,_ Leia had said, and she'd laughed.

Noura sniffed.

"I bet you wish the Force knocked me up," she said dully.

Han blinked.

"Negative," he grunted. "I think that'd be real weird."

Noura gave him a cautious look out of the corner of her eye.

"Yeah," she agreed. "And then I'd have to keep it, because, you know," she swallowed uncomfortably, "who up and aborts a magic baby," she muttered. Her brow furrowed.

"If that really did happen to Shmi Skywalker, that's bantha _shit_," Noura swore, "that's fucking atrocious. Did the Force _ask_ her?"

She grit her teeth, and shrugged, turning her head away from Han.

"But," she drawled, "there wouldn't have been a boy."

"I don't care about that, Noura," Han said. He took a few more steps into the room. Noura made a skeptical noise. "I _don't_," he said sharply. "C'mon, who'd you think I am, Rouge?"

"You're my father," muttered Noura. "You don't want to know I was doing…_that_."

Han steeled himself. He couldn't really imagine a more awkward discussion, but he forced himself to do what Leia would do; to be open, honest, to be the adult.

"That? Sex, you mean? You not wanting to own it for what it was prob'ly means you weren't ready," Han said bluntly, "but I'm not mad at you. I don't think I own you."

"Oh," Noura sighed quietly. "I mean, I know. I know you don't." She curled up, turning her back to him. "I still feel, like…slimy," she mumbled. "Like your whole opinion of me is different."

"Noura," Han said seriously, "it's impossible for me to think of you as anything other than the little girl I taught to lace her boots."

Noura didn't say anything for a moment.

"That's kind of infantilizing," she said.

Han sighed, frustrated.

"I'm not your mother," he said tensely. "I'm not always good at sayin' what I'm tryin' to say. I don't mean that, either, I don't mean to say I don't see you as a grown," he stopped short of saying woman.

Noura sat up. She hugged her knees, and dipped her head forward.

"Yeah," she said, changing her tune tiredly. "I think I know what you're saying," she said, and then fell silent.

Han looked around the room. Other than the mussed bed, it wasn't cluttered. She'd cleaned it, an outward expression of how hard she was trying to pick up the pieces of her life. He strode slowly over to a gaudy stool at her vanity, and looked at it balefully for a moment before he sat down, frills and all.

He draped his hands between his knees.

"Just came in to check up on you," he said. "You feelin' okay?"

Noura shrugged.

"My head hurts. I feel gross. Like just, hung over, constantly," she paused, flicking her eyes at him warily.

Han ignored the comment. He wasn't stupid, and neither was Leia; they knew Noura did the occasional drinking. She'd come home drunk once, and had made such a pathetic effort of pretending to be sober that they'd both ignored it, well aware she'd be miserable the next morning.

Leia had invited Chewie up to sing an operetta for breakfast entertainment, and had woken Noura up and made her sit next to him for the duration of the ear-shattering performance. Noura had never come home drunk again, but that gave Han no illusions – and as aware as he and Leia were of their children, they'd obviously missed something big.

"I kind of have cramps," Noura added, "but Mom's medic said it was normal," she mumbled. She rested her cheek on her knee and looked at Han defiantly. "I guess there's no chance of a miscarriage just…_fixing_ it, so it doesn't have to be this dramatic…_production_."

Han gave her a sharp look.

"You shouldn't say crap like that, Nour," he said, exasperated. "Y'know, Leia had two miscarriages, and one of 'em was pretty bad. I don't think you'd like it much."

"I wouldn't. I don't like any of this, and I _didn't_ say it to her, I said it to _you._ You and I are always, like, irreverent."

"You ever consider that they were babies I lost, too?" Han asked.

Noura lifted her head. Her lips pursed.

"I," she started. "Um, no," she uttered softly – honestly. She chewed her lip. "I guess I didn't think about it that way. I just…have to say things, like get them out of my head sometimes, or I feel like I can't breathe."

She twitched her nose, and her cheeks paled. She looked away from Han hurriedly, and he saw pain on her face, like his reference to his experience had very specifically injured her, in some way.

Noura scraped her teeth on the inside of her cheek, irritating a spot that was already worn raw by her anxiety. She didn't feel like she could trust her father's promise that it wouldn't bother him if she got an abortion.

"Is it really hard to raise children?" Noura asked.

Han studied her critically, unsure where this was headed. He wanted to scoot closer and give her a soft knock in the back of the head, a little tap to convey what a ridiculous question that was – _is it really hard to raise children? _Kriff, it had been easier to defeat the Empire.

Noura looked at him, waiting, and Han arched his brows.

"Well," he began. "D'you think its hard being raised?" He asked dryly.

Noura pursed her lips. She constantly felt on the verge of childhood and adulthood, she was trying to find her place, trying to find herself, trying to learn, and to have fun, trying to exist, and all that within the context of living with two people who loved her, guided her, who had put her in this galaxy in the first place.

She nodded.

"Yeah, so," Han retorted. "Multiply how hard you think it is to be a kid by about a hundred," he said, "and then imagine the Media likes to watch you and tell you all the ways you fucked up."

That got a faint smile out of Noura. She ran her palm under her nose, twitching it at him uncertainly.

"Mom said it's the hardest thing she's ever done."

"That tell you anything? She's done a lot of hard stuff."

Noura curled her lip.

"That's the _worst_ thing I've _ever_ heard you say. Choose your words better, just…_gross_," she snapped at him.

Han gave her an incredulous look. He hadn't – he'd had no intention of making a joke like that to his daughter – to scandalize Bail, maybe, but…he shook his head. Noura it was classic Noura. The _drama_.

Noura bit her lip.

"But," she started. "It wouldn't be as bad as being tortured."

"I doubt Leia would compare it to that," Han said. "I wouldn't."

"And we have money, like, means, and all that – "

"Noura," Han interrupted, narrowing his eyes. His mouth felt dry. He looked at her searchingly, an anxious feeling pitting in his chest. If she wanted to renege – "If you don't want an abortion, you gotta speak up. Now."

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Leia's convinced you want one."

He did not add that Leia wanted her to want one. He didn't want to sway her. Noura looked at him almost angrily, and she ran a hand through her hair, her jaw clenching and unclenching.

"You want to keep it?" Han asked.

"_No_!" Noura exclaimed, spitting the word. She drew the syllable out in a whine. Her tone implied he was insane for asking, but it was also somewhat defensive, and panicky. "No, I mean, I don't, I mean," she stammered.

She turned towards him, swinging her legs off the bed so that her toes touched the floor.

"Do _you_ want me to keep it?" she asked hoarsely, fear written on her face. "I know you said you wouldn't hold it against me, but I get this weird feeling from you, and I don't want you to hate me."

Han straightened up, colour draining from his face. He shook his head, determined to get control of this conversation. He had a horrible vision of himself saying something like Max had said, something he didn't mean, and damaging his relationship with Noura forever, and he wanted to vomit.

"I want you to do what you want," Han said.

"_Dad_," she snapped, suspicious.

"I'm serious," he said, in a tone so firm she and her siblings only ever heard it on very rare occasions. "Nothin's gonna make me hate you. Ever," he told her. "I don't want you even _thinkin'_ that."

Noura held her breath, her eyes glued to his face. Han had no idea what else to say for a moment. He had no emotional connection to Noura's baby other than that it was Noura's; its father sounded like a piece of shit, and Noura was too young – it was a mess. He didn't care about _it_; he cared about Noura, and Noura's emotional state – saying that seemed unbelievably cold. He didn't know how to put into words that at the same time, abortions gave him an unnerved feeling. He didn't know why. It never used to. He had to chalk it up to how his life had changed, how he'd rested his hand on Leia's abdomen and felt his children there.

That didn't matter, that wasn't the case here. And he was able to separate some primal, gut feeling from what was more nuanced and real.

"Kriff, Noura," he muttered. "What d'you want me to say?" he asked. "That I don't think you should keep it?" He was pretty sure Leia would lose her mind if she knew he was going to give an opinion, but he did. "I don't," he admitted bluntly.

"Yes, _actually_, that _helps_," Noura retorted, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't want to keep it and it's a relief to hear you say that, okay? Jaina got all in my head, she's like, _oh_ Dad _loves_ babies, and then I'm just going to go off and," she waved her hands, "scrape out your grandchild – "

"Cut it out," Han snapped. "You can be a big girl without being crude," he barked. Noura quieted, contrite. "I've had this talk before," he said. "And my opinion's the same, y'know, I'm not gonna choose a possibility over _you_, come on."

Noura sniffed.

"You've had this talk before?" she asked. "Which one of us did Mom want to get rid of, eh? It was _me_, wasn't it?"

Han stared at her, taken aback, but after a split second, he realized Noura was joking. She just barely smirked, dryly, and it was dark humor, but he relaxed, his shoulders loosening.

"I want you to be happy," Han said. "I want you to do what you want about this. I'll take your side," he promised firmly. "Whatever it is."

Noura used her shoulder to wipe her face. She bit her lip.

"Were you ever, um…seeing someone who got an abortion?" she asked.

"What makes you think I was ever with anyone but Leia?" Han retorted, deadpan.

Noura gave him kind of a funny look.

"I've…_met_ Jessa," she reminded him. "And Starra?" she lifted her hand. "And Delorah literally dated Evaan for like, six years."

Han glared at her dubiously. He decided he needed to sit down with himself later and really examine why the fuck his daughter was acquainted with that many of his exes. Starra he and Carlist worked with, sometimes; she was still a treasure hunter. Delorah, yeah, okay, they all knew her, but he had no idea when or where Noura might have met _Jessa_.

Han grunted.

"Not that I know of," he answered finally. "If they did, never told me."

Noura hesitated.

"Does the idea of that bother you?"

"Nah," Han said honestly. "Might bother me if I did know," he said honestly, "but I don't."

Noura considered that, biting on her cheek again. Han tilted his head.

"Doesn't sound like this guy's the type to care," he said. "You got the right idea, leavin' him out of it."

Noura grimaced sourly. Han rubbed his jaw, a wave of anger rising in his chest at this guy. He had no right to treat Noura like anything less than all of the wonder she was, and if Han could realistically get his hands on him...

"You okay, kid?" Han asked. "Things…with your friends okay? You heard from," Han forced himself to say the name with as little bitterness as he could manage, "Axel?"

"I stopped trying to talk to him forever ago," Noura admitted. "_Feels_ like forever," she muttered. She twisted her fingers together and stared at them. "My…friends," she said, distancing herself from the word. "I can't talk to them. I know I always joked about scheming with them to hone political skills but…they're not," she shrugged. "They're not very nice."

Han nodded grimly. They _weren't_, those girls. Jaina had always crossed paths with the elite, and she was quite good friends with plenty of senator's sons and diplomat's daughters, but she also had working class friends, and scholarship friends – whereas Noura had run with the spoiled socialite children of models, rock stars – the works. Caught in-between worlds, because she had famous parents too, but there was dignity in Leia and reclusiveness in Han, and those kids had grotesquely public upbringings and comings of age.

"I've been reaching out to Remy," she said faintly, "and Yenna."

Han nodded again. Remy and Yenna had been with Noura in her diplomatic academy, when she'd been there – she'd quit it and gone back to general, in some sort of snide defiance of Leia's and Jaina's paths. Han had liked those friends, and Leia had, too.

"Jaina's like…the best," Noura said. "I don't know what I'd have done without her."

"Good," Han said gruffly. He trusted that Jaina had been a voice of reason in the early stages of this, and Noura had certainly needed that. She still did, and he was glad Jaina was adamant about accompanying Noura and Leia both to Naboo.

He tilted his head at her, thinking. Leia had already told him he was not going to come to Naboo. First and foremost, someone had to stay back with Max, and Han agreed that Max had no reason to go. He thought Max could stay with Bail; Leia wanted Han to be with him. He thought about asking Noura if she wanted him there, but he didn't want to put her on the spot. Leia was probably right; he'd just agitate her. She was wavering between ease and discomfort now.

Han got up heavily. He walked over and leaned down, placing one hand on Noura's shoulder. He crouched down to give her a good, long look in the eye and then straightened up again, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"You're gonna be okay, Noury," he said. He winced. "Ah, you said not to –"

"It's okay," Noura said softly. "It's okay," she said again.

He tilted his head.

"You want to do somethin'?" he asked. He shrugged. "Get food? Hang out?"

Noura shook her head.

"No thanks, um, this was…kind of a lot," she said. "This…talk."

Han nodded. He let go of her and stepped back, giving her space.

"I know Mom's talking to Baba and Rouge today and I – "

"Won't be the end of the world," Han soothed. He smirked. "Those two survived me, didn't they?"

Noura smiled thinly. He reached out to nudge her shoulder encouragingly, and then took his cue to leave. Something occurred to him at the door, some spark of insight. He hesitated, and turned.

"That thing you said, 'bout how you feel like you can't breathe if you don't get stuff out of your head," he said. "Why don't you write 'em?"

Noura tilted her head, lips pursed.

"Put 'em in a diary or somethin'," Han said. "Might save you from lashing out and regretting it later."

Noura's lips parted, and he nodded once more for good measure, leaving her to consider that. He wasn't sure what had inspired him to suggest that. Shmi Skywalker had that journal of hers, the ragged, piecemeal thing. Chewie kept a book of runes that detailed his days away from Malla, and he handed them to her to read when he went home.

He thought it could work for her, reign in the tendency she had to crucify Leia with her words. If Noura could write it all down and review it later, with a clearer head, maybe she'd see things differently, and if Han could make her feel better and protect Leia's feelings, too – well, right now, that was all he could ask for.

* * *

Leia sought Rouge out only after her father had spoken with her, and she determined it had been a fair amount of time to let her aunt be. Rouge's suites were located in the upper levels of the residence. They looked out over a prayer chapel in the garden, and everything about them brought Alderaan to mind, from the décor, to the colours, to the natural light allowed in.

Rouge admitted her with a subdued, cool expression. She'd changed out of her formal clothing into something more comfortable, a soft, loose jumpsuit that she tied a long, lace-trimmed robe over. In for the night, it seemed. She'd taken her hair down and, from what Leia could tell, was sorting through jewels at the ornate vanity in the corner.

She returned to the plush seat before the mirror, and Leia followed her wordlessly, pulling a chair out from a tea table just in front of the window, and angling it towards Rouge.

Rough picked up a small pot from her vanity and removed the top, sweeping her fingers through the balm inside. She began to smooth the lotion onto her face in careful, graceful movements, watching Leia in the mirror.

"I suppose you'd like an explanation," she said finally.

She met Leia's eyes and then went back to focusing on her skincare.

Leia leaned sideways into the tea table, crossing her legs.

"If you're open to giving me one," Leia answered quietly. "You certainly revealed some things I was _not_ privy to."

Rouge sniffed. She put the lid back on her balm. She picked delicately through all of the other things on her vanity, then reached up and removed her earrings silently, pursing her lips.

"Aunt Rouge," Leia ventured. "I don't so much want an explanation as I want you to understand that I haven't forced Noura to do anything."

Rouge smoothed her hands together as if dusting them off, and then turned on her stool, her back straight. She pressed her ankles together, tilting them to the side in the ladylike way she'd been raised to do, and rested her hands in her lap demurely. Her expression was iron, defiant.

"You know, I believe, that I was once engaged to Primus Vandron?" she asked.

Leia hesitated. She nodded. She was familiar with the Vandrons. They had always been a rather snobbish, nasty Elder family. They were comparably as powerful, rich, and old as the Organas and many other aristocratic Alderaanian families, and they ruled Karfeddion and vast expanses of Asmeru. They also happened to hate the Organas, for reasons Leia had never understood. One of their daughters had been the culprit behind Jaina's discovery of the old unsavory Death Star rumors.

"Yes," Leia said. "I knew that."

Primus Vandron was long dead. His foolish son and the son's petty wife ruled their lands now.

"It was arranged, was it not?" Leia asked.

"The betrothal took place when I was fifteen," Rouge said, "and it was rather unprecedented. I was the _youngest_ daughter. Tia was not eligible to marry anyone who would rank higher than or equal a Queen of Alderaan, in case she inherited, but it was unusual that Celly was passed over. I was - and this is a fact, however it may sound to say it - the prettiest of the three of us, which is likely why I was wanted."

Leia leaned her temple gently against her knuckles, listening. She knew certain histories well enough. She knew, obviously, that Rouge had never married the Vandron heir, and Tia's prospects hadn't mattered anyway, as inheritance issues had resolved in favor of Breha and Bail on the throne. She had always guessed that Rouge's bitterness and rigid prudery had stemmed from the aftermath of whatever happened that robbed her of the prestige and off-planet station a Vandron marriage would have afforded her.

Rouge clicked her tongue sharply.

"It won't surprise you that I was thrilled with the idea. I was also very young and, hard as it may be for you to believe, quite fanciful and delighted with the idea of romance – any kind."

Leia smiled a little. She liked the idea of young and free and frivolous Rouge, though that she was already aware that was not how this story was going to end.

"The marriage was not to take place until I was eighteen. Mother, naturally, saw it as a way to strengthen Alderaan's alliances and power, and our own family prestige. She wasn't well-liked, and there had been such instability in the past hundred years in regards to inheritance – the electors wanted the Antilles back on the throne, but they had no real reasons to remove us," Rouge paused abruptly, scoffing. "You know all that. You know your history."

"I don't know yours," Leia pointed out carefully.

Rouge flexed her hands. She cleared her throat.

"No," she murmured. "At that point in my life there entered my…Han, if you will," she said coolly.

Then she frowned, and shook her head.

"That is not quite fair, is it?" she said, her gaze drifting off to the side. "Han has proven himself to be the best of men." She spoke more to herself than Leia, and then she looked back at Leia, determined. "No, this boy was more…what I was always afraid Han was. A _real_ scoundrel, Leia. A fortune hunter."

Leia was grateful Rouge had corrected herself.

"He was a new apprentice with the thranta grooms," Rouge said. "He tended mine, Vassa," she murmured. She lifted her chin, and seemed to stare over Leia's shoulder. "He had these wonderful, piercing green eyes, and he was charming, seductive – a novel, a fantasy, come to life."

She blinked, and cleared her throat.

"I had an affair with this boy, one of increasing emotional attachment," she said. "A confusing thing to be caught up in. I loved him. I no longer had any interest in the Vandron marriage, though I knew and respected my duty – I _never_ wanted to fail my mother, or humiliate her. Alderaan was always very important to me, even when I was impetuous. But I was a _third_ daughter, so..." she trailed off.

Rouge clasped her hands.

"As I so – harshly – told you, earlier, I found myself pregnant. Unintentionally and rather close to the wedding date, though not close enough to pass it off as a Vandron, which was something Mother chided me about relentlessly," Rouge noted dryly.

Leia compressed her lips, her eyes fixed on her aunt's face. She knew so little of her youth, her young adulthood. Tia and Celly and Rouge had all been well into middle age when Leia was a girl, and they'd all been reserved, righteous, and beholden to the traditions that Leia often bucked. To hear of a scandal of this sort…it was eye-opening, to say the least.

"I was thrilled," Rouge said bitterly. "Being young and foolish, and quite infatuated, I thought we could conquer the world. I knew Mother would be furious, but I felt we could pacify it all by giving them Celly, instead – _excellent_ sister, I was," she scoffed, grimacing. "I began making plans to secretly marry this boy. When I sought to meet him in the stables to run off one evening, I found Mother's guards waiting for me instead."

Leia raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, there was no violence," Rouge said stiffly. "There rarely is, with Alderaanians, even if they are as unpleasant as Mazicia Organa could be." Rouge touched her temple. "She had an edge of dyad disorder. Untreated," Rogue said grimly. "And she _was_ furious. She'd spent her entire reign trying to re-solidify the Organa right to the throne."

Rouge took a deep breath.

"You would have thought I'd singlehandedly dismantled the Alderaanian aristocracy, that I'd brought the whole system to its knees. When I told her I planned to have the baby, she informed me that was out of the question. She told me I'd terminate, and the Vandrons would still take me if she allotted more dowry, and so long as not a soul found out."

Rouge licked her lips, and shook her head. Her eyes narrowed tiredly.

"There were other things at play, family things, political games – in the end, I was forced to submit. My mother administered the drugs herself, for the sake of saving the blasted Vandron marriage. I spent three days in the worst pain I'd ever experienced, and when it was all said and done, the Vandrons refused to honor the agreement, which I'm sure they had planned all along. They smeared my name among the Elder houses, and revealed that the boy, this _boy_ – the commoner – who I had _trusted… _was the one who had gone to the Vandrons and revealed the whole affair, because he had no true feelings for me at all."

Rouge's eyes were dry, but Leia heard years of pain in her voice, years of tears that had already been shed, of an adolescence ruined by innocent hope.

"He wanted to bed a princess. He did not want to _love_ a runaway princess. And he certainly did not want a child. He had made a fortune off selling me out."

Rouge sat back, adjusting her posture. She fixed her eyes on Leia brazenly.

"There you have it," she remarked. "There I was, almost eighteen. I had just had my heart broken, and my own mother took away a baby I _wanted_ – appalling enough, when you consider how rare abortion is on Alderaan. The young man may have turned out to be a bastard, but I still wanted _my_ baby."

Rouge grimaced, the lines on her face deepening intensely.

"You know how brutal these aristocratic circles can be, Leia," Rouge said. "It was no different then. The intervening years, between then, and when Bail and Breha finally married and my mother was gone, were painful. I lost everything. I also managed to learn the wrong lessons, in some cases."

Rouge hesitated, and then curled her lips sourly.

"I found refuge in rigid adherence to tradition, to custom. I decided if I had done that, if I had been the regal, unsullied princess, if I had been virtuous and done as aristocrats do, nothing bad would have happened to me. I decided it was safer to stay caged. Infinitely safer. Nothing bad would have happened to me had I behaved correctly."

She fell silent, and after some time lingering in that silence, Leia decided she must be done with her tale, and she straightened up, her chest aching with sorrow, and compassion. She studied her aunt, seeing her differently; seeing her as so simply human, so normal, so relatable. She thought of all the years she and Winter had cajoled and teased her, and she wondered what it had felt like to Rouge.

She also saw, so differently, the context in which Rouge must have viewed Han all those years ago.

"Well?" Rouge said, somewhat coolly, when Leia had been contemplatively silent for a moment.

"Well," Leia repeated quietly, arching her brow a little. She pursed her lips, wary of the hardening look on Rouge's face.

"Aren't you going to ask me why I've never told you this before?" Rouge asked. "Why I never _explained _the parts of my character you and Winter always found so tiresome?"

Leia twitched her nose slightly. Unexpectedly, she laughed. She touched her hand to her chest almost in disbelief, thinking of her own past traumas, and how closely she had guarded them for years.

"Am _I _going to demand to know why you didn't tell me a private story?" Leia asked. "One that was very deeply scarring to you and left you feeling alone, betrayed, and utterly out of control of your own life?"

She leaned forward earnestly then moved her chair forward; so she was able to touch Rouge's hand, cover it with her own.

"_I_ absolutely am not going to ask you to explain yourself. Your story is yours, Aunt Rouge," she said. "For you to tell, when and how you want to."

She pressed her hand warmly against Rouge's, and then sat back, folding her arms across herself protectively. She watched Rouge for a moment, hoping she sounded sincere, and then she tilted her head.

"I think knowing all of this would have helped me understand you," Leia ventured. "Treat you more kindly. See your hostility towards Han, towards any of my more unconventional behavior, for how nuanced it was."

Leia sighed.

"Of course, I should treat others with kindness regardless, we all should, given the very fact that we never truly know what another person has been through. I try to impress that on my children," she murmured. "But it's difficult sometimes. When someone is perceived as being unfair, or judgmental of you, you react, and you may not have the immediate ability to take a moment to consider if they're coming from a place you don't understand," she licked her lips.

She closed her eyes, and then opened them, her lashes trembling.

"There is some solace in not having to hide from the people you love," she said. "I'm trying to help Noura understand that. She was so horrified at the idea of me telling you and Father – particularly you," Leia noted.

Rouge sighed, her face dark and grim.

"Of course she was," she said. "The walls I built for myself…are not inviting, when it comes to things like this. As I said," she sighed, "I learned many of the wrong lessons. Old habits are hard to break. Old refuges are hard to escape."

"Oh, I know," Leia said huskily, pressing her hands together. She lifted them to her lips, and pressed her knuckles into her mouth. "_I_ know, Aunt Rouge." She swallowed hard. "You know, I never told the medics on Yavin I had been raped," she said. "They knew. I'm fairly sure Carlist knew. They _treated_ me for it regardless. But I never said it out loud. For three years I ignored it and waited for it to go away."

She lifted her shoulders, lowered her hands.

"I couldn't _not_ tell Han. I was already in love with him, I wanted to be with him, and it wasn't even wholly a physical concern, I was just so…exhausted, I think, of having _no one_ who could know all of me and still _be_ there. He didn't make it better. He didn't erase it. But suddenly I was vulnerable to him and I'd never have to _hide_ or explain why I'd reacted to something so negatively. He'd just _know._ And it was so, so comforting."

She held one hand out.

"It was still hard, when I told Father, when _you_ found out, and Luke, and Jaina, the Naberries," she listed, "it's unpleasant," she said, though that word did not even convey a modicum of the devastation she'd felt. "It has made everything safe for me in the end," she said, "even if we _never_ talk about it. I do not need to talk about it," Leia said bitterly, "but most of the time I am grateful that every day, I know you all know about this, and you don't see me differently. Han was the first step in that for me."

She took a deep breath.

"I hope I can be a relief like that for you, if you need it," she said earnestly.

Rouge gave her a little smile, her eyes red, cheeks pale. Leia tucked her hands against her stomach again, her eyes on Rouge.

"You must understand how difficult it is to hear you say Noura _will_ have an abortion, that you've made _arrangements_. I know she's just a child," Rouge said quietly, "but we have the means to provide, and to decide – "

"I _do_ understand, Aunt Rouge," Leia interrupted. "It triggered you. I'm familiar with the concept," she said, arching one brow heavily. "But what I need you to understand in turn – the whole point I am trying to get across – is that I am _not_ forcing Noura to do this."

Leia shook her head, emphasizing the point.

"Noura told Han she wanted an abortion. She told me the same thing. We made her think about it, and she did not budge. What happened to you, that's not what _this_ is," Leia explained. "Noura has the right to feel differently than you did. She's not a bad person if she doesn't want a baby right now. I don't care how rich we are. I'd argue that she's a decent person for not having a baby she doesn't _want,_ and thus won't mother properly. "

Rouge leaned forward.

"She has the right," she agreed, "and I, of all people, would never condemn Noura. _My_ hand was forced but I'm as enlightened as the next feminist," she said bluntly. "But how can you be sure? I know you better than you think, Lelila," Rouge said wryly. "I know you'd prefer she terminate. You can't know if she's just feeling pressured to do what you want."

Leia bit the inside of her lip.

"I am fortunate enough to be able to come pretty close," she said carefully. She didn't want to dismiss Rouge, but she did have a unique connection to Noura, one that was rare among mothers and daughters. If Noura was hiding a deep desire to have this baby…she was doing a damn good job.

"There's no reason for her to have to go through this," Rouge argued. "I am sure procedures and medications for it have improved in their own ways, but Leia," Rouge shuddered, shaking her head. "It was gruesome. Living things try to _live_."

"I am sure it twice as bad for you because you didn't want to terminate," Leia countered. "Going through that when you were against it in the first place has to be as traumatic as being forced to suffer a pregnancy you didn't want."

Rouge compressed her lips.

"I will be there to take care of Noura," Leia said softly.

She swallowed, her mouth dry. There was a sour taste in it; she hated the idea of Noura in pain, and she was wary of the added dynamics of Noura's Force sensitivity. That could not be the deciding factor, though; Leia refused to believe that the Force would condemn women to be slaves to childbearing simply because their connection to the world was enhanced.

"I swear to you, I would not abuse my daughter," Leia said firmly. "She's young and she's struggling, but I believe she is resolved. She wants an abortion. That is what I am going to support."

Rouge held Leia's gaze with an unreadable expression for a very long time, and then, when Leia felt the silence begin to drag, she gave a conciliatory nod.

"I trust you," she said. "You're her mother. You're an exceptionally good mother," Rouge added, and Leia blinked, her eyes stinging. She smiled a little, her throat locking up. She didn't feel it right now, and for Rouge to say it so casually, at this moment – it was needed; appreciated.

Leia leaned forward on her knees.

"Thank you," she said softly. She took a deep breath, but before she could speak again, Rouge said:

"Bail says you want to take her to Naboo?"

"Noura wants to go to Naboo," Leia corrected gently. She nodded. "I have yet to talk to Mara and Luke, but that is the plan."

"I want to go," Rouge said.

Leia hesitated.

"You are right," Rouge said. "Noura needs support. Considering I'm the only one around her who has been in her situation, I can be there, to talk to her, to –"

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Leia said delicately.

"I do not want to be cut out of the circle around her in favor of Mara Skywalker or a handful of Naberrie women," Rouge said sharply. "She might need someone to talk to who – "

"No, that is the problem," Leia warned. "I am concerned you'll make this harder on her, especially if you start talking about life and using words like _gruesome_," she said tightly.

"I want her to have a voice that she knows won't disapprove if she has a baby."

"Aunt Rouge, Han and I disapprove of this entire situation," Leia snapped, bristling. "We wouldn't belittle her or condemn her for choosing to have it, but I do not want her confused and I certainly do not want her convinced it would be easy to have a child."

Leia licked her lips.

"She's not in the same situation," she said heavily. "She doesn't love the boy," she sighed. "She wants nothing to do with him. It's not the same. You need to leave her be."

She reached up to rub her temple.

"I don't know how well you've healed from this or processed it," Leia said gently, "But Noura can't be your crutch for it, or bear the burden of your catharsis, okay?" she explained. "I'm more than happy to let you talk to her. Tell her how you felt, how you were scared, relate over that," she murmured, "but you _cannot_ offer her your opinion on what she should do. I was adamant that Han not, and I didn't advise her prior to her own decision, either."

Rouge compressed her lips tightly. She looked ready to speak, and then she thought better of it, and sat back. She stared at Leia sharply, and then she looked away, her lashes fluttering rapidly for a moment. She reached up to brush at her eyes daintily, and then looked back at Leia.

She inclined her head, conceding. Leia might be right. Rouge wasn't sure if she could be there, if she could see Noura in pain. She would do anything to spare her from all of this.

"Do you see why I ended up clinging to the idea that if we would just wait for matrimony, guard ourselves, we'd just be safe from…the things men do to us," Rouge whispered, "when they themselves escape unscathed."

Leia narrowed her eyes.

"I objectively can grasp why you cling to what you cling to," she said. "I don't think it makes a difference. Bad men are bad men whether you fuck them or not," she said brazenly. "And you know as well as I do that aristocrats want virgins because virgins don't know what they're missing. They usually don't know how to direct the situation. I refuse to teach my daughters to worship some virgin ideal as if it's going to protect them from being hurt."

Rouge waved a hand as if she both disagreed, and yet accepted that difference of opinion. She shrugged, her hands falling to her lap, and she and Leia sat together in the quiet, mulling over the knowledge they shared, and the problem that had brought it to the surface.

"Sweet Noura Mé," Rouge sighed finally. She cut her eyes at Leia. "And you?" she ventured slowly. "How are you?"

Leia shook her head. She looked down at her knees and bit her lip, letting out a tired groan.

"I'm reeling," she admitted, looking back up tiredly. "I'm the _mother_. All of a sudden I feel like I'm in my twenties again and they're all babies and I don't know what I'm doing and all I want to do is cry all the time, but I can't," she lifted her shoulders helplessly, "because _I'm_ her mother, and she needs me to be that. Yet all I can think about is how I can't have done right by her if this is what's happened."

Rouge stood up slowly. She shook her head, clicking her tongue soothingly, and came closer to Leia. She took her jaw in her palm, like she often used to do when Leia was very young, and needed a good talking to – but her touch was gentle, and neither of them were young anymore. They were two women of different generations who had seen different hells, and survived them.

"You have done right," Rouge said firmly, "and you will."

Leia's lips trembled. She took a deep breath, and reached up to take Rouge's hands, interlacing their fingers. She held on tightly, accepting the strength and encouragement her aunt offered. She closed her eyes, her heart aching for Noura, making herself believe that Rouge was right – that she had done her best, and that she would hold Noura closer in the future.

* * *

Han sat against their intricately carved headboard, one of his legs drawn up so that his knee pointed towards the ceiling. Leia lounged between his legs, resting the back of her head on his chest. She was skimming over her schedule for the next few weeks, rearranging things and Han, as he often did, was lazily undoing her braids.

She kept twitching her foot. She'd frown, or sigh quietly. She'd rub her temple, or chew her lip. Her whole body felt tense, and he figured his probably felt the same to her. He let his fingertips massage her scalp a little longer than usual as he pulled threads of hair loose and combed through them.

They were preoccupied with Noura. Their home was silent. They were restless with the unique agitation that came with being in the eye of a storm. They weren't through it, but they were aware of it, adjusting to it.

Leia tapped particularly hard with her stylus, and murmured under her breath. Han pulled strands of hair back from her temple gently, running his fingers along her brow.

"Leia," he breathed, tucking his head and shifting forward to kiss her behind the ear. "Just put it away."

Leia killed the screen lights and tossed the datapad to the foot of the bed. She ran her hands over her face, pressing herself back into him heavily. She nodded.

"It wasn't distracting me anyway," she murmured.

Han worked through some minor knots in her hair as he undid the last of the braids. Leia draped her arm over his thigh and started running her fingers along his knee.

"I'm rather busy right now," she admitted quietly. "Of all times," she scoffed. "Slipping away unnoticed is harder when I need to rearrange or bow out of big events."

She trailed off, her eyes flicking warily at the door. She knew the kids were all asleep, but she was hypersensitive to the possibility of Noura eavesdropping on them, and she did not want Noura to hear her complaining. It was a normal frustration, one she was entitled to, and it didn't mean she hated Noura or thought Noura less important than her work; more than anything she was concerned about how much more scrutiny there might be because of _her_ absence.

Leia didn't want Noura misunderstanding that concern.

"'Least you're not Chief anymore," Han muttered.

"Hmm," Leia murmured. She nodded. "There's that."

Never had the scrutiny of the galaxy been more precise than when Leia had held that highest of offices; it had surpassed the fanfare that had surrounded Bail Organa's return and the Skywalker Reckoning. It had been daily, relentless, and exhausting. Han knew there were constant rumbles about asking Leia to run again in the next term, but he privately was relieved she didn't want it.

She had done her time. She was safely back in a niche position with the Diplomatic Corps now, happy, flexible, and in her element. She always said she would never regret her terms as Chief of State, but she was done with it. She could do her part in other ways.

Han slid his hands over her shoulders, letting one rest there and massage her gently. The other he moved further down her chest, resting it idly on her breast. Leia turned her head into his thigh, her forehead crinkling. They could read each other's silences so easily, after so many years together.

He dwelt on Noura. She did, too, and she reflected on her conversations with Bail and Rouge. She felt like she'd run a marathon today, and had nothing to show for it but muscle aches and shortness of breath.

"Leia," Han ventured quietly, his thumb kneading circles at the back of her shoulder.

She shifted her head slightly to indicate she was listening.

"You think we're doing the right thing?" Han asked.

Leia gave a quiet, exasperated laugh.

"With Noura or with parenting in general?" she asked dryly. "Unanswerable."

Han hesitated for too long, and she tilted her head at a sharp angle, trying to look up at him, sensing he really had something on his mind. They both did, certainly, but this seemed like something unnerving.

"I mean," he began gruffly, his expression wary. ""Should we be lettin' her make this decision by herself?"

Leia looked at him blankly, her expression frozen. She lay there, draped over him, staring at him, and dread crept into her stomach. She wasn't sure she could handle fighting with Han over this. She pressed her lips together, and then she sat up slowly.

Han's hands slid off of her. Leia reached for the discarded datapad, and then stiffly placed it on her bedside table, shifting around. She crossed her legs and faced Han on the bed. He tilted his head, rolling it against the headboard, his own expression tired and uncertain.

"What other option do we have, Han?" she asked, a dangerous edge to her voice.

"She's just a kid," Han said heavily. "S'just…a big decision."

"Again," Leia said, "what's the alternative? Are you suggesting you want to make her have a baby?"

Han shook his head slowly.

"'M not suggestin' anything, Leia," he said warily. "I'm havin' a hard time with this."

"So am I," Leia said shortly. "I know it's ludicrous," she said, lifting her shoulders. "It contradicts itself, everything about it. We're her _parents_. We make the rules, we're in charge, but," Leia lifted her hands, spreading them out. "She's in…purgatory, now," she sighed. "She still _needs_ to be parented, but she put herself in a position that forces her to be the adult."

Leia swallowed hard.

"We haven't abandoned her," she said.

"Yeah," Han agreed. "You think she's too afraid of goin' against us, though?" he asked.

"Han," Leia sighed, her brow furrowing in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"She and I were talkin' today," Han said gruffly. "Seemed like…she kinda had second thoughts about the abortion."

Leia's stomach twisted again. She grimaced, thinking of her conversation with Rouge. Rouge had given her permission to relay it to Han and she had, broad strokes of it, at least.

"What did you say to her?" Leia asked sharply.

"Nothin'," Han said tensely. "She asked me if it was really that hard to raise a baby," he repeated.

"And you said…?"

"Pretty much told her she was kiddin' herself if she thought it was anything close to easy," Han answered.

Leia's bristling anxiety faded a little; she breathed out quietly, relieved to hear that. She closed her eyes, clutching her ankles tightly in her hands.

"Han," she began. "Noura does not want to have a baby," she said firmly.

Han put a hand behind his head, resting his neck against his wrist. His eyes narrowed.

"I don't think she knows _what_ she wants," he argued. He grit his teeth. "'M worried she's gonna go off and do this and then regret it."

"She may!" Leia said. "We can't predict that. I'd say it's a damn sight better to regret an abortion than to regret having the baby," she pointed out sharply. "She thinks _you_ don't want her to have an abortion," Leia said narrowly.

Han put his free hand to his chest defensively.

"I told her I don't care, I'm not gonna hold it against her – kriff, I think it's prob'ly best," he griped, his lip curling. "I don't want to see her get all…emotionally fucked up."

"I don't either," Leia said hoarsely. "We can't keep her from that, now, Han!" she said earnestly. "She's got to have it or get rid of it, and either way, there's going to be baggage there. She's going to have to go through some trauma. I don't want to face that reality either."

Leia licked her lips.

"I understand what you're saying, but there is just no way we can protect her completely, at this point. It's going to hurt. It'll hurt her, and it will hurt us because it hurts her."

Han ran his hand over his mouth. He draped his arm over his knee, tilting his head at Leia. He'd been going over and over his conversation with Noura, and he just wanted to hash some of it out with Leia – for perspective, so he could feel sure he'd been an advocate, and been supportive.

"Why'd you keep looking at it like she only has the two choices?" he asked abruptly. "What if she wanted to give it up for adoption?"

"No," Leia said flatly.

"I don't understand how you can be against that," Han said skeptically. "You were – "

"Yes, I was adopted, I was loved, it was wonderful," Leia said rapidly. She did not intend to be dismissive of the very real family she had gained, but this was different. "I was taken in by a family that desperately wanted me. My blood mother was dead and Vader, well," Leia broke off grimly. "Noura has no reason to give a baby up. We have the capacity to care for it, and realistically you and I would be stuck raising it, but we are not sending a baby with _my_ inheritance out there into the unknown – "

"This is about _that_?" Han scoffed. "The Vader thing? You're beyond that."

"It _is_ about that," Leia said coolly. "I will never forget the nightmare of finding out who I was. Our children were never subjected to that, and any adoption would require that secret kept from another person in this galaxy, a child out there who had no idea who they were, who _would_ be Force sensitive and, if they came looking for Noura one day, would be crushed by the intimidating reality of the family that gave them up."

Leia's expression was defiant, and she shook her head.

"No. Look at me however you want," she said sharply. "Part of Noura's burden is that she has two choices, not three."

Han frowned. He rolled his head to the side, staring up at the arched canopy of their bed, and said nothing. He figured that made sense. He couldn't really imagine Noura choosing that, anyway. What was the point of her having the baby if she wasn't going to keep it? He didn't have anything against adoption, but it seemed like a whole lot of hell to go through just to turn it over to someone else. Especially for someone her age.

"I can't take you and Rouge against me on this," Leia said, her shoulders sagging. "Han, I – "

"I'm not against you," Han said fiercely, looking back to her sharply. "I'm just thinkin', okay, I'm tryin' to get out of my head, and do right by her, and I don't want to get blamed if she thinks we forced her to do this later," he said edgily.

He swallowed hard. The thing he feared most was losing his daughter's love, or becoming the villain in her story. Leia looked back at him with red eyes, colour draining from her face.

"Han, I _know_," she said hoarsely. "I feel the same way. No matter what she says, if she wavers a little because she's nervous about how you'll look at her – "

"I won't care! I _won't_ – "

"It's Noura!" Leia interrupted. "She does the _Noura_ thing and gets something in her head and fixates on it. _I_ know you won't stop loving her. _I_ know you just want what's best," Leia said. She breathed out harshly and tossed her head back. "She's a teenager. There's probably some part of her that has this idea that a baby would love her unconditionally, or make her an adult, just like she thought sex would – but I can promise you, Han, she is _not_ serious. She is _not_ ready."

"You're never really ready," Han muttered.

"Bantha _shit_," Leia said coolly. "That is everyone's favorite adage, and its' bantha shit," she argued. "It's true that you don't ever really understand what it's like to be a parent until you become one. It's true that no matter how prepared you are, you mess up, you doubt yourself, and you're scared – but it is utter nonsense that there aren't good and bad times in your life to have a baby. There are people who are ready for the challenges, and people who are not."

Leia swallowed hard, and looked behind her at their closed door. She took a moment to monitor the children's signatures in the Force, making sure they were all still asleep, and safely tucked in their rooms.

"You and I were ready," she said. "That doesn't mean we weren't overwhelmed and struggling sometimes, but we were stable, we were _mature_, and we were _united_, and ready to make the requisite sacrifices, to give up parts of our lives and devote ourselves to parenthood."

Leia gestured around the room.

"Noura has the financial means but she does not have the mental capacity for this. And that's not an indictment of Noura, that is a general statement about sixteen-year-olds – she's not mature enough. She has no fucking clue. It is a calculated choice you make, Han. To spend the next two decades putting another person first, no matter what you want. There is a level of adulthood required for that that she...just does not have yet."

Han sat up more, leaning forward. He rested his chest against his knee, listening.

"Can you imagine the way it would be?" Leia asked hoarsely. "You, me, Noura, and Noura's baby. Trying to figure out how to parent her when she _herself_ is a parent. Trying to be supportive, but stern. We _would_ end up raising that baby, Han. Or she'd run away. And then we'd lose both of them."

He gave her a look, and Leia read it accurately.

"I know you would do it in a heartbeat," she said, touching her chest, "but I am still raising _my_ babies," she said. "_We_ are still raising Noura, and I'm committed to it. I haven't lost her yet."

Han moved one of his legs and nudged Leia's knee, comforting her.

"I think I got Rouge to understand this, and you need to get it through your head, too – she _doesn't_ want to have a baby."

"Yeah," Han said heavily. "I know. I mean, I think you're right, I was just," he shrugged. "Coverin' all the bases."

"I think if this were Jaina, or if Noura was in a relationship with this boy, and they were happy, and all starry-eyed over each other, we'd be having a different, harder conversation. That's not the case."

Han nodded. His jaw tensed at the thought of the guy responsible for all this, the guy who had treated Noura like she was disposable, hadn't been kind to her – and he grimaced, but perhaps Noura's emotional detachment was for the best. Leia painted a grim picture and, likely, the reality; Noura just wasn't capable of motherhood right now – and if she did throw herself into it, the years of learning, of getting there, would be messy.

Was if selfish that he and Leia wanted their relationships with Noura preserved so much that _they_ preferred an abortion? The thought was grey in his mind, and Han sat back, slumping. This was all parenthood was, over the years; constant worry that you were wrong, constant fear that you had failed in balancing care for your child with the self-care necessary to love them in best way possible.

"I think we are doing the right thing," Leia said. "I do think she's sure this is what she wants."

Leia sighed.

"To be honest, Han, I think she's probably struggling with the fact that she doesn't feel any," Leia moved her hand around her abdomen, wriggling her fingers as if trying to find the words, "any difficulty at all around the decision."

Han rested his head back. He listened, watching her thoughtfully.

"I think there is an expectation that women are supposed to feel like it's all a hard, devastating choice, and I'm sure it is for some. I don't want to belittle that. I think it would be an incredibly difficult decision for _me_ if, say, I'd gotten pregnant after Bespin," Leia said, "but if I…if I'd been pregnant when I was nineteen? After the Death Star?"

She shook her head, her eyes hard, snapping her fingers.

"I'd have gotten an abortion and never thought about it again. I'd have relished it," she whispered, "a way to _kill_ something they did to me, to _erase_ it."

Han lifted his hand, and reached out to Leia. She looked at it for a moment, and then took it, allowing him to pull her towards him. She fell against his chest, and then turned to her side, settling herself alongside him, situating her body against his so that her shoulder locked under his, her head rested against his shoulder.

He was warm and comforting, and she closed her eyes, slipping her fingers into his. Thinking about the day she'd found out she was pregnant with Max, and how daunting that had seemed, and how she and Han had stood over in that 'fresher in their bedroom and he had to ask her if she _wanted_ to have Max.

"Instead of framing it like we know it is some gut-wrenching decision, I think we should treat it as normally as we can," Leia whispered. "I think it's good she wants to talk to Mara. I want her to be surrounded by…good women."

She squeezed Han's palm.

"And good men," she said, kissing the first bit of his skin she could reach.

Han sank down a little further in bed with her.

"You talked to Luke yet?" he asked.

Leia sighed.

"I intend to tomorrow," she said. "Him, or him and Mara both, or he can pass it to her," she murmured. "I am going to convince her to go to Varykino when this is over. Jobal is up there full time," she whispered.

Jobal and Ruwee had retired to Varykino years ago, and now that Ruwee had passed away, Jobal found all her refuge there. Sola and Darred regularly accompanied her.

Han nodded.

"Winter?" he asked.

"Mmm," Leia murmured. "I talked to her today. She knew," Leia said, brows rising. "It seems Noura broke down and told Marisol. Marisol immediately went to Winter. Sweet girl," she added, as an afterthought. "She was worried Noura needed help and was too scared to go to an adult."

"What'd Winter say?"

"She was petrified," Leia said dryly. "It sent her into fits about Marisol, so I'm sure she and Arlo both have neurotic conversations coming – but more than that, Winter seemed angry that it could happen to Noura in such a…fluke," she said.

Leia snorted.

"She said it was cruel, that she'd never had such a bad turn, when she was sleeping with half the galaxy at Noura's age."

Han laughed in spite of himself. Winter was quite candied about the promiscuity of her youth, and it was even funnier juxtaposed with how surprisingly reserved she'd become as she raised her children. She was not puritanical, per se, but she had developed some more Rouge-like tendencies.

"I did talk to Jaina, briefly," Leia murmured. "She's using contraceptive."

Han grunted.

"Is she…?"

"Not that it is any of our business, but she confirmed Noura's hysterics. She's not having sex."

Leia felt Han breathe out in relief. She shifted her head, looking up at him.

"Max?" she asked.

"Hmm," Han grumbled warily. "He said some…stuff," he said, "about abortions being, uh…against the Force."

Leia cringed, sighed, and looked down, frowning.

"Well, that doesn't surprise me too much," she said heavily. "He's so sensitive to the smallest creatures. I can't dislike that about him," she said.

"'Course not," Han agreed. "I just told him he couldn't say anything like that to Noura, and I tried to make him get that, y'know, it's not just a black and white thing."

"Max has a gentle heart," Leia said. "He wouldn't hurt Noura on purpose."

"Nah," Han said. He cocked his head, and then cleared his throat. "I also, uh, tried to talk to him about always usin' protection, and he told me – "

Leia sat up warily, eyeing Han sideways.

"If _Max_ is having sex I don't think I want to hear it," she said faintly. Max, her youngest, her baby, her only son, it was – oh, _Sith_, was this how Han felt about the girls? She wrinkled her nose; why was she more appalled at the idea of Max having sex than the girls? Maybe because part of her thought it would be even harder to impress upon him the consequences - because boys, men, they got away with everything; they got away without the scars.

"Nah," Han said again. "He said he wasn't interested in it." Han raised an eyebrow at Leia, his eyes wide. "_Ever_."

Leia pursed her lips, interested, and then settled back slowly, lifting one leg and sliding it over Han's. She mulled over that for a moment, curious, and then shrugged.

"Well, I don't know if that surprises me, either," she said slowly. "He's very preoccupied with the spiritual side of everything," she started, and then shook her head a little. "He may change his mind."

"Uh, _yeah_."

"If he doesn't, though, don't…make him feel weird about it," Leia said quietly. "I know you can't comprehend that, but, you know," she murmured. "There's nothing wrong with him not wanting to have sex."

Han cut his eyes at the top of her head, affronted. He would never mock Max for his life choices, especially if it was something as simple as Max not wanting to be physical with anyone. In some ways, it may save him some heartache. In a lot of other ways, he may face a bunch of annoying, insensitive questions and inappropriate attention – to which Han would _never_ contribute.

Leia curled her foot against his; nudging him gently, and he jerked his leg, slightly ticklish. He smiled tiredly, and Leia pressed against him. It was eerie how they could exist in this normal, usual way they did as they settled in for bed, while this awful thing also hovered over their heads, while they wallowed in worry and fear for their daughter.

"You mad at her?" Han asked finally.

He shrugged.

"Y'know, between you and me," he coaxed.

Leia breathed out slowly, almost a hiss.

"Yes," she confessed under her breath. "I am…_so_ angry at her," she said. "I don't want to be. I won't let it dictate how I treat her. But," Leia lifted ne hand helplessly, shaking it. "I feel like I've been…there, I've been the same mother to her that I was to Jaina, and somehow that wasn't enough," she said, her voice shaking. "I want to shake her and just scream at her, _Noura, why, why, why would you have sex with someone you don't love, why would you do it without protection, what are you doing, baby_?" she hissed.

Leia reached up to touch her face. Han tilted his head to see if she was wiping tears, but he couldn't tell. He stayed silent, listening to her.

"And then I think, well, there's the rub; Noura and I are different. I have trouble navigating that just like she does. Jaina tells me she's not having sex, and she's nineteen, well, that tracks with me. That _was_ me," she said. "Noura says she's sleeping with a boy who she doesn't even trust to _talk_ to about this and I just feel…bewildered. It's a little bitchy, but my first thought was...something along the lines of..._yuck._ And maybe I feel silly," she admitted grudgingly. "Because I don't have experience there. Which also irks me. _I'm Mom_. I'm supposed to have _all_ the experience. And if I don't, if I have to say, _well, sorry Sweetheart, Mommy was a big prude_...I can't help her. I can't be a good mother to her."

"Nah," Han said firmly. "That's not true, you're a good mother," he said protectively. "You've _always_ tried to let Noura be Noura."

Leia sighed. She swallowed hard, and put a hand to her abdomen, wincing.

"I keep thinking about how quiet, and calm, and pensive she was when she was a baby," she whispered. "She was such an easy baby. She was the smallest of all of them, too, and she used to sleep so well, and she always had those big, curious, bright blue eyes," Leia remembered. "I wonder if…if I left some lasting mark on her, because I had all those years to devote everything to Jaina, and then Noura never really had me to herself, because I had Max right away."

Han rested his cheek on Leia's head, shaking his own gently.

"You didn't neglect Noura, Sweetheart," he said.

"It feels like I must have," Leia said huskily. "I love her so much," she said, "and sometimes she says these things to me, these awful things, and I see myself through her eyes and I think, my god, when did I lose touch with her? When did I start making her feel like I didn't like her? I think Noura is so inspiring and admirable and, and," Leia licked her lips. "I think she's going to have everything I never had the luxury of having, and I _want_ her to have it."

Han stroked her shoulder. He kissed the top of her head.

"You don't always say that to her, though," he pointed out fairly.

"I know," Leia said tiredly. "She expresses herself so badly sometimes," she admitted. "She infuriates me, and now I see it as more of her trying to connect, signs I missed," she trailed off. "She is in a lot of pain right now, and it's not about me. But Han," Leia sighed, "it bothers me more than you know that she came to me last."

Han rolled to his side, pressing his hand to Leia's face.

"I know," he said. He swallowed hard. "You always tell me to keep Noura close, 'cause she's nicer to me than anyone else. I still feel like I messed up," he said hoarsely. "It ain't much but…she _did_ come to us."

Leia nodded.

"She can be hard to parent," Han said, "but when it mattered, she came to us. And she _needs_ you, Leia. I know she doesn't act like it."

Leia kissed his palm.

"I feel," she said huskily, "this incredible burden of trying to balance how we deal with this. How do we impress upon her how unacceptable this is while also supporting her and loving her? I feel like I'm on such thin ice. I don't want her to walk away from this thinking it wasn't a big deal, but I also don't want to treat her like she's a criminal."

Han rolled closer and put an arm over hear stomach.

"You're doin' that, Leia," he said simply. "You are, even if you…even if _we_…don't feel like it," he said heavily.

She turned her head towards him, her eyes full of tears.

"It's not fair," she said, "It's not fair. I suffered enough. _You_ suffered enough. Our kids should be spared."

Han smiled painfully. He stroked her jaw.

"Life's still life, I guess."

Leia snorted tiredly, and shrugged, accepting that. She placed her hand on his neck, and smiled at him, cleaving closer. She bit her lip. It was one of those moments when she was too overwhelmed with emotion to speak. Han was so precious to her, so constant. She had heard so many stories over the years of how marriages faded, how people lost their connections, and fell out of love, but she was so lucky that nothing like that had ever occurred between her and Han. Every moment in their life bound them together more tightly; every challenge they had faced had made them cling to each other more tightly.

This was no different. They would get through it. They always did. And part of Leia was comforted in remembering that this was not the worst thing that could have happened to Noura. More than anything else, Leia was relieved Noura had not been abused, assaulted, or tortured – still, she hated that she had to suffer any heartache at all.

"She's going to be okay, Leia," Han said bravely. "We'll get through this. We'll get her through this."

Leia licked her lips. She turned to Han, touching his face, and leaned closer to kiss him, drawing strength from him as she always had. She nodded, her eyes on his, determined.

They were past the shock now, and they were in control of the situation. They only had to move forward, to insulate Noura, and try to be the best parents they could be when faced with the unwanted reality.

* * *

_***Notes on Rouge: So. This backstory has been planned since about ... the last couple of chapters of Identity. It's most heavily referenced (though not at all detailed) in 'Heart of Gold.' It is also mentioned in 'Awareness.' I do want to say that when I was writing 'Awareness,' I had gone looking around for the names of some royal houses in the SW 'verse and I found the Vandrons. Well, that led me to Tia Organa's Wookieepedia page and...Tia Organa had roughly the same backstory (ish) as I was planning for Rouge. I can honestly say I have no idea if I came up with Rouge's independently, or if I at some point read Tia's page and forgot I read it, then sketched out Rouge's story- I want to be up front about that. Either way, I chose to keep the Vandrons as the royal house involved. Teen pregnancy/cruel royals is not exactly a unique trope, but here's me laying out the background. I will point out that in Tia Organa's case, she had her baby and remained a lovely part of the Organa family, and Bail having a mean old mother is never mentioned, so my plans did diverge (and my plan was always that Rouge was forced into this similar to Lysa Tully in ASOIAF) - but, again, as an author I don't ever want to be accused of plagiarism or passing of something someone else did as my own. _

_-alexandra_


	5. Four

a/n: all trigger warnings posted on the first chapter apply to all chapters of this fic. this is a long'un!

* * *

Coruscant & Naboo  
28 ABY

Four

* * *

Since it had come into his possession, Han could count on one hand the number of times he had let the _Falcon_ travel without him. One was involuntary; Lando had been in defacto command of it while he was in carbonite, but even then either Chewbacca or Leia had always been on board as well. In fact, it had never, not once, traveled without at least himself or Chewbacca at the helm, and he was loath to let it go now.

The pit of his stomach felt heavy and hollow, churning with the sense that something bad was on the horizon. It was a subdued sense – the bad was already with him, with _them_, and he doubted anything worse was coming, but still he felt _dread_. Dread for how Leia would feel over the next few days, dread for Noura. Chewbacca was restless as well, obsessively checking and rechecking each system in preparation for the trip.

It wasn't that either of them feared for the ship; the _Falcon_ was always safe in Leia's hands. She had grown so familiar with the old girl over the years, and so adept at reading her, that her touch on the controls was almost an extension of Han himself – and Jaina was a skilled pilot in her own right, more than capable of conducting all the tasks required to co-captain. She'd inherited unparalleled prowess from both sides and had already proven herself quite the aviatrix.

It was the impetus for the journey itself that struck melancholy chords, and Han's lingering discomfort that he was not to be a part of it.

He was trying to pick his battles with this one, and he didn't want to keep picking arguments with Leia, but he still felt he should be going. Noura hadn't expressed any resistance to him traveling with them. Of course, she hadn't expressed any desire to have him there, either.

He exited the ramp, tucking a dirty rag into his back pocket. He ran a hand over his jaw and headed over to the side of the hangar, nodding to Chewie as he passed him. Chewie ducked under the belly of the ship to survey the landing gears one last time.

Max and Jaina were standing near the array of other transports registered to various Solos; Leia's speeder, Leia's bigger speeder, Han's bikes, Max's bike, _Jaina's_ bike, Jaina's speeder, Noura's speeder – _two_ of Han's racers – and so on and so forth. There was a _wealth_ of spacecraft down here, and it did not even include the larger crafts Han sometimes gambled on when he ran them in races.

"And while I'm gone, you can't touch _my_ speeder, or _my_ bike," Jaina was telling Max. "You are the _worst_ good pilot on Coruscant. In the core, actually."

Max looked unconcerned; one of his hands flying with lazy signs, Ork the rock lizard perched on his shoulder.

"Your ships are better, though," he argued.

"I take better care of them!"

"No, you get new things, and I get hand-me-downs."

"That's how we learn to appreciate things and not be spoiled rich brats," Jaina retorted, loftily quoting a cherished House Organa anthem. "Also, you get hand-me-downs because _you break things_."

"If you don't want me to take your ships, then move out for real and get your own hangar."

"Max!"

"I am just being straightforward."

"Promise me you won't take my ships!"

"No promises."

"_Max_!" snarled Jaina. She spun on her heel as Han walked up, her eyes narrowing. "Dad," she started.

Han held up his hands. He gave Jaina a look.

"He's got a point," he said, lifting one hand to sign. "You want to protect your stuff, move it to the Embassy."

Jaina looked at him incredulously. She pointed at Max.

"He's the minor who has to listen to you," she retorted.

Han blinked, just as incredulous.

"_None_ of you listen to me!"

Jaina frowned, and Han reached out to grab Max's lizard-free shoulder, squeezing pointedly.

"He ain't gonna wreck your stuff, Jaina," Han said, rolling his eyes. "I'll keep an eye on it."

Jaina folded her arms and eyed Han suspiciously.

"I don't think we should leave you two alone," she decided.

Han shrugged, slowly releasing Max's shoulder.

"Well, we aren't invited to Naboo," Han said tightly.

Jaina cocked her head.

"Sorry you didn't make the guest list for Noura's abortion," she said bluntly.

"Kriff, Jaina," Han muttered. He shook his head. "Where's – "

"They're getting the last of Noura's stuff," Jaina said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder at the lift. "In true Noura fashion, she has packed everything she owns and a bunch of stuff none of us have never seen before."

Jaina seemed a bit peeved, but Han felt a surge of relief. For the past few days, he'd been feeling bursts of happiness when Noura did something that was very distinctly Noura. It made him feel like she hadn't been beaten down. Then again, maybe it was an act. Noura could be extremely emotionally evasive when she wanted to be, and more than anything Han was worried she was going to start acting herself, acting perfectly okay, to repress anything else she might feel.

She _was_ her mother's daughter, regardless of how hard she tried to draw clear differences between them.

"I don't see why she needs so many wardrobe changes and every tube of lipstick she's ever purchased," Jaina grumbled.

"Maybe she wants stuff to make her feel at home," Han said narrowly. "Comfortable."

"She never acts comfortable at home," Jaina pointed out.

"Will you take it easy?" Han asked irritably. "Y'know, you're the one she went to first, and now you're actin' all," fumbling for words, Han put one hand up, curved it into claws, and made a yowling noise.

Max gave him a sideways look. Jaina blinked a few times, pursing her lips, and then frowned.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just nervous and stressed out."

"Huh, wonder if anyone else might be feelin' that way," Han retorted.

Jaina nodded, casting her eyes down gloomily. After a moment, she looked back up.

"I won't tell Mom you did that if you promise never to do it again," she bargained, eyeing his clawed hand.

Han tucked it behind his back, scowling.

"Did what?"

Leia's cool voice came from behind them as she stepped into the hangar from the private lift, two suitcases in tow.

"Nothing," Jaina said valiantly.

Max turned his head.

"He made a loth cat noise," he tattled.

Han poked him in the shoulder.

"Hey!" he griped. "Didn't you tell me last week you weren't a snitch?" he demanded dryly.

"I don't snitch on my siblings," Max said, indignant. "Doesn't apply when _you're_ being weird."

Han reached out to give him a light slap in the back of the head. Max grinned, just barely dodging it. He sidestepped smoothly and then took a suitcase handle from Leia's hand thoughtfully.

"Got it," he said, putting his other palm out and waving it at Noura pointedly. "Got yours, too."

Noura let him take it, her hands falling by her side. Max shrugged one shoulder, and Ork scurried down his arm, clinging to his clothing as he scuttled down to the floor. The rock lizard scampered away to wait, directed by a nudge of the Force, and then tilted its head up at the others, deciding whom he wanted to visit.

"Don't even think about it," Leia said.

Chewbacca, finished with his final inspection, ambled over, and Ork took a few curious hops over to him. Chewbacca patiently let the lizard crawl up to his arm and then perch on his bandolier. Kashyyyk was awash with creatures like Ork, and the Wookiees respected them.

Ork nestled in Chewbacca's fur, then peered over at Leia, flared the frill of its neck at her, and jutted its tongue out.

Leia narrowed her eyes. If it weren't for how much Max adored that thing –

"Max says he does that because he wants to mate with you," Jaina said seriously.

Han laughed, loudly. He shot Leia a sly look, then turned and pointed a finger at Ork.

"Back off my _wife_, scales," he growled. "I don't care how long your tongue is."

"Well," Jaina said, matter-of-fact, "on that note, I'm going to go fire up the ship, and after that, I'm going to gouge out my eardrums so I never have to hear anything like that again."

She stepped closer, rested her hand on Han's arm, and rose up a little to kiss his cheek, giving him a half hug goodbye. He returned the gesture with a kiss on her forehead and a pat on the shoulder as she went on her way. She stopped to pass the same gesture on to Chewbacca, and dodged sharply, scowling, when Ork tried to lick her face. She gave the creature a rude hand gesture.

Han took a few steps back, turning to Leia and Noura. Leia gave him a withering look, shaking her head. Han slid his hands into his pockets, grinning.

"What? They're all teenagers," he said, snorting. He nodded at Noura. "She told the press all about our sex life, r'member?" he joked.

Noura stiffened.

"Do we _have_ to talk about all the times I've been the _worst_ daughter right now?" she snapped. "I _get_ it."

Leia sighed, folding her arms. Han's smile vanished. He reached out for Noura's shoulder, but she stepped away, folding her arms and looking down. Leia just waved one hand at Han in a subtle way, placating him. She rubbed her temple, but said nothing, and Han felt awful – he hadn't meant any harm at all; and he certainly hadn't meant to make her feel bad.

He tried to think of something to say, but Max came loping up, luggage left behind. Ork leapt off Chewbacca to rejoin his boy, and Max did not even blink as the lizard clawed its way up his body to resettle on his shoulder.

"All set," Max said. He stepped closer to Noura and adjusted a pouch on his waist, holding it open for her. She reluctantly looked down, and then she smiled a little. "You want to take Biia with you?" Max asked.

Han arched his neck and to his surprise, saw the Tooka kitten peeking out of the roomy pouch attached to Max's belt, situated right next to his training saber and a commlink. She peered out with her wide, luminous eyes, and Noura reached out to give her two gentle pats on the head, right between her fragile ears.

"She's healthy now, mostly," Max said. "She's just shy and scared of people, but she's warm, too, and her purring at night is good white noise," he said seriously. "Beru could make her feel better if she got sick again," he added. He and Beru Skywalker shared a love of healing and animals.

Noura shook her head, looking up at Max gratefully.

"No," she whispered. "Thanks, Max," she added.

Max nodded, shrugging. He started to step back, and then he stepped forward instead, and gave her a hug. Han watched him sharply – it looked like Max said something to her, too quiet for anyone else to hear - and felt a surge of pride when Max stepped away, and Noura smiled at him gently.

Considering the opinions Max had expressed previously, Han was wary of him saying something insensitive to Noura – but also glad that Max seemed completely capable of keeping that to himself and supporting his sister. The moment reminded Han of how _close_ those two used to be, before adolescence had set in and Noura had begun to gravitate more towards Jaina, and then more towards herself.

They weren't twins, but Han had seen how Luke's twin girls interacted, and for all he knew, Max and Noura might has well have been, when they were babies; that's how in tune they'd been with each other.

Max shuffled over to Leia next and Leia, busy eyeing Noura, took a moment to shake herself and turn to him to say goodbye.

"If Ork licks me, I will sell you to Jawas," Leia threatened.

Han didn't hear Max's response; he'd raised his hand and beckoned to Noura, strolling away a little. Closer to Chewbacca, he stopped, giving them some space from the other two. The _Falcon_ hummed to life and from the viewport, Han saw Jaina sprawl herself into Chewie's seat and start staring at all of them impatiently.

"Noura," Han said, before she could say anything. "I wasn't tryin' to hurt your feelings," he said.

"You were making fun of me," Noura said, scratching her ear. She looked away from him. "I got in _trouble_ when I did that," she pointed out, licking her lips. "And I was sort of trying to be like, on Mom's side, for once," she trailed off.

Han kept his hands in his pockets, tilting his head. He almost argued that he had been making fun of her affectionately, but he decided that was probably stupid. Instead, he just nodded.

"'M sorry," he apologized. "Just thought…you might need a lighter mood."

Noura shrugged.

"I don't know what I need," she said under her breath. "Everything is just making me mad," she told him honestly, "and every look I get or everything someone says to me just makes me feel…stupid."

"No one thinks you're stupid," Han said.

"_I_ think I'm pretty _fucking_ stupid," Noura muttered.

Han arched his brows. He sighed, then pulled his hands from his pockets, and reached out. Noura eyed him from under her lashes for a moment, and then she grudgingly stepped forward and let him hug her. After a moment, she put her arms up and hesitantly hugged him back.

"Think about it this way, kid," Han said quietly. "When you feel like that, it usually teaches you good lessons, huh?"

Noura relaxed. She clutched him tighter, like she used to do when she was much younger, and she still always wanted snuggles and affection from her parents. She shifted her head and shoved her face into his shoulder. Han held her protectively, trying not to think too hard about how it seemed like yesterday he'd been watching her walk for the first time.

When she loosened her arms a little, Han took the hint and drew back. He held her shoulders, studying her face.

"You'll be okay, Noury," he said firmly. He squeezed her shoulders. "Here."

He beckoned to Chewie, and Chewie unlatched a velvet pouch from his bandolier, shuffling up solemnly and handing it to Han. Noura smiled at Chewie nervously, her face flushing, and Han held out the pouch. It was drawstring, dark blue with red stitching on the sides – Chewbacca's quick work over the past few nights – and held a very slim object.

Noura took it hesitantly. She glanced over at Max and Leia – Max had retreated, and was now sitting mockingly on one of Jaina's speeders. Jaina was standing up in the cockpit, glaring at him violently through the cockpit. Han shot an amused look at his son. Out of all of them, Max was doing the best job of making things feel _normal_.

"What is it?" Noura asked warily.

Han just nodded at it pointedly. Noura loosened the strings and took out the object, revealing a sleek, pristine new datapad encased in an expensive protective case. Nestled next to the latch for the case was a stylus, and an indent for a thumbprint lock. Noura looked up, her lips pursed.

"It's a journal," Han said gruffly. "For the stuff in your head."

Noura stared at him, her lashes trembling.

"It's purple," she said.

"You love purple," Han said seriously.

He'd picked out a light shade when he was looking for it, so it wouldn't clash too much with the dark blue of the pouch he'd wrapped it in. Noura tucked it against her chest, wrapping the velvet pouch around it. She bit her lip, and then lifted her shoulder, tucking her head to rub her cheek against it before she looked back.

"Thanks, Daddy," she said thickly. "I, um, don't feel like I deserve a gift, but, um," she swallowed hard. "Thanks."

Han wanted to tell her to stop talking about how undeserving she was or how bad she was, to stop calling herself names and putting herself down, but that kept falling on deaf ears. It seemed better right now to just keep showing her, rather than telling her, that he and Leia were _not_ giving up on her, they _didn't_ hate her, and they _were_ going to love her through this.

He nodded.

"You do me a favor?" he asked.

Noura nodded.

"Try to remember that your mother's on your side," he said gruffly, "and she loves you. She _loves_ you, Noura."

Noura nodded again.

"I will. I know," she said softly.

"_I_ love you," Han said. He ran a hand over her shoulder, and then bent forward to kiss the top of her head.

Noura left her head bowed to accept the kiss, then gave him a very small, watery smile, and held his gaze for a moment, silently thanking him for his compassion. She took a deep breath, and then turned to say her goodbyes to Chewbacca, who was equally warm and gentle with her.

He walked her over to the _Falcon's_ ramp, and Han watched her until she was on board before he finally turned to Leia. Jaina was pressed against the viewport, shouting something. Max was over by the speeders, a mischievous look on his face. Leia rolled her eyes at them as she stepped up to Han, toe to toe with him.

Han arched his brows at her.

"You sure I can't come?" he asked.

"I don't want to leave on bad terms," Leia said warily.

Han breathed out heavily. He grimaced.

"'M not mad at you," he said sincerely. "Just…makin' sure."

Leia lifted one shoulder.

"I'd rather _you_ stay with Max than leave him with Father," she said neutrally.

Bail – and Rouge, to an extent – exercised _no_ discipline over the children. They'd likely to come back to Coruscant to find Bail had allowed Max to be elected Viceroy of the Diaspora, and subsequently freed all the menageries.

Han knew it was a superficial justification. He and Leia had already hashed this out; she wanted the people around Noura to be female. He grudgingly accepted that, though he bristled at the thought of Luke being around, even in the periphery – and it was strange for him to stay here with Chewbacca while half of his family spirited off to Naboo, all alone with the _Falcon_.

"What did you give her?" Leia asked, glancing towards the lowered ramp where Noura had disappeared.

"Diary," Han grunted. "Thought it might help her sort her head out, sometimes."

Leia nodded, lips pursed.

"Thoughtful," she murmured.

Han shifted his weight, scuffing one of his boots on the hangar floor.

"So, you're stayin' with Mara?" he asked, going over it one more time. "Then…?"

Leia cleared her throat.

"Yes, we'll stay a few days at Luke's," she said, taking a deep breath. "Noura has an appointment with a medic Arksiah vouches for. We used a throwaway name, which was a fight," Leia confided. "Noura thought that was me hiding it, being ashamed," Leia gave a light roll of her eyes. "I want her as safe from Media prying as she can be, even with Theed's ironclad privacy laws."

Han's brow darkened. He set his jaw. He'd go above and beyond to protect Noura from any scrutiny. Their policy had always, always been that when they were of age, the kids were free to choose how visible they wanted to be to the public, and Leia was adamant that she would not try to control them or restrict them _then,_ but while they were under her roof she and Han would protect them with every fiber of their being.

The Solo children were _off limits_, and barring a few bold idiots now and then, it was well known, and respected.

Leia crossed her arms.

"If she feels okay after the procedure, we're going up to Varykino that day," she said, "and we'll just visit for a few days, a week, more likely," she lifted one hand off her elbow, wiggling her fingers. "Jobal, Sola, Pooja, Ryoo, and I think Maiah are going to meet us there – Mara, Jaina, and I, of course," she paused. "I didn't think there's any need to tell Beru, Jade, and certainly not Lytha, what this is about, but," she shrugged, "Mara pointed out that they'll know. Those girls are enveloped by the Force," Leia trailed off.

She compressed her lips.

"Between all of them, Winter, Rouge, Father, and Marisol – I think she'll have a good support system."

Han frowned.

"Rouge still angry you wouldn't let her come?" he asked.

"Yes," Leia said shortly. "Which is not just because I want to insulate Noura from Rouge's grief. I also don't think Rouge has dealt appropriately with what she went through and I do not think she will be helped in _any_ way if she lurks around while Noura gets an abortion."

Her voice went up edgily, and Han nodded. He agreed, though he was still recovering from the shock of finding out just what had happened in Rouge's youth – it all gave new meaning to some dim, gloomy words she'd said to him years and years ago – _not all scoundrels have a heart of gold, Han._

Leia was silent for a moment.

"I know you think it was…not right for me to tell all these people," she said tiredly, "but I think she needs them. I'm trying to handle this to the best of my ability, as her mother, you know, she needs…if I had been as tight-lipped as possible, it looks like I'm utterly shaming her, and there needs to be," Leia unfolded her hands and let them fall listlessly, "balance."

"I don't know what I think, Leia," Han sighed, shrugging roughly. "'M just as lost as you are," he muttered. "Figure if she goes on some talk show in ten years and talks about how much we fucked up, we'll find out if we did anything right."

Leia gave him a wistful little smile at the jest.

"Or uses that diary to start her tell-all book," she offered wryly.

"So long's I get the royalties," Han said, deadpan.

Leia snorted. She reached out to touch his hand, and then curled her fingers into his.

"I won't go dark on you," she promised. "I can't promise she'll want to talk," she added.

Han nodded. He leaned forward to kiss her cheek, then her lips, and slid his hands up to her neck, pulling her closer. He gave her a very firm, steadying kiss, one that lingered longer than usual, given the presence of their kids – he was reminded of that by Max loudly hitting the horn of a speeder and shouting at them in blatant outrage.

Leia tilted her head up, breaking the kiss, and sighed.

"He's your fault," she accused.

"No, _yours_," Han retorted, their customary way of teasing each other about Max's accidental existence. Han arched a brow suddenly. "Hey," he said, cocking his head, "might make Noura feel better if you mention you accidentally – "

"I want to support her, and I don't want her to hate herself," Leia interrupted quietly, "but I do not necessarily want to justify her or make it sound like no big deal."

Han tilted his head back and forth.

"Fine line," he muttered. Leia nodded – she didn't think it very comparable, anyway. She and Han had been married for years, and already had two children, when Max had come along – and that hadn't been so much blatant irresponsibility as sort of lukewarm attention paid to contraceptive.

"Not to mention if we tell the girls Max was an accident, they will ruthlessly hold it over his head for the next millennia," Leia added dryly.

Han grunted – that _was_ certainly true. Between themselves they joked about Max's whirlwind arrival, but they had made it a point to never even imply to the kids that any of them were not here on purpose.

Leia set her shoulders.

"We need to go," she said, readying herself for goodbye.

Han cleared his throat. He ran his thumb along her jaw, holding her gaze intently.

"Take care of her," he said gruffly. "Take care of yourself," he said, just as concerned, he paused dramatically, and Leia waited, a small smirk on her lips, knowing what was coming, "and _don't_ get a _scratch_ – "

"Not a scratch," Leia agreed – Han's beloved, familiar, _Falcon_-farewell.

He gave her another quick kiss.

"Love you, Sweetheart."

"Mmhm. I know."

Han let her go, and crossed his arms as he watched her give a shorter farewell to Chewbacca, and head up the ramp. He backed up a safe distance, standing amongst the clutter of other speeders with Chewie and Max. He watched the ramp slowly raise and lock up, and the ship groan and hum and vibrate as the thrusters finally fired, and Leia took her seat in the front next to Jaina, both of them at work to get it into the air.

Max sat sideways on his bike, Ork prowling over the handlebars with interest. Biia peeked out of his pouch curiously, and Han turned to look at him.

"What'd you say to your sister?" he asked.

Max looked at him defiantly, shrugged, and only said:

"Brother stuff."

Han gave him a small smile. Whatever it had been, Noura hadn't been upset, so he left it at that, if Max didn't want to divulge. Chewie raised an arm and put it to his heart, waving goodbye with the other, and Han watched the _Falcon_ steadily rise, spin slowly, and drift off into the atmosphere.

His shoulders slumped, and he looked down at his boots, studying the scuffs and scratches on them. He struggled, as he knew Leia did, with the heavy cloud of doubt that lurked in parenthood's most challenging moments. He grit his teeth, determined to keep it together, to keep _things_ together here, resigned to the reality that he could only hope Noura would be okay.

* * *

Leia found the Falcon's silence eerie. It hummed so quietly and calmly that she missed the alarming _thunks_ and _clangs _she'd come to find familiar after all these years. They had alarmed her, when she'd first met the _Falcon_, but over time she'd come to associate them with sturdy, battle born reliability. For this jump, all systems ran smoothly; even the leap to hyperspace hasn't stuttered. It was as if Han's ship – their ship – was gently assuring her it was going to take care of their youngest daughter; it was going to keep her safe.

Rather than comforting Leia, it just felt damning.

Leia was supposed to have taken care of her; Leia was supposed to have kept her safe. Instead Leia had been looking the other way while Noura ran amok, while Noura tried to be a grown up, and while Noura floundered and tried to find her own identity in the shifting uncertainty of stereotype soup that existed in a teenager's world.

Was this the price of the more conventional, less aristocratic upbringing Leia had demanded for her children? All-too common adolescent problems that were frustratingly preventable, yet somehow ubiquitous in the hands of _kids_ who just wouldn't listen?

Noura had retreated to the bunk she'd always claimed as hers, ever since Han had made his modifications and expanded parts of the ship. She was locked away in there, stuck inside herself, hiding from Leia as she always did. The few conversations steeped in heart and meaning that she'd shared with Leia since coming to her at all, seemed dreamlike; unreal.

Noura's mind raged; Leia felt it. Noura had stopped wasting energy shielding, and she was all raw emotion colliding with nascent power. Jaina kept twitching her brows and grumbling about it gently, but now wasn't the time to bother Noura about mental discipline and meditation. Leia sensed every straying glimmer of the things Noura wrestled with, most of it nothing more than an endless pleading for this to be over, for this to end, for everyone to stop looking at her.

When it had seemed briefly like Noura might cleave to them, accept wisdom, accept comfort, she drew back again, skittish and suspicious that their reactions, might be a trap. She'd seen Bail and Rouge once before they had left, and had dissolved into tears at the first kind, understanding words her grandfather offered her.

She had lingered in the cockpit during takeoff, tight-lipped, but available to assist; she was as educated as Max and Jaina were in terms of running the _Falcon_. It was only later, when the jump had been made, and silence fell among the three women, that Noura fled, offended, it seemed, by Leia's offer to comb and braid her hair.

Jaina, torn somewhat, had wandered after her, and Leia found herself stuck at the Dejarik table even hours later, a cold mug of kaf in front of her. She rubbed her eyes, sighing. Han always kept the best kaf on the ship; he'd started doing it when the kids all started getting into the stuff and abusing the privileges.

The _Falcon_ hummed. Leia pondered the current reality of its passengers – three women. When, since coming into Han's possession, had the _Falcon_ ever carried _only_ three women?

An aging princess, a pilot-politician on the brink of life, a woman-child convinced her life was over at sixteen. Leia sat back, folding her arms with a sarcastic purse to her lips.

Had Han _ever_ imagined such a journey for his ship? The walls echoed with years of their children's ecstatic laughter, and Leia vividly recalled so many colourful memories. Jaina's dogged attempts to eat the gold dice in the cockpit. Max, falling into the smuggling compartments, and Noura, all the nights Noura had crept out of her bunk and snuck, boldly, to the cockpit all by herself, to kneel in her father's seat and watch the stars.

She'd like to name them, pointing with her chubby fingers, her high, brave voice strong, and confident, and fascinated. Leia had been sitting with her one night while she marveled, and she'd felt a strong tug of sadness that she'd never share Alderaan with her children, and Noura had turned to her and said, her bright eyes wide and serious, _Mama, Alderaan is stars now._

Leia's heart throbbed in her throat, and she was unsure if she wanted to sob, or vomit. She blinked, and the mug in front of her was swept away, replaced with a fresh one. Fragrant steam curled out of it, and Leia flicked her eyes up. She was used to looking up to her children. They were all taller than her, though only Jaina seemed to have Han's height.

Jaina had a twisted frown on her face, more thoughtful than anything. She eyed the mug seriously, clearly hoping she'd done right. Jaina looked…so very much like Han, when she made that concentrated, determined face. Right now, she looked quite grown up and self-possessed, and that tugged at Leia's heart, too.

She didn't often miss their baby years; she had enjoyed them, but she was content to let them go – but for a moment, she longed for toddlers, for the years when the worst hurts she could imagine for them were scraped knees or lost teeth, and all it took to heal them was a magic kiss, a pretend spell whispered in their ears.

"Mama," Jaina said quietly, dropping the older, more mature '_Mom'_, softening it. "You can braid my hair," she offered.

Leia smiled wryly. She sat forward stiffly and pulled the new mug towards her, raising it little and nodding gratefully at Jaina. Jaina disappeared for a moment, and came back with empty hands. Leia presumed she'd dumped the cold kaf.

"Is she okay?" Leia asked.

Jaina shrugged.

"She wasn't _super_ talkative," she said honestly. "She's just moaning about how _she's_ the worst and she _hates_ herself."

"She said she hates herself?" Leia asked.

Jaina frowned.

"Not…like that, I mean not…with conviction," she said. "She's just being Noura," Jaina added dryly. She held up a hand helplessly. "I mean," she began again, "I doubt she could have gotten a nicer reaction from you and if she still wants to believe she's going to be…disowned or whatever, she's just being dramatic."

"Jaina," Leia warned shortly. "This is not as simple as the 'usual' Noura dramatics."

"I know," muttered Jaina, shuffling her feet.

She reached up and tugged at the edge of her braid. She perched on the edge of the Dejarik table, shoving a knuckle into her side, her arm angled out from her hip. She looked at the kaf she'd brought Leia, chewing on her lip.

"I just don't get how she is still hanging on to this idea that you don't like her or have washed your hands of her," she ventured.

Leia sipped her kaf, eyeing Jaina carefully. At her age, Jaina was navigating a fine line with her parents; she was testing the waters of a sort of friendship with them, while still respecting the boundaries of their authority to an extent. She behaved, mostly – but she neared territory Leia considered inappropriate, here.

"Noura's feelings are genuine," Leia said finally, her tone fair. "What I – "

"What? Meaning you don't like her?" Jaina snorted. "Well, I guess it's a thing that people love someone without liking them much," she mused, sounding incredulous.

Leia blinked, taken aback.

"No, Jaina," Leia said, appalled. "I mean what Noura feels is genuine to _her_. It's very real and you – _I _– can't dismiss it simply because it's not true from our perspective," she warned. She took a sip of kaf. "What I need to help her understand is that I _do not_ think of her the way she thinks I do."

"I _try_ to make her get that," Jaina offered. "Like all the time, I don't get how she can have such a different view of you and like, our childhood. She acts like Dad is the only one who cares about her."

Leia lifted one hand slightly; gently indicating Jaina should be quiet.

"It is not your job to hype me," she said dryly.

Jaina laughed a little. Leia smiled grimly. She herself had to walk a fine line between a simple talk with her eldest daughter, and descending into gossip about Noura. For all she knew Noura _was_ shielding now, and eavesdropping.

Jaina fidgeted. She stared off towards the cabin, her nose crinkling.

"Is it weird for you that she's had sex?" she asked.

Leia gave her a withering look. Jaina turned back, her eyebrows raised, defiant.

"What?" she demanded. "_Is_ it?"

"Of course it is," Leia said flatly. "She's my child."

It was an abstract awareness that her children would, of course, grow up and have lives with adult aspects to them, colliding with the _reality,_ which Leia was sure her own father had grappled with – and she was more sensitive to it. That didn't meant she was –

"Are you like…mad at her about it?" Jaina asked, leaning in. "Because she's…young?"

Leia set her mug down loudly. She put her index fingers to her temples, and gave Jaina a look.

"Jaina," she said firmly. "There is not much I can realistically do to stop any of you from having sex. All I can do is hope you _listen_ when you're given the tools to protect yourselves. If you want to have sex," Leia spread her arms out, "it's really not my business."

Jaina cringed.

"I wasn't asking for permission to have sex," she muttered, her face flushing.

"What conversation are you trying to have?" Leia asked tiredly.

"I don't _know_," Jaina retorted. "You know I get all weird sometimes and say absurd things."

Leia's lips turned up.

"I just, like," Jaina started again after a moment. "Noura and I were talking, you know…I was sort of getting on to her because she didn't use protection, and we talked about," Jaina chewed her lip, thinking. "She asked me if I'd _really_ have _actually_ gone to you, like you tell us to, and I mean," Jaina gestured at her abdomen, where the implant she'd never told Leia about was imbedded, "I kind of agreed that maybe I wouldn't so I guess I wanted to make sure that you're serious, about…that door being open."

Leia studied her, eyes softening.

"Yes, I am serious," she said firmly. "I don't care how uncomfortable it is. I can't say if I'd have gone to my mother or not but Jaina, for _Sith's_ sake," she murmured, looking sadly towards Noura's bunk. "Which is the harder conversation?" she asked pointedly.

Asking for birth control, or asking for an abortion? At least on the one hand, there was some secrecy, some privacy left, some_ maybe-I-am, maybe-I'm-not, but at least I'm safe about it._ With Noura's situation, that was all gone, all laid bare.

Jaina tugged at her braid.

"But what if it's not just contraceptive?" she asked. "What if there's…technical questions, or something? What's the boundary?"

"Boundary?" Leia quoted, deadpan. "We are going on a girls' trip to have an abortion."

Jaina made a strangled sort of noise, a dark laugh. Leia arched a brow dryly. Jaina bit her lip.

"I mean more like…I know there's the 'Net, but come on," Jaina said skeptically. "If I was concerned about…comfort."

Leia cupped her hand around her mug. She pursed her lips.

"Oh," she said. "Hmmm."

She wasn't sure she was entirely on board with having the sort of talks she'd had with Winter with her daughters. She wanted close relationships with them, but she didn't think she'd ever have wanted to know the specifics of her father and mother's sex life.

"I'm not going to turn you away," Leia said firmly. "I'd rather you get correct information from me than something warped from the 'Net," she added. "If you feel it's too personal to bring to your mother," she went on, "then go to Winter. There's a degree of separation in that. I'll tell her not to tattle."

Jaina nodded. She smoothed her hands over her thighs. Leia picked up her mug again, watching her. She couldn't quite put her finger on what Jaina's mood was at the moment. She supposed Jaina was just feeling a bit…outpaced. It wasn't unexpected. Leia had experienced it when she was younger; minor frustrations that she couldn't always join in conversations of shared experience with women her age that had sexual experiences, but a quiet relief in her chest that she hadn't had to deal with it yet.

"For what it's worth, I wish she _had_ waited," Leia offered finally. "I wish she'd been loved. Or even liked."

"Oh, I think Axel _liked_ her," Jaina said flippantly. "Most people like Noura."

Leia took a sip of kaf, her silence circumspect. She was inclined to think people liked the Noura that Noura presented. She wasn't sure that plumbed the depths of who Noura really was.

For a moment, there was a comfortable silence, and then Jaina cleared her throat.

"Mom," she began, in an odd tone. She seemed…apprehensive. "You really think it's a good idea for her? To have all these people knowing and go to Varykino and just…make it a huge thing?"

Leia's jaw stiffened. She disliked the subtle hint of patronization in Jaina's tone, and the question touched on her own uncertain nerves.

"Yes, I do," she said curtly.

"She was just already so bothered to tell you and Dad – "

"Jaina," Leia interrupted sharply. "You have a tendency to think too highly of your own maturity sometimes," she warned. "You are of age, but just barely. You still lack significant life experience. I am your mother. I am Noura's mother. We," she gestured between herself and Jaina sharply, "are on the cusp. We are _not_ at a point where we are friends yet."

Jaina folded her arms tightly. After a moment -

"Yes, ma'am," she said.

Leia grimaced, giving her a narrow look.

"Oh, sith," she swore, rolling her eyes. "Don't go there."

Leia frowned for a moment, deciding how much she wanted to divulge of her own struggles. Jaina was still one of her children. She was not opposed to showing weakness or uncertainty in front of them, but in certain circumstances, they had no business knowing that their parents were floundering.

Leia sighed.

"Jaina," she said again, her voice much softer. "My aim here is not to lose Noura. I need to pull her closer. There is too much distance between us. I also think it is important for her to hear other women's stories."

Here, Leia paused for a moment.

"When I had my first miscarriage, very little was as comforting as talking to Jobal about it. She'd been there. For this, Mara has been there and," Leia paused again, choosing to be more vague, "I doubt she's the only woman in this family who has."

Pooja had made a flippant remark when Leia talked to her. _Oh, well, welcome to the club, cuz. It happens. _She hadn't elaborated.

Leia sat forward, leaning on her elbows.

"There is also the fact that Noura tends to see the women around her as judges, juries, competitors – and so forth," she pointed out.

Noura had always been sly and adamant that half the reason she hung out with such unsavory personalities sometimes was to play the game, to keep an eye on the schemers – but though Leia was well aware women were just as capable of being cutthroat, backstabbing denizens as men, she was _not_ interested in raising daughters who first and foremost viewed other women as threats. She knew Noura had _much_ insecurity that drove the way she interacted, and she wanted to put a stop to it where she could.

"I don't think she has a real best friend," Leia lamented, her chest aching. "I think that may have been one of the hardest realizations for her during all of this. Knowing that one of the group she does hang out with might have sold this to the Media," Leia shook her head, her mouth dry at the thought. "I want her to experience a sense of sisterhood and guidance from every woman in this family who will support her, and love her, and offer insight, and _be there."_

Leia jammed her index finger into the table pointedly.

"If she has to deal with this, which I would _certainly_ rather she not…I am going to find a way to make it worth it. I do not think I am obligated to explain my decisions as a mother, to you, but I am doing you that courtesy since you tend to take what I say very seriously, even when you disagree."

Jaina rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache. She nodded.

"I told her," Jaina muttered under her breath. She sighed. "I _told_ Noura that you wouldn't be mad. That you'd help her."

Leia didn't answer that. She _was_ mad. It was a nuanced kind of anger that she was incapable of putting into words. She was furious with Noura. She knew it wouldn't do any good to express that fury. She also happened to be deeply sad, down to her core, and she felt at fault.

Jaina sniffed and looked around, lifting her chin.

"You think Dad ever imagined a bunch of women just taking over his ship?" she asked.

Leia picked up her mug in one hand.

"Yes, I'm rather sure in his younger days he _frequently_ imagined that, with enthusiasm."

Jaina laughed, but shook her head.

"No, I mean like this, where we're his family and we just take off with the _Falcon_, and he's not on it," she crinkled her nose, which made her look like Han around her eyes, and snorted. "I haven't rigged anything to mess with him in a while."

"Seems like an excellent way to pass the rest of the journey," Leia murmured.

"I have your permission?"

Leia winked. Jaina stood, moved to sit on the bench with Leia, and reached down to power on the game.

"I guess we can't force Noura to come out," Jaina muttered.

Leia shook her head. She looked off in the direction of the bunk again while the game powered up, Jaina flicking through challenge boards idly. Leia thought Noura would be able to unstick herself once the procedure was over and she could see beyond the next few days. She'd have a beginning, middle, and end to flesh out and cope with.

"What did Uncle Luke say?" Jaina asked, looking over. "Like, when you…told him."

Leia pursed her lips. She checked to make sure Noura was not rounding the corner or anything, and then gave Jaina an exasperated look.

"Let's see, he's Luke," she sighed. "So, I speak with Mara, I speak with him, I tell him 'Luke, we need to be gentle about this, but Noura's pregnant, and we're coming to Naboo,' and _your_ uncle looked at me, so innocent, and in complete seriousness says – _with what_?"

Jaina gave an unladylike snort of horror.

"With _what_?" she quoted. "Ohhh, Unca _Lu_," she sighed; reverting to the cutesy moniker they'd given him when they were babies. "He's such a pure angel," Jaina said fondly.

"He's had his moments," Leia retorted.

Dejarik finally whirred to life, a clean, medium-difficulty board popping into view.

"You want to play this?" Leia asked, skeptical. She had lost her taste for Dejarik years ago; there were just only so many times she could play.

"What? No, I told you I was going to mess with all Dad's shit," Jaina said, sticking her tongue between her teeth thoughtfully as she surveyed the board. "I can hack this so that when he plays his side his characters always commit suicide for no reason."

Leia laughed, and it felt good to find genuine amusement in something. She imagined Han's increasing outrage as Chewie easily beat him over and over, due to his own players' self-sabotage.

She finished off the kaf Jaina had brought her, and then she eyed the game for a moment before slipping out of the booth. She went to the galley to put the cup away, lingering there for a moment, looking at the two dirty mugs. The one still in her hand was chipped, scuffed up and brow beaten. It had been on the _Falcon_ as long as she could remember.

She remembered Han setting it down in front of her, two painkillers next to it – _How's your head?_ – He'd asked, and she'd only said – _Hurts_. The night she'd cried for hours. The night she'd finally said it out loud – _they-raped-me. _Leia sighed. She put the mug in the sink and flushed it with hot water. She let it soak.

She heard a noise in the main cabin, and went to poke her head in.

"Noura?" she asked softly, spotting her daughter on the edge of the biggest bunk, her forehead touching her knees. She'd thought Noura was locked up in the smaller bunkroom.

Leia leaned against the entryway.

Noura sat up a little. Her lips trembled.

"I keep getting sick," she said shakily.

"Ahh," Leia murmured. "It's the gravity changes," she advised.

Noura put the back of her hand to her mouth hesitantly. She took a few deep breaths, grimaced, then got up and went into the 'fresher. She vomited in the sani. Leia quickly fetched a cup from the galley and went after Noura, wordlessly filling it with cold water and a drop of minty mouthwash.

She handed it down to her. Noura took it, rinsed, and spit. She sat back, pushing her hair back angrily.

"I guess I should have let you braid it," she said bitterly, without looking at Leia.

Leia crouched beside her, took a thick elastic from her wrist – she had always kept one there, ever since the girls were babies – and swept Noura's hair into a messy bun at the nape of her neck, keeping it out of her face. She patted Noura's head, and Noura only twitched away a little bit.

She leaned on the sani and stared down into it.

"Mom," Noura said miserably, finally looking up at her. Leia put one knee on the floor and waited patiently. "I can feel it," Noura admitted.

She bit her lip – that one spot on her lip was so raw and tender; it hurt Leia to see it. Leia felt a sympathetic ache. She'd wondered if Noura's senses would make it inevitable, regardless of how untrained she was, and how uninterested.

"I can help," Leia said simply.

She touched Noura's back gently. Noura tensed.

"I don't need you to," she said, and Leia lightened her touch, readying herself to back away if Noura grew defensive. Noura didn't, though; it seemed the comment wasn't a rejection, so much as some sort of brutal realization. "I _can_ feel it," Noura said, her jaw tensing, "and I _still_ don't want it."

Noura closed her eyes, her cheeks pale. She seemed shamed by this realization, but Leia didn't find it altogether surprising. She had worried that the intricacies of Force sensitivity might make this more traumatic, but she hadn't necessarily thought that the intense awareness of a spark would automatically make a woman who didn't want a baby change her mind.

Leia pressed her hand firmly against Noura's back, comforting her. Noura sat up a little, leaned forward, and vomited again. Leia passed her the cup of water. Noura hid her face behind her hand.

"I want to be alone," she requested.

Leia shook her head. She sat back, taking her hands off Noura to give her a little more space, but she shook her head all the time.

"No, Noura," she declined gently. "You aren't going to be alone right now."

Instinctively, that felt like the best decision. She didn't know if Noura was testing her, or if Noura would resent the refusal to leave, which usually, Leia might have honored. It just did not seem like now was a time to given in to teenage brooding. Noura was miserable, and Noura needed her mother, whether she wanted her or not.

* * *

Luke picked them up from the _Falcon's_ sequestered docking bay. Han and Leia had kept a private one reserved in Theed for years now, every since Luke had moved to Naboo permanently. Traveling from the hangar to the expansive Academy compound, where Luke and Mara also lived, was not as much of a trek as it was up to Varykino – the New Jedi Order and its grounds had been situated right in Theed itself.

To Leia's surprise – and relief – Noura made an extreme effort to be warm and courteous to Luke, if more skittish and reserved than usual. Luke, of course, afforded her all of his usual positivity and love and made no mention of the reason behind their visit. Leia wavered on whether that was good or bad. Noura tended to bristle at direct references, yet there had to be a fine line between being completely hushed about it – which might indicate shame – and being flip.

Jaina effortlessly guided conversation so Noura and Leia were saved the stress of it.

"Don't you have classes today?" Jaina questioned as Luke navigated through the sleepy Theed traffic.

"Not all day," Luke said pleasantly. "My students have to attend their general schooling as well," he said, one hand hovering over the controls as he guided the ship thoughtfully. He ticked fingers on his other hand off as he listed: "Mathematics, astrophysics, history, linguistics, art."

Luke employed tutors for his very young students who did not wish to eschew formal education altogether, or whose parents refused to drop formal schooling. His own daughters fleetingly attended those lectures.

"You offer art?" Noura asked quietly, taking Leia by surprise.

She was shrunk against the seat in the back, resting her head on Leia's shoulder, otherwise not saying anything. Luke's eyes flicked up and he peered into the rearview glass. He nodded.

"Certainly," he said. "I don't think art can be left out of a good education, whether it's music, or drama, or writing," he trailed off. "All sorts. You enjoy fashion, don't you?" he remembered.

Noura shifted uncomfortably. She lifted her head and turned it to the side, away from Leia. She shrugged.

"I'm at an art and design academy," she said evasively. "I don't know if _fashion_ is that serious," she added apprehensively.

Luke snorted.

"Run that by your Aunt Rouge," he snickered. "Fashion is art, especially on this planet," he said seriously. "Some of your grandmother's clothing is preserved in museums."

Noura furrowed her brow.

"Which one?"

"Padmé's," Leia supplied softly.

Noura nodded. Jaina half turned in her seat.

"Uh, Mom has clothes in museums, too," she pointed out.

Leia rolled her eyes.

"I loaned it," she said, "for charity purposes," she pointed out, "and _I got it back_," she emphasized – as if she'd ever truly let go of –

"Well, I think it's a pretty serious medium if a wedding dress can raise millions just because people want to stand in the same room with it," Jaina argued.

Leia just arched a brow. She'd been persuaded – by Rouge – to let the wedding dress be put on display in a historical exhibit, proceeds from which went to the coffers set up to maintain the Diaspora.

Luke glanced at Noura in the rearview glass again, and noticed she looked a little heartened, her lip drawn between her teeth. Jaina had mentioned to him that apparently, some of Noura's insecurity stemmed from not thinking her interests were good enough, considering the family she came from. Luke had very subtly passed that on to the Naberries – if anyone could make her feel better about what she liked, they could.

"I brought my 'saber for you to look at," Jaina said, lounging half over the seat and looking sideways at Luke. "I can't tell if I have a poor construction issue, from last time I was here, or if the crystal is off."

Luke nodded sagely. He met Leia's eyes briefly in the mirror, and she offered him a tired smile. He fell into casual conversation with Jaina, and Leia turned to watch Noura. Shoulders stiff, Noura just watched the cityscape fly by.

"You feel okay?" Leia asked quietly, touching Noura's hair gently.

She half expected Noura to twitch away from her, but Noura just turned back to her grimly.

"I just want this to be _over_ with," she whispered. Leia leaned closer to hear over the roaring engines around them.

"I know," Leia said, toying with the ends of her hair.

"Maybe," Noura started. She looked around, and then bowed her head. "Maybe I should have just stayed on Coruscant," she murmured bitterly. "And like…taken the pills and just suffered."

Leia clicked her tongue.

"A medic doing it will get it over with faster," she said. She paused, tilting her head. "I think you had the right idea, coming out here," she offered. "Taking a step back. Taking some time. It's too late for the pills now, anyway."

"I'm just running away," Noura said. "Being afraid. 'Cause I couldn't hack my friends starting to talk and I couldn't act normal and," she trailed off.

Leia sighed gently.

"No, it's not, Noura," she soothed. "Seeking privacy is not running away."

Noura compressed her lips, and made a soft, disbelieving noise.

"_You_ never ran away from anything," she said, half under her breath.

Jaina turned to look at them sharply. Leia had no time to correct that; Luke was settling the land speeder down in the sprawling docking area near their home, announcing their arrival.

"Hey, Master Luke!"

From over near some broken down speeder bikes, a teenage boy waved eagerly at Luke. He wore a plain tunic, and a lightsaber dangled from a hook at his belt. Luke waved back at him pleasantly.

The teenager started to say something else, then appeared to notice whom Luke had with him, widened his eyes, and just stared.

"Don't mind him," Luke said hastily, his voice good-natured even though he kept it low. "Syrus is new. Getting used to me was hard for him. I don't think he thought I was real until his parents dropped him off," he added dryly.

Jaina snorted. It always amused her – and Noura and Max too, for that matter – when other people were starstruck by her parents. She easily understood their significance in the galactic context, but that didn't change the fact to her, before anything else, they were just Mom and Dad, and they were annoying and weird.

She raised her hand and waved at him cheerfully.

"Okay, Noura, bet," she started, challenging her sister: "you think this kid Syrus is one of those who hero-worships _Dad_, or has images of Mom in her before-we-were-born dresses on his ceiling?"

"_Jaina_," Leia sighed, hopping down from the speeder and shaking her head.

Luke reached up to give Noura a hand, and she stepped out, distracted, eyeing the kid who had waved nervously. She didn't answer Jaina – though it was a game all three of them often engaged in, trying to predict which of their parents was going to be ambushed, and why.

Noura took Luke's arm gently.

"Is he going to tell people we were here?" she asked edgily. She swallowed nervously. "I know it's not a secret that we took a trip, but," she trailed off, gritting her teeth. "Like, it's private."

Luke patted her hand earnestly.

"He won't be gossiping," Luke assured her. "No one will. That isn't what the culture here is like."

His Academy was a quiet place, a place of unfiltered learning and discovery. It was protected by native Nubians with a ferocity Luke attributed to their historic love for Padme, and their delight that her son had returned home. Naboo also had rather legendary laws when it came to privacy. Leia had benefited from them when she first met the Naberries twenty or so years ago, and Noura had been astute to remember them now.

It wasn't just that legally, they were so much more protected; the culture was different – most people on Naboo would think it unseemly to pry into public figures' private lives; they would see it as a violation, and well beyond their rights. Very few individuals would jockey to find out what Noura Solo was doing on Naboo with her mother and sister so abruptly – whereas on Coruscant, even with security, it might not be possible to go totally unnoticed taking Noura back and forth from Dr. Mellis' offices.

Noura looked relieved, though she still eyed the boy as they gathered their things. Jaina took her own small bag, and one of Noura's, and Noura shook herself when she saw Luke carrying some of her luggage, biting her lip.

"Here Uncle Luke, I – " she began.

"I have it," he said, waving her off.

Noura folded her arms over herself and rubbed her shoulders. She shifted her weight on her feet, and then hurried along with the group. From the speeder lot, they took a winding, ivy-ridden path along the outskirts of the Academy campus, Luke leading the way back to the cozy cottage home he and Mara lived in. It was a more quiet, secluded part of all the land Luke devoted to his enterprise here, but they did technically live at the Academy.

The place _hummed_; it hummed like Luke always seemed to hum, alive and thriving in the living Force. It was always surreal being here, being around Luke's family. Both he and Mara were so committed to their path, and so attuned to the Force, that the ethereal sense around them was inevitable; unlike Leia's children, Luke and Mara's girls had known training from their cradles. Even Jaina, who had been training enthusiastically with Luke for years, and who was a quiet student of Leia's, when Leia chose to pass on her very subtle, natural uses of her power, was no match for the youngest Skywalker.

Leia noticed Noura pushed some stray strands of heir behind her ear and grimaced. Her cheeks flushed. Jaina hoisted a bag higher on her shoulder, and then slid an arm around Noura loosely. Leia sensed her nudging her sister with the Force, and let them be alone with their bond.

She fell in next to Luke, Jaina and Noura trailing behind them.

"Han didn't come?" Luke murmured quietly.

Leia shook her head.

"Not for lack of trying," she said. "I wanted him home with Max," she explained. "And I…think she's uncomfortable around him. I think she'll come to terms, but I didn't want her, oh, I don't know," Leia murmured. "Policing herself, because her father's here, or – any men, really," she said.

She shrugged at Luke.

"This is such a distinctly _female_ thing."

Luke nodded.

"Don't ignore her," Leia advised softly, "but I think it'd be best if you kept your distance, too, unless she comes to you. More for Han's sake, actually."

"Hmm?"

"You know how he can get jealous," Leia murmured.

Han had had years to adjust to the fact that his children shared something with Luke that they would never share with him, but he still sometimes bristled, if only slightly, if they needed to go to Luke for technical aspects of the Force. Luke was the expert on that; Luke was the guide and the teacher – and it was the only thing he out performed Han on, through no fault of Han's. But Han was fiercely involved in his children's lives, and he never completely shook the irritation that sometimes flared when he had to confront the fact that he would never _get it_ when it came to the Force.

"I won't overshadow Han," Luke agreed peacefully. "I think it's best Mara handle things."

Leia nodded.

"And, ah, Leia?"

She looked at him as they approached the entrance to his home. Luke looked wary.

"We didn't intend to explicitly speak to the girls," he warned. "Not that we want to keep this from them, we just thought out of respect, well – no need," he explained, "but they're all highly sensitive, even Lytha, so we did end up talking to them - "

"It's okay, Luke," Leia assuaged. "Noura knows they'd sense it." Leia's lips turned down grimly. "I'm not so much concerned about them knowing. There are few young people I trust more than your kids, even Lytha," she said. "I am…sorry if it meant, or means, you have to have…uncomfortable or premature conversations."

Luke snorted.

"There is nothing premature about Lytha," he said dryly. "I'm sure Mara will have an obligatory talk with Jade and Beru, but," Luke shrugged. "They _are_ only thirteen. And at least one of them doesn't seem to like men," he added smugly.

Leia smirked.

"At _least_?"

"Jade is always saying she doesn't see what's attractive about men, but Beru actually never mentions boys, either," Luke reflected.

"Charmed," Leia said. "Well," she shared, since they were on the topic, "_Max_ told Han he was not interested in sex – full stop."

Luke shot her a look.

"And Han's synapse stopped firing?" he joked. "Did he break?"

"I think he was pretty baffled by the idea, but at the same time, right now…I think we're both thrilled with the idea of celibate kids," Leia muttered.

"Hmm," Luke hummed sagely. He sighed. "Yes, I can understand that," he said heavily.

He stepped to the side and nodded, letting Jaina and Noura come up to the entrance before him. Jaina entered the familiar code and the door swung open.

"Aunt _Mara_!" Jaina yelled pleasantly.

They all heard Mara yell back some muffled directions to find her, and Noura turned to take her things from Luke.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Luke leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently. He rested his hand on her shoulder, tilting his head at her.

"We love you, Noura," he said, his eyes on hers kindly. "I know you keep hearing that. It doesn't lose meaning the more you hear it, fortunately."

Noura stiffened, and Leia watched her warily, thinking – _please don't unleash the attitude on Luke, for Sith's sake. _Noura looked about to do just that and then, just as quickly, she deflated, and she rubbed her nose, taking a deep breath.

"Um," she began thickly. "Well, thank you," she said again. "I…keep getting mad when…I hear it," she admitted, glancing between Luke and Leia. "I mean I like…don't want to be _yelled_ at, I guess, but then when you're all nice, it's like…worse?" she explained.

She folded her arms tightly over her stomach.

"I wrote a lot of this down on the ship," she said under her breath. "That way I wouldn't freak out," she licked her lips. "I'm trying to just accept that no one hates me or wants to disown me but I just…everything feels…bad."

Leia parted her lips, impressed. She reached out to touch Noura's arm gently, giving her a nod of understanding. Noura looked down at Leia's hand, and then at Luke's on her shoulder, and looked up at Luke.

"Uncle Luke," she said abruptly. "Do you think it's wrong?" she asked.

Luke pursed his lips.

"Do I – "

"Abortion," Noura said, her tone hardening. "Is it wrong? Like," she swallowed hard, "Evil? Like it's on the path to the Dark Side."

Luke blinked. Leia gave him a sharp look. She wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say, and she had not expected Noura to ask something like this. From what she could tell, Noura wasn't struggling with the morality of things – but, _ahh_…she was struggling with how other people thought of her.

"It's not a path to the Dark Side," Luke said firmly. "The kind of anger, rage, and intent it takes to follow that path is…significant."

"I _am_ angry," Noura whispered.

Luke smiled confidently.

"You aren't the kind of angry that drives a fall from grace," he assured her.

He was sure of that. Noura's anger at herself, at her situation – it wasn't the external, vengeful, violent emotion that twisted the mind and drove people to find solace in power and destruction; she was just a scared, sad, teenager who was pissed off at an avoidable situation that she could never change.

Noura swallowed.

"You didn't say if you think it's wrong," she pointed out.

Leia gave her brother a hard, stern look, eyes narrowing. Luke understood it, and chose not to delve into his beliefs about the sanctity of life, the touch of the Force on all things – he'd discussed this topic, fleetingly, with Mara, years ago, and days ago, when Leia had first come to them with this – and he felt the same as he used to: that life was life and there was no redefining it, but that did not inform his political views or his love for his niece, and more than that – life could also be very grey.

Jaina reappeared at the door.

"You guys gonna sleep out here?" she asked, arching her brows. "Gonna reminisce about the good ol' Endor days and sleep in the bushes like Ewoks?" she goaded.

Luke laughed.

"Sith, you look like Han," he said, shaking his head. "Sound like him, too."

Jaina brushed imaginary dust off her shoulder and preened. She cocked her head.

"Aunt Mara wants you to bring in a bunch of tubers from the garden, the pepper kind," she told Luke.

"For what?" Luke asked absently.

"For dinner. She's cooking."

Luke looked flabbergasted suddenly.

"She's _what_?"

"Cooking?" Jaina repeated, drawing it out. "Is that not a thing she does?"

"_Mara_?" Luke said, incredulous. "She made some toast with her 'saber once," he said, and then shook his head. He gave Leia a look, and let his hand slide off of Noura. "You hear that? You're special," he snorted – the garden was Mara's meditation project, but usually Beru or Jade did the cooking; both of them loved it.

Mara tended to get bored halfway through and burn things.

Luke nodded at Jaina.

"You can tell her I am tending to the vegetables now," he said.

"She says not to fuck up all the roots like you did last time you were in her garden," Jaina relayed.

"Jaina, if you don't stop swearing casually around me, I will glue your tongue to the roof of your mouth," Leia said flatly.

Jaina shrugged brazenly.

"I was just repeating Aunt Mara," she said defensively.

Luke arched his brows. He ushered Leia and Noura the rest of the way into the house, then retreated out the front door to see to his wife's gardening request. The door shut after him, and Noura folded her arms in the entrance hall, a dark look on her face.

"Special," she repeated under her breath. "Oh, welcome to Naboo, _Solos_, here is a _super_ special dinner from Aunt Mar-Mar for the occasion of your _abortion_."

Jaina laughed out loud. Noura glared at her.

"Were you _not_ trying to be funny?"

"Why do you keep laughing about this?" Noura snapped back. "No one is going to stick a fork up your vagina."

Jaina put a hand to her chest, appalled.

"Um, _no one_ is going to do that to you either, _Noura_," she retorted, looking to Leia for help. "Didn't you have Dr. Mellis _talk_ to her?"

"Oh, now you're not laughing? Now you're all upset, _well_ – "

Leia snapped her fingers between them, her jaw tight.

"That's _enough_," she said firmly. She pointed first at Jaina, though spoke to Noura. "She is trying to lighten your mood and make you feel at ease. If it doesn't work, don't jump down her throat – _tell_ her what you need from her," she said, then she pointed at Noura, but spoke to Jaina. "She is vulnerable, and she is dealing with more than you can understand right now. You've got to find a balance."

Both of them looked away from each other but nodded meekly at Leia. Leia nodded firmly in return, and spun her hand around. She gathered up the rest of Noura's things, and they followed Jaina back through the halls to the kitchen, which opened up in to a sunroom that then spilled into the garden.

There, way back in the greenery, was Luke, already kneeling in a small path of leafy plants in a corner, hunting away. Mara looked up from the kitchen island when they walked in. She lifted one hand, licked something off her thumb, and then wiped her hands on her trousers, moving around the island to greet them. Having already said hello, Jaina stepped aside.

Mara kissed Leia's cheek, and then turned to Noura. She touched her face lightly with both hands, kissed her forehead, and then pulled her into a brisk but tight hug, enveloping Noura with a firm, supportive feeling of love and acceptance.

"You'll be fine, Sweetheart," Mara said, and Jaina looked at Leia sideways – Mara rarely used terms of endearment. "You're not alone," she added, and it was so succinct, and matter-of-fact, that Noura actually gave her a faint, relieved smile.

Leia ran her hand over Noura's back. She felt a small pang of jealousy at Noura's reaction, but she was careful not to let it show.

"Hungry? Thirsty?" Mara asked. "Dinner won't be ready for a few hours."

"Actually," Noura said softly. "Um, Aunt Mara could I…have a 'fresher. Or like a bubble bath?"

Mara shrugged as if that were the easiest request she'd ever heard.

"You remember what room you usually stay in?" she asked. "There's a spa bath in there. You can just be alone if you want, or talk to the girls," she said. "I'll call you down for dinner."

Noura nodded. She glanced at Leia, and Leia nodded as well. Jaina swept in to grab Noura's things.

"I'll get – can I come with you, Nour?" she asked, her expression a little sheepish. She seemed to be feeling a little bewildered, as she'd genuinely thought Noura was trying to be funny earlier, but she wanted to be supportive.

Noura thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. Jaina went with her, both of them disappearing upstairs, and Leia listened for a moment until the footsteps had faded. Briefly, she heard flutters of other activity, and then one excited shriek. Mara eyed the ceiling and rolled her eyes.

"Lytha," she identified. "I called them down as soon I heard Jaina at the door, but did they answer? No, because they are all," Mara waved her arms around, her eyes narrow, "on their own time, and I can just go fuck myself."

Leia gave Mara an amused look, though she knew the feeling. Mara sidled back to the island and braced her arms out on it, looking down at the plate of snacks she had in front of her. She tapped her fingers, then lifted her hand to pluck one of the – they appeared to be grapes, covered in –

"Want one?" she asked Leia dryly.

Leia cocked an eyebrow.

"Grapes," Mara said, popping one in her mouth. "With caramel glaze."

Leia made a face. She shook her head.

"That sounds like a hormone craving," she said. She started to smirk, and then did a double take between the snack and Mara. "You aren't pregnant, are you?" she asked weakly.

She couldn't imagine – she'd never have agreed to bring Noura here if Mara was pregnant; that was too much conflict in one house – did Mara and Luke want another child? She could have sworn that Lytha –

Mara was looking at her in horror.

"What a _thought_," she scoffed, shaking her head. "The hell I am," she snorted dismissively. "After Lytha I ended up getting them tied," she said, gesturing to her abdomen. "Since Luke apparently cannot be tamed."

Leia crinkled her nose.

"Mmm, no, worse," Mara said flatly. "I'm bleeding," she pointed to herself, then up at the ceiling, "_they're_ bleeding – every woman in this house who can bleed, is bleeding. It's absolute mayhem."

She gave Leia a sharp, wry look.

"Are you and Jaina bleeding?" she asked.

"I can't speak for Jaina," Leia said. "I'm not – "

"Well," Mara tapped her wrist sarcastically, "get ready to sync up, sister. One thing that having all of these Force-sensitive teenager girls around – mine and the trainees – is that the syncing up thing is even _worse_."

"On the bright side, Noura certainly isn't," Leia finished, deadpan.

Mara held a grape in her hand delicately, eyeing Leia through her lashes.

"Hmmm," she sighed carefully. "The only one we _wish_ was menstruating."

Leia stepped closer, up to a casual bar in the kitchen. Mara could always be expected to be perfectly blunt, straightforward, and honest. She was raw with her emotions in the most logical, practical of ways, something that had always fascinated Leia.

"How has she been?" Mara asked, eating another grape.

Leia sighed. They heard water turn on upstairs. She thought about it for a moment, looking for the right words, but instead what came out was –

"You're already handling it better than me," she said tiredly. "That greeting? You're so easygoing, it put her at ease," Leia shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek. "I could barely speak when she told me. I was a robot."

Mara shook her head firmly.

"Don't do that to yourself, Leia," she said. "Noura's not my daughter, and I'm not as close to the situation, it's easy for me to be more detached and upbeat. I admire you," she said simply. "If this were Beru or Jade, you'd have heard me yelling over on Coruscant."

Leia laughed wanly. She doubted it, but it did make her feel better. She pursed her lips, and intended to go back to Noura, but there was a sudden thunder overhead.

With all the fanfare and cacophony that came with teenagers, and teenage girls at that, Mara and Luke's twins revealed themselves, trundling down the stairs and spilling into the kitchen, clearly in the midst of an argument.

So physically similar, and yet different as could be, both girls paused to greet Leia in a way that befit their personality – Jade, all light sandy hair and sparkling green eyes, gallantly bowed to Leia, her mouth fixed in a smirk, and offered a teasing _"Aunt Your Highness"_ and Beru, crimson-headed, and blue-eyed like her father, ducked to the side, her eyes still on her sister, and gave Leia a warm, affectionate little hug – _"Hi, LeeLee"_ – and then both sprang back into their debate.

Mara rolled her eyes, turning from the island to watch them, abandoning her grapes for a moment.

"They are in a phase that compels them to establish their individuality by disagreeing on absolutely everything," she said, over the arguing, "and Luke and I – _Beru Ana Skywalker, you put that lightsaber away!_"

Quick as a flash, the redhead slipped a thin, elegant, handmade purple saber back into the belt at her waist, an innocent look on her face.

"How many times have I told you not to take that out in the kitchen?"

Beru appeared to roll her eyes, and to Leia's amusement – and she'd take any amusement she could get, right now – Jade drew back her lips and stuck out her tongue, snickering at the reprimand.

"Act like an adult, Jade," ordered Mara.

Falling into silence, the twins continued their verbal argument while vying for space at the icebox, searching for drinks.

"She asked for fizzy water," Beru muttered.

"Okay, so get her one, I want a shuura," Jade shot back.

Leia turned when she heard another noise behind her, and smiled at her youngest niece.

"They're still fighting inside their heads," Lytha said primly. Small and slight, she also sported light sandy hair, and had inherited Luke's blue eyes, leaving Beru with the only real resemblance to their mother.

"I imagine," Leia murmured.

"Watch this, though," Lytha said. She cupped one hand around her mouth. "Jade, your hair looks stupid."

Mara shot an annoyed look at Lytha while, quite suddenly, the icebox door slammed shut and Jade and Beru both turned on their little sister, evidently outraged. Lytha started to back up, smirking.

"They fight each other, but not if you try to fight one of them," Lytha squeaked. "Then they band together."

"Shut up, you little _wretch_," growled Jade.

"We'll string you up by your ankles and use you as a sparring dummy," threatened Beru darkly. "Who do _you_ think you are?"

"You were an accident," Jade piled on. "No one wanted you in the first place, you little nerf – "

"The _Force_ wanted me here!" Lytha shot back. "That's cooler than just Mom and Dad wanting a baby!"

"It wasn't the _Force_, who keeps telling you that? Dad's vasectomy was _botched_ – "

"Girls!" Mara said loudly.

She smacked a hand on the countertop. The force of the warning reverberated intangibly, and all three girls wilted. Lytha sidled closer to Leia to give her a real hello, also ducking behind her a little to hide from the wrath – which _she'd_ instigated – of her thirteen-year-old sisters.

Mara sucked her teeth, shaking her head again.

"And Han thinks _your_ girls are scoundrels."

Leia laughed, ruffling Lytha's hair.

"No, _Han_ thinks they're angels."

She sighed, and tilted her head down, resting her cheek on Lytha's head – Lytha was the only one small enough for Leia to do so. Between Han and Mara, none of _this_ generation seemed to have inherited Luke or Leia's shortness.

"They're all something in between," she murmured, catching Mara's eye pointedly.

"No one here is a scoundrel," said Jade, digging a nail into her shuura and starting to peel it. "We are vivacious and self-assured."

"I'm sorry I taught you those words," Mara told her.

Jade stuck out her tongue.

"I'll cut it off."

"Good thing I know sign language," muttered Jade. "I'll thank Max for that – did he come?" she asked. "Beru learned some new healing techniques. He said he might send a Tooka with Noura?"

Beru nodded fervently.

"That's a lot to expect of Noura right now," Leia said gently. "Max is at home with Han," she said apologetically.

"Wild," Jade said, dead serious. "I would never leave men alone in my home."

Mara looked appalled.

"He's your uncle! He's her husband, Jade – and her _son_!"

"Still prone to the general grossness of men," Jade retorted primly.

Mara looked ready to skin her. Leia only laughed.

"You may have a point," she said slyly. "I expect Max to let his rock lizard take over my 'fresher."

Jade flung her hand out as if to say – _see, I was right?_ Beru held out the fizzy water bottle in her hand, her face softening.

"Noura asked for this," she said. "Is it okay for her to have?"

Leia nodded. Lytha shifted, leaning into Leia's side. She looked up at her warily.

"We know why she's here," she confided quietly.

"Yeah, we eavesdrop pretty aggressively," Jade said flippantly. Beru kicked her. Jade slapped her in the back of the head. Leia thought Mara might lock them both in a closet if they weren't careful.

"We'd have sensed it, though," Beru said, taking the middle ground. She lowered her voice and looked around. "_We_ don't care," she said. "Well…let me say that differently. I mean, we _care_ about Noura but we don't, you know. _Judge_."

Leia smiled at her.

"And no one is going to tell anyone," Lytha said earnestly.

"I didn't think you would," Leia said proudly.

"Not that it's shameful," Jade said, shrugging. She pulled off a chunk of shuura. "It's just an abortion. They're really common. It's something like one in four women have them, so someone in this room probably has," she said. "Except Beru and I haven't, I mean, obvi. So one of you," she gestured flippantl ybetween them.

Leia and Mara looked at each other. Mara said nothing. Jade popped another piece of fruit in her mouth.

"What's more concerning is that Noura had to touch a penis."

"Jade," Mara snapped. "There's nothing immoral about sex."

"I didn't mean in a moral way, I mean because it's a _penis_."

"Since you two insist on acting like you were raised in a Sarlaac pit, I'd like you to scatter," Mara requested tensely. "Meditate. Do back flips. Stay out of my hair. And let Noura be."

"Oh," Leia said softly. "If she wants company, you girls are fine to give her that," she said. "Just pay attention to her signals and," Leia sighed, "try to cut her some slack if she's mean. She's…trying."

_Mostly_, Leia thought.

Beru gave her a funny look.

"Noura's never mean to us," she said, slipping past Leia with a little wave. Jade nodded, taking a bit out of her fruit this time.

"She's only mean to girls older than her," Jade said sagely.

Both of them scampered off at Mara's request, and Mara sighed. She gave Lytha a softer look.

"I want to talk to Leia privately," she said, straightforward. "Will you go make sure your father isn't ruining my garden?"

Lytha nodded solemnly. She looked up at Leia, a very grave expression on her face.

"Daddy's good at a lot of things," she said. "He is so bad at gardening. It's because he grew up on a planet where they farmed water," she said.

Clearly, she considered this to be the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. She slipped away from Leia, snuck a grape from the plate in front of Mara, and then skipped out to the sun porch and darted through a side screen door outside. Mara watched her go, and then turned back. She looked down at the half-empty plate, and tossed her hair, looking up at Leia.

"I attempt good mothering," she said. "As you can see, they resist it at all costs."

Leia lifted one shoulder.

"None of yours are pregnant," she retorted.

Mara sniffed.

"That isn't your fault."

Leia sighed. She leaned down on the counter in front of her, running her hands over her face.

"You have no idea," she confessed quietly, "how much it _feels_ like it is."

Mara licked her lips.

"I suppose I don't," she agreed. She hesitated, chewing on her lip. "Leia, I need to make something clear, and I don't want you to take it as a personal affront to Noura."

Leia lowered her hand warily, but curious. She furrowed her brow. Mara came around the island and moved closer, leaning close to Leia over the bar.

"I can help Noura meditate," she said. "I can talk to her about how I felt when I had my abortion," she said, and then paused for a heavy moment. "I won't do it for her, though," she said, as if that had been weighing on her.

Leia stared at her for a moment. She moved her lips, taken aback, and then said.

"You…mean," she began. "Perform the abortion?"

Mara nodded.

Leia parted her lips in shock.

"Mara, that isn't what I expected," she said in a hushed voice. "Kest. _Sith_," she said. Mara flinched, and Leia grimaced, reaching out to touch her hand. "Sorry," she said. "No, Mar, Noura has an appointment with a medic. She's going to have a vacuum aspiration," she explained quietly. "What would make you think I wanted you to do it for her?"

Mara looked at Leia delicately. She folded her arms, frowning.

"I never told you?" she asked.

"Told me what?"

Mara sighed.

"_I_ performed my abortion," she said bluntly. "I unraveled the pregnancy with the Force."

Leia stared at her. She had not been aware of that. She wasn't sure how it made her feel. She was completely unopposed to abortion; however, all she could remember about her pregnancies was how intimately connected she'd been to them, precisely because of the Force. She couldn't imagine purposefully inducing the loss of a pregnancy – not when she had that one miscarriage that had been gruesome in how sensitive she was to it.

She shook her head very slowly, compressing her lips.

"I never expected that of you," she said quietly. "I don't want this connected to the Force for her," she said. "I've made my own decision in terms of Jedi training, but I _want_ Noura to be open to it. I don't think _this_ needs to be a part of it." Leia shook her head. "No," she murmured again. "She's going to a medic."

Mara nodded succinctly.

"Okay," she said. "That's best. I don't think it's wrong," she said, almost defensive. "I am not against her having an abortion. I think…if it is to be done the way I did it, it needs to be done by the," Mara frowned, "well, _mother_, but I don't like the use of that word if someone does not want to be a mother."

Leia dipped her head.

"I believe I understand what you're saying," she murmured.

"I do not use the Force to end things anymore," Mara said. "Perhaps that seems irreconcilable with my also saying I am on her side as far as deciding for an abortion – "

"It doesn't," Leia said. "I _get_ it."

Mara nodded again. She held her hand out and Leia placed her own palm into it. Mara squeezed.

"We'll take care of her," she said firmly. "I'll talk to her later, give her some meditation techniques," she promised. "I don't want to step on your toes, though."

Leia smiled, resigned.

"We're here so she has support. Perspective," she murmured. "Part of being a good mother is knowing when you need help, isn't it?"

Mara nodded in agreement.

"I'll do what I can to prepare her," she said. "The blunt truth is that it will hurt," Mara said. "Not only physically. For us it's something deeper. I doubt it's what she's expecting, though."

Leia licked her lips. Mara straightened up, and came closer, stepping around the chair.

"Leia?" she ventured.

Leia arched her brows.

"My daughters don't always like me, either," she confided very softly. "You remember, when my twins were babies? You told me…Beru didn't hate me, she was just trying to find out how to cope with this big new world, and it was hard."

Leia tilted her head, remembering it well. Mara smiled.

"It's no different now, for Noura. She _loves_ you. You're doing fine."

Leia squeezed Mara's hand again. She stepped closer to hug her, her eyes stinging, but Mara offering advice in the form of Leia's _own_ words was a relief she hadn't known she needed. She took a deep breath, hugging her sister-in-law tightly. She couldn't imagine having raised children without this woman around, despite the gap between the planets they called home, and she was ever so grateful that years and years ago, she'd forced herself to give Mara a chance.

* * *

Clean and refreshed, with a bit of food in her stomach, Noura settled down with Mara in one of the small temples on the sprawling academy grounds. Her hands played anxiously at the edge of her hair, though the ubiquitous presence of the Force here did make her feel calmer than usual.

She sat with her legs crossed in a triangle on one of the stone benches in the rotunda, tilting her head up to see the stars through the glass roof. Her aunt sat next to her, lounging in that characteristic way of hers – Noura didn't see how it could be comfortable, amongst all this stone and marble. While Noura very meticulously wove her hair into a tight, simple Alderaanian plait to sleep in, Mara watched the movement of her hands, and tried not to be overwhelmed that she was being trusted with Leia's daughter in this way.

"You're very good at that," Mara said, nodding at Noura's hands. Noura used no mirror, and worked on her own hair as if it were effortless. Mara flicked her wrist at her hair. "I never could braid my own hair, unless it was basic."

Noura smiled.

"It makes your arms ache," she murmured. She paused. "Thank you," she said, after a moment, chewing her lip. Then she went on: "Braids are very important in Alderaanian culture."

Her hands moved down her hair slowly, weaving and weaving with casual muscle memory.

"It's one of my favorite things about it," she offered quietly. "And the language, it always sounds like romantic singing."

Mara smiled. She rested her elbow on the back of the stone bench, and Noura looked up, eyeing the stars again.

"Why did you bring me out _here_?" she asked.

"I like it out here," Mara said simply. "It's quiet, it's contained. It's off limits to the males at the academy."

"_Is_ it?" Noura murmured, surprised.

Mara nodded.

"When we were constructing, I insisted on such an area."

Noura made an interested noise in the back of her throat. She pursed her lips, winding her braid down around her shoulder, and sighing a little as she was able to relax her shoulders, and finish without straining her arms.

"I thought you would prefer speaking without the chance that Jade or Beru or Lytha would barge in, or without worry about your mother or sister eavesdropping."

Noura shrugged.

"They wouldn't do that," she said honestly, perfectly willing to give credit there.

"No," Mara agreed, "but you might worry about it, and then you wouldn't speak freely."

Noura shrugged again. She tilted her head to the side as if to acknowledge that, and then glanced around as she tied off the end of her braid – she used a knot of her hair, rather than a tie or anything – and sighed.

"It's beautiful," she murmured. "Coruscant just _isn't_ like this. It has its artificial areas, and we have the greenhouse room, and the courtyard at home," she trailed off.

"Naboo is hard to beat for landscape," Mara said.

Noura's hands fell to her lap. She rested them on her ankles, her fingertips smoothing over the soft, worn leather of her old boots. She stared down at her hands idly.

"So," Mara began firmly. "Speak."

Noura looked up, her eyes widening a little. She looked alarmed.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked edgily.

"You said you wanted to talk to me," Mara said. "Leia said you needed to. Here I am."

Noura gave her an amused, nervous little smile. Mara was always just so…blunt. It was almost chaotic, except that she was never hysterical with her bluntness.

"Aunt Mara, I just," she started, blustering. "Well, I mean…I guess because Jaina told me you'd…you know."

"Had an abortion?" Mara supplied calmly.

Noura eyed her warily. She nodded.

"Yes, I have," Mara said.

Noura hesitated.

"That's it?" she asked.

Mara paused.

"I'm not sure what else you want to know, unless you ask specific questions, but as far as I am concerned yes, that's it. It was something that I did in my life, in the past," she lifted one shoulder, "that's it," she said again.

Noura scraped her finger at the sole of her boot. She watched her hand.

"Can I ask questions?" she ventured finally.

"Yes," Mara agreed.

"Were you…young?"

Mara thought about it.

"I was older than you," she said. "I was in my early twenties. It was when I worked for the Empire," Mara explained flatly. "There were certain tactics I used to employ when serving as a spy. The father was no one special to me," she said.

She'd sworn she would be honest about every aspect.

Noura glanced up at her aunt through lashes, her brows raised.

"You mean you would sleep with marks," she guessed.

"Tactics," Mara repeated vaguely.

"Were you…like, did you use birth control?" Noura asked.

Mara nodded.

"It failed," she said.

Noura's shoulders arched. She slumped against the back of the stone bench, her lower lip protruding.

"I didn't use _anything_," she said bitterly. "I don't even have _that_ to cling to. I wasn't really _planning_ to have sex, but then once it started, I was like, into it, and I," she shrugged. She sighed. "I can't even like, be all upset because I tried to be good, I just didn't care. I didn't want to get pregnant but I like…I guess for some reason genuinely did not think it would happen to me," she muttered.

"Hmm," Mara sighed. "That is pretty foolhardy," she said frankly.

Noura nodded. She crossed her arms across her chest – coming from Aunt Mara, that didn't seem as harsh and judgmental, though she would bet her mother was thinking the same thing, and twice as furiously. Noura _felt_ the same thing, that was part of why she kept getting so sensitive, and prone to being defensive – except she had nothing to defend her with, and that made her angrier. She had nothing righteous to cling to; she only had her own glaring mistakes.

"Or," Noura mumbled, "I was all messed up in my subconscious and I was in there thinking, hey, Mom would really, _really_ hate this, wouldn't she," Noura trailed off. "I don't…I don't mean that."

Mara said nothing. She let Noura work through that for a minute. She did not believe for a moment Noura had done this on purpose, but unfortunately she _could_ see a teenage girl being reckless and a little vindictive if she had conflict with her mother, and she wasn't mature enough to handle it appropriately. It did surprise her that Noura may have nailed that underlying imperative.

"At least _you_ were using contraceptive," Noura said angrily. "It feels like because of that you're more…I don't know, justified. Like you were doing things right so you can deal with it however you want."

"Is that something that's bothering you?" Mara asked. "You think you don't deserve an abortion because you didn't try to prevent pregnancy?"

Noura didn't say anything. She lifted one hand, splayed it over her arm, and then examined her nails. Her face lost some of its colour, and she shrugged, chewing her lip, trying to decide what she wanted to say.

"Noura, I used to work for the Emperor," Mara prompted. "Nothing you say to me here is going to scandalize me."

Noura made a choking noise that may have been a bitter laugh.

"Well, that just…I mean you made it sound like a reward," she said. "Like, oh, you did everything right, here's your abortion, _congrats_," she muttered. "I don't know if I want to claim I like, wish I had earned the fun of an abortion," she added sarcastically.

"But is that how you feel?" Mara pressed stubbornly. "It sounds like you're sitting here telling me I had more of a right to end a pregnancy because I was using birth control."

Noura balled her fist.

"I _feel_ that way but I don't want to," she whispered shakily. "I know I fucked up, I know I was _really_ being stupid," she said, breathing in sharply. "I want to take it back but now I can't, and I don't want a baby. I _don't_, Aunt Mara, especially not a baby with…I mean, Axel is just a jerk. He's an _asshole_."

Noura's eyes filled with tears, and Mara listened closely. This was the first she was hearing of the boy from Noura; Leia had only told her that it seemed the boy had not been nice to Noura at all, and the two of them were not seeing each other.

"I kind of went ahead with the sex because I wanted to have an edge over my friends," she admitted, her face turning red, "but I liked him. I thought he was handsome, and fun, and he was a bit older, and he liked me, and then he just…stopped talking to me," she said, holding one hand out sadly.

She looked at Mara, and then touched her chest gingerly.

"Like I did something wrong. How could _I_ have done something wrong? I _had_ sex with him, and _I_ was the one who didn't even get anything out of it!"

Mara smiled a little. The indignation and humiliation that rolled off Noura was something so many women, even Mara herself, felt at some point in their life, whether it stemmed from a bad sexual experience, or just plain discrimination at work.

"That's a rite of passage," she said grimly. "Did he hurt you?" she asked.

Noura sighed, agitated.

"Not _really_, but I wasn't like, I mean," she shrugged, her voice going a little shy, "not like I'd never stuck anything up there before. It just didn't feel great."

Mara snorted, amused. She held out a hand to touch Noura's shoulder.

"I'm not laughing at you," she promised. "Good for you."

"My _dad_ asked that," Noura confided, her mouth twisting in horror. "He was like, oh, I'm going to kill this boy if he didn't…I don't know…he was like," Noura trailed off, sticking out her tongue. "Weird."

"You'd rather your father care that you had good sex as opposed to locking you in your room with a chastity belt," Mara said.

Noura raised her hand to bite her nail. She inclined her head as if she acknowledged that a little, but she still scrunched her nose. He could care about it, but she'd like him to keep it to himself, _thank you very much._ Noura tore off a bit of her nail, and then spat it into her hand. She flung it away, and then gave Mara a guilty look – probably a super gross thing to do.

Mara just shrugged, and Noura folded her arms tightly again.

"Anyway," she continued softly. "I know I don't want to keep it. I was like…repulsed when I found out, my first thought was, _oh I have to get rid of this_," she said, "and I've always been supportive of the right, it's not like we live in some outer rim super religious colony. We're in the _core_. Rock stars have abortions on the holo for views."

Noura licked her lips.

"But it still always feels like it sparks this conversation, like everyone gets to comment," she said hoarsely, "and there's all kinds of people who are like, oh, I support it, but_ I'd_ never do it, and it just…especially since I wasn't using birth control it's like…I just deserve this and I'm a selfish _bitch_ if I don't deal with the consequence."

"And in your mind," Mara said, "the consequence is a baby, not the pregnancy."

Noura hesitated. She looked at Mara sharply.

"It's the same thing," she said.

"Yes," Mara said, "and no."

"How do you work _that_ one out?" Noura retorted skeptically.

"The pregnancy is non-existent without you," Mara said, pushing her index finger firmly into Noura's shoulder to reiterate the point. "A baby, and the person it grows to be outside of you, is its own individual. And for eighteen – no, let's be realistic; upwards of twenty – years, while you raise it, it would need and want you in ways you'd have to actively respond to."

Mara sat forward a little, holding up her hands.

"You might want to consider that regardless of what you do, you _are_ dealing with the consequence. You had unprotected sex, and you got pregnant, which you didn't want. If you have an abortion, you have to cope with that – if it's something that hurts you. If you have a baby, you have to rise to that challenge, which is infinitely more of a responsibility."

Mara pushed her hair back.

"Either way, you're sitting here with me, and you're a mess," she said bluntly. "You're scared, and you're anxious. You're questioning your decision-making skills and you're learning from a very big mistake. Those are consequences. I think I – and _certainly_ your mother – would be more concerned if you viewed this as not a big deal at all. If you were flitting around carefree and ignoring this massive _thing_."

Noura licked her lips.

"It just seems like," she said quietly, "that when you have an abortion, you're supposed to be devastated, and I…don't care. I'm not _sad_ I'm going to end it. I'm just like…_mad_ it happened and…ashamed and…I let my parents down."

"I felt the same way," Mara said. "I didn't make _lists_. I didn't have a lengthy argument with myself. I had an abortion and went on with my life."

"It still feels different for you," Noura said edgily. "And I'm so afraid that, um, like Dad, and Uncle Luke, and even _Baba_ are just going to think so badly of me."

"They're men," Mara said gently. "They're good men, but they aren't ever fully going to _get_ what pregnancy and motherhood _mean_."

Noura swallowed hard. She picked at her nails, falling silent for a little bit. She considered the conversation they'd been having so far, and then she looked at Mara worriedly.

"Does it hurt?" she asked, and then she burst out: "See? All I care about is myself. I can't _stand_ who I am sometimes, I feel like I care about stupid, frivolous things and I can't ever live up to the incredible things Mom did, and then I just get more and more…defensive, and…I'm so mean to her – she and Jaina are so _close_ and I'm just – _there_!"

Mara leaned forward. She rested her elbows on her knees. She had heard Leia's side of this more than once; Leia was always trying to find a way to relate to Noura without making her feel small or like she had to change who she was. It seemed to be a cyclical thing. Leia was adamant that her children be able to find themselves without her dictating their every move, and the more Noura resisted comparisons, and Leia's life, the less Leia tried to invade her space – and it seemed to backfire; Noura wanted the attention, but she was too insecure about herself to embrace who she was.

She fought her mother like she was fighting her identity.

"Noura," Mara said gently. "Do you love the things you care about?"

Noura blinked, taken aback.

"I…?" she stammered. "I mean…fashion, and films, and…not really politics and all that? _Yes_, I like what I like."

"Then it isn't frivolous. If you like it because you like it, it's yours. Don't fall into this trap of forcing yourself to want things or like things that you think is expected of you. I know I can't speak for her, but I don't think Leia wants you to follow in her footsteps if you don't want to."

Noura reached up to wipe her eyes.

"It isn't selfish to be afraid you might be in pain," Mara added. She sighed. "You can expect some physical pain. It will feel worse than a menstrual cycle," she offered. "We…you know, I think, that because of who you are – your sensitivity – you may feel pain on a different level than a woman who lacks the Force. I did."

"That's what I mean," Noura said hoarsely. Her nose started to run, and she wiped at it, blinking back tears. "Like, is it going to just…be _screaming_ in pain in my head? Crying, or something, like not understanding why I…killed it?" She licked her lips. "I know it's there, and that didn't make me want it."

Mara gathered her words carefully.

"You and I both know that it is nonsense to pretend it's not life," she said evenly. "We sense the glimmer of life in non-sentient insects, in flowers," she listed. "What I can tell you, what I think I can tell you is that…what you'll feel, what you might feel, in the Force – is loss. An ache you can't even define," Mara held up one finger, "but – the Force is…a gentle place," she said. "You have to remember that sentient beings _want_ to be wanted. Babies should be wanted. And for us, in particular…no matter how good we are at shielding, if _you_ didn't want your baby, if you resented it, at some point, that would emanate from you, _it would slip through_."

Noura sniffed.

"You're saying the Force…that it would…forgive me?"

Mara put a hand to her chest.

"One thing I felt when I had my abortion," she said quietly, "a thing I didn't expect – was understanding. I didn't bond with the embryo, not that one. Later, the babies, I wanted to have, I did, but that's a conscious process, separate from just knowing and sensing from an objective point of power. That comes from wanting. You might be surprised to find the reaction of the Force is less damning than you think. This is not the same thing as driving a blade into someone's heart."

Mara cocked an eyebrow.

"Trust me. I've done both."

Noura snorted. She wiped her eyes with the heels of her hand.

"That's mostly what's been bothering me…how the people I love, and want to love me, will look at me and how…I'll feel, after," she said. She moved her hands stiffly, trying to find words. "I can't make it work, in my head. Like how can I feel guilty for getting rid of it but also just know I don't want to have it and I can't…I can't be its mom. We have all this money and stuff, but," she trailed off, and Mara clicked her tongue.

"Money and status would never erase the fact that you didn't want it," she pointed out. "It would save it from the plight of many unwanted children in an economic sense but – well; surely you have friends in your world that have all they could ever want, and yet they're unhappy."

Noura bared her teeth grimly.

"My _friends_," she spat sarcastically – so _many_ of them, who had none of the attention and care Leia and Han gave to Noura every day. Their parents half-cared about them, if they cared at all; they fixed problems with riches, not conversation and affection.

Mara straightened up.

"I'm not here to convince you to go through with the abortion," she began firmly.

"I don't need you to," Noura muttered. "I want it. I just don't want to _need_ to want it," she said bitterly. "If that makes sense."

"It does," Mara said. She continued: "You'll probably run into people your whole life, whether they know you've had an abortion or not, who have strong opinions on this, and more than likely, might see me as a heinous, immoral monster for suggesting that you are making a merciful decision by choosing not to have a baby you don't want when you aren't ready."

Mara touched Noura's knee.

"What you need to work on is having confidence in your decision, and in yourself. It's your life, Noura. It's your body. The only people who are self-righteous about this sort of thing are people who have never been through it, and who refuse to believe, out of ignorance, or arrogance, that they are _one_ human misstep away from staring into the abyss themselves."

Noura blinked.

"That was very poetic," she said dryly.

She sighed.

"I needed to hear you talk about the Force aspects of it," she said. She licked her lips. "Aunt Rouge has had one," she said. "I don't know if Mom mentioned that. She was closer to my age, and she was _made_ to do it. Mom wouldn't let her talk to me alone… that, you know…she must not want me to go through with it. Rouge, I mean," Noura sighed. "And Baba, well…I just know he lost a lot of babies," she trailed off. "So abortion has to like, piss him off right? I mean it would me. If my babies kept dying and some dumb teenage bitch was just like, nah, I don't want this."

Noura's tone was flippant and bitter, but her eyes told a different story. Mara could see she wasn't truly dismissive at all.

"Your aunt and your grandfather are entitled to their personal tragedies without forcing the resolution of them on you," Mara said firmly. "I am not as familiar with Rouge as you are, but I know Bail fairly well. That is a man who would hardly withhold his love from you over this."

"Oh, I know," Noura said heavily. "That's just where my head is. It's always where my head is. How are others going to look at me? What are they going to _think_? That's my whole problem all the time. It's just hard growing up like…I mean, Mom and Dad keep us out of the spotlight and I'm still…look at all there is to live up to in my own family."

Noura put her hands to her cheeks, staring to cry quietly.

"I always feel like I'm not good enough for Mom and…I mean, Jaina's kind of right, Mom doesn't tell me that? She doesn't act like I'm useless? But then I second guess myself, I'm like, is she really leaving me to be myself so I can do that, or does she just not like me?"

Mara bit her lip. Her own eyes stung a little – she'd never known her own mother; she'd never felt exactly like this, but she could relate. And she knew Noura was entirely wrong; as a mother, and as someone who'd known Leia for much longer, she knew Leia loved Noura more than words could say. She viewed some of Noura's behavior as problematic because she knew Noura was smart, and she knew Noura deserved to treat herself better, but it was not because she didn't like her.

"But _this_ obviously wasn't a good way to get her attention!" Noura sobbed. "It's not what I wanted! I've made it so much _worse_. I'm _definitely_ the fuck up now."

Mara reached out to run her hand over Noura's braid. She stayed silent, waiting for Noura's tears to stem a little. Mara had never been one who liked being spoken to while she cried, so she let Noura struggle for a moment. When she calmed down, Mara leaned back on the back of the stone bench, and sighed.

"You know, I used to be intimidated by your mother," she said frankly.

Noura gave her a baleful look, and Mara nodded.

"Ask Luke," she challenged. "She _was_ the Rebellion. She was the embodiment of good. Saint Leia. Paragon of the fight for equality," Mara put a hand to her chest, "I was the Emperor's right-hand _assassin_, Noura. And Luke wanted to bring me to her dinner table."

Noura did laugh a little at that. She inclined her head, lifted one shoulder.

"There was tension there, and I was pissed off that I felt that way – but part of it was me not liking myself. I had to come to terms with who I was – and when Leia and I did meet, she was _anything_ but the sanctimonious priestess I imagined. She and I are different, but there is a massive amount of respect between us. You'll find the same thing," Mara said emphatically. "Leia is one of the most fair people I know, with an incredible talent for seeing perspective. I think she wants you to figure out who you are, and she doesn't want to interfere with you, unless it's to protect you, while you do that. But if she's doing it in a way that hurts you, or doesn't work for your personality, _you have to tell her."_

Noura reached up to touch her braid. She stroked it lightly, compressing her lips as she thought about everything Mara had said.

"You two aren't as different as you think you are," Mara said gently. "You and Jaina have been given all the luxuries of the life that was ripped away from Leia, and more than that, you were freed from the restrictions she probably had as a princess. Jaina responds to that with solemnity. You embrace it. Leia has to balance wanting you to like _her_ with also being a stable, parental force in your life. That is much harder than your side of things."

Noura nodded slowly. That made sense to her. She listened to it better when it came from someone other than Jaina, or her mother – maybe because that's just how teenage minds worked sometimes; nothing you mother tried to tell you seemed right, and that made your mother furious, especially when some other woman said the same thing, and it clicked.

"I wanted her to yell at me," Noura whispered. "I wanted her to like, start yelling that I was stupid and I'd ruined my life, and she didn't, she just…loved me. But I decided it meant she thought I wasn't going to do anything useful anyway."

Mara smiled faintly.

"You're taking some good steps realizing that maybe you project some things onto her unfairly."

"Dad gave me a place to write things down," Noura admitted. She hugged herself. "It helps. I really like writing," she added, as if it was a recent discovery. "Not writing because I _have_ to, in school. Other writing."

She paused.

"I get anxious," she said heavily, "then I get so angry about it. The writing makes me see it all laid out, though."

"Have you mentioned to Leia that you get anxious like that?" Mara asked.

"Uh, _no_, I don't really have anything to be anxious about," Noura retorted. "My life is fine."

Mara filed that away for Leia. She didn't intend to relate everything Noura had said, for Noura's sake, but certain things seemed necessary to pass on, mother-to-mother.

"Meditation can help calm anxiety," Mara said.

Noura sighed. She looked at her ankles.

"I know," she said. "But…like I said, I get angry, because I know I'm being stupid.

I'm like Dad," she said astutely, "my emotions are strong and I don't hide them. But I don't mess with the Force when I feel angry. Anakin was like that."

"Oh," Mara said, her tone lighter. "You don't just _catch_ the dark side because you're pissed and you touch the Force," she said firmly. "I know Leia has chosen not to train, but even she meditates."

Noura inclined her head. She looked uncertain. She uncrossed her legs, and drew them up, holding them to her chest. She rested her cheek on her knees, and looked askance at Mara. She took a deep breath.

"This has been…good, Aunt Mara," she said quietly. "Like I feel…I don't know. Not good, but," she trailed off. "Thanks for talking with me."

Mara nodded. She hesitated.

"Noura," she said thoughtfully. "Do you get depressed?"

Noura bit her nail.

"No," she said certainly. She shook her head to punctuate that, shrugging – and she was sure of herself. "I mean, I get _sad_," she said. She scoffed, her face darkening, "I'm sad right now," she muttered. "But I don't get depressed. This girl I go to school with has that and," Noura widened her eyes and shook her head. "Yeah, _no_, thank the Force, like there's a _big_ difference between sad and depressed," she said.

Mara nodded. She tilted her head, studying Noura.

"You're going to get through this, Noura," she said quietly. "It's not fun. It won't feel good. But you'll come out alive. And you won't be alone."

Noura blinked at her slowly. Her lips turned up tiredly, but she nodded – she wasn't getting sick of hearing that, at least. That she wasn't alone. That she'd be okay. Even if she was having some trouble believing it, and she had about a hundred tiny fires in her, and she felt like the world was ending over and over again, in unique and devastating ways.

Reminding herself that things could be worse, that her mother and father and the rest of the galaxy had all been through worse, didn't seem to help. So maybe she just had to accept the incongruity of relative suffering didn't make hers unimportant.

Noura wiped at her eyes, rubbing away the remnants of tears. She still felt like crying. She felt tired. She was nervous and scared about the appointment tomorrow, and all of her fears and insecurities and doubts didn't just go away because Aunt Mara was smart and had said plenty of useful things – but she did feel better.

What struck her was how much this heart to heart with Mara had made her want her mother.

She took a deep breath.

"Aunt Mara? Will you meditate with me?" she asked.

Mara nodded immediately. She had anticipated such a request, and she thought it was an excellent idea. She was like Luke in that respect; when in need, turn to the Force – she was even fiercer than Luke about it, at times. Her relationship with the Force had been so fraught and dark for so long, that the light there now was ever sacred to her.

Noura slowly lowered her feet to the floor, hesitating.

"Um," she said. "I know…I mentioned maybe you could take me tomorrow," she said, "since you've had one, but," she paused again. "I think Mom should take me." She swallowed, and then said, trying the words out: "I want it to be my mom."

Mara nodded. She felt a flicker of triumph on Leia's behalf; _I knew it,_ she thought _I knew your daughter didn't reject you, Leia – like you knew Beru never hated me, when she was a baby._

Mara reached out and took Noura's hand, turning to face her, leaning forward, eyes focused on her.

"You tell her that, Noura," she said.

Noura nodded. She squeezed Mara's hand, and Mara straightened up, reaching out to take Noura's other hand. They faced each other, and Mara drew in a deep breath, opened her mind to the music of the invisible world, the familiar golden threads, bracing herself to coax Noura through some nuanced techniques. Leia was more than capable of teaching these things to Noura, and Mara resolved to leave most of it to her, but for now, if nothing else, ensuring Noura could get a good night's sleep was not so much an invasion of Leia's maternal territory as it was a kindness for her daughter.

* * *

_-alexandra_


	6. Five

a/n: and now the story begins to arc towards the end. another long chapter, though! once again, all trigger warnings that were mentioned in the first chapter apply to all chapters of this story.

* * *

Coruscant & Naboo  
28 ABY

Five

* * *

Despite how often Leia had encountered tragedies and crises –-both private and public—she always found herself a little startled by how boldly life continued to just…go on. The ground could shake beneath her feet, and yet still the sun would rise and set as always. As she navigated through this very intimate conflict with Noura, in some ways she was sharply reminded of herself, and of her own past reactions to personally devastating problems.

For example, she'd never have thought she'd run into the painfully mundane problem of having to keep checking to make sure Noura was getting up, instead of repeatedly snoozing her alarm – it was such a normal thing, and normal was not supposed to exist right now. Yet earlier that morning Leia had found herself standing next to Noura's bed, glaring at her, biting out a phrase she really had never thought she'd utter –

"_Get up _right_ now, Noura Mé. You want to be late to your abortion?" _

For what it was worth, Noura seemed just as surprised that she had been able to sleep so well – Leia supposed Mara was to thank for that – and had finally scrambled up, chastened. Then, in typical teenage fashion, she'd fussed about what to wear, which was simultaneously absurd, and probably a dissociative tactic.

Leia remembered agonizing over how she'd style herself for the Yavin medal ceremony, despite the fact that fashion and hair was such a nothing thing compared to the genocide she'd just witnessed, and the fact that she had broken ribs, and it hadn't even been a week since the cadet had raped her.

Noura fidgeted in the chair next to Leia, her attention focused on her intake paperwork, and Leia watched her closely, eyes running over the simple aquatic braid she'd woven her hair into, and the inconspicuous jumpsuit she'd put on.

"_Leave me alone,"_ she'd snapped, when Jaina needled her about stressing over, of all things, an abortion outfit. _"That's not what it is. I'll probably never want to see whatever piece of clothing I wear again."_

Leia, irritated herself at Noura's dwelling, had calmed a little at that. It _saddened_ her. Noura wanted to wear something she wouldn't miss if she felt the need to throw it out.

"_I don't want to look like a kid or a…tramp…either!"_

Noura shifted anxiously, chewing on her lip. The chairs in the waiting room were plush and inviting, and the private practice was empty save for them. Leia had booked the first appointment of the morning, angling to encounter less curious eyes.

"What's my blood type?" Noura asked hesitantly.

Leia tilted her head closer and pointed to the correct option.

"Rare," Leia added, indicating a subcategory. "Force sensitive blood types have this designation," she said. "Other than that unique element, though, you match your father."

Noura selected the correct box with her stylus.

"I should…know my blood type," she said, half to herself. Her face flushed. "Right?"

Leia lifted one shoulder, pursing her lips.

"I'm not entirely sure I knew mine until the Battle of Yavin," she murmured.

Noura was quietly relieved to hear that. It made her feel less immature. One thing she could definitely have in common with her mother, then. That was…comforting.

Noura tilted her head and rested her chin on her palm, scrolling through the form very slowly. She began reading the next section, detailing the procedure. Leia had been adamant that Noura do all of this herself. Noura bit her lip uncomfortably, her nose crinkling.

"Mom," she started, crossing her legs tightly. She tilted the pad a little to show Leia the section she was reading. "It says I could _die_."

Leia did not look at the form, but she did reach up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Noura's ear.

"Those complications are exceedingly rare. For the most part they happen in unsafe circumstances," she assured her. "You are not going to die."

Noura flicked her eyes back down, scrolling. She signed, and then pressed her thumb down, on a line indicating she acknowledged the minimal risks.

"I'm not," she muttered. "_It_ is."

She didn't sound forlorn; she sounded grim, and matter-of-fact. Leia let her hand fall to Noura's shoulder, squeezed once, and then sat back, projecting calm support. Noura swallowed hard, and then sort of shoved the datapad to Leia.

"Will you check and make sure I didn't miss anything?" she asked faintly. "I keep feeling lightheaded and the words are blurry."

Leia nodded.

"It's because you haven't eaten," she said. She'd been told not to let Noura eat, on the off chance she decided she wanted anesthetic. Looking over the first few forms, Leia noted that Noura had requested localized medication, but not general, which Leia felt was best – she didn't think the risks of general anesthetic were necessary for this, but she wouldn't have challenged Noura if that were what she wanted.

She noticed Noura had left the line for procedure companion blank, which answered the lingering question of whether she wanted Leia in the room with her. Leia set her jaw, unsure how she felt about that. She understood if Noura wanted complete privacy, but something hit her very, _very_ wrong about watching her sixteen-year-old go back into some sterile room with strangers and end a pregnancy alone.

Leia should _be_ there. Holding her hand. But she didn't feel she had the right to force her presence on Noura, not for this.

"Mmm," Leia noted, tapping the datapad. "You skipped the contraceptive section."

"Uh," Noura said, her voice taking on a hard, skeptical edge, "don't worry, I don't need that. I'm never having sex again," she said flatly.

Leia turned to her, her jaw tightening. She forced down an urge to whack some sense into Noura via a little knock to the back of the head – sith knew there had been enough slapping Noura – and gave her a stern look. She handed the datapad back.

"It is not funny, Noura," Leia said coolly. "The last thing _you_ need to be doing right now is acting flippant about contraceptive."

"I happen to genuinely feel that way," Noura grumbled, though her face paled a little at Leia's tone, and some of the confidence with which she said that – had it been a joke, an attempt to lighten the mood? – faded.

"I am sure you do," Leia agreed emphatically. "You are free to join a chastity cult if you so wish, but you are not leaving this appointment without a contraceptive implant, or a plan for a regimen."

Leia tapped the datapad for good measure, brooking no argument. Noura flushed, hesitated, and swallowed hard.

"I don't, I mean…okay, but, like, what's the best one? What do I choose?" she asked, flustered.

The door opened, and a woman in medical scrubs smiled at them kindly, then breezed through the room and went into the back. Leia waited until the door closed, let herself cool off for a moment, and then looked over, scanning the practice's options.

"I, um," Noura ventured. "What did…you use?" she asked.

Leia sighed. She leaned back, taking a deep breath.

"Well," she began. "I had an implant for most of my life. The first two I had were intrauterine, and the last one I had was implanted near my hip bone, under the skin," she explained. "I felt they were the most reliable. During the years I was having you three," she murmured, "I took a shot. It was easier to stop and start."

Leia looked at the list again.

"Tablets are outdated and mostly unheard of in the core," she said dismissively. "They're easy to forget and trying different kinds will wreck your system. Any of these items you insert post a risk of," Leia wriggled her fingers lightly, "needing to be…fished out."

Noura wrinkled her nose.

"Does getting an implant hurt?" she asked.

Leia tilted her head.

"I didn't love it," she reflected. "It was slightly worse than a pelvic exam."

Noura hesitated. Her first pelvic exam had been with Dr. Mellis, when Leia had taken her to confirm the pregnancy, and obtained her a sexually transmitted disease panel as well. That was something that irked Leia – why hadn't she been more proactive about gynecological exams for the girls? She'd scheduled Jaina one when she was eighteen and then left it up to her, trying to afford her privacy and agency and Noura – again; Leia had just _thought_ she'd left the door open enough that they would have come to her if they needed these things.

"The medic will be able to insert an implant after the procedure," Leia advised gently. "It might be best if you get it all over with today."

Noura bit her lip. She jabbed her stylus at the document, selecting _contraceptive—implant—intrauterine._ She handed the datapad back to Leia for her to continue proofing, folding her arms across her chest.

"Is it going to ruin my skin?" she asked warily.

Leia compressed her lips, ignoring that for a moment to keep herself from snapping at Noura – she had to remember that Noura's attitude didn't necessarily mean she was being flippant; she was coping.

"The hormone dosages are not as chaotic as they used to be," Leia said. "Most women in the core swear by implants." Then, to ease Noura's nerves a little, she added: "Jaina told me she uses one. You can exchange stories with her."

Leia handed the datapad back with a nod; it all looked fine. Noura took it jerkily, frowning.

"Of course she does," she muttered. "Jaina being her _perfect_ smart self, Jaina's a virgin but _Jaina's_ going to go get birth control," she grimaced, shaking her head. "She _could_ have _invited_ me."

To her surprise, Leia smiled a little at that, though it was a grim smile. The idea was kind of cute.

"It isn't a completely irrational notion," she chastised gently. "There's merit in being prepared long before you actually need to be. I was using contraceptives for years before I was having sex."

Noura tapped a call button on the datapad, and a slim records droid glided into the room to come take her file and begin processing it. She gave it a clipped look, staring away from Leia.

"Yes, I know, you and Jaina are all practical and brilliant and don't…_fuck_ up," she breathed, though she lowered her voice hesitantly, well aware Leia didn't like them swearing.

Leia sighed.

"Noura," she said quietly, "at some point, you are going to have to start accepting my words for what they are: parenting. Not a compete indictment of who you are as a person."

"Maybe you should find a better way to talk to me," Noura muttered into her palm.

Leia sat back heavily. She put a hand to her face and looked away, fighting to keep her composure. Noura could be more hurtful than she realized, sometimes. Leia's eyes stung, but she blinked the tears away, and kept silent, backing off. She had little perspective, she supposed; she didn't know what it was like to sit with her mother in the early hours of the morning waiting to have an abortion.

Briefly, Leia wondered what it would have been like if she had been in this position; what would Breha have said, how would she have handled it? Leia was so far removed from what it was like to be a teenager – and her adolescence had been vastly different than Noura's, anyway – that she found it hard to imagine. Her mother was frozen in time, a monolith that Leia sometimes had trouble characterizing these days.

She had never truly known Breha Organa in adulthood, and it was difficult to decide what Breha would have said or done without skewing it towards what Leia would have wanted her to say or do. Or with what Leia projected onto her as an ideal.

Noura turned. She touched Leia's wrist.

"I'm sorry," she said hoarsely. "I'm scared."

Leia turned to move closer to her immediately. She put her hand on Noura's knee, and Noura leaned against the armrest between them, curling one leg under her. She rested her head lightly on Leia's shoulder.

"Would _you_ ever have an abortion?" Noura whispered.

"Yes," Leia answered bluntly.

She felt Noura shift her head, then swallow hard. She sensed Noura was surprised that she hadn't hesitated. Leia let her head fall back against the wall, sighing again.

"Noura, I was raped when I was nineteen," she reminded her. "If I'd needed to, I wouldn't have thought twice about it."

"Well, I wasn't raped," Noura said edgily. "I don't mean _that_. Anyone who _that_ happens to obviously would," she said, a bit too dismissively, a bit flippantly. Leia personally agreed with her, but she knew that wasn't the truth for everyone. "Like just," Noura shrugged. "For other reasons."

Leia ran her palm slowly over Noura's knee. She thought carefully, turning her head to eye the door to the back of the clinic.

"Yes," she said again.

She pursed her lips.

"There was a time, a few years before Jaina was born, that I thought I might be pregnant. At that point in my life, I wanted nothing to do with motherhood. I was in a fragile place emotionally. Han and I hadn't been married very long," she paused, shaking her head. "I know what it feels like to not want a baby," she said frankly. "I would argue _most_ women know that feeling, some way or another. Even if later in life, you _do_ want a baby."

"But you weren't pregnant?" Noura asked. She kept looking narrowly at the chrono projected on the wall. "So…did you tell Daddy? That you didn't want it?"

"We never discussed it," Leia said simply. "It never had to be discussed, really. I wasn't pregnant," she confirmed. "I was saved the pain of having to really dig into the question. However, I think that…there is a very good chance I would not have had a baby. Not then."

Noura lifted her head.

"Even though you were married and like, you love Dad?" she asked. There was nothing accusing in her tone; more than anything she seemed hesitant, hopeful. "Can I ask like…why?"

"Because," Leia said intently, "I very firmly believe that a baby should be wanted, Noura. You _have_ to want to do it."

Noura bit her lip.

"And Daddy would have been okay with…with that?"

Leia breathed out slowly. She thought about Max, and Han's promises that he'd be on her side if she needed to terminate this unexpected one for her own mental health. She'd never wanted to get rid of Max, even before she'd known he was Max, but Han's fervor had stuck with her.

"Your father has always been adamant that he wouldn't choose a possibility he hadn't met yet over me," she said. "I believe him. I think it would hurt him, but…yes, I think he would have been okay with that."

Leia turned, her brow furrowing.

"Noura, are you worrying about what this boy might think? Do you think owe him something?"

Noura fidgeted. She reached up to claw lightly at her braid, twisting her fingers into it.

"No," she said sharply. "Not him. I don't know. I don't think I owe him. He's…he doesn't deserve any rights, not if I'm not going to have it. I just, like…I want to be a good person, contrary to what everyone thinks and I…I don't know, Mom," she whispered. "What if the whole galaxy finds out about this and everyone says I'm a horrible bitch for not even telling Axel or asking him or I'm just selfish and a baby killer and – "

Leia turned towards her, leaning in close. She took Noura's hands in hers, and pulled them into her lap.

"Noura," she said quietly, calming her. "Noura," she whispered again. She waited until Noura had fallen silent, and was staring at her, anxious. "Do _you_ think those things about yourself?"

Noura scraped her lip with her teeth, her shoulders stiff.

"I think I'm selfish," she said finally. "But I guess…not…because of this," she flinched, "just in general," she grumbled sheepishly.

Leia did not remark on that.

"Axel," she said curtly, "does not have any say in this. He certainly doesn't have to give permission."

"You really think it's _that_ black and white, _just_ because it's a women's issue?" Noura burst out.

"Perhaps not all the time, but in this case?" Leia said sharply. "Yes, I do," she emphasized. "This boy gave up his claim on the matter when he treated you the way he did. As for killing?" Leia shook her head. "That's not what this is."

Noura flexed her hands.

"I _know_ it's alive, though," she said. "Like…I sense that. _You_ know. Aunt Mara knows…and tonight it will be gone. And I _want_ it to be. And people will say – "

"What they will say," Leia finished. "If somehow this were to become the talk of the tabloids, 'they' would say all kinds of things. I know. I've been there. And they would be wrong, because they are not _you_."

Noura shrank back, but let Leia keep holding her hands. She blinked red, tired eyes and pressed her lips together a few times, gritting her teeth.

"I don't know why I care so much about what other people think of me!"

"That's hardly an uncommon feeling," Leia said gently. "You'll overcome it."

"I _guess_, but it ruined – "

Noura broke off. She fell silent, and Leia sensed she was done talking; whatever her thought had been, she no longer wanted it out there. Noura flicked her eyes away, thinking – _ruined this for me. Me, thinking of other people, competing with other people…I let something monumental get away. _

"I don't want anyone to know about this," Noura said, rubbing her face on her shoulder. "I want to get it _over_ with, and," She trailed off.

She looked down at her hand in Leia's. Her expression hardened, but she stayed silent, turning inside herself. Leia held her hands loosely, available to give comfort if it was needed. Noura had been caustic this morning, moody and sharp; she'd been an elevated version of her usual inflammable self, yet now she was softer, _needier_, and Leia _felt_ for her.

This morning, the lingering irritation, and anger, and animosity, Leia felt about Noura's behavior was absent. This was a different setting, a different plane, and for the most part, Leia was able to push everything else aside. She didn't want Noura to feel alone, and she didn't want her to hate herself.

Noura lifted her head to look at Leia, and she looked so young, and so helpless, that the difficulty of all of this struck Leia hard; it was a blaster bolt to the chest. Her heart ached, and her breath caught in her throat, and she looked back at her daughter, and faltered.

Were she and Han doing the right thing? Han's fears bounced around in her mind – _what if she regrets it, what if she resents us, hates us – what if she's doing this because it's what we want?_ _What _I_ want_, Leia thought bitterly. Had her determination to leave this choice to Noura, to let her be as independent as possible, when it came to her body, been just as hurtful as if she – she and Han – had controlled the entire conversation? Had they isolated her, abandoned her? In an effort to give her autonomy, had Leia not guided her enough, had she made Noura feel alone, cut off from a longer, more complex set of conversations?

Where was the balance?

Very few times, prior to this moment, had Leia felt the burden, the responsibility, of parenthood with such aching significance.

Leia pursed her lips, and sat forward.

"Noura," she said. "Do you want this abortion?" she asked.

Leia wanted it for her; Leia knew that much – but this wasn't her choice. Noura had not – in Leia's presence – wavered, and yet the question bore asking, one final time. There was no taking back the getting pregnant, and once this was done, there would be no taking it back. Leia did not want her progressive tendencies, her own apathy towards the morality of abortion, overshadowing her duty to hear her daughter.

Noura gave her a funny look, her brow furrowing.

"Yeah," she said flatly, with all the informality of a teenager, and yet plenty of resolve – Leia felt her resolve.

Noura swallowed hard. She pulled her hands back.

"I'm just talking to you because I didn't bring my journal," she said. She winced, hard – and that hurt Leia for a moment, but she knew Noura hadn't meant that quite as it sounded, and Noura quickly said – "I didn't meant…like, I just mean…I'm organizing my head, and," she broke off.

She looked down at her knees.

"Mom, I just wish I wasn't pregnant at all," she said bitterly. "That's what I want to take back. This is just…the next best thing," she said.

She wiped at her cheek, feeling cold – but her feelings were honest. She thought, for a moment, that she knew what her mother must feel like, to be called cold when she really was anything but, when it was so much more than that.

Leia nodded.

"I'm here," she said – it was all she said, for a little while.

It seemed like an era, and yet no time at all passed until a door opened, and Noura's name – or rather, Noura's pseudonym was called. Leia had no doubt they'd be recognized – _she_ would be, that was for sure; Noura's image was less well known – but she wanted as much misdirection as possible. Her daughter's privacy was paramount; it had nothing to do with shame.

"Amidala Thule?"

Noura blinked. She turned her head, and then she got up, remembering that was she. She wriggled her fingers at Leia, giving a small shrug, and then took a deep breath, and turned away. She went to greet the nurse, and the woman put a hand on Noura's shoulder in a way that made Leia jealous.

"You want your friend to come back with you, honey?" the nurse asked kindly.

"She's my mother," Leia heard Noura say.

The nurse looked at Leia, feigned ignorance of her identity, and nodded.

"You don't have to be alone," the nurse said.

Noura shifted. Leia watched her, keeping her feelings neutral. She held her breath. Noura stared at the nurse, unable to make a decision. She'd left the companion spot blank. She'd thawed enough towards her mother to ask her to take her after all, but having her in the room? It felt too…sordid. She didn't want her mother breathing down her neck, being so supportive and stoic during the worst of it, when Noura was sure she would be most focused on how stupid she'd been, and how much this _sucked_. It might rile her up in unfair ways.

She didn't want to lash out at Mom.

"I got myself into it alone," Noura said, a bit brazenly.

Leia gave her back a half smile. The nurse tilted her head, and gestured Noura back.

Leia watched the door close, and struggled with a sudden feeling that she might pass out, or start hyperventilating. She respected Noura's desire to face it alone, but she _didn't want her to. _She felt wave of immeasurable guilt; hadn't not forcing herself into Noura's life enough already done damage?

Leia sat forward, her palms sweating. She grit her teeth, resting her elbows on her knees. Han wouldn't let her go alone. Han would fight tooth and nail. Leia swallowed hard, she lifted her head, about to get up, but before she could, the door opened again.

"Princess – ahhh, um. Mrs. Thule," the nurse said, smoothly keeping up the charade. "She _does_ want you to come back with her."

Leia nearly ran to the exam room, hurrying on the heels of the nurse. Noura was in there already, changing into a silvery gown, her back to the sterile bed with its stirrups. She sat down on the edge, tugging at the neck of the gown.

"I want you to stay," she said to Leia, her eyes wide.

Leia nodded. The nurse instructed Noura to lie back, and Leia tried not to be too horrified that this would only be the second time in her life Noura slid her feet into stirrups. She stood at Noura's shoulder, and then moved to her head, stroking Noura's hair back from her forehead.

Noura tilted her head back, closing her eyes.

"Myself and the medic will explain everything as we perform each action," the nurse said gently. "You will feel some discomfort during the numbing process…"

The woman's words trailed off. Noura swallowed hard.

"Mom?" she asked anxiously.

"I'm here," Leia said again. She rested her palms on either side of Noura's temple, reaching out to her through the Force. "I'm right here, sweetheart."

Noura nodded. She flattened her hands over her stomach nervously, but opened up to Leia's sensitivity, clinging to her. She only flinched once; only gave one soft whimper, and Leia wondered if it was a ghastly thing to be proud of her.

* * *

Han stared at his Sabacc cards with a furrowed brow, his jaw tight. This was possibly the heaviest game he'd ever played, and that included the high stakes game that had won him the _Falcon_. He was no stranger to gambling; in fact, he spent a fair amount of his free time gambling within the legal confines of the racing industry. Quite a bit of his entire life had been a hapless gamble, and he'd never sat at a Sabacc table that actually made him sweat – but this game felt heavy.

It was not the game itself, really. It was more that the four of them – three men, one Wookiee – were playing at it as a sort of distraction, carefully pretending they weren't stricken with personal anxieties regarding the thing happening on another planet. They'd thrown all of their issues into the makeshift only-for-fun pot of spoils in the center of the table and sat together, the card game a thin façade of carelessness lacquered over concern for someone close to them.

The fact that Bail was playing – or allowing himself to be taught to play – said everything that needed to be said; they were distracting themselves.

The old viceroy was, currently, squinting hard at his cards. Han glared at him, and then flicked a glance at Chewbacca pointedly. Chewbacca hummed softly, shrugging.

"I think I want to," Bail began slowly, "draw."

Chewbacca made a quiet, suffering noise, and Bail looked at him furtively. Max slouched back in his chair, studied Chewie, and then focused on his grandfather's cards. He peered through them, using a different sort of sight, and then cocked his brow, and shook his head.

"Baba, you've got an Idiot's Array," he snorted.

Han glared even harder at Bail – _how_ did he keep accidentally winning this game? He didn't even understand the blasted rules.

"Do not call me an idiot," Bail said sternly.

_[_You_ are not the idiot; you have the Idiot's Array,]_ Chewbacca corrected.

"What?" Bail asked.

"It's a winning hand," Max said, tossing his cards down. He stretched. "It's _the_ winning hand," he snorted, waving a hand at Han. "You beat him again."

"Hey," snapped Han, turning the glare on his son. "That second round didn't count, you messed with my cards."

"Not his, though," Max retorted.

Bail sighed, and carelessly laid down his Idiot's Array – which got another ruthless glare from Han. He frowned.

"How did you know what I was holding?" he asked Max.

Max yawned, and pointed to his temple, wiggling his finger.

"I peeked at them," he admitted. He twitched his finger, and the cards on the table rose into the air, shuffled themselves neatly, and settled back into a deck. Max sat forward to take the deck in his hands. He smirked. "I kept malfunctioning one of Dad's cards, too."

Han leaned over to him, narrowing his eyes.

"Quit cheating," he growled, smacking Max lightly in the back of his head. "You know better."

"Does he?" Bail asked. "Or does he get it honest?" he accused.

Han leaned back, his chair rising off two of its legs. He feigned confusion.

"Me?" he asked. "'M not a cheat," he retorted. "I'm a legitimate guy."

"_Now_ you are," Bail muttered.

"Didn't you win the _Falcon_ by cheating? Lando says you did," Max said, idly reshuffling the cards around in his palms.

"Lando is full of bantha shit," Han said. He let his chair fair. "All's that happened was I disabled the cheater _Lando_ was usin' to cheat," he pointed out. "_He_ says it's cheatin' that I made sure he couldn't cheat."

Han gave Max a pointed look.

"He's a sore loser, too," he added.

"I don't think the _Falcon's_ ownership is really in question at this point," Max snorted.

Han grumbled under his breath. He sat forward, and Max held up the deck, looking around.

"Another hand?"

They all nodded, and he grinned, and began dealing. When they all had their cards, he sat back casually, and Han narrowed his eyes as the few in his hands started to rapidly flicker, changing suits faster than he could keep up.

"Max, _so help me_ – " he threatened.

Max laughed, and the card stopped.

"I swear, no more cheating," he promised. He caught Chewbacca's eye. "Think Baba's ready for Empress Teta Preferred rules?"

_[He would no doubt smoke us all at that, too, without understanding how,] _Chewbacca joked.

Bail held up a face card, consternated.

"What is this lady again?" he asked.

"The Queen," Han grunted. "Bail, stop showing us your cards," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

"The Queen of Air and Darkness," Max specified. He inclined his head, and the card flicked out of Bail's hand, turned itself the right way, and shot back into Bail's hands.

Startled, Bail immediately dropped all the cards. He was not nearly as used to Max's casual, jester-like use of the Force as Han was. He didn't share a home with him. Han shot another annoyed glare at Max.

"And you stop doin' that," he ordered. "You're showin' off. Leia doesn't like it when you use it unnecessarily."

"It's harmless," Max argued, lifting all the cards mentally and holding them in the air for Bail to grab again. Bail did, and then looked consternated.

"They're all different now," he said, brow furrowing.

Han looked at Chewie. Chewie shook his head – he hadn't hit the shifter. Han reached over and swatted Max again. He kicked his son's chair, shaking his head.

"_Max_!" he groaned. He transferred his cards all to one hand and let the hand hang, glaring in disbelief. "Quit the kriffin' _cheating_!"

Max laughed.

_[It is in his genetic code,]_ Chewbacca said solemnly, only half joking.

Han smacked a hand on the table.

"You want me to tell your mother about this?" he threatened. "Ain't cheating with the Force a…dark side thing?" he continued, glowering.

"Uh, no, I'm not being malicious, and we aren't gambling for any livelihood or anything that could hurt anyone," Max retorted. "I'm really just using the Force to aggravate you."

"That is beneath the dignity of a Jedi," Bail informed him dryly.

"I'm an apprentice," Max said.

"You're a little shit," Han countered lightly

Max gave him a blank look.

"Could you sign that? I can't hear you. I'm deaf in one ear," he said, deadpan.

Han tried not to laugh at him, and just sat back, arching a brow. Bail grinned – he never missed a chance to enjoy it when Han's children antagonized him. He considered it well-deserved payback.

"I'm telling Mom you called me names," Max threatened, smirking.

"Yeah, that'll be on the top of her list of things to deal with," Han muttered. He flared his cards out and stared at them, frowning.

Max slouched a little, thinking. He looked over at Bail, giving him a half-smile.

"The Queen is Noura's favorite card," he said. "It's not even that good of a card. She thinks its pretty," he noted. He looked down at his fresh hand, and frowned to himself. "She _always_ beats me at Sabacc," he muttered. "Even Corellian Spike, and even if we play no holds barred."

"No holds barred?" Bail asked, quoting the phrase curiously.

"Means they use the Force on each other," Han grunted, eyeing his cards, and glancing out of the corner of his eyes at Max. "Readin' minds and predictin' moves."

"That certainly sounds fascinating to watch," Bail said, interested.

"Kinda creepy, more'n anything," Han snorted.

The first time he'd found Jaina, Noura, and Max sitting in the living room playing an aggressive round of Sabaac, he'd thought they were having some kind of séance. They'd been sitting in a circle, completely silent, yet stiff with focus, cards levitating before their eyes and making draw-shift-call moves so rapidly he could barely follow it. He'd become accustomed to their idiosyncrasies and their powers, but that had been something _else_.

"Oh, yeah," Max snorted. "Dad threatened to burn us at the stake."

"I did not!" Han protested outraged. He blinked at Max incredulously. "I – no, I _didn't_!" he protested again, noticing Bail was looking at him disapprovingly. Han looked to Chewbacca for help, and Chewie looked up to the ceiling, emitting the Wookiee equivalent of an innocent whistle.

Han dropped his cards, gesticulating wildly.

"I _joked_ that on _some_ planets you three would get some _real_ bad attention from religious freaks – "

"We scared you," gloated Max.

"Yeah, it _looked_ like you were tryin' to summon the spirit of Vader to join us for dinner!" Han retorted loudly. "Which would have made Leia a bit angry _to put it lightly_."

"_Lightly_," echoed Bail, arching a brow. He shook his head, amused – he had spent so much of his life around Jedi, but they had been highly disciplined, stoic warriors on behalf of intergalactic peace. It was certainly different seeing young Jedi raised before his eyes, in a context that did not constrain them within archaic codes.

Max breathed out flippantly.

"There's no need to _summon _a being that has achieved unity with the Force," he explained. "It isn't sorcery. You reach out to them, and if they're willing, they come to you. Anakin Skywalker is usually willing," Max noted.

Han looked around at him warily.

"Pretty sure he's been told not to haunt you three," he said edgily. As a matter of fact, Han was quite sure Leia had laid down a law, whether directly or indirectly, that the ghost of Anakin Skywalker was to –_explicitly_ – stay _the fuck_ away from her children.

"It's not 'haunting'," Max corrected. "He _does_ stay away," he added, sensing Han's tension. "I don't know about Noura or Jaina, but he's obeyed Mom's directive the few times I've sort of…reached out to him in meditation. He's not unified with the Force, anyway," Max added. "He can barely stay corporeal in it."

Bail sat forward, pursing his lips.

"What does that mean, exactly? Not unified?"

"He's not at peace," Max explained. "He's not…absolved. You'd have to talk to Uncle Luke," he said. "It's complex. But it's about sins, and atoning for them. The Force rejects him."

"Bummer," Han said coldly. "Twenty somethin' years ain't enough time to be punished for enslaving the entire galaxy? Torturing his own daughter? Damn shame. Real unfair."

Max put his cards down and sat back, letting his arms fall into his lap. He looked at Han thoughtfully for a moment, and then shook his head, scowling.

"I'm not _defending_ him," he said curtly.

"Your mom doesn't want you '_talkin'_ to him," Han retorted, emphasizing the word in an ethereal way – he still didn't always get what it meant when Luke or Leia, or any of them, referenced speaking with people who were already _dead_. Having three significantly powerful Force-sensitive children had always thrust him into a unique world that he had no real way of ever relating to.

"Yeah, and I'm not trying to disrespect that, really," Max said. "I want to hear his thoughts on the path he walked, though."

"You think he has any right to tell his side?" Han demanded.

"I think it's difficult to avoid the mistakes he made if I don't know what they are," Max said flatly. He looked at Bail. "You knew Anakin Skywalker. Don't you wish he could have been saved?"

"Yes," Bail said simply. He looked between them, wary of the tension this subject wrought. "How did we get on this topic?" he asked.

Max pushed his hair back.

"Magic Sabacc séance," he said, and then sighed, folding his arms. "The same way we keep getting on weird subjects today," he muttered nodding at the mess of cards, "and the same reason we're teaching you this debauched game," he said, laughing a little at the offended look on Han's face.

Max paused, and looked between them both, and then looked at Chewie.

"'Cause we're all too freaked to talk about Noura," he said, and the Wookiee gave a sage nod of agreement. Max's eyes drifted to a chrono, and he stretched one leg out, sinking even further down in his seat. "What time is it in Theed?"

Han just looked at him.

"Morning," Bail said heavily.

Max shrugged.

"Yeah, so…Noura's having her abortion like, now," he said bluntly.

Han sighed. He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward. Chewbacca sat forward as well, his dark eyes studying the men with him. Even Max looked older to him, and he decided they needed food.

"I know we're trying to pretend she isn't," Max muttered. "I just don't think…I can."

Han looked up sharply.

"No," he said. "We ain't tryin' to pretend it ain't happenin'," he corrected sharply. "There's nothin' we can do to help her from here, so we're tryin' not to dwell. We were," he emphasized.

Bail nodded carefully.

"We aren't ignoring it, Max," he said gently. "It's difficult to feel useless."

Max hesitated.

"Well, Aunt Ro is trying to pretend it isn't happening," he said. "Why else has she locked herself in her private tower?"

"She's struggling with her own demons," Bail said. "It has nothing to do with judging Noura or trying to erase what she's going through as if we're ashamed."

Max breathed out. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, and then took a deep breath. He scrunched his nose.

"I'm worried about her," he said under his breath. "I think I've been sort of…judgmental, in my head," he said. "'Cause of my own thoughts." He looked at Han quickly. "She doesn't know, she can't sense it. My shields are _good_."

Han reached over and squeezed Max's shoulder firmly.

"S'okay, kid. You got your own thoughts. You keep 'em to yourself, and you just support your sister. It's how you act about your feelings that matter, r'member?"

That was one of the most important values he and Leia had tried to instill in the kids throughout the years – all feelings were valid; you could not help how you felt. But all _reactions_ were not valid, and you absolutely could control the way you presented your feelings, and dealt with them.

Max reached up to scratch his head.

"I was just thinking more," he said, "about what you said, and what I said about Jedi not taking life, but trying to be more, uh...uh, like see it from Noura's point of view," he said. "I mean, I don't want Noura to have a baby, I don't want her to go be a _mom_," he muttered, "it'd probably make her and Mom even more annoying about each other, and she'd just do everything opposite Mom did to make a point and this kid would be caught in the middle, but that doesn't really, like, uh, fit, with these…personal beliefs I thought I had."

Max stopped, and frowned. He looked up and then shifted his gaze between Han and Bail, a confused little scowl on his face.

"But if I decide I'm okay with the abortion, 'cause I love Noura, then I should just start eating meat, right? 'Cause my convictions about life aren't really that strong? But I don't want to eat meat because I don't want to kill things."

"Max," Bail said gently. "You can love and support someone with all your heart and yet not agree with their decision," he said. "I know the whole galaxy often acts like that is impossible, but it's not."

He arched his brows.

"You also are not required to abandon your beliefs simply because you feel someone else was justified in their decision, in their specific situation, which was governed by _their_ beliefs."

"But," Max argued, "how is it not an indictment of my beliefs if I just ignore them when it's someone else?"

Bail pointed to him seriously.

"Because your beliefs exist to dictate _your_ behavior, your life, life, your morality – _you_. Your beliefs do not govern _others_. Thus, making choices for _yourself_ based on your beliefs does not ever have to be compromised simply because you acknowledged the right of someone else to act differently."

Max stared at him, listening intently.

_[My people have very different beliefs and religious and practices than humans and other sentient beings, but we coexist peacefully so long as we are left to carry out our beliefs in private. Beliefs that do not hurt another being, that is,]_ Chewbacca offered wisely.

"Max, the rest of us eat meat," Han said, more simplistically. He snorted. "Hell, Jaina's mostly carnivorous. Doesn't mean you've cut us out of your life, or changed your convictions. Doesn't seem to make you hate us."

"Actually, it does bug me you all eat meat," Max muttered flatly. "But, yeah, I mean, you're right, I don't _dwell_ on it or anything…I never thought about it like that," he said slowly. "Look, I guess I'm trying to say I was freaking out because I thought I was gonna be mad at Noura forever or hate her for doing this but…I don't feel that way," he said.

He chewed on his lip hard.

"I want her to be okay," he said. He looked sideways at Han, almost embarrassed. "I thought I should say that," he said, "'cause I feel bad for even thinking I'd be mad at her."

Han nodded. He shrugged.

"I hear ya," he said simply. "She'll be okay, kid," he assured him. "She's not alone."

"Right," Max muttered. "No one's pissed at her, right?" He added, looking at them narrowly. "I'm not," he said, very firm, and decisive. "No one else can be, either."

Bail shook his head. Han didn't answer right away, and then he said, delicately:

"No one's mad she's having an abortion," he said.

He didn't want to go as far as to say no one was mad at her at all, because the irresponsibility she'd exhibited was not palatable.

"Yeah, that's what I mean," Max said. "And I was also thinking, I mean…I kept laying awake thinking, well, if I don't want her to have a baby 'cause it would change everything, and I like the relationship I have with my sisters now – which is selfish," he muttered, "but I also don't like abortions, so what the fuck's she supposed to do? Give it up for adoption, right?" he said.

Han hesitated.

"I think that is somewhat of a double edged sword for Leia," Bail said warily. "She has a lot of value and respect for the practice of adoption, but there are nuances, and what with the Force, and your bloodline – "

"Yeah, no, I get that," Max said, arching a brow. "We can't just throw a direct descendent of Darth Vader out to some random family among the stars," he snorted, a bit flippantly. "It's just stupid. It's not viable," he added.

Han arched a brow. Max had no knowledge of Leia's exact opinion on that matter, and yet he'd spouted it – and Bail nodded in agreement, which interested Han further. That Bail Organa's entire experience of fatherhood existed due to adoption and yet he still somewhat shared Leia's moratorium in this situation was…eye opening.

"I mean, no offense," Max added, nodding at Bail. "Adoption is kind of weird. _If_ you do it wrong," he specified hastily. He tapped his chin. "What if no one ever told you that you were adopted, and you found out by accident?" he frowned, wiggling his brows. "And you ended up kissing a blood relative?"

Chewbacca opened his mouth. Han shoved his foot into the Wookiee's ankle hard beneath the table, glaring at him.

"Yeah," he said loudly. "That'd be weird."

Bail gave him a quizzical look, and Han looked away, swearing internally. He hadn't realized he sounded so edgy, so defensive. There was no need to regale Bail with details of Leia's erstwhile-misguided attempts at making Han jealous.

"Or had sex with them, and didn't find out you were actually related until you wanted to know why all your kids were mutants?"

"Kriff, Max," Han grumbled. "You made your point."

"Then," Max added, waving one hand, "you'd have that potential, of the family never telling this hypothetical kid they were adopted, and _then_ they find out they're adopted and they're related to," Max gestured at them all vaguely. "All of us. _And_ the man who became Darth Vader?" he whistled.

"Do you think it would be worse to find out you're related to Vader, or to him?" Bail asked Max, deadpan, pointing at Han.

Han picked up a few Sabacc cards and chucked them at Bail. Bail smirked, and swatted them down. They scattered on the floor, and Max snorted, watching them flutter. He made them shoot back into the air and neatly arrange themselves on the table.

"Mom gave us the tools to cope with the whole inheritance and legacy that goes with being a part of the Skywalker bloodline," Max said, "and it kind of only works because we always knew and always had an open conversation," he trailed off, and then winced.

He sighed heavily.

"Anyway, um, I'm worried about Noura, and I'm mad at myself for some crap I've been thinking, so," he trailed off again. He reached up to rub his forehead. "I stopped blocking and shielding them," he admitted. "Jaina and Noura and Mom, 'cause I thought it might give me better perspective, so…yeah," he mumbled. "I don't feel very good."

Han sat up a little straighter.

"Is something wrong?"

"No," Max said heavily. "No, I just mean – "

"Leia's okay? Noury?" Han pressed.

"_Yeah_, Dad," Max insisted. "They're all just upset. And Noura's in pain."

Han jerked his arm as if he could do something, but there was nothing for him to grab onto, no weapon to fight with. He grit his teeth, and Max looked at him apologetically, shrugging.

"It's all normal in relation to the situation," he offered dryly. He pushed his chair back. "I'm gonna – Baba, you care if I go lay down?" he asked.

He looked pale, and tired suddenly, even a little queasy. He stood up, steadying himself on the table.

"Of course," Bail said worriedly. "There's – the sofa, and there are rooms in the back," he trailed off; Max was already getting up, dragging his feet and making his way towards the familiar back corridors of his grandfather's home.

He gave a halfhearted wave at Han and shrugged again.

"They're fine," he assured him. "I just feel all of it right now. I'm going to…sleep…mediate…it off," he mumbled.

Han got up, and then sat back down lamely, watching him sharply. He glanced at Chewie, and Chewbacca rose warily at a nod from Han. He knew implicitly to go make sure Max didn't pass out or anything.

_[I will keep an eye on him,]_ Chewie assured Bail and Han. He raised his paw and then eyed them sharply. [_And then I will feed you]_ he threatened, turning on his heel.

Han halfheartedly rolled his eyes at Chewbacca, and then jumped as abruptly, all of the Sabacc cards launched themselves in the air, swirled around, and dropped like confetti, a cheeky message from Max to stop worrying – in the form of seventy-six card pickup.

Startled, for a moment, out of his concern for his wife and daughter, Han scowled, his brow darkening.

"That _little_," he started, muttering under his breath, and then, without thinking, he said – "scoundrel."

Bail laughed heartily.

"Oh, but you've earned that boy," he said smugly. "How you've _earned_ him." He shook his head, thinking of all Han's hell and hijinks over the years. "All three of them. You deserve everything they throw at you," he teased.

Han waved his hand flippantly, accepting the barbs. He paused, right about the same time Bail seemed to think twice, frowned, and shook his head.

"Excluding this trouble with Noura," he said sensitively. "I don't mean to imply you deserve to see your daughter suffer."

"Nah, I know what you meant, Bail," Han muttered.

Bail's shoulders slumped. He sighed.

"No one deserves to see their daughter suffer," he murmured. "To see _any_ of their children suffer."

Han sat back. He folded his arms rightly, slouched in his chair. He grunted.

"You ought to point out that I know how you feel now," he said dryly. "Eh? Daughters and…the men that sniff around them," he grumbled.

Bail just spread his hands out, holding them up without any desire to gloat or to lecture Han.

"It's a stressful thing to be able to bond over," he said flatly. "The worry. The constant fear that someone is going to hurt them and you'll never be able to stop it from happening. Then, when that fear comes true," he paused for a moment. "I know how you feel, Han."

Han grunted. He lifted his shoulders.

"S'frustrating," he muttered. "Y'know, I keep tellin' Leia, she _did_ do everything right. Leia, I mean. She was always open with the girls," Han said, "and Noura _still_," he trailed off, shaking his head. "She didn't listen, or she tried to prove herself, and now she's gotta go through this," he said bitterly. "And if it wasn't this, it'd be having a baby, which," he shook his head, and sighed harder, frowning. "Ain't _better_."

"When Leia was a teenager, the hardest thing for Breha and I was slowly letting go," Bail reflected. "Having to let her make her own way, and her own choices, and hope we had given her the foundation to handle herself. And it was hard to watch her stumble and fall," he said, "and it was _hard_ to know that we still had to let her go, and let her become herself, even after she screwed up or got hurt."

Bail got up.

"We couldn't lock her in a cage to begin with, and we couldn't necessarily lock her up as _punishment_ for human mistakes, either," he sighed.

He went to a cabinet, and crouched down. Han watched him curiously, nodding. Bail was spot on in terms of how he –and Leia – felt about this situation with Noura. Bail stood back up, a small box in his hands, and returned to the table.

"I was furious with her after that near-scandal with Giles Durane," Bail admitted. "I couldn't believe she'd been so stupid. I remember thinking that, constantly. How could my daughter, the girl I raised, be _so_ stupid? Then, of course, I had to take a step back and analyze the power dynamic, which did exist even if she perceived herself as having all the power, and," he shook his head. "It was the first time I had to contend with the idea of Leia becoming an adult woman, and all the heartache she'd face. And that was when she was a just a girl, _before_ any of the…true horrors she's been subjected to."

"Yeah," Han said tiredly. "Part of me keeps thinking I'm relieved Noura wasn't attacked or abused," he admitted, "and I am. It's not the _worst_ thing that could've happened to her, but it doesn't _matter, _'cause that's my baby, and she's hurting," he said.

Bail sat down, stretching his hand across the table. In it he held a cigar, which he presented to Han with a bit of a sheepish, yet smug, glint in his eye. Han took it, snorting quietly – Leia despised these things. Over the years, cigars had become a secret ritual Han and Bail engaged in during troubled moments.

Bail nodded solemnly. He settled back, peeling the casing off of his, and looked once at the chrono.

"Do you expect Leia to check in with you tonight?" he asked.

Han nodded.

"They're going to Varykino once Noura's appointment's over," he said. "They'll stay up there a handful of days before they head back."

Bail nodded along; he'd been informed of this plan.

"Talked to her yesterday. Leia."

"Things are good?"

"Good as they can be," Han muttered. "Luke's good, Mara's good, their kids are doin' fine," he relayed. "Leia said Noura was sick most of the flight out there."

Bail murmured sympathetically. He ripped off the silver sparker on the butt of his cigar, and smoke began to lazily curl. Han rolled his lazily around in his palm, just staring. Without the card game and the idle banter, there was little to save him from being driven to miserable distraction by worry for Noura. He thought of all the times he'd been at Leia's side while she dealt with the repercussions of some crime against her body – whether it was an assault, or the aftermath of a miscarriage she had desperately wanted to stop.

Noura was just too young for it, for all of it.

"Were you and Leia both…supportive of her decision?" Bail asked. "The abortion?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah," Han said, looking up. He nodded again. "Yeah, and she never went back on it," he acknowledged. "Not seriously. 'M glad she didn't go off and do it on her own," he said darkly. "We both are."

Han curled the cigar in one hand and eyed Bail sharply.

"You don't hold it against her?" he asked.

"No," Bail said firmly. "And before you ask, despite my Alderaanian heritage and my beliefs in the Jedi religion, I do not share Max's views," he added, a bit terse. "You'll remember I watched my wife continuously carry to term pregnancies that threatened her life. In that experience, I had to learn quite a lot about choice, as very often I wanted her to terminate for her own sake – and for mine – and she refused, absolutely refused. Every time. Another pregnancy, failed or not, would probably have killed her, and the only reason it did not is because she agreed not to even _try_."

Bail lowered his cigar.

"Rouge's trouble, also, reinforces for me the belief that this is a very personal, private choice that belongs in the woman's hands," he said, "though in her case she wanted the baby. I – of course – think there are difficulties, and plenty of sadness, if two people are in a relationship and perhaps the woman wants an abortion, and the man does not, but many things in life are unfair, and that is one of them."

He spread one hand out.

"I tend to think," he said dryly, "the whole galaxy at large should be more concerned with teaching how not to get pregnant, vice arguing the morality of the other thing."

Han rubbed his forehead.

"Yeah, but that's the fuckin' problem," he swore. "We _did_ teach Noura how to avoid it. And she just…y'know, the other day I caught myself thinking, _did she do this on purpose? _Not deliberately, but like, in that she didn't use anything for protection 'cause part of her thought somethin' like this would get Leia's attention?"

Han shook his head. He ripped the spark strip off his cigar and put it in the corner of his mouth, watching it smoke.

"For fuck's sake, '_course_ she didn't," he growled. He still hated himself for entertaining that thought for a second. "I _know_ that. But I also know she doesn't think twice about half the shit she does, and sometimes, she puts Leia through hell 'cause she won't see the bigger picture – then Leia turns around and tries to be aloof, so Noura doesn't feel belittled, and," Han waved his hands.

He yanked the cigar out of his mouth.

"All of 'em – Jaina, Noura, Max – they all came at me with obstacles I never even fuckin' imagined," he said, eyes wide. "Kids just…wreck you."

"Yes," Bail agreed. "In the best way."

Han let his hand hang loosely. There were just so many minefields to fatherhood. He had come up against things, time and time again, that he couldn't begin to understand how to handle, and he'd managed to get through it. He was always learning. Leia was always learning. He felt like they'd come to a crossroads with Noura, and the possible paths were to strengthen and repair a relationship, or alienate her and lose her forever.

"She's such a tough kid," Han murmured huskily. "Noura. She's always been like that. I dunno how she can be so fragile at the same time."

He leaned forward, rubbing his forehead.

"'Cept Leia's like that," he sighed quietly. "Leia's…I mean, you know, she's better now, she's been so healed up for years, but she was like…just breakable iron, for so long."

"Noura is quite a bit like Leia," Bail said wryly. "Leia has been through so much since she was nineteen that she has trouble remembering who – and how – she was when she was dominating the palaces of Aldera."

Bail laughed.

"Perhaps Noura would enjoy the fit that was thrown in the Autumn Palace when Breha told Leia she was _certainly_ not allowed to wear thigh-high boots and a miniskirt to the Equinox Blessing."

Han blinked at him.

"Leia was gonna wear _what_?" he asked.

"Doesn't sound like her, does it?" Bail snorted. "She was fourteen, and rather charmed with holo-opera by the name of _StarTrick Mafia_."

Han stared at him. He arched a brow a little, silent because he was making a mental to note to have Leia describe the outfit in question – or perhaps find a replica – as soon as they were able to get a grip back on the lighter side of life.

"Leia was as passionate and dramatic as Noura can be," Bail said. "She always has been – and I think it's hard to identify the similarities when the passion one feels is for different areas of interest."

Han grunted.

"Yeah," he agreed, "Noura's convinced Leia thinks all her passions are stupid. Leia's so busy trying not to pressure or influence the Noura that she doesn't _encourage_ her enough."

Bail nodded. He sighed thoughtfully.

"Parenting is always a difficult balance. Sometimes even when you're doing it right, or even when you are keeping them safe, to the best of your ability, your child stands in front of you and screams that she hates you, or that you hate her. Or something of the sort."

Han nodded. He rubbed his forehead again.

"S'not any easier on Leia, 'cause she has this great relationship with Jaina and Max, and she can't figure out how she treated Noura differently, and she gets convinced it's 'cause she had Max too soon and neglected Noura," he explained.

"We all know she loves Noura and gives her plenty of attention."

"We do, and I can keep tellin' her that 'til I'm blue, but I can't force her to take it to heart," Han muttered.

He took a drag off the cigar. It was heady, and calming, and he pushed his hair back. He let his idle hand fall to the table, exhausted.

"Speaking of Max," Bail said. "That is one incredible son you've got," he complimented quietly. "He's so…he can be such a typical little punk, but he's very thoughtful. Very sensitive."

Han sat back a little. He looked over Bail's shoulder, to the hall where Max had disappeared.

"I know," he said. "I used to kinda worry. That he'd get picked on or pushed around. But he's tough, too. They all are. And," Han snorted derisively, "he didn't grow up like I did," he pointed out bitterly. "No one ever beat the shit out of him for crying."

"No, they didn't," Bail said gratefully. He smiled to himself – Leia and Han really had done an excellent job with their children. They were three intelligent, thoughtful, kind teenagers who were decent down to the core and that was – much to Bail's chagrin – even in spite of the fact that they'd all been trained on blasters since before they could legally fly a speeder.

"We had to, y'know, save them from all the stuff we had to suffer," Han said, "without leavin' 'em completely oblivious to how bad the galaxy can be."

He met Bail's eyes, and they stared at each other, silent. Both acutely aware of the bond they shared – in raising daughters; in watching their daughters sustain blows, and navigating how to help them survive.

Han got up slowly.

"'M gonna check on Max," he said. Chewbacca hadn't come back yet – but sometimes Chewie joined the kids in meditation. He didn't share their powers, but his culture did share the practice.

"Han?" Bail called, and Han stopped, turning back.

Bail gave him a firm, supportive nod.

"You've been a good father to Noura, through _all_ of this. She'll get through it. She's got you," he paused, and smiled ruefully. "If I may say so myself, you've done a hell of a lot better handling yourself than I did when I found out about _you_."

Han knew the comment was meant to be light, yet he was serious as he returned Bail's honest gaze, and he arched his brows, lifting his hand, cigar and all, and tipping it to his father-in-law contritely.

"Y'know, Bail," he said dryly, "one father to another? Think I see where you were comin' from. You weren't that bad," he snorted.

Bail looked back at him, lifting his own cigar in acknowledgement of the role reversal, the perspective gained. Han smirked at him, and stuck the cigar in the corner of his mouth, brushing his hands off on his trousers as he turned to go check on Max.

Maybe Max had the right idea – maybe it wasn't worth it to try to distract himself from this, to carry on lightly, and create a cocoon of normalcy in the middle of the storm. Maybe all he could do was wallow in the helplessness he felt – stuck back here on Coruscant waiting to hear how it had gone, waiting to offer comfort if his daughter wanted to talk to him.

Han realized that in this moment, he wanted nothing more than to hear Noura laugh – he hadn't heard her really laugh for weeks – and the fear that she might stop laughing altogether overpowered every single other emotion he felt.

* * *

The minarets of Varykino bloomed onto the horizon slowly, rising into the sky against the picturesque mountain landscape, and Leia gazed up. She was enamored of the violet glow of sunset and acutely conscious of the past. As the gondola rocked them slowly towards the private docks of the Naberrie retreat, she was unable to stop herself thinking of her first visit here – another day, another time, another gondola ride.

Half asleep, Noura leaned into her, resting her head against Leia's shoulder, and Jaina sat balanced in front of them, one hand trailing into the restive water. Leia remembered Luke in her place, years and years ago, cheerily lightening the mood as Han had grasped her hand tightly, and she'd been ferried to the doorstep of this secluded palace to stare down the bloodline that had haunted her, and the bloodline she'd never had the privilege of knowing.

_Varykino_.

"Mom," Noura mumbled, rubbing her nose against Leia's shoulder. "Are we close?"

Leia lowered her head a little, jarred.

"Like a few minutes," Jaina answered for her, throwing a look over her shoulder at the docks as they grew closer and closer. She gave Leia a small smile, yawned, and then looked back down at the water, dancing her fingers through it.

It glittered around her hand, sparkling and mesmerizing, glinting with the first hints of moonlight.

"This is making me dizzy," Noura mumbled.

She pushed her face flat against Leia's shoulder, hiding it. Leia reached out and touched her cheek lightly, holding her head steady.

"I know," she sympathized. "Hang in there, baby," she murmured.

_Baby_.

Leia's eyes rested on Jaina, watching her admire the water. She looked so much like Han in profile, the way her lip constantly quirked up a little smugly. And Leia's hand still rested on the side of Noura's head, soft and careful, soothing her effortlessly with the Force, and she _remembered_ being here for the first time.

_Remembered_ fighting with Han. Struggling with the life-altering decision of whether or not she wanted children, whether or not she could overcome her fear of losing them, overcome her own self-doubt – whether or not it was worth it.

Worth it? It was so worth it. Even now, it was worth it, and she wondered what the girls would think if she told them what was on her mind – _can you believe that the first time I saw this paradise, I was so scared of you two? Of you and your brother?_ _Your father begged me to_ _make this decision for him, for us, and not because of Vader. And I did._

There were so many answers she'd found here, so many people who had enlightened her here, experiences that had been monumental in her lengthy considerations of motherhood – learning about Padme, being loved by Jobal, knowing Sola, hearing Ryoo. All of it had, in some way, contributed to her choice to be a mother – and it was here she brought her daughter after Noura's choice not to be.

It seemed poetic. Or perhaps unnerving. Whatever it was – Leia knew that Noura was young, and Noura's situation was different. Noura's choice _now_ did not necessarily stand immutable for the rest of her life. Still, it was quiet, and Leia reflected.

The gondola knocked lazily into the docks, and the silent oarsman tied a thick rope around an anchor, bowing his head respectfully and gesturing to the steps. The Lake Country oarsmen were some of the most discreet, respectful people Leia had ever met, and she would forever afford them her gratitude.

Jaina quickly hopped out and began tossing luggage onto the dock. She slung a rucksack over her shoulder and then held out her hand patiently, waiting for either Noura or Leia to take it.

Leia shook Noura gently and Noura sat up, yawning. She touched her hand to the side of her head where Leia's hand had been and winced. She frowned, and started to stand.

"Grab Jaina's hand," Leia instructed, touching Noura's hip to steady her.

Noura did so without protest, and Leia firmly held her waist while she took a few steps and then let Jaina help hoist her into the platform. Leia took the last small bag from the floorboard of the gondola and followed her daughters, inclining her head at the oarsman. She had already arranged for him to bring up the bulkier luggage they had with them, and so they left it in a neat pile, taking only their rucksacks.

Noura stretched, running a hand through her hair. She winced again.

"You okay?" Jaina asked seriously.

"Yeah," Noura said grudgingly. "All of this," she gestured at her middle, "just hurts."

"Within the realm of normal?" Leia asked, carefully studying Noura's face.

"Yeah," Noura said again.

Leia nodded.

"You can take some more pain reliever when we get up to the house," she said. "I think it's best to go to bed, even if it's just sundown." She adjusted the pack on her shoulder. "But that's up to you."

Noura shrugged a little. She didn't say anything, and Jaina looked between them.

"Uh," Jaina said warily. "Is it…actually, like, okay for her to hike up this hill?"

Leia turned to look at the pathway. She nodded, and touched her hand to the small of Noura's back.

"Yes, I'm capable of making it easy if it's too strenuous," she murmured.

Jaina took a deep breath, and began leading them up the path, making sure Noura was between herself and Leia. Noura fell completely silent, yawning once more. She did not stray far away from Leia, keeping close enough that Leia's hand remained gently pressed into her lower back.

Leia used her senses to navigate the terrain around her so she could keep her full attention on the back of Noura's head, on her profile as she silently looked around to take in the familiar terrain. Her worry over Noura had reached a fever pitch today; understandably, as today was the point of no return. Whatever regrets or changes of opinion Noura might have would now only be possible to deal with in what-ifs and maybe-if-I-hadn'ts, and though Leia felt very strongly that Noura was not going to regret having an abortion, there were still likely to be emotional repercussions of some sort.

The procedure itself had been normal and straightforward. Noura had groggily slept through the waiting period that followed it, and she hadn't said much all day. She'd slept in the speeder on the way back to Luke and Mara's, she'd tried to eat some soup, thrown it up almost immediately, and then gone up to her room to take a nap.

Leia had wavered on whether to go up to Varykino tonight or wait until tomorrow, and she'd just decided it was best to wait when Noura came in from the meditation gardens – where she'd been by herself – and said she wanted to go tonight. She said there was too much going on at Luke's academy and she wasn't capable of blocking out all the Force activity.

Leia acquiesced, and here they were. It wasn't a difficult journey, yet Leia still felt guilty for dragging Noura through it, even if she'd asked to go. The whole point of being the mother was to nix wants when they interfered with needs, but finding the balance there the past few days had been very difficult.

"Watch your step, Noura, there's weird rocks sticking out here – hey, Sola!" Jaina cried, breaking off mid-warning. Jaina paused, and lifted her hand to wave. She glanced back at Leia. "Sola's just up ahead," she said.

Leia nodded, taking advantage of the pause to check on Noura.

"Need a break?" she asked.

"It's not really bothering me," Noura said edgily. "It's not _that_ strenuous," she muttered.

"Okay," Leia murmured. "Let me know."

"We're like, _right_ there, Mom."

"_Let me know_ if you are hurting, Noura," Leia said, ignoring the sass.

Noura grumbled, frowned, and then blushed. She turned her head.

"I'm sor – "

Leia nodded her head firmly, catching Noura's eye and cutting her off silently. She knew she was sorry. At some point, Noura had to start realizing that her life would be much easier if she held her tongue before she said things that required apologies, but now was not exactly the time to discuss that with her.

"Hi!" Sola called pleasantly. "You're early – Pooja was going to come get you in a speeder," she chastised.

Jaina hopped up the last few steps to the flat, sprawling front porch area of Varykino and launched herself into a warm, one-armed hug. Sola tugged Jaina's braid affectionately, smile breaking over her lined face. She kissed her cheek, and Jaina pulled away, inclining her head in the vague direction of the back of the property.

"I'm going to pay my respects," Leia heard her say.

Jaina turned and gave a small wave to Leia before striding off down a stone path, which Leia knew wove through the gardens, all along the expansive back of the property down to the willow and stream where Padme Naberrie was buried.

In step with Noura, Leia came to a stop before Sola, tilting her head slightly to smile at the other woman. Sola held out two arms, and placed one on Leia's shoulder, and the other on Noura's.

"You know we're _always_ thrilled to see you," she said, one of her eyebrows going up in her usual blunt way. She squeezed Leia's shoulder in a knowing way, and then tilted her head to study Noura. "When did I last see you, Noura?" she murmured. "I don't think you looked so much like Leia then."

Noura looked up. Her lips pursed. She seemed…touched by the comment. She shot a look at Leia.

"Taller than her, though," Sola snorted. "I'm sure Max is taller than you, too, now," she added, smirking at Leia. "You three all got Han's privilege there. But yes," Sola reached up to gently touch Noura's cheek. "Very much like your mother."

"My eyes are blue," Noura said, as if that would disqualify her as Leia's lookalike – but for once, she didn't sound combative at a comparison to her mother; she sounded disappointed it might not be true.

"Oh, sure, the _colour_ is different, you have Anakin's blue eyes," Sola said bluntly, waving her hand flippantly. "I mean the look," she said intently. "You know, what's _in_ your eyes."

Noura bit her lip. She smiled, and then glanced at Leia again. Leia smiled at her.

"Well, no need to stand out here dawdling," Sola said. "Come on."

She tucked her arm into Noura's, linking elbows, and began firmly taking them to the house.

"Do you need help with that bag, Leia?" Sola asked, feigning concern. "It's as big as you are."

Leia rolled her eyes. Long ago, Sola had told her they always used to tease Padme about how short she was compared to her older sister, and Sola had been adamant that Leia was going to be honored with a continuation of that, since Sola could no longer share it with Padme herself.

"Is everyone here?" Noura asked quietly. "Like is everyone just, standing in there, in some sort of…receiving line?"

Sola snorted.

"No, but I could arrange it if you like," she said easily. "Let's see – your Gramma Jo is here," she said – Jobal was the girls' great-grandmother, of course, but they had never bothered with differentiating. "Pooja's around somewhere. She went into the village but I think she's back. Ryoo's here and Maiah is _supposed_ to be, but she got held up at the clinic, so she'll be up eventually."

Sola bit her lip.

"Am I forgetting anyone? Mara is coming up tomorrow, yes?"

Leia nodded at that, and Sola cocked a brow thoughtfully.

"Is she bringing the twins?"

"I doubt it," Leia said. If anything, she might show up with Lytha tagging along, which Leia wasn't entirely sure was appropriate, considering her age. However, Mara had a distinctly closer relationship with Lytha than she did with the twins, though it did not seem to provoke any animosity.

"Clinic?" Noura murmured. She looked at Sola, confused. "Like, a medical clinic?"

Sola nodded.

"She volunteers her language skills at low-income clinics," she said. "From what I understand, today was a busy day."

"Oh," Noura said.

Maiah Vex was a fairly distinguished linguistics professor at the University in Theed these days, so it was understandable Noura had been thrown by the mention of her working at a med clinic.

"That's, um, cool of her," Noura muttered.

"We think so," Sola agreed.

She released Noura as they went up the front steps to enter the mansion, swinging the door open with a flourish of hospitality. A myriad of scents wafted out: fresh fruits and something hearty grilling, as well as the usual flowery scent of the whole villa. Leia felt a sense of relief and relaxation almost immediately: this was a home, a haven, and a resting place. For a few days, they could just _be_ here, and that would be such a valuable thing.

Sola turned and plucked Leia's rucksack off her shoulder, hanging it on a hook in the entrance hallway. Next to her, Leia sensed Noura relax a little, too. She smiled faintly as she looked up and around.

"No receiving line," Sola assured her, smirking, "but everyone who is here is likely gathered in the big sitting room," she said, gesturing in that general direction. "Come on," she said again. "Did you know that before you were born, your parents had a fight in this very sitting room?" Sola said, throwing a sly look back at Leia.

"Oh, Sola, we did not," Leia said, rolling her eyes.

She followed them, a skeptical look on her face.

"Yes, they did," Sola said stubbornly, obviously in the mood to cheer Noura. "Your dad made a smart ass comment, and then your mom _stormed_ off to bed – "

"What about?" Noura asked faintly.

"The hardest question of all," Sola said simply. "Whether or not to have kids."

Leia cringed, but Noura didn't seem too put off. She remained silent, but let Sola keep leading the way, watching her with interest.

"Just so you're clear," Sola went on frankly, "it's always a big decision, for everyone, and it's hard, so don't feel alone, or silly, about that."

Noura tilted her head, glanced at Leia, and then hurried a little more after Sola. Sola led them into the sitting room, where the rest of the family was indeed gathered. There was a fire lit in the grate and as they entered, Ryoo was in the middle of recounting a story, speaking in rapid Nubian, her arms waving through the air.

And the thing that was most beautiful about it was that as they entered, there was no hush, there was no sudden, narrow focus on Noura, or moment that dramatically highlighted the gravity of what Noura was going through – nothing of the sort. In true Naberrie style, Ryoo waved, giving them an animated welcome, and hurried to finish her story, and Jobal got up, listening to Ryoo and strolling over to welcome them physically.

"Darling," she said, taking Noura's chin in her palm. She studied her kindly, then leaned forward and kissed her nose before turning to Leia and doing the same. "And where's Jaina?" she asked, arching a brow.

"Visiting Padme," Sola said promptly.

"Ah," Jobal sighed. "Well," she said, clasping her hands and looking at Noura warmly. "There is _plenty_ of food if you're hungry," she offered. "I'm not sure when the last time you ate was – or, I was thinking you might like a bubble bath," she offered.

"She can't soak in water for a couple of weeks," Leia said, matter-of-fact, and Noura nodded apologetically.

"Thanks for offering, Gramma Jo," she said, her face flushing.

Jobal touched her forehead, shaking her head at herself.

"Right, I knew that," she said, pursing her lips. She winked. "You can still enjoy the aromatherapy tabs without a bath," she offered. "You just steam them in the floor of the shower."

Noura folded her arms. She looked around – Ryoo had finished with her story at this point, switched to Basic, and stepped up to take her turn saying hello.

"Hi, sweetheart," she said, and touched Noura's loose plait. "This is gorgeous. Alderaanian?"

Noura nodded.

"Something Aunt Rouge taught me," she offered.

"That woman does know hair," Ryoo said, whistling appreciatively. "You'll have to show me – or you know, maybe you can show Maiah…I swear that girl lets her hair get more out of control every day," she rolled her eyes affectionately, and Noura looked between them all – Jobal, Sola, and Ryoo, the three of them semi-circled around her, bright and kind and welcoming.

Leia was impressed by the total lack of heaviness to the moment; it was as if they had perfected the art of recognizing that this was no light, airy visit without injecting it with solemnity and a sense of mourning that might have weighed heavy on Noura's fragile shoulders.

When Noura seemed too overwhelmed to speak, Leia touched her back lightly.

"You think you'd like to eat something?" Leia asked. "Or do you just want to sleep?"

Noura took a deep breath and hesitated, looking sideways at Leia. Her lips pursed uncertainly, and Leia gave her a calm nod.

"It's up to you," she said.

"Oh, god," Sola said smoothly. "Noura, no one will be offended if you want to just snuggle up with some tea and go to bed," she said. "It's been, what – mere hours?"

Leia nodded to confirm. Sola folded her arms, matter-of-fact.

"You need to rest, or eat, or both, but do not feel obligated to entertain us. You'll be here for days. And you're here to recover," she pointed out firmly.

"There's no better place to heal," Ryoo said softly, tilting her head earnestly.

Noura shifted her weight, and moved subconsciously closer to Jobal.

"I, um, do think I'd prefer to just…have some tea and…try to sleep," she said honestly. She looked at Jobal, her expression hopeful. "And a shower might be nice," she said slowly, looking back down with a flush. "I feel kind of gross," she mumbled.

"That kind of lingers for a few days, unfortunately."

Pooja slipped into the room behind Leia, then wove herself between all of them and sidled up to Noura, sharing a meaningful look with her.

"I don't mean mentally," she said. "I mean, you know – you _will_ know – it's like a menstrual cycle multiplied to extremes. Post-abortion, or post-miscarriage," Pooja waved her hand around, "_someone_ here can relate to that in some way," she noted. "I can tell you if it's normal, I've been there. Leia, do you mind…?"

Pooja folded her arms and looked at Leia respectfully.

"I just mean I'll show her to her room and talk to her," she said, unabashed. "Since I've had an abortion."

Leia spread her hands out, happy to let someone with experience take over.

"Is that okay, Noura?" Leia asked her.

Noura nodded. Pooja unfolded her arms, held out hand out encouragingly until Noura grasped it, and then began leading her out of the room.

"We'll stop in the kitchen and get this tea I love – also, even if you're not hungry, frozen fruit, just in case – Leia, I'm putting her up in your room, you know the one – " Pooja's voice faded as the slipped out of the room, and Leia took that last bit to mean they'd be staying in the same suite and vicinity they always did, since the first time Han and Leia had ever visited here.

When they had gone, Leia turned to Jobal, Sola, and Ryoo – _the moms._ She had always grouped them together in her head and collectively referred to them as _the moms._ They were family she'd discovered late in life, at a time when she was on the brink of motherhood herself, and when she'd had young children, for a while they had been the only women with experience she could turn to for help.

They had been invaluable resources – Jobal, talking Leia through her first miscarriage, staying with her when Noura was an infant and Han was deployed and Leia needed all the help she could get – and Sola, a tough-as-nails, no-nonsense mother who was always quick to offer Leia advice on sticking to her parental mandates. How many times had Leia pulled one of them up on the comm, nearly in tears, _begging_ for advice, or worriedly demanding – _is this normal, is this normal? _Sola had stopped her from taking Jaina to the emergency room for trivial things twice, and Ryoo had been there, laughing, when Leia called, covered in urine, in desperate need of tips as to how to stop Max from peeing on her every time she changed his diaper.

She'd told Noura that it would be good to have a bevy of women around her during this time, but the truth was, Leia needed them, too. In terms of motherhood, all of them had already been there and done that, so to speak; when she'd had infants, they'd already been through that – when she'd had toddlers, the same rule applied, and now that Leia had teenagers – hell, Jaina was nearly twenty – she still could turn to these mothers for guidance because yes, once again, they had already been there.

Breaking the silence, Leia said:

"That's sweet of Pooja."

She licked her lips, and folded her arms.

"She did imply she'd had one, but I didn't pry," Leia noted, eyeing Sola warily.

"There's no secrecy, I've always known about it," Sola said. "I think she just told me to talk about it, honestly. She was much older and I could have been none the wiser."

Ryoo nodded.

"Yeah, Indy was like, two when Pooja had an abortion," she said. "She talked to me a lot about it because, you know…single mom, unplanned baby," Ryoo said. "Pooja _never_ wanted kids, though. Not even a little bit."

Leia sighed.

"I'm glad she's willing to talk to Noura," she said. "_I_ don't have the experience, and she had Mara, but the more perspective the," Leia trailed off, "better," she murmured.

"How is she?" Jobal asked, her brow furrowing with genuine concern. "She had the procedure this morning? Did it go alright?"

Leia nodded.

"She – well, in typical Noura fashion, she overslept," Leia said, giving a faint smile. "And it was a bit – "

"Here, sit down," Sola said, gesturing to the sofas. "No need to stand around."

"Ah – thanks," Leia said, breaking stride only for a moment. She took a seat, leaning into the side of an armchair gratefully. "It was difficult, and uncomfortable. I think she expected it to take longer, so maybe that caught her off guard. I stayed with her. Which," Leia arched her brows, "I did not expect her to let me do."

"Oh, of course she wanted you there," Jobal said soothingly.

"You'd be surprised," Leia said under her breath.

"No," Jobal murmured, matter-of-fact. "Tensions aside – and I know how teenage girls like to butt heads with their mothers – for something like this, of _course_ she wanted you."

Leia smiled at her gratefully.

"And how are you?" Ryoo asked.

Sola leaned back, nodding. Just as quickly, she sat forward.

"You want a drink?" she asked. "You know your way around, but if I could oblige – "

"No, no," Leia sighed. "I'm fine for now."

She rested her chin on her fingers, mulling over Ryoo's question. She looked at her cousin, her expression open, and raw.

"I'm alright," she murmured slowly. "I'm exhausted," she admitted frankly. "And I…well, I've told her this, my heart's a little broken for her," she said. "There was just no reason for her to have to deal with this."

Ryoo nodded.

"Teenagers really do get themselves into such messes," she commiserated. Sola gave her a pointed look, and Ryoo laughed. "Yes, mother, I am including myself in this assessment."

"Don't be so high-and-mighty," Jobal said smugly, arching her brow at Sola. "I seem to recall a certain someone being held in juvenile detention for joyriding."

Sola waved her hand dismissively.

"At least I never secretly married a Jedi."

Ryoo snorted.

"Regardless of the circumstance," Jobal said. "We truly are _always_ happy to see all of you – we'll miss Max and Han, of course."

"They send their love," Leia said. "I need to call Han later tonight. I'm sure he's tearing his hair out."

"There's Ruwee's office," Jobal offered, "or there's the smaller port we keep in the room you always stay in, if you'd rather something cozier, and if Noura wants to talk to him."

"We'll see," Leia said with a sigh. "He's been very supportive and he really…wants nothing more than to love her and keep their relationship strong, but she's been a bit skittish around him. The sex aspect, I'm sure," Leia said bluntly.

"Uhhh," Ryoo said, with a grimace. "I remember when I told Dad I was pregnant, I was convinced he was just sitting there picturing me getting railed."

Sola swung her head around to look at Ryoo, appalled.

"I can assure you, he was _not_."

Ryoo laughed.

"I _know_ that!" she protested. "But I was younger and I was dramatic and I know that whenever I _know_ two people are having sex, sometimes you just get _mental_ images – "

Leia grinned.

"She gets me!" Ryoo said, thrusting her hand out at Leia. "Yeah, remember when she and Pooja lost their _shit_ imagining _Darth Vader_ having sex?"

"I don't believe anyone has forgotten that," Jobal said primly.

Leia arched a brow.

"Han is furious because Noura didn't have a 'good time,'" she snorted. "If you get my drift."

"Oh, cute," Sola said, deadpan. "Interesting – what was it I said when you told us you were pregnant, Ryoo?" she asked, with an air of amusement that told Leia Sola remembered exactly what she'd said.

Ryoo cleared her throat dramatically.

"Well, Ryoo, I hope you enjoyed yourself. The fun stops now," she quoted sternly. She sat back, smiling. "Indy was fun, though," she reflected fondly. "During the fun parts, that is."

"Children are always fun during the fun parts," Jobal murmured.

"And the hard parts are _very_ hard," Sola sighed.

Leia inclined her head tiredly. Sola put it simply, but nothing was more relevant to the way she felt right now. This was hard; it was just so hard. She couldn't help dwelling on all the tension that had ever existed between herself and Noura, nitpicking and analyzing and trying to pinpoint where she'd gone wrong, how she could have changed things so that this hadn't happened. She also knew that up to a certain point, there was nothing she could do; Noura _was_ her own person, she was a headstrong, independent teenager, and nothing could have stopped her doing what she wanted.

Noura had to confront her mistakes, and up to a point, Leia could not relieve her of that burden.

Yet still, she felt guilt, and she felt anger.

Sola cocked her head.

"Do we think Jaina got lost?" she asked.

"She might be picking flowers," Leia said. "Noura loves flowers."

As if summoned, Jaina walked into the room, letting her bag slide off her shoulder. She had a bundle of flowers tucked into the rucksack, the blooms poking out delicately. She made sure to set the bag upright against the wall, so the flowers wouldn't be crushed.

"Is it annoying or endearing to be known so well?" Jaina mused, glaring at Leia. She grinned, and then went about to greet Jobal and Ryoo warmly. "Maiah just got here," she said. "I ran into her coming up the walk. Her hair is turquoise," she noted, amused.

"Oh, yes," Ryoo said. "One of her private clients, in speech therapy, has a behavioral disorder, and he really loves that colour. She dyed her hair for the introductory meet with him to make him more comfortable and it just stuck."

"Neat," Jaina said.

She folded her arms and looked around.

"Where's Noura?"

"Up in our suite with Pooja," Leia murmured.

Jaina nodded.

"Max checked in," she said, looking at Leia and tapping her temple. "He said he's been connecting on and off with Noura, letting her guide. I guess Dad is getting really anxious," she offered. She frowned, hesitant. "But Max says he knows not to bug us, like, Dad doesn't think you're excluding him, he's just Dad, so he's worried, so – "

"Jaina, you don't have to explain Han to me," Leia said gently. "I don't need a Force connection to him to understand where he's at emotionally right now."

"Yeah. I know. I mean, he's worried," Jaina said simply. She shrugged. "I can feel him, too. More _subtle_, obviously, from this far away."

She shifted to the side.

"I picked a bunch of Noura's favorite flowers," she added. "_Only_ the ones in full bloom, from the area we're supposed to pick," she assured Jobal. Jobal beamed at her, and stood.

"Let me get you a vase – we can scent the water with lavender, that will be a lovely thing for Noura to wake up to," she suggested, beckoning to Jaina.

Jaina looked at Leia briefly, and then followed her great-grandmother out of the room. Ryoo sat forward, lifting her head as Maiah walked in. About Leia's height and rail thin, Maiah appeared, striding into the room with the sort of confidence that people of their stature _had_ to learn. She did, indeed, have bright turquoise hair, held back from her face in a braided silver headband, and was dressed modestly in dark red scrubs with Nubian runes embossed on the breast.

"Hi, LeeLee," she greeted warmly. She'd never stopped calling Leia that, no matter how old she got, and conversely, no matter how old she got, Leia always remembered her and her girlish crush on Han, all those year ago. "Has Noura already gone to bed? I was going to say hi," she offered.

"She's upstairs with Pooja. Best to just let her be," Sola said. "I think she's overwhelmed."

"She's tired, too," Leia offered. "She doesn't feel well."

"Hmmm, I figured," Maiah said sympathetically. "When I was in college I stayed with my friend Siouxza when _she_ had an abortion – she used the pills – and it was bloody awful. She didn't have complications or anything, it was just pretty rough."

Maiah clasped her hands, and then arched her brows.

"I snagged a couple of these great heating patches from the clinic for her," she said. "They mold into your skin and do kind of a deep tissue warming massage for cramps, since she can't soak in a bath."

"That's thoughtful, thank you," Leia said sincerely. "I'm sure she'll just be a little…off for the next few days."

Maiah shrugged calmly.

"Well, I'm hungry," she said, pressing a hand to her chest and looking around, "and I heard a rumor there's shredded nerf biscuits in the works, which is a comfort food I think we could all use," she suggested.

Sola nodded.

"Excellent suggestion – Leia, we won't push you, but I think Han can wait a bit while we catch up, and Pooja settles Noura in, and we eat," she said firmly. "Believe me, you'll want to hear some of the latest stories about Iver's little boy – he is a _wrecking_ ball."

"Stories? Wait until you see the picture he _just_ sent me," Maiah said, her face lighting up – it always did when it came to her nephew.

Leia smiled. She looked at them each intently for a moment, and then rose, nodding. She trusted Pooja to take care of her daughter for the moment, and she would check on Noura diligently later this evening, right before she called Han – but Sola was right; it would be comforting to enjoy a meal, to catch up on the minute details of life that wove themselves around the big, daunting moments – and Leia knew she needed it, to take a break for a moment, from being the mom, and let these women mother her.

* * *

The sight of Han never failed to calm Leia's fears and ease her heart, even when he was just a faraway image of glittery blue pixels, and even when he looked as worried as he did right now.

His hair stuck up at odd angles, messy and tangled with sleep. He hadn't thrown a shirt on. It was the middle of tomorrow's night on Coruscant, and Leia was willing to bet he hadn't really slept much since they'd been gone – this disarray was more likely the result of an accidental, inevitable nap. Of course his concern was tenfold; he was on the other side of hyperspace, relying on electronic contact, working himself into a frenzy.

"She's okay," Leia told him, preempting the question. Her voice was soft, soothing. "It went as it was supposed to. No complications."

Han visibly relaxed, tension leaving his shoulders in a jerky motion, evident even in the grainy illuminated image of a holo projection. He leaned forward, propping his elbows on the desk – he'd taken the call in Leia's office – and ran his palms over his face. He shoved one hand back through his hair, distractedly getting his fingers tangled in the knots, and then he looked up at her warily.

"Good," he said slowly – reluctantly, as if he wasn't sure that was an applicable word. "Uh, good, no complications," he muttered, and then let his arms fall. He folded them on the table in front of them and leaned forward. "How's she _really_?" he asked. He tilted is head. "Y'know. Not just physically."

Leia sighed. She sat back comfortably in her chair, her eyes drifting towards the room where Noura was asleep. It was a room she and Han had often shared over the years. As the children had gotten older, they'd all spread out as they stayed at the Naberrie retreat, but Leia assumed Noura had chosen to curl up in that bed for the sake of, safety and the familiarity of her childhood.

She pursed her lips.

"She's nauseous," Leia began quietly. "She's been waking up on and off all night, thirsty, or dizzy, or because she's got bad cramps – "

"That's all normal?"

Leia nodded.

"She's sore, tired, she's got out of whack hormones, and she's," Leia paused. She considered Noura's privacy, and then shrugged. "You remember the aftermath of my miscarriages," she murmured vaguely. "There's an unpleasantness to the process."

Despite whatever briefing Pooja had gone through with Noura, Noura had woken up twice, panicked and anxious, calling for Leia to come into the bathroom and see if something was normal. Leia was more than willing to be there, to reassure her; she was so relieved Noura was coming to her about it that she didn't have it in her to feel squeamish about the reality of it all.

"Leia," Han started.

"I know. You asked about her mentality," Leia placated. "I want you to have the whole picture."

She paused, and took a moment to sort out her thoughts. Noura had not been talkative all day, which Leia felt was her right, and was to be expected. She was understandably groggy and didn't feel well and she'd been through something of great physical and emotional magnitude, regardless of what those emotions were.

"She's very quiet, emotionally," Leia said after a moment. She lifted one hand and tapped her temple gently. "She doesn't have the focus or the strength to shield right now, but she isn't raging. She isn't tempestuous. She seems relieved. I think she feels like a weight has been lifted," Leia said honestly.

There was no anger lingering in Noura's aura, no stringing regret, or horror, or anything deeply negative – and Leia was not prying, she was only picking up on the stray vibrations that emanated off Noura, her primary projections.

Leia lifted her shoulders and lowered them again in a slow, honest shrug.

"This _is_ what she wanted, Han," she murmured simply. "I think she's still very absorbed in the physical effects, and that is front and center, but she hasn't been crying." Leia licked her lips, pausing thoughtfully. "It will be a process over the next few days as she copes with being out from under this…major stressor, that's what it was for her, but it's done. She can breathe. She can move on, in whatever way she chooses to do that."

Han sat back, arms crossed across his chest.

"We just have to make sure she does that in a healthy, mature way," Leia murmured.

She broke off hesitantly, her thoughts half-formed. She had more to say, but she didn't know how to phrase it. Today, she'd felt closer to Noura than she had in a long time, perhaps since the days when Noura still actively needed daily help with things, and she'd felt Noura _reciprocate_ that. It was an unspoken sense of understanding and closeness, a fractured bond repaired in aches and blood, tangible in how Noura had gripped Leia's hand so hard throughout the whole procedure, hard enough that the imprint of Leia's wedding ring had branded into Noura's palm for hours.

"Han," Leia began again. "We have to," she fumbled again, tongue-tied. "Going forward I think…I feel…this is one of the most difficult things we've ever encountered as parents," she said shakily.

She stopped, watched him nod.

"Yeah," he offered gruffly, while she took another minute to compose her thoughts. "Yeah, it is."

"Well, there has to be some way to hold on to her," Leia whispered, strained. "And I – I don't mean in a manipulative way, but she's been more receptive to us – to me," Leia said, a little sadly – "than she has for years, and I don't want to go back to how it was, whether it was her, or me," Leia bit her lip. "We can't hold this over her head, either. I feel like the challenge is going to be finding a middle ground between washing our hands of this and wiping her slate clean, or letting it shadow every moment and festering."

Leia tilted her head.

"Am I making sense? She's spent so much time thinking I don't like her, or I'm dismissive of her, and I don't want this to imbed itself in her head as confirmation of that. I _also_ don't want her deciding we were so nice about it, and it all went fine and," Leia sort of waved her hand, "going off and…doing it again."

Han gave a derisive snort.

"Leia, I don't think that's going to happen," he said.

"No, I don't either, realistically," she agreed flatly. "It's still a fear. It's a realized fear, so the fear of it happening again is more…prescient."

Leia pushed her loose hair back, swallowing hard.

"Like after the Death Star, I thought every man who looked at me funny was going to hurt me," she said quietly. "Because the worst had happened, so why _wouldn't_ it happen again?"

Han nodded. He lifted one hand, elbow on the desk, and turned his palm up, reaching out, a physical gesture she wished she could feel. She knew if he were here, he'd slide his hand into hers, or put his arm around her, but in lieu of that, her only choice was to hold up her hand in a similar away, to mimic a comforting touch.

"Hey, you're makin' sense, Sweetheart," Han said quietly. Despite the distance, the look in his eyes gave her strength. She smiled a little. "You?" he asked. "How are you?" he probed gently.

Leia curled her hand into a loose fist, and rested her chin on it. Her eyes stung. She shook her head a little.

"It was so hard to be there, Han," she admitted. "I kept thinking, _how can this be happening?_ _She's just a little girl._ It's hard because she could have avoided this and it's hard because nothing hurts more than watching them suffer," she murmured.

Han nodded heavily, intimately aware of the feeling.

"She was brave," Leia said. "No tears, no theatrics of any sort."

"She let you go with her?" Han asked warily.

Leia nodded.

"Mm-hmm," she murmured softly. She rubbed her hands together. "She asked me to stay in the room with her," she added, her brows going up a little. "I was relieved enough she wanted _me_ to take her. I thought she wanted to go with Mara, and if she had," Leia trailed off for a moment. "It's not that I have anything against Mara – "

"Nah, I know. I get it," Han said. "Noura's ours. She's not Mara's."

Leia nodded. She let her hands fall, resting them on the table. For a moment, they sat together, Han watching her, Leia looking down at her nails. She looked up again, her brow furrowing.

"The next few days shouldn't be too hard on her," she said. She knew Han wanted to be kept in the loop as far as the technicalities. "She's tough, she's got a lot of support here. There are a few things to watch out for – high fever or heavy bleeding, but they're rare. She was prescribed some low grade painkillers to help with the soreness and cramping."

"Not stuff she might get addicted to?" Han asked warily.

"Nothing that strong," Leia assured him. Having spent quite a lot of time both running _and_ interdicting drugs, Han had a specific paranoia about them. Never one to bat an eyelid at Noura or Jaina drinking a little, he'd gone _ballistic_ upon finding a mid-grade spice tablet in Max's speeder once – Max didn't even know what it _was_; it had fallen out of a friend's bag.

She sighed, and reached up to rub her temple tensely.

"There are a couple of things I'd like you to…mull over with me, while we're here, to discuss when we get back," she murmured. She met his eyes. "We need to consider consequences for her…irresponsibility," she admitted grudgingly. "I think that's fair."

"Punishment?" Han asked. "Isn't this punishment enough? I mean," he said dryly, "she accidentally got _knocked up_ – "

"Can you not put it like that?" Leia asked shortly. "She's your daughter."

"Yeah, and that's what happened," Han said edgily. "I think she's been through enough."

"I know you do, and whether you believe it or not, so do I," Leia retorted, trying to keep her voice gentle. "I _do_ think this has been punishment enough," she admitted. She sighed. "I also am very, _very_ hesitant to frame an abortion as a 'punishment' or a pregnancy as a 'punishment' for her," she said delicately. "It starts a sort of…dangerous narrative, Han. Sex can be a high risk engagement emotionally and physically, especially at her age, and she doesn't need to be terrified of it – she also can't have motherhood or children framed as a negative result; both of those things need to remain valid choices that exist from a place of love and positivity."

Han eyed her narrowly, and Leia grimaced. She always felt like she was the mean one, the hard ass, and it felt twice as damning right now, since Noura had always cleaved to Han anyway. Still, she kept her bearings, and stood her ground, because she felt if she could convey her point to Han, he'd see her side.

"I don't want to address sex as the bad thing she did, I want to address her impulsivity and her lack of respect for the freedom we've given her," Leia explained.

"Okay," Han said slowly, frowning. It was not a condemning frown, but a thoughtful one; he slowly inclined his head, considering her. "You mean 'cause we don't breathe down her neck 'bout where she is and what's she's doing. We haven't before," he said.

Leia nodded.

"Precisely. We have always approached the kids, as they became teenagers, became more independent; with a leniency that – to be quite honest – _shocks_ my father. It's worked out fairly well. They have private lives. Whatever they are doing, they clearly aren't robbing banks or joining cults, so they remain entitled to that privacy. And I am not talking about taking away Noura's privacy, either," Leia said firmly. "I mean we need to discuss an earlier curfew, a renewed focus on her academy – do you see what I mean?"

Han tapped his jaw. He nodded.

"Think it's gonna be hard to not make it sound like a punishment for having sex," he pointed out flatly.

"I know," Leia sighed. She grimaced again. "In the spirit of full disclosure, she _did_ get a contraceptive implant at this appointment, I made sure of that."

"_Good_," Han said bluntly. He didn't feel he needed to hear any more, ever again, about either of his daughters' birth control or sex lives, but if Leia hadn't seen to that – which of course she would – he damn well might have taken Noura to Dr. Mellis himself.

"I don't want to put in place restrictions that keep her from having sex," Leia said, sighing, still trying to work this all out verbally – it all swirled in her head in the maternal storm of uncertainty that had existed in her since the day Jaina was born. "I doubt that's the first thing on her mind right now. I do think she needs repercussions, and I think a diminishing of her freedom is appropriate."

She sat back heavily when she saw the wary look on Han's face, and flung one hand out helplessly.

"I know you think I'm the iron _bitch_ mom here but Han," she shook her head, "we can't be _completely_ blasé. She is still a child and she needs a structure to help her mature, that says, look, honey, if you are not yet capable of making adult decisions, you will lose adult freedoms."

Leia put her hand to her chest.

"That's for _us_ too," she implored. "I can't go through this again. I can't see her hurt like this ever again, Han."

Han still said nothing, and Leia sighed.

"Mull it over," she said again, gritting her teeth. "It's something we'll flesh out more when I get home. We'll make it a conversation with her."

Han sat forward very carefully, his brow furrowed.

"_Iron_ _bitch_ _mom_?" he quoted.

Leia smiled a little sarcastically.

"That's new," Han remarked.

That got a more genuine smile out of her, and his expression softened.

"I hear you, Leia," he said quietly. "Y'know, I feel like I didn't protect her enough either," he said, his voice taking on a bitter edge. "What if I was jus' a _little_ stricter?"

Leia sighed. She bit her lip. There was no end to parental insecurities. Han folded his arms and rested heavily on them. He was silent for a moment, watching her, and then he cleared his throat.

"Somethin' else?" he asked. "You said there were a coupla things."

Leia put a hand to her forehead. She rubbed her temple for a moment, finding the next thing difficult to express. She swallowed hard, trying to keep both pride and guilt in check, and then she took a deep breath, and lowered her hand, resting it in her lap.

"Mmmhmm," she murmured, a little shaky. "Yes. I think we need to find her a therapist."

"Oh," Han said, looking relieved. His brow relaxed considerably. "Yeah, I figured," he said, almost dismissively. "Why wouldn't we?"

Leia blinked at him, and then she realized he thought she meant a therapist was necessary to talk Noura through the trauma of an abortion, and she had to take a moment and bite her tongue. It seemed Han might never get it through his head that some women just didn't have lingering nightmarish feelings about terminating a pregnancy. Maybe he just couldn't understand the complexity of what an unwanted pregnancy felt like.

"No, Han," Leia said gently. "I don't think the abortion will have any long term effects on her psyche. I think she needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional."

Han cocked his head.

"You think…she's got…somethin'?" he asked slowly, a distressed, worried look crashing over his face. "Like what?" He arched a brow suddenly. "Split-personality?" he half-joked.

Leia gave a dry laugh at that. She shook her head.

"Mara," she began, taking a deep breath, "suggested that she may have an anxiety disorder," she told him. "In the sense that she experiences anxiety with more violence than most people."

Han stared at her, concerned, and Leia felt her face flush. Again – just as she had when Mara quietly mentioned it – Leia felt ashamed for being so oblivious, furious at herself for never considering that Noura might be struggling with herself mentally, rather than just acting out like a bratty teenager.

"She, uh," Han started – and Leia thought she saw a glint of her own guilt reflected in his eyes. "She's never...been through anythin' real bad," he said faintly.

"I think you and I have blinders on," Leia said shakily. "We went through so much. It's easy to lose perspective. It's easy to think that people who have it good can't possibly…have it bad," she said, snorting at the dichotomy of the words.

She licked her lips, pressing her hands into her thighs – they were shaking, and she wanted it to stop.

"Maybe I didn't protect her _enough_, Han," Leia whispered.

The question had been hanging over her head. The thought was _agonizing_. Leia sharply resented Mara's observation, not because Mara had made it, but because she herself had failed to. Noura was quick to anger, hypersensitive, always focused on things the seemed like nonsense, or nonissues, to everyone around her – she had repeatedly expressed her fear that she might be judged against Leia publicly, or that being herself might reflect badly on Leia.

"Sweetheart," Han said heavily. "We did everything we could."

"I know, I _know_," she said shakily. She reached up to brush her eyes hurriedly.

But still she wondered if she could have done more. She and Han had done everything in their power to keep Jaina, Noura, and Max out of the public eye, but the fact still remained that they were the children of wildly famous individuals. Even if they were hidden, it was still a part of their daily reality that they were actively being protected – being _flaunted_ for the Holos might have been just as scary as being yanked dramatically away anytime a stranger pointed a holo in their direction. Leia knew the latter was the better choice in the long run, but another unique thing about her children was the nature of their fame.

Leia had grown up with a definitive position, a royal tradition. She had a delineated role, a job to do, and an ingrained sense of responsibility as a representative. Then, she had chosen it for herself as a senator and revolutionary. To a certain extent, she had agreed to be criticized and judged for her actions and her morality, because she was a person who was making decisions for an entire galaxy.

Her children didn't have _that_. She had eschewed titles for them. She had made sure they were free to be whom they wanted. She had deliberately not given them the life she'd had – and so they were in the awful position of being famous by association, famous by default. They had notoriety they had never asked for. For Noura, being ogled – or having others salivate over possible glimpses of her, just by virtue of her last name, was very likely an overwhelming nightmare. She had done nothing to sanctify others peering into her life, and yet they _did_ – or tried to. It may very well have induced increasingly severe anxiety – and Leia may have made the arrogant mistake of never considering such a thing could be wrong because she herself had…been through worse.

It wasn't fair to Noura, and it was a grievous mistake; Leia knew it. She knew better than to judge people's right to struggle based on the relative 'bad' in their lives. She'd been berating herself since the moment the word anxiety passed Mara's lips, and clicked into Leia's brain like an oh-so-obvious answer.

"Whether she needs a diagnosis or medication or what," Leia said, determined, "I _never_ saw a therapist. The need for it went away in time, and you know that I'm now…okay, I'm okay, and that's a fact, but…I don't necessarily know if it was _right_ that I never did," she admitted. "I won't make that same mistake on Noura's behalf. I will not."

Han nodded fervently, swallowing hard. Leia pressed her fingertips to her cheeks, blinking tears away.

"It's not only that," she said, her lips trembling. "She may have inherited trauma in her fucking DNA," she said. "There have been studies that suggest people who have been through unbelievable trauma – like genocide – experience fundamental genetic mutation, and there is more than enough in my past that could have poisoned her."

Leia tossed her hair, trying to compose herself.

"I was so scared of Vader," she scoffed. "Vader's inheritance. Maybe it's me. It always goes back to…fucking…Skywalker blood."

Han sighed heavily.

"I don't know anythin' about what science you're talkin' about," he said warily – he doubted Leia was wrong; she did her research well, and she was never one to be taken in by pseudo-scientific bantha shit, "but it ain't poison, whatever it is. You didn't poison our kids," he said, giving her a little you-know-better glare. "'Sides, Jaina and Max don't have any symptoms like Noura."

"Inheritance isn't an exact science. Neither is the mind," Leia murmured. "They're all so…different," she said. "Three different little people we made," she added, giving a weak laugh.

She leaned forward and cleared her throat.

"Speaking of, how is my son?" she asked.

"Sleeping," Han said, "after a long day of cheating at Sabaac," he added darkly. Sobering after a moment, Han added: "He felt sick while Noura was," Han waved his hand vaguely.

Leia nodded.

"I thought he might," she murmured.

"Ork moved into your spot in the bedroom," Han added, deadpan.

Leia blinked, then glared at him, surprised by the sudden lightness. She welcomed it, though.

"That is not funny," she said coolly.

Han nodded, yawning. He scratched the back of his head, and then rubbed a palm over his jaw, checking for stubble.

"Sorry, Sweetheart," he said solemnly. He flashed a grin, and then lifted his chin. "Where's Jaina?" he asked. "What's she up to?"

Leia looked over her shoulder towards the door of the antechamber.

"Hmm, last I saw her she was out on the patio with Pooja and Maiah having a beer," Leia said. "She's sleeping in Pooja's room. They were arguing politics."

"You three don't have too much fun up there," Han warned.

Leia laughed a little. She smiled at him, leaving her lips parted slightly. He leaned back, stretching, both of them just content to sit in the silence for a bit. It felt good to hash some things out with him, to get these things off her chest. She felt it was the right decision to surround Noura heavily with women, and leave Han and Luke and Max mostly out of it – that's what Noura needed.

But Leia needed Han. And she missed him. No one understood what she was going through, as Noura's mother, like Noura's father.

"You know who sees a therapist?" Han asked after a moment.

"Hmm?" Leia murmured.

"Evaan," Han said.

Leia paused.

"Ah, that's right," she noted. "She does."

"While you're still out there, I'll talk to her, see if she's got some recommendations," he promised.

"Thank you," Leia murmured.

"And the other thing," Han said seriously, though he had a suspicious glint in his eye, "I'll see if Bail's got any suggestions. I hear he head a teenage daughter who got into some trouble with an older guy. Might have some ideas on disciplinin' that."

Leia scoffed under her breath, her nose flushing.

"Here I was, considering sending you a flirty naked image, and now I don't think I will."

Han grinned.

"Like you'd ever," he retorted.

"_Mom_?"

Leia turned towards the entrance, assuming it was Jaina. When there was no one there, she quickly turned towards the bedroom door instead, her brows going up. Noura's voice was sluggish, and she'd yelled through the door. Leia was about to get up when the door opened and Noura trudged through.

"Mom?" she said again, yawning.

She blinked a few times, inching forward. She was half-sleep and disheveled, cozy in an old set of pajamas. She'd undone her hair before bed, and it fell loosely over her shoulders, making her look so young that Leia's heart ached.

Leia sat perched on her seat.

"I'm right here," she said. "Everything okay?"

Noura nodded. She shuffled forward, rubbing an eye.

"I _thought_ I heard Dad's voice," she mumbled.

Leia winced.

"I didn't mean to wake you," she began.

"You didn't," Noura said grimly. She touched her abdomen pointedly, and then eyed Leia for a moment.

She crept closer, and then, to Leia's surprise, she nudged Leia's leg and stepped in-between the, sitting down and perching on Leia's knee. She was tall, and the action seemed incongruous, but it also felt like something Noura desperately needed. Leia pulled her hair back affectionately and rested her hand on Noura's hip.

Noura blinked at Han sleepily.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey, Noury," Han said.

Noura's nose scrunched.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt? _Gross_," she mumbled, a little of her characteristic whine coming into her voice. "Is this a Holo sex thing? You two should have stopped that years ago," she complained.

Han glared at her mildly. Leia snorted. Noura looked at Han more clearly.

"You worried about me?" she asked, a little edgy.

"Yeah, kid," Han said honestly. "S'why I called."

Noura swallowed hard. She sighed.

"I'm okay, Daddy," she said.

Her voice was very soft, but sincere. She gave him a very small smile. Han only nodded at her firmly, but Leia could tell he was even more relieved to hear it from Noura herself. Noura looked like she might say something else, but she ultimately remained silent, and after a moment, Leia squeezed her hip gently.

"Han, I think we're going to say goodbye," she said softly.

Han nodded, understanding.

"Yeah, get some rest," he said gruffly. "I love you, Leia. Noura," he said, directing it at both of them.

"Love you too, Daddy," Noura answered.

Leia let her hand hover over the end call button, and winked at Han delicately, pursing her lips. He smiled at her, acknowledging the tacit _I know,_ and when she ended the call his image glittered poignantly for a moment, and then dissolved, leaving Leia and Noura in relative darkness.

Noura shifted, and sighed. Leia turned her head to look up at Noura's profile intently.

"You need anything, Noura?" she asked. "You sure you're okay?"

Noura only nodded. She was quiet for a while, and then she gingerly got up, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She lifted her hand and bit her nails, looking at Leia through her lashes.

"I can't really sleep," she admitted. She sucked in her breath. "Will you come lay down with me?" she asked.

She said it very rapidly, all in one breath. Leia wished it wasn't so hard for her to ask for that. Without a word, she got up, taking Noura's shoulders in her palms and turning her back towards the bedroom. She guided her in, and waited until Noura had climbed back into the messy tangle of sheets.

Leia stripped off her socks and her outer layer of clothing, and lay down next to her daughter. Noura sprawled out on her back, her long hair splayed out over one shoulder. Leia stared at Noura's profile for a long time, watching her breathe, attuning herself to Noura's emotions.

Then, slowly, she reached for Noura's unruly hair, and began to gently comb her fingers through it, massaging Noura's scalp. Noura's breathing evened out, and Leia took the loose strands of hair in her hand, and began to twist it back into careful plait, her fingers working diligently while Noura slept.

* * *

_-alexandra_


	7. Six

a/n: all trigger warnings posted in the first chapter apply to this one (at least in very vague capacities. still, better safe than sorry!). apologies for the wait on this chapter.

* * *

Naboo; the Lake Country  
28 ABY

Six

* * *

Breakfast was a casual affair. Leia had anticipated being the first one up, yet when she quietly slipped out from between Noura and Jaina – Jaina had crept in with them late into the night – and gingerly padded down the many staircases to the main level, she found Jobal already bustling around, setting out a hearty spread.

She had opened up some of the patio doors to the atrium and set up a magnificent selection on an antique stone table. Fruits and pastries and sausages were arranged among juices and butters and marmalades of all kinds, with sparkling water and fragrant flowers and candles to accent it all.

When Leia raised her eyebrows at the decadence, Jobal merely shrugged, neatly adjusting a tray of crisply blackened bacon near the edge of the table.

"I like doing this sort of thing," she murmured, "and everyone here has such different tastes, that an ample selection is a necessity," she smiled, gesturing at a carafe with steam curling lazily from the spout. "Kaf?" she offered.

Leia nodded, and Jobal poured a generous measure, using her free hand to gesture at a carved wooden serving platter.

"The fixings," she noted, delicately handing the mug to Leia. "You still take it with a dash of sugar and a pinch of cinnamon?" she asked.

Leia nodded, smiling warmly at Jobal's sharp memory.

"You are so good at that sort of thing," she murmured. "Knowing people."

"Well, remembering the small things is the quickest way to express love," Jobal said. She shrugged, and poured herself a teacup of steaming water. She added honey, a lavender petal, and a tea pod to the mix.

She watched the pod bloom into a tea flower, and inhaled the scent.

"Were you up before sunrise?" Leia asked, glancing out the wide-open patio doors onto the grounds.

The sun was climbing now, and the marble patio was starting to sparkle with its rays. It was still an early sun, bathing everything in the softer, golden glow of new dawn rather than the harsh, glaring light of its peak hours. The sky still had the orange, purple, and bluefish streaks of sleepiness about, and Leia guessed it would be a little while before others awoke.

Certainly a while for Jaina, at least – Leia guessed she and Maiah had been up drinking all those hours, as Jaina had knocked over several things while trying to covertly sneak into bed.

Jobal nodded sagely.

"Not for us, I hope," Leia said warily. She gestured at the breakfast spread. "I hope you didn't lose sleep for – "

"Oh, no, nonsense," Jobal murmured. "This is mostly the staff's work. They make it seem as if so much happens by magic here, but we do have them," she reminded Leia, a twinkle in her eye. "I did want to make sure I added my personal touches, but," she trailed off.

She leaned a hip against the stone table and merely considered Leia for a moment, and then she tilted her head.

"Well, sleep isn't so restful in old age," she admitted. "Aches, pains," she said, and lifted her shoulders, "and I miss Ruwee," she said. "I just don't sleep as well, since I lost him."

Jobal smiled, a smile that was both nostalgic and sad, but peaceful.

"It is a very difficult thing to return to sleeping alone after so many years spent with your…your _person_."

The words tugged at Leia's heart, and poked at the dread that always lingered in the very back of her mind – dread that came of knowing Han was older than her, that even if nothing terrible happened for the rest of their lives, she'd still face a terrible thing even if she lost him peacefully, in old age.

"I can barely imagine," she said softly. She tapped her finger on her mug. "I think about it, sometimes. Losing Han one day," she said. "I don't let myself dwell on it, but sometimes I find myself thinking…we made it through so much, so many things that should have killed us – aren't we immortal, now? Haven't we earned that?"

Jobal nodded.

"Men do usually go first," she sighed. "The old saying goes, you know, nature knows they can't survive, or cope, or function – without us," she gave a soft smirk.

"Lesser men, perhaps," Leia murmured. "He did alright before I came along," she quipped.

"We do have some very good men in this family," Jobal said. She winked, and Leia arched her brows, nodding – certainly no lesser men here. "You're right not to dwell on it," Jobal said firmly. "Look at how old Ruwee was. Look at how old _I_ am," she added, with a flourish. "We hang in there."

Leia tilted her head thoughtfully, and nodded. She smiled, comfortable with the silence that fell. She had always appreciated Jobal's accepting, honest approach to loss; she was a formidable woman who had suffered the loss of a child and then thrived on and on for years. She was a living example of the need to foster a fierce circle of close relationships, whether they be blood relatives or found family, to ensure that loneliness never had a chance to creep in and take the reins of one's life.

Leia had learned quite a lot from her over the years, about grief, the many facets of it, and the ability to embrace it, feel it, and still find joy in every day.

"How did you sleep?" Jobal asked.

"Oh," Leia sighed. "Pretty well, actually," she murmured. She lifted a shoulder. "I kept telling Han Noura likely just couldn't wait for it to be over so she could move on, and I suppose I felt – feel – that way, too," she admitted.

She cocked her hip against the counter, holding her mug in one hand.

"I braided Noura's hair while she slept," she said. "Made me feel like she was little again."

Leia arched a brow.

"When she liked me all the time," she joked dryly.

Jobal gave a little knowing snort.

"They always say conflict with your daughters is normal, but so many times I wanted to shake mine!" she admitted, brushing her bangs to the side. "I would think, but _why_ is it normal? _Why_ can't you girls just understand all I care about is keeping you happy, and healthy, and making you into good people who contribute to your world?"

Leia nodded fervently.

"Does Max butt heads with you?" Jobal asked. "Iver was never very testy with Ryoo. Neither were the other two. She and _Maiah_, though," Jobal clicked her tongue. "I mean, no different than Sola and Ryoo, I suppose, back when Ryoo was spiraling."

Leia smiled wryly.

"Max pushes boundaries. He's a prankster and he's…spacey," she snorted. "It isn't that specific feminine conflict, though," she noted, sharing a pointed look with Jobal. "I'm from Alderaan, and even there, it came out," she trailed off, sighing. "Men have their own weird tensions with each other."

"Mmhm," Jobal agreed. "The older they get, the more you start to think – hey, those baby years, those toddler years, they weren't so bad," she joked.

Leia laughed.

"In some ways," she agreed. "I go back and forth. I swear up and down I miss the days when they never talked back to me, and then at the same time, I'm so glad that now they can tell me what's wrong. Less guesswork."

"Do you miss their baby years?" Jobal asked. She sipped her tea, shrugging. "I'm just curious. I find some women really, really ache for that part of motherhood, and some didn't care for it."

Leia leaned onto the counter. She sat her mug down, and tilted her head, thinking about it for a moment.

"I don't miss their infancy," she said slowly. "Well, I don't _ache_ for it," she corrected. "I think I did a good job of valuing it when I could, but I certainly felt relief as they started to walk, and talk, and evolve," she murmured. She traced her finger around the rim of her mug. "I enjoyed motherhood," she said. "I still do. I love that they're these…fleshed out individuals now, and I get to learn about them every day, and see them find out who they are," she paused for a moment, smiling tensely, "even if sometimes it's rough."

Jobal nodded, her eyes warm with sympathy.

"What about you?" Leia asked.

"I _love_ babies," Jobal said. "I miss everything about it. But, I keep getting babies," she said, laughing. "Sola had them, then Ryoo, then you, and Luke…and then Luke had another, to our surprise, and then Iver!" she listed, delighted. She waved a hand. "I want for nothing."

She pulled out a stool and took a seat on it, and then tilted her head, catching a look in Leia's eye.

"You mustn't take that to mean I think ill of Noura, or am disappointed," she said firmly. "I am of the same mind as you, my dear," she murmured. "Babies _should_ be wanted. That doesn't always mean they're meticulously planned," she said, shrugging. "Ryoo certainly never planned Indy, but she _decided_ to have him. She chose to want him. Pooja doesn't want children, and I don't think less of her for it, or for sticking to that choice when she had to face it."

"I know, Jo," Leia said softly.

She lifted her mug, taking a deep breath.

"You, and this place, and this…family," Leia murmured, "have always been a source of comfort, and healing," she nodded, taking a long sip. "That's why I wanted Noura to be here. I think everyone can help her, even if it's just by…being around. By loving her even though we all have different stories."

"That we can certainly do," Jobal said.

Leia smiled tiredly. Jobal winked at her and picked up a carafe, offering her more kaf, which Leia accepted. They fell into a comfortable silence, which was broken when Maiah made an appearance in the kitchen. Cozy in shorts, a cropped pajama top, and socks, her turquoise hair messily piled on top of her head, she shuffled in with a yawn.

"Is that kaf? Wait, is there _iced_ kaf?" she asked.

Jobal, keen on her great-granddaughter's tastes, was already lazily pointing to a frozen pitcher of iced kaf. Maiah gave a satisfied little moan and stalked over to it, pouring it into an equally icy glass. She yawned, scratching at her knotty hair.

"Ha, sorry about Jaina, Lee-Lee," she said, smug, as she turned to join them at the stone table.

Jobal gave Maiah a look.

"What did you get Jaina into?" she asked.

Maiah smirked.

"I hope she didn't disturb you too much when I poured her into your suite," Maiah said.

"Mmm, she was a little wobbly," Leia said. "Very sleepy."

"I really kind of assumed she had more Corellian in her, when it came to drinking," Maiah snorted. "I figure she's a bit of a novice?"

"To my knowledge, yes," Leia said, arching a brow. "But recently I've discovered daughters are quite good at keeping secrets."

Maiah yawned again.

"Don't worry, I plied her with water, too," she assured Leia. "We were just catching up and gossiping."

Leia shrugged.

"Jaina's of age," she said.

"I hope she doesn't suffer too much of a drinking headache," Jobal said sympathetically.

Before Maiah could even protest, Leia rolled her eyes.

"She's nineteen," she scoffed. "At that age they could drink an ocean and wake up perky."

Maiah snorted, and pointed at Leia solemnly.

"Truer words never spoken," she said, and then turned her finger to tap her own head with a small wince.

"Serves you right, debauching your little cousin," Jobal teased her.

"She's my second cousin, which means that I _don't_ have to set a good example," retorted Maiah, sticking her tongue out.

Her head jutted forward suddenly, and she frowned, looking around.

"_Ma_," she whined at Ryoo, who had just entered the rotunda.

Ryoo dusted her palms together as if wiping her hands of Maiah's attitude.

"Did I teach you to disrespect Gramma Jo?" she asked coolly. "Put that tongue back in your mouth."

"I'm grown," griped Maiah, scrunching her nose and rubbing the back of her head where Ryoo had thumped her.

Ryoo clicked her tongue, snorting. She arched a brow and shook her head, catching Leia's eye as if to ask – _why do they always think they're grown? _Leia smiled softly.

"Good morning," she greeted.

Ryoo stopped to kiss Leia's cheek, and squeeze her arm.

"Morning," she whispered, and then gathered a mug to fix her own cup of kaf. She picked up a just-ripe Shuura and held it in her teeth while she mixed sugar into her kaf, then sat down opposite Leia and popped the Shuura into her palm, having broken the skin enough to start peeling it by hand.

"How's Noura?" she asked bluntly.

Leia pressed her lips together and lifted one shoulder slowly.

"Sleeping," she said. "She's sleeping _well_, as far as I can tell," Leia added – it was a reassuring thought, and it had been comforting her late into the night, as she lay awake, and all through this morning. "She was still asleep when I snuck out."

"Good," Ryoo said earnestly.

"I'm sure some of it has to do with the residual anesthesia and general malaise of the whole procedure," Leia said.

"My friend who had one, she was just out of it for days," Maiah said frankly. "Totally exhausted and drained. She took the pills, like I said," she reminded them, "but she said she felt like she ran a marathon. It's basically mini labor."

On cue, Jobal, Leia, and Ryoo all made some sort of skeptical, amused squawk or snort, and almost simultaneously all said – _"No, it's not"_ – though in Ryoo's case it was more of a choked – _"Like hell it is!"_

Maiah looked abashed, her face reddening.

"I mean – no, I mean, not like! Not like labor like _you_ all had," she backtracked quickly. "I'm just saying, yeah, Noura's probably – I mean it's a whole tiring process for your body!"

She looked so appalled at herself that Jobal took pity.

"It's more akin to a miscarriage, I would assume," she offered. She shared a look with Leia, "as I can attest to."

Leia merely inclined her head.

Maiah looked grateful at the buoy Jobal threw her. She nodded.

"I – yes, I'll take your word," she said.

"Why don't you stop offering wisdom, Maiah?" Ryoo suggested, a slight edge of warning to her voice.

"It's alright," Leia soothed. "Having perspective is useful," she said, nodding at Maiah warmly.

Maiah smiled back, stifling yet another yawn, and Leia had a sudden vision of her, five-years-old in tiny braided knots, shyly tucking her head into her father's shoulder when she first saw the famous, _dashing_ Han Solo. Leia looked down at her steaming coffee, her chest tightening.

She had watched Maiah grow up. She had accepted every moment of it blithely; she had never felt uncomfortable with it – why was it so hard to watch her own daughter grow up? Was she so different from Maiah?

Leia breathed out slowly.

"She was feeling sick last night," she told them. "She woke up while I was talking to Han, said she still felt nauseous and sore," Leia trailed off. "Nothing alarming."

Leia curled her hand around her mug.

"I think if she takes it easy today, gets some time to think, adjust," she murmured, trailing off.

"She'll be okay, Leia," Ryoo said gently.

"She's a Naberrie," Jobal said proudly.

Leia looked up, tilting her head. She smiled.

"Yes, she is," she said. "That's the name people so often like to _forget_ when they talk about me, or Luke, or our children," she went on. "It's always Solo-_this_ or the _Skywalker_ inheritance or even – the Organa legacy."

"Well, certain parties did go to a great length to erase my sister."

Leia cocked her head to the other side, glancing past Ryoo. Sola paused in the doorway, slouching against the frame. The usual blunt, slightly caustic look on her face was softened by a lack of make-up and the morning light, and she studied the gathering for a moment before she smiled.

"Ah, who are we missing? The youngest among us?" she mused, lifting her chin, flicking her eyes around as if counting.

"Um, I was the third up," Maiah said, raising her head primly. "And Leia's younger than Aunt Pooja," she pointed out.

"Pooja, when not required to work, has not risen before noon a day in her life," Sola snorted.

She pushed off of the frame and came into the kitchen, waving off hot beverage offerings and choosing juice.

"I quit drinking caffeine," Sola noted, though she shot a jealous look at the kaf mugs in their hands. "It was – what did that medic say? Counterproductive to the state of my heart."

Sola rolled her eyes.

"_Not_ drinking it is counterproductive to your morning attitude," Ryoo mumbled into her own mug.

Sola picked up a pastry.

"Mami, you outdo yourself," she said, raising the pastry reverently. She turned to Leia, matter-of-fact. "It's very difficult to un-erase a person who was as thoroughly erased as Padme was," she said, circling back. "It's a constant effort to re-establish her place. Noura even shares her name!"

Leia smiled faintly, nodding.

"She does," she murmured.

She wondered, though, if that was another way she'd gone wrong with Noura. Was it too much pressure, even inadvertent, to memorialize a woman like Padme that way? Was that just another thing Noura viewed as intangible pressure to live up to impossible standards?

Leia had never meant it that way. She'd always seen it as a way to give Padme a voice, a bright burning beacon in a world that had reclaimed the ideals she died for. She had learned, however, throughout all of this, that Noura did not always interpret her intentions the right way.

Sola folded her arms; pastry perched in the crook of her elbow, and looked out onto the sunlit patio garden.

"It is a really gorgeous morning," she said.

The statement seemed almost incongruous, and yet it was undeniably true. Even by Varykino standards, the day was beautiful, and there was something poetic about that. Leia turned to follow Sola's gaze and blinked, tilting her head up to better soak in the rays that filtered into the open rotunda.

"Mama, is Mara coming up?" Ryoo asked idly.

"As of last night, yes, she still planned to," Sola answered.

"Jade and Beru?" Maiah asked.

"Why? Would you like to corrupt them as well?" Ryoo demanded.

"As if I'd give toddlers alcohol."

"Maiah, they're _thirteen_."

"_Toddlers_."

Leia smirked at the exchange – it was a laid back, easy way to start the day; wholesome and pure, and her spirits rose even as she reflected on everything her daughter had been through over the past few weeks. There was nothing as sweet as this easy banter of sisterhood, and motherhood, and – womanhood.

She'd been right to come here, right to bring Noura here. This was right. She needed it just as much as she felt her daughter did.

"Is Han surviving without you?" Sola asked. "That isn't a dig at his parenting. I know he's more than got that down," she snorted. "I mean literally, without _you_. We know how he is."

"Mmhm," hummed Jobal.

"He'll manage," Leia said fondly. "He does say he can't sleep without me around anymore. He used to be a good sleeper. Better than me," she added, arching a brow. "Must be old age."

"I feel that," Ryoo said gloomily. "I tried to kick Whyler out for snoring a few times last year, and I just ended up joining him on the couch because it was too weird to sleep without him."

"Gross," Maiah said brightly.

"Yeah, _gross_," Sola agreed, deadpan.

Ryoo stuck her tongue out at them.

"Why can _you_ stick your tongue out at _your_ mother?" Maiah protested, outraged. "I got a head slap!"

"I could head slap the three of you, if you like," Jobal offered sagely.

Leia grinned. She sat forward to peruse some of the heartier food options – Jobal's cured breakfast sausages were always a delight – when she saw a bit of movement in the hall. She focused her mind, and easily identified Noura lurking just beyond the threshold—and only because Noura had her mind open, willing to be sensed. Leia offered her a gentle nudge of encouragement, and Noura peeked in.

"Darling," Jobal greeted warmly.

Sola, closest, turned, then reached out to touch Noura's chin and kiss her forehead. She pulled back to study her, gave one good, approving nod, and then gestured at the spread.

"Your Gramma Jo absolutely lost her mind, organizing breakfast," Sola said, putting a hand to her chest. "She got some wires crossed and thought she was preparing food for Luke's entire Jedi academy."

Sola lowered her voice as if at a sickbed.

"She's senile."

Noura blushed, but, to Leia's surprise, giggled. The sound was strained, hoarse, and uncertain, but it was a laugh, and Leia felt like she might burst into tears of relief just at the sound of it.

Sola grinned at the sound, too.

"One day soon you, too, will reach an age at which you can shamelessly sass your mother," she promised.

Noura flicked her eyes to Leia warily. Her hair was still woven into the plait Leia had fixed while she slept, though it was a frazzled, and strands were slipping loose. Noura reached up and touched it.

"Sit, please," Jobal said kindly. "Tea, coffee, hot chocolate – food," she offered. She gave a small laugh. "I can't resist a good breakfast feast."

Noura shifted her weight. She looked around, then slowly her eyes found their way back to Leia's. She swallowed hard, and took a deep breath.

"Thanks," she said quietly. She cleared her throat. "Um, thank you," she said, more confidently. "I really…this is nice, and I appreciate…everything," she said.

She bit her lip, and Leia sensed she was anxious, struggling with what to say. She sat up a little, offering Noura silent strength without invading her mind; she could tell Noura wanted to get through this moment on her own.

"I, um…I'm tired and I still feel kind of…off. Like, I'm _better_. It's just this," she gestured around apologetically, "is a little overwhelming right now? So I was going to say good morning and, um, go wake up by myself for a little while. If that's…okay."

"Yes," Leia said immediately. "Take your boundaries."

There was a murmuring agreement, and Noura's stiff shoulders sagged in relief. She shuffled forward hesitantly, bit her lip again, and then tilted her head.

"Well, not, um, totally alone. Jaina's," Noura's face brightened in a little smirk. "I'm going to take a plate of food to Jaina," she said.

Leia arched a brow. Sola and Maiah laughed. Noura flushed, and then greeted both Ryoo and Jobal affectionately, allowing Jobal to help her with a tray of both tea and kaf, and a healthy plate of appropriate food for Jaina to soak up any remaining alcohol in her stomach. Leia sat her mug aside and got up, stepping out for a moment to go with Noura into the hall.

She paused off to the side with her, tucking the loose tangles of Noura's hair back, making sure she had a steady hand with everything. She didn't think it at all rude of Noura to retreat for some more private time; in fact she thought it a rather impressive step of maturity that Noura had taken it upon herself to come say hello, and let them know that she still needed a bit of time to wallow.

Still, Leia had some maternal housekeeping to do.

"You slept okay, the rest of the night?" she checked.

Noura nodded.

"How's your head?" Leia asked.

"Mmm, clearer. Not as fuzzy and heavy," Noura murmured.

"Cramps?"

"Dull," Noura said.

"Bleeding?"

Noura grimaced unhappily, but shrugged, nodding – within the range of normal. Unable to help it, Leia brushed Noura's hair back again, simply studying her. She sensed sadness and anxiety in her, but a clear sense of determination as well, though what that determination was focused on, Leia was unsure. She gave her own nod of solidarity, reassuring both of them.

"Take your time, Noura," she murmured, "but don't hide," she advised gently. "These women are your most valuable resources," she paused, and lifted one shoulder, exhibiting some vulnerability, "I am, too. I _want_ to be. For you."

Noura tilted her head to the side. She looked as if she were about to say something, but instead, she just looked at Leia softly, a warm expression on her face, and then gave her a watery smile. Leia lifted her chin, indicating Noura should be on her way to tend to Jaina – to get to whatever it was she and her sister were up to, which Leia could only assume was some much-needed bonding – and Leia let her go, as she herself returned to her peaceful gathering.

* * *

When Noura returned to the bedroom, Jaina had migrated from her dramatic abdominal sprawl to a more dignified, cross-legged sitting position. She yawned, stared at the ceiling, and eagerly held her hand out, fingers grasping for the mug of kaf Noura had promised to bring her.

"Mmmm," Jaina sighed, jamming the steaming mug under her nose and inhaling it deeply. "The cure for my aching head."

Noura scoffed lightly. She sat the tray she'd brought down on the edge of the bed, and then took her mug and curled up in an armchair in the corner. Sunlight hit it perfectly, and she inched towards the armrest, snuggling into the warmth.

"For fuck's sake," she muttered, glaring at Jaina. "You don't even look hung-over."

Jaina lifted her chin regally.

"This is my first hangover, and I am embracing it," she defended, also looking a bit sheepish.

"Embracing it by making your suffering little sister go fetch your breakfast," Noura accused.

"You offered!"

"To be _polite_."

Jaina's mouth fell open, offended, and Noura smiled at her gently. Jaina rolled her eyes at her.

"How was it down there?" she asked. "I would have gone," she added, still worried Noura might be actually upset. "I just…thought Mom might be mad at me and not want to deal."

Noura laughed dryly.

"Um, I hate to break it to you, Jaina, but going forward, you're going to have to do a lot more than get a bit drunk when you're legally allowed to if you want to incur the wrath of our mother," she pointed out.

Jaina put a free hand to her chest.

"And I thank you, for taking this burden upon your shoulders, so that Max and I may – _truly_ – get up to whatever shenanigans we please," she said, deadpan.

She took a sip of kaf, and then lowed her mug, resting it on her knee. She pursed her lips earnestly.

"How was it, really?" she asked, sincere. "I thought, you know, me staying up here would give you an excuse to leave, if it was…too much."

Noura nursed her mug in her hands, enjoying the warmth. She lowered it so that some of the porcelain would press into her abdomen where her hands weren't blocking it, satisfied with the makeshift heating pad.

"Yeah," Noura said. "I know. That was nice," she said, grateful. She lifted one shoulder. "It was fine. Like, actually, it was cool," she said again. "Mom and Gramma Jo and, like, Sola, and Ryoo, they're all up – and Maiah – and they were just nice, and chill, and low-key," she described. "Aunt Mara's not here yet, I guess. No, it was cool. But it was a lot all at once."

Jaina nodded.

"Maiah's up already? Moving around? _Functioning_?"

Noura rolled her eyes.

"People function with hangovers, _Jaina_. Some people _literally_ put up with Wookiee operas with them."

"You did that to yourself!" Jaina snorted. "As if Mom – as if _Daddy_, of all people! – was not going to notice you came home _drunk_."

Jaina shook her head blithely at the memory. Noura grimaced but shook her head.

"Taught you a lesson, didn't it?" Jaina goaded.

"Hmm, yeah, drink when I'm sleeping over at someone's house," Noura muttered. She arched a brow at Jaina. "You've seriously never been hungover before?" she asked skeptically.

Jaina shrugged, a bland expression on her face.

"I'm like, pathologically terrified of vomiting," she said. "I was slightly dizzy when I stumbled into bed last night, and the thought that I might get sick made me want to cry."

She paused for a moment.

"Also, you know, I'm super paranoid I'll get drunk, do something ridiculous, and it makes intergalactic news on a slow day. Like, whoops, I had a good time, but _hey Republic! Here's an image of Jaina Solo dancing on a table! Why yes, indeed, she is topless – we just wanted to make sure her father saw this over breakfast!"_

Jaina seriously mimicked a newscaster's lofty cadence, and by the end of it, Noura was shaking her head, amused, but vaguely disgruntled as well.

"Jaina, what are you even doing with your life?" she muttered.

Jaina sighed, shrugged.

"Trying to be good, I guess," she said quietly.

"Because I have the monopoly on bad," Noura said bitterly.

Jaina sat forward, moving her mug from her knee to rest it on her ankles. She shook her head earnestly.

"No," she said. "That's not what I said, and it's not what I meant. I _don't_ think you're bad. I think we both have to face a lot of pressure and restraint – Max, too – because of like…Han and Leia."

Noura's brow furrowed.

"Mom and Dad," she corrected, her voice going up.

Jaina shook here head again.

"The Media and the public don't know 'Mom' and 'Dad'," she murmured. "They _think_ they know Han and Leia. Their _icons_ are Han and Leia. They don't _know_ them," Jaina lifted her mug, and toasted it rather pointedly. "Neither do we, you know."

"You know Mom pretty well," Noura said. "You have a close relationship with her."

"Yeah," Jaina agreed. "A close mother-daughter relationship," she said. "But it's not like…the same as knowing who Leia Solo is outside the context of who she is as my mother."

Noura sipped her tea thoughtfully. She shifted, and then tucked one arm around her abdomen, thinking about that a little.

"I've been thinking about some of the things you said," Jaina ventured after a moment.

"Which things?" Noura asked warily.

"_Things_," Jaina drawled slowly. "Things like…your feelings that you weren't living up, or you weren't good enough. The things I," Jaina touched her chest, "told you were imaginary pressure you put on yourself."

Noura sniffed. Jaina hesitated, frowning at herself.

"I've reflected on that some and I've looked at some of my own choices and – I mean, even what I just said, about the drinking…I'm sorry if I came off as really dismissive. Um, if I _was_ really dismissive," she corrected quickly, not wanting to foist off responsibility for her tone on Noura.

Noura opened her mouth, and Jaina shook her head.

"Hang on," she requested quietly. "I'm not finished. I think you can be unfair to Mom sometimes," she warned honestly, "but…it _is_ hard having famous parents. And they've protected us really well. There's a lot that is beyond their control, especially as we get older. We want our own lives that belong to us alone, and half the galaxy wants us to belong to the holos_,_ and for no reason! _We_ never even did anything spectacular; we were just born! To Leia and Han...so bully for us, right?"

Jaina grinned a little. She drew one leg up and draped her arm over it.

"Not that I don't like them," she quipped. "I can _really_ see how that pressure just has been exacerbated for you because you have starkly different interests than Mom, to an extent. I think – what I'm saying is, I could have been a better big sister, the last few years," Jaina said, swallowing hard. "Instead of trying to be the super mature, wise one, always championing Mom, I could have listened to you better. Taken your side against her more."

Jaina looked down at her foot and picked at some chipped toenail polish. Her mug rested on her knee again, and her knuckles were white where she gripped it too tightly. She lifted her head too fast, and grimaced as a jolt of dizzying pain shot through it.

Noura, her lips still parted, ready to speak, looked lost for a moment, and then sighed.

"But I never _wanted_ to be 'against' her!" she protested honestly, her eyes stinging. She blinked. "That's just…what kept happening. I mean, I know, _ugh_," Noura broke off, brushing at her eyes. "I know I wasn't like some, innocent victim, I know how I am," she said, irritated.

"Against isn't the right word," Jaina said earnestly. "I mean – when you wanted to talk, I just should have listened better, and empathized, and focused on helping you find peace with who you are," she said. She swallowed hard again. "Come on, right? I definitely made it worse sometimes, didn't I? Hero-worshipping Mom while you were struggling with her perception of you. I just alienated our relationship. I got so focused on being older I stopped being a real sister."

Noura sniffed.

"It did get a little worse when you pseudo-moved out," she admitted. "You," she faltered for a moment. "Yeah," she finally admitted, her voice small. "Sometimes I just wanted you to listen, and maybe like…flatter me a little. Instead it was like my fears were being confirmed, that _I_ was the ridiculous one, and _I_ was dramatic and silly."

Noura wiped her nose. She sighed.

"I'm sorry," Jaina said sincerely. "And I want you to know that…it means a lot that you came to me with this, when all this started. If I fucked up handling it sometimes, well…I was trying, and I'm sorry about that to. I'm here for you," she promised. "I _want_ things to be better between you and Mom. Because, um, full disclosure, I do hero worship her," Jaina added wryly.

Noura laughed a little hoarsely.

"Mom's my hero, too, believe it or not," she said. "It's not like I don't _like_ her. It's…it's what I said; I always feel – felt – so…frivolous. Like she couldn't relate to me."

"Felt?" Jaina asked. "Has that changed?"

"I don't know," Noura said hesitantly. She looked down at her lap and bit her lip. "It's going to be hard coming back from…this," she said distastefully. "I feel closer to her. I know she loves me. I, well," Noura rolled her eyes. "I've always known _that_."

She scraped her lip with her teeth, and took a sip of tea. Then she said:

"She braided my hair while I was asleep." Noura reached up to touch the messy braid. It was loosening, and falling apart gradually, but it was still there.

"You won't let her braid it when you're awake anymore," Jaina pointed out.

Noura gently held the braid, admiring it with her touch. Jaina watched her, and then shifted forward, moving closer to the tray at the end of the bed. She readjusted her position, put her kaf on the tray, and picked up a sausage roll.

"You going to eat?" she asked.

Noura wrinkled her nose, and shook her head.

"'M not hungry," she murmured. "I got some hormone balancing meds to help ease me into the implant I got," she explained. "They're supposed to make the adjustment smoother, but they're making me kind of nauseous."

Jaina nodded. She chewed thoughtfully.

"I had brutal cramps when I got my implant," she sympathized. "And for like a week, this horrible breakout, right here," she showed Noura a sort of crescent moon shape on her jaw. "Then it evened out," she assured her. She nodded. "You have the normal stuff and the abortion…residue…to deal with."

Noura tilted her head, arching her brows.

"_Residue_?"

"Aftermath?" Jaina tried, with a wince.

"How about side-effects?" Noura asked, incredulous.

"Sort of forgot about that word," Jaina muttered. She picked up a slice of toast and slathered it with jam. Watching Noura hesitantly for a moment, she debated the best way to phrase her next question. "How…was it?" she asked.

Noura looked a bit defensive, and Jaina hurried on.

"I don't want to be voyeuristic," she said earnestly. "Or morbid. I just don't want you to feel like you don't have anyone to talk to about the gritty parts. So if you want to talk," she left the comment open ended before clarifying: "You know, how it was, how you feel."

Noura relaxed visibly. She took a few sips of coffee, and then she pulled her legs up into the chair and tucked them under her. She pressed her hand flat to her abdomen.

"It was, um, really unpleasant," she said, "but at the same time…not as unpleasant as I was imagining?" she explained. "I was numb up in there," she said, "so it didn't even _hurt_, like, the sex hurt way more than anything that happened with the abortion," she said frankly.

She licked her lips.

"It felt like it was taking forever, though," she whispered. "I was just laying there, like…all exposed and trapped. The medic was so comforting; she very calmly explained what she was doing so I wasn't really scared – and Mom held my hand the whole time," Noura trailed off.

She flexed her hand, and then put it to her forehead, remembering how her mother's palm had rested there so gently.

Jaina nodded, listening intently. She was glad Noura had decided to let their mother go with her. Jaina guessed that was probably pretty important to Mom, and she also figured that in the long run, Noura would be glad she'd been there to give her support.

"Did it get weird with the Force?" Jaina asked.

Noura shook her head slowly.

"No," she said softly. "I didn't…connect to the moment, or the procedure, or the life," she admitted, "but I felt very…protected, and…understood? Aunt Mara said," Noura bit her tongue, catching herself. She didn't think she had a right to relay Aunt Mara's opinions or experiences.

Instead, she thought for a moment.

"I think the Force is a woman," she said finally.

Jaina laughed quietly.

"The Force isn't a gendered entity," she retorted.

"Hmm," Noura grunted, dismissive. "It's feminine-coded," she countered. "That's my sense, and I'm sticking to it," she argued.

What she wanted to explain was – she felt Mara was right. She had felt…vindicated, in some ways. The experience had not been some brutal, violent severing, a dousing of a vibrant life. She had felt safe; she had felt like the burgeoning intruder inside her accepted the decision with mercy and reason, not condemnation or resistance.

"Maybe that's why patriarchy is so violent, why it always tries to prevail in cultures the galaxy over," Noura said fiercely. "It's an egotistical reaction to the ethereal universe being a _woman_."

Jaina grinned broadly, but it was a delighted grin, rather than a mocking one.

"You sound like Uncle Luke," she said proudly. "Philosophizing about the Force."

Noura was lost in thought for a moment, her lips parted. She'd felt enveloped in the Force since the abortion – maybe it was an effect of being so close to, and protected, by her mother's power, maybe it was Mara – maybe it was just that she herself was more vulnerable, open somehow. She felt more aware of her own power than she ever had, and she felt in awe of it – and she felt ashamed for having taken it for granted.

Noura looked back at Jaina, meeting her eyes.

"I feel relieved," she said quietly. "That's all. So relieved," she whispered. "Like I can go back to my life. Things are different. I feel…the burden of being different, of needing to make better choices, and change some things, but…I feel like when the topic comes up, no one ever mentions what a fucking relief it is to have an abortion."

"Well, not when the narrative is being controlled a different way," Jaina said, biting into her toast. "I mean, it probably isn't a relief to everyone, same as it wasn't a devastating moral thing for you," she said fairly.

"Yeah," Noura agreed softly. She gave an earnest nod. "Of course, if you had to get rid of a baby you wanted for like, a medical reason, there's no…that's different. Me, though, for me," Noura poked her own chest. "Relief. Pure relief. And I don't even feel bad for feeling relieved, because for once I know I did the right thing. I'm…if this is what it's like to feel confident, I want to feel it more often."

Jaina cocked her head.

"You're always confident," she murmured.

Noura laughed loudly.

"It's fake," she said smoothly.

Jaina arched her eyebrows, impressed.

"I _wish_ I really felt that way," she said wistfully. "I wish I wasn't discovering it because of this."

"Silver linings, maybe?" Jaina offered.

Noura smiled at her. She inclined her head, and lifted her mug. She took a sip, and lowered it to rest it on the armrest.

"If you're, you know, all guilty and trying to be a better sister," she started.

"Blast," Jaina swore, narrowing her eyes apprehensively.

Noura smirked.

"Two questions. Why did you decide to go get contraceptive if you aren't having sex," she started, arching her brows.

"Innocent enough," Jaina judged suspiciously.

"And what is the deal with your secret boyfriend?"

"Knew it," Jaina griped under her breath.

She sat up straighter, putting her shoulders back. She licked jam off a knife, and then picked up a piece of fruit to start peeling – aggressively peeling. She eyed Noura moodily, then arched a brow, and started with the easier question.

"I got an implant because that guy I was dating when I was a senior at the Diplomatic Academy, I didn't know how long it would go on," she said.

"Vray?" Noura asked. "I thought you only saw him for like, two or three dates?"

"Well, yeah, but I _really_ liked him," Jaina said flatly. "He didn't like me back that much and it didn't turn into anything, but I got all worked up and wanted to be prepared and not get caught in a moment where I wanted to have sex but then ruined the moment because we had to stop, so I just went and got one," she explained. "I was determined not to be dumb abou – uhhh," she broke off, blanching.

"Noura," she cringed. "I didn't mean – "

"You know what, Jaina, it's fine," Noura said bluntly. "I don't really care to be coddled about it at this point. I was really fucking stupid not to use birth control. That one mistake doesn't have to define my intelligence for my whole life, but a good step in overcoming stupidity is recognizing it," she said dryly.

Jaina looked at her, wide-eyed for a moment.

"What?" Noura asked.

"Nothing, it's just – _that_," she laughed, "sounded like something Mom would say to _you_."

Noura sniffed, a bit prim.

"An abortion changes a woman," she said, deadpan.

Jaina dropped fruit peels on the tray. She shook her head, and then shrugged.

"It stopped my cycle, too, which improved my life in general," she added.

Noura nodded.

"Next," she said coolly.

Jaina rolled her eyes. She picked at her fruit for a moment, tearing it into its nature-made slices.

"He's really not my boyfriend," she said reluctantly.

Noura's expression was patient, but firm.

"Cassian is," Jaina began. She frowned. She hesitated. "He's a mechanic. He races, we met at the tracks," she explained.

"The tracks on Coruscant?" Noura clarified.

Jaina nodded.

"He flies the smaller crafts, but he's brilliant – he helped me fix my speeder once, and he's fluent in Corellian. He's working his way through his degree, he's from a really poor background, but he wants to be a military spacecraft architect, and he has…his life growing up wasn't…was pretty abusive," she said hesitantly.

Noura waved a hand a bit impatiently.

"So, what, you think Mom and Dad won't approve of – uhh, the class different?" she asked, barely even able to take herself seriously. "He _sounds_ like Dad."

"No, he was never on the wrong side of the law, he just had bad parents, and like his Mom was an Imperial sympathizer – "

"I don't know, Jainy, sounds like you're doing the classic girls-go-for-men-like-their fathers thing," Noura teased lightly.

"First of all, that is not a classic thing, that is _bullshit,_ because Dad is nothing like Anakin Skywalker or Bail Organa, he is his own unique weird thing and Mom went for him," Jaina argued, "second of all," she added, her tone growing a bit edgy, "Dad would never cheat on Mom, so."

Jaina stopped there. Noura looked confused.

"What's that got to do with anything?" she asked. "I mean, you're right, Dad would like, _never,_ but," she trailed off, waiting.

"Cassian's married," Jaina said flatly. "So…yeah. We're just friends."

Noura pressed her lips together.

"Oh," she said.

Jaina stared at her, as if daring her to pass judgment, and Noura digested that for a moment.

"You...sleep over at his place, though," Noura pointed out slowly.

Jaina shrugged.

"I told you, I'm a virgin," she said. "We aren't having sex."

"Are you doing anything _else?"_ Noura asked pointedly.

Jaina ate a piece of fruit. She picked at the other pieces, examining them for bruising or spots that were too mushy. She glanced up at Noura through her lashes. She shrugged a little vaguely.

Noura breathed in, and let it out slowly.

"Wow," she murmured. "Um, okay."

She blinked, finding it a bit difficult to process – yet, sheepishly, she was glad to have some other piece of drama to cling to, to hear that her sister, too, was flawed, and had personal struggles – better hidden, and perhaps stickier, in some ways, but struggles all the same.

"That's an emotional affair, isn't it?" Noura asked. "Even if you aren't having sex," she said. "Penetrative sex," she added, arching a brow pointedly.

Jaina sighed and held up her hand.

"Don't get carried away, Noura," she requested grimly. "There's no oral sex either."

"Kissing?" Noura asked.

"There…has been," Jaina admitted.

Noura held up her hand. She wiggled her fingers suggestively.

"That, too," Jaina muttered.

Noura lowered her hand.

"He doesn't wear a ring, so I didn't…_know_ he was married," she said. "I stopped all the physical stuff immediately. We had a big fight when he told me – and I mean, he told me when we started getting physical, because it was like, clear we were more than just friends, and I was horrified, and hurt," she trailed off, rubbing her forehead.

"How old is he?" Noura asked.

Jaina flicked imaginary dust off her shoulder.

"_Jaina_."

"Twenty-six," Jaina answered grudgingly.

Noura scrunched her nose.

"I guess that isn't necessarily predatory," she said thoughtfully.

"Thanks," Jaina said dryly. "He doesn't pressure me. He doesn't feel great about the situation either," she added defensively. "He just…got married when he was _really_ young, and I think a lot of it was trying to escape his home life, and then he got good at racing, and got this _job_ racing and started going to school, and she doesn't support any of that and…they outgrew each other, and it's just gotten really toxic," Jaina faltered at the critical look on Noura's face.

"You know her? You're talking like you know her," Noura pointed out quietly.

"Well, no, she lives on the East side of Coruscant – "

"So...it's what he says," Noura interrupted.

Jaina pursed her lips, an uncertain look on her face.

"'He says' _what_?" she asked.

"He says," Noura repeated. "All you know about her, and their marriage, is what _he_ says."

"I know that, Noura," Jaina snapped. "Listen, I…_know_. Believe me," her voice cracked a little. "I don't want to be with a married man. I don't want to be that person, or betray women or," she waved her hands, frustrated, "_whatever_. He was…a friend, we'd hang out at the tracks and it just…spiraled, I…it's not _fair_ that I feel like this, and that there's such a huge connection there, and yet he's…married."

Noura licked her lips.

"You have to be careful, Jaina," she said softly. "He's older and…he's controlling the whole narrative about his marriage – "

"I know! There's a reason I'm _not_ sleeping with him, and I'm firm about that, and part of me just – I mean, he's still around. We're still _close_ even though I won't put out, so it's not like he's lurking around me just for the sex. If all he wanted was some…younger pussy he could step out with anyone, _honestly_," she hissed.

She caught Noura's eye, and fidgeted, looking away just as quickly.

"I am well aware that I sound stupid," she sighed. "I'm confused, too. I like him. I think I'm in love with him," she rolled her eyes, "I'm also _acutely_ paranoid that I think like, so highly of myself that I think I _can't_ be an idiot. Maybe I am an idiot. Maybe, _maybe_ I can never really grow up if I don't let loose and make some goddamn mistakes," she added, shrugging.

"I don't buy that," Noura said softly. "Jaina…when you feel the way you do…it comes to a breaking point," she said. "I know I'm not in the best position to be passing on wisdom but like…my sexual experience was horrible, and a lot of it was because Axel didn't care about me. But it would probably be just as bad if the person cared about me, but…wasn't mine."

"He's going to get divorced," Jaina sighed. "I'll be older, then, and it will all be less…seedy."

Noura gave her a skeptical look.

"It's your turn not to judge," Jaina said in a small voice.

"I'm not judging," Noura said. "I actually think the _married_ person is responsible for fidelity and it's not like you deliberately went after a married man. I do think it's shady as _fuck_ he waited to tell you he was married until you were ensnared, and there's probably a whole host of issues he's caused in the marriage he's not willing to confront, _and," _Noura took a deep breath, "regardless of all that, if he wants to get divorced, that needs to be something he does completely unrelated to you. Or you'd just become…a crutch. The _excuse_ he gives his wife and himself. And _then_ if something doesn't work out in his life in the future, he'll find a new 'Jaina' and blame _you_ for all his problems."

Jaina took a sip of cold coffee.

"I know," she said flatly. The words were starting to get irritating. "Nothing has called into question my opinion of my own maturity more than this. I constantly question whether I'm being foolish or pragmatic and I know it's selfish to be like this, but I can't help it because _I like him_! And maybe this just has to run its course because I'm...nineteen. I'm nineteen and that seemed _way_ older before," she gestured at Noura, "before _you_ had to go through this, and before I had to…think about my own life."

Noura licked her lips hesitantly. She didn't say anything, but the way she cut her eyes down sharply told Jaina she was holding back. Jaina braced herself, and tilted her head.

"What?" she asked warily. "Go ahead. I won't get mad," she said – though she wasn't entirely sure that was true. Noura had an uncanny ability to piss everyone off pretty spectacularly.

Noura arched her brows and looked back up with a heavy intake of breath.

"I mean have you ever considered that you're doing this because you're like…afraid?" she asked.

Jaina frowned, skeptical.

"Afraid?" she snorted. "Why would I be all tangled up with a married guy if I was a coward?" she scoffed. "It's not exactly a low-risk option."

Noura lifted her chin, pursing her lips.

"No," she agreed, "but then it actually sort of is, to a certain extent?" she said uncertainly. "Think about it. You don't know his wife. It's not like you're with your best friend's husband or something like that – he's not even in any of our family circles, so you aren't running the risk of alienating close relationships in that respect," Noura said slowly. "Sure, there's a risk that if someone finds out, your personal life is splashed all over the Holos, but that's literally anything we do," she snorted, "just because we're Solos."

Noura reached down to rub her ankle, and tilted her head at Jaina.

"Like, if you're with a married guy, you can decide against sex, and hold him at bay _physically,_ and you have a lot of moral reasoning behind that, so it protects you from being accused of being a prude, even if that's what you are – _not_ that there's anything wrong with that," Noura muttered dryly. "But you're essentially 'safe' from him pressuring you, because you can argue morality, which always puts you on the 'right' side – and unless he'd physically force you, he's going to go along with that."

Noura paused, then swallowed hard, and held up her hand.

"So," she said, ticking off points on her fingers, "you have a solid way to refuse to take a vulnerable physical risk. You also have the safety of not _really_ being in a relationship, so you aren't taking any difficult emotional chances – other than risk of discovery. You're freer than he is, because you can walk away without legal repercussions. It's just…some things you've said…it seems like you're, like, really kind of…afraid to have sex."

Noura let her hand fall. She bit her lower lip again and watched Jaina warily, wondering how well her speech would go over. Jaina stared down at her cold coffee for a long time, and then she set it aside. She rubbed her forehead.

"I," she started, and looked up at her sister with wide eyes. "That's a lot of…intense insight, Noura."

"Well, something I've learned recently is that people outside your situation can see it clearer than you can," Noura muttered. "Like how you always tried to convince me I wasn't being fair to Mom."

Jaina clasped her hands in her lap. She looked annoyed, then thoughtful, and then tired, and resigned.

"I guess I am…scared," she said bluntly. She touched her abdomen lightly. "It's like…I know how to _not_ have a sex life. So…why complicate things? And also…what if I pick the wrong guy?"

Noura rested her chin on her palm, her face contorting unhappily.

"It fucking sucks," she said, shrugging. "But what's the other option, going through your whole life not experiencing things? I mean, like, it's pretty fucked up, but I think we have to get hurt in life. It just…happens."

Noura rubbed at her eye with the heel of her hand.

"I would like, definitely use some contraceptive when you get hurt, though," she added sarcastically. "And don't go fuck this dude and then be like, but Mom, Daddy, Noura told me I was a punk bitch if I didn't!"

Jaina started laughing, clutching her hands at her chest. Noura smiled at her wryly, and as Jaina started to quiet, shaking her head in helpless amusement, Noura breathed out slowly, and her expression was earnest.

"I'll be here to listen," she offered quietly.

Jaina compressed her lips. She nodded, then drew her knees up, and rested her arms on top of them.

"Mom knows he's married," she admitted gloomily. "She always knows everything," Jaina added, rolling her eyes. "She doesn't know…much else." Jaina chewed on her lip. "About him."

"What do you _do_ when you stay at his place?" Noura asked curiously. "I mean if you're not, you know."

Jaina slouched.

"We talk, or study alongside each other, or talk ships," she said. "We just _click_. I wish there were some…super tragic factors that make his wife the devil, or like, that his marriage was arranged, or she left him first or something but…it's probably just normal rough marriage, and I'm interfering," she rubbed her cheek. "He talks about his mother's terrible Imperial opinions, and his abusive dad, and I talk about what it was like finding out about Vader – and he never shows any weird interest in Mom or Dad, I mean," at that she flushed, and faltered. "He sort of _knows_ Dad, so he's not a larger than life figure to him, which is nice. He's not a Han Solo fan boy or one of those weirdos who wants to fuck Mom."

Noura blinked.

"_Excuse_ me?"

She held up her hand flat, incredulous. Jaina looked embarrassed. Noura stared at her, her mind working rapidly. She went over some of the things that Jaina had said, strung them together, and then her jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry, when you say he's a _racer_ and he's a _pilot_ and a mechanic – _you mean he's on Daddy's racing crew?"_ Noura hissed rapidly.

Jaina blushed.

"He – I – well, where _else_ would I meet a bona-fide racing pilot? Dad asked him to help my with my speeder one day, because Dad was busy - "

Noura stared at her, incredulous.

"Dad will have a stroke. He will _piss_ himself," Noura said – though her incredulity slowly turned into hapless giggles. "Are you _kidding_ me – he's is going to go full-scale, back-in-the-day, just-rescued Bail Organa _bantha shit insane."_

"Uh, except _no one is going to tell Dad_!" Jaina snapped.

Noura squawked in delight.

"I am – Jaina, I love you. Thank you…so much," she said, pretending to wipe a sincere tear from her eye.

"Dad is a sex positive person who doesn't police his daughters - !"

"No, really, thank you. I mean, truly, I've been thinking no one could possibly out-Noura my recent behavior and yet here you are, on the verge of being an older pilot's mistress..."

Noura covered her mouth to hold in her giggles. She got up, set aside her mug, and then crept over to the bed, where she took Jaina in her arms, and then roughly tackled her to the bed. Jaina shrieked, trying to twist away, flailing. They wrestled for a moment, until Jaina shoved a knee into Noura's ribs, and Noura rolled away, hunching over.

"Fuu_uck_," she growled, wincing. She whipped onto her back, scrunching her nose, and gave a tired little moan of regret.

Jaina sat up, turning her head urgently.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked.

"No, not you," Noura sighed. She rubbed her abdomen. "I just…I'm sore. I…wasn't thinking about it."

Jaina watched her, and then flopped down on her back. She lay next to her, shoulder to shoulder, and turned her head. Noura turned her head, too, and they shared a look of tacit understanding. Noura sighed.

"Thanks, Jaina," she said. Her voice was softer, full of sincerity and meaning. "For a minute, I forgot I've just had an abortion."

Jaina reached out to clasp Noura's hand, and entwined their fingers. Noura squeezed. She had woken up this morning so unsure of what to do – of how she would feel, of how to proceed. The encounter in the kitchen had been daunting, and even more anxious, even as she started to cope – but Jaina's emotional offering, her willingness to be more vulnerable, to connect, to be more sister than mother, was such a precious thing – and somehow, it helped Noura see this whole sojourn to Varykino not with apprehension, but with burgeoning gratitude.

* * *

By late afternoon, the sun had reached an optimal place in the sky for the hot springs in one of the terrace gardens to be enjoyed. Whether by magic, or by Jobal's subtle design, woman by woman, they gathered there among the fragrant tall flowers and trees, secluded in an oasis just footsteps from one of the marble rotundas.

Noura was still prohibited from soaking in hot baths, hot springs included, but she loved the flora at this part of Varykino, and she was more than happy to sit on an outdoor pillow near the edge of the spring, dangling her feet in. Pooja had given her a small knit bag stuffed with hot gel to rest on her abdomen if she felt the need, and Jobal had made sure she had a tray of fruit and cold, mint infused water.

It felt a little like a spa pampering, and Noura tried to revel in it, rather than just feel ashamed for receiving kindness. She'd asked her mother to braid her hair more intricately today, and the look of quiet surprise on Leia's face had somehow made Noura feel both relief – she was glad to make her mother happy – and _guilt_ for having been a culprit in the deterioration of their relationship.

Leia perched on the edge of a patio chair – because of their height difference, she was only able to work with Noura's hair if Noura sat on the ground, and she sat elevated behind her – and meticulously worked a conditioning oil through Noura's long, dark hair, prepping it to be plaited in a complicated style that would hold for the next few days.

The consistent pull of the comb through her hair was soothing. Even Leia's firm little tugs, executed when she came across a particularly unruly knot, were a welcome comfort; she and Jaina had always had tough heads, anyway. Rouge said all Alderaanian women did.

_It's called hair discipline,_ Rouge would recite, _and we carry it into every aspect of our lives._

She always sounded so noble and elitist when she went on like that, and many times, Noura had ignored her, even made fun of her on the sly, always with Jaina, of course, and taking their cue from their mother and Winter, as well.

Lately, Noura had been dwelling on some of Rouge's old adages with different perspective – and not just Rouge's, either. She spent a lot of time reflecting on much of the advice she'd heard in her life – from everyone.

Noura held her head high, obediently tilting it slightly this way and that at the gentlest instruction from Leia's wrist. She watched Maiah, Jaina, Pooja, and Ryoo, who had all opted for immersion in the hot spring, their skin red and glowy with the heat of it, and listened to the easy chatter of everyone around her.

The conversation would peak, and then mellow into smaller, one-on-one conversations, and their isolation was occasionally punctuated by one of the house staff gliding by to replenish a drink or a tray.

Jobal and Sola were stretched out comfortably on chairs in the sun, while Mara had parked herself in the one chair that was hidden in the shade under a natural umbrella of lush greenery. She had refused any offer of a borrowed bathing suit, and made it clear that the idea of deliberately soaking in the summer sun was absurd to her.

"You can use ultra violet lotion, Aunt Mara," Jaina teased.

"No, I can't," was the cool answer. "I'm a redhead."

Leia, who had seen Mara shortly after she'd taken a vacation with Luke to the beach, stuck up for her. Mara looked plenty comfortable as she was, lounging with sunglasses tucked up on her head, a makeshift headband for her wild hair. Her long legs stretched out in front of her, toes separated by a rubber splicer meant to kept fresh new lacquer from rubbing off where it shouldn't.

Jaina had painted them shortly after she'd painted Noura's and then slipped into the spring.

"A more casual supper, I think," Jobal murmured to one of her staff. "Snacks and fried things we can enjoy with a holo – in the larger activity room," she noted.

The woman nodded, gliding away without a noise.

"We should watch, like, a whole bunch of old _Starship Pilots_ episodes," Jaina suggested slyly, eyeing her mother. "Mom was a _huge_ fan."

"We've heard," Sola snorted.

"I _thought_ some sort of holo-marathon might be a good idea tonight," Jobal said wryly.

Pooja let herself drift from one side of the spring to the other, placing her arms on the marble shelf surrounding it and peering at Noura.

"Any requests?" she asked. "Your choice."

"Don't make us watch any of those dating shows," Maiah called, cupping her hand around her mouth.

Ryoo splashed her.

"Is your name Noura?" she asked pointedly.

Maiah splashed her back, whining "_Mom_!"

"I don't want to watch anything with men in it," Noura retorted.

Mara laughed.

"Now you sound like one of mine," she snorted.

Noura sighed dramatically.

"Um, unfortunately, Aunt Mara, I think I'm like, completely into men," she said. "Still," she added under her breath, as if annoyed. "Somehow."

Leia tilted Noura's head slightly, and Noura blinked at the sky. She squinted.

"I need some sunglasses," she said.

Leia looked up, pausing with the comb, and Pooja took hers off her head and tossed them to Leia. Leia slid them over Noura's eyes.

"Thanks," Noura said.

Leia kissed her forehead, and then went back to her work.

"Men can be great," Pooja offered brightly. "Almost everyone here found a great man," she pointed out, using her fingers to tick off names. "Han, my father, my _grandfather_, my brother-in-law, Luke," she listed. "Just ask Ryoo," she snorted, "if one bad turn discouraged her, she'd have missed out on four kids."

"It isn't just about kids, though," Ryoo said quickly.

Pooja shrugged.

"Of course it isn't," she said, arching a brow. "I don't have kids. Neither does Maiah," she added, "we aren't married either, but we've still _had_ happy relationships with men."

"Pooja's right, Noura," Sola said firmly. "Not all men are bad, and not all relationships will be painful, even if they're not all rosy. Some are wonderful, some are terrible, and some are just there in between."

Leia nudged Noura's shoulder with her knee encouragingly, nodding. This sort of organic female support was exactly what she wanted to Noura to experience right now. Noura leaned into her leg, and Leia set aside her comb, ready to begin braiding.

Noura pursed her lips, and Maiah lifted her chin, eyeing her intently. She hesitated, and then she spoke.

"So, since we're all adults," she said boldly, and then shot a look at Ryoo. "Sorry, Mother," she said dramatically. "If this makes you feel better, the first time I had sex, I didn't realize I had started bleeding that day, so there was blood – _everywhere_," she said, matter-of-fact. "My boyfriend saw it all over him, you know, and thought he had like, broken something, and started crying."

Maiah put a hand to her chest solemnly.

"I, being seventeen, and embarrassed to tell him what was going on, acted just as shocked that "he" was bleeding, took him to an emergency clinic as he requested, and then left him there."

She sighed dramatically.

"Needless to say, we broke up."

She shot another look at Ryoo, as if she were waiting to be chastised, but Ryoo was too busy laughing. She'd bowed her head, looking down at the bubbling water, and was struggling to breathe. Pooja looked rather bored, as if she'd already heard this story, and Sola was giving Maiah a dubious look.

Maiah shrugged. Ryoo finally composed herself and lifted her head, her eyes shining.

"Maiah," she said huskily. "That's so _mean_."

Maiah pointed to herself, indignant.

"It isn't my fault he was too stupid to make a common sense deduction," she retorted. "I shouldn't have been surprised, he spent a good five minutes just sort of poking around trying to find everything," she sighed.

Jaina clapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide. Leia arched a brow at her, amused.

"Well, if we're telling stories," Ryoo started dramatically.

Sola shot her a warning look.

"Are we?" she challenged, her voice sharp. Older than most of them, she turned to Leia, tacitly asking her what she was okay with. Most of the women here were either married or well into their adult lives, but Jaina and Noura were still in their teens, and Leia might have some understandable hesitation about things getting too explicit.

Leia, stroking Noura's hair back from the crown of her head, shrugged. There was nothing to protect Noura from; the curtain was thoroughly lifted there. As for Jaina – well, Leia trusted that she wasn't sexually active, but she doubted she was a blank slate.

"We just want to assure Noura that she's not the first girl to be thoroughly disappointed," Ryoo said, snorting. She arched her brow, and continued: "I bit my first boyfriend's penis because I'd read a mag that said 'using teeth' was a good technique. He told me to make it up to him; I should let him put it inside me. I felt really bad, so I did. Except he _missed_," Ryoo said, shaking her head, "so the first time I had sex I had it…the back way, sort of."

She snapped her fingers, her expression dry.

"Good argument in favor of fourteen-year-olds not having sex," she said dryly.

"You were _fourteen_?" Noura asked. She bit her lip, and then blushed. "I mean – ugh, I didn't mean to sound so bitchy," she said hurriedly, cringing.

"I know you didn't," Ryoo said simply. "It was young. It was _too_ young, I think, and I didn't have _good_ sex for a _long_ time."

Leia glanced over at Sola, and Sola shook her head, rolling her eyes. She gave a sigh, and Leia smirked – she certainly understood the feeling. There was a bit of otherworldliness to hearing about your daughters' sexual escapades.

"Meanwhile, I was slaving away at home, attempting to be a good mother," Sola said, putting her hand to her forehead to feign horror.

Noura turned her had sharply, and Leia pulled her hair.

"It doesn't mean you were a bad mother," Noura said.

Sola looked surprised, and Noura swallowed hard. She adjusted her seat, shifting around to make herself more comfortable, and cleared her throat.

"I mean, like, Ryoo had…her own things," Noura said, quieter. "It wasn't your fault."

Ryoo tilted her head.

"I did have my own issues," she said evenly. She furrowed her brow. "It wasn't you, Mom."

Sola waved an arm.

"I know," she said easily – and she did, but she was acutely aware of how meaningful Noura's reaction had been to Leia.

Noura turned, looking at Leia seriously.

"It _wasn't_ you fault," she said earnestly. "Like I wasn't…um, no offense thinking about you _at all_, not until I had to tell you what was going on," she said.

Her face flushed. Mara gave a quiet, affectionate laugh. Maiah, more forward, laughed outright.

"I bet you're one of the _only_ people who isn't thinking about Princess Leia while you have sex," she joked.

"Maiah," Jobal said, startled.

Maiah cackled.

"She's not wrong," Jaina lamented. "I had classmates who wanted to – "

Leia pointed at Jaina.

"_Stop_," she ordered.

Jaina snorted. Noura kept looking at Leia pointedly.

"I don't want you to think you're a bad mom," she said.

Leia parted her lips. She hesitated for a moment, and smiled gratefully – it was a good thing to hear, and it eased some of the weight on her shoulders, more than Noura could probably know. She reached out to touch Noura's face affectionately, patting her cheek.

"I think I just," Noura started, hanging half over Leia's knee. She bit her lip angrily, and then turned her head, looking at all the women who were sharing. "I got convinced that it didn't matter, sex," she said, frustrated. "Like that, and everything else, I thought it was cute to be cynical, and aloof, and then…because I have this…viper group of friends," she said bitterly, "I thought it would give me all this power by being the first, and I'd be liberated and strong – and like, that probably would have been true if I had any real confidence in the first place, or if like, I was making an empowered decision, but it was about…other things, not really me," she said rapidly.

She jerked her face away from Leia's touch, her eyes stinging.

"Except now it's all ruined?" she said shakily. "Like, it was so disappointing, and that guy didn't care about me, and I don't love him – I honestly don't think he'd feel anything if I died tomorrow," she said bitterly, "and now all I can think about when I think about sex is that I had an abortion and that, like, I'm never going to get that moment back, that 'first.' It's _never_ going to be special again."

She looked back at Leia, her eyes shining with tears.

"I didn't think I would regret it, but I regret it so much, and it's not fair," she said.

Leia's heart ached for her. She felt – so intensely – that she could relate to that, in some way. She heard her own words echoed in Noura's pain, speeches she herself had given Winter in defense of her teenage lack of sexual activity. It was a blend of carefully guarded decision making and pure luck that Leia's own first had worked out, that it had never been a thing of pain, or regret. She hated that Noura had to experience the negatives of sex that had always scared Leia herself, and she felt paralyzed in attempting to talk her through it.

She looked up, her eyes resting on Pooja, and Ryoo, both of whom she knew had experience - she looked to all of them.

"May I get some help with this one?" she asked gently.

Noura turned, following Leia's gaze, and it was Pooja who was quickest on the uptake. She pulled herself out of the spring, squeezing her thick, curly hair out, and came to sit on the patio chair next to Noura and Leia. She leaned forward on her knees, tossing her hair over her shoulder so it fell down her back.

She reached out to take one of Noura's hands.

"I've been there, I've _felt_ that," she said. "Fortunately, my first experience was very endearing and positive, but you know, I'm not married and I have had plenty of short affairs, and longer romances, and one-offs," she said. "There were quite a few times when I was younger that I felt used, or I was conflicted about my decision. It's okay to regret it. You can feel that way, and you'll probably feel that way for a while, no matter how much we all try to convince you not to," Pooja said bluntly. "But as much as it feels like it right now, one bad sexual choice, or partner, that you regret, or that didn't make you feel good, won't diminish the sex you have with someone you love and admire, and who loves and admires you."

Pooja turned Noura's hand over in hers, and traced Noura's palm.

"I've had meaningless sex and I've had _very_ meaningful sex, and I've had both with different people. It's okay. You'll come to terms with it and it won't ruin your life – and sex isn't some sort of game where the more people you have it with, the less valuable you or your emotions are," Pooja added firmly. "I think most would back me up on that," she said, turning her head.

"Absolutely," Ryoo said firmly. "Noura, I slept with every military aged male on Naboo, and it didn't make me incapable of having a unique, intimate, meaningful relationship with my husband, who I've been faithful to for…what, thirty years?"

She breathed out, shrugging.

"Ryoo," Sola said dryly. "You're exaggerating."

"I don't think she is, Ma," Pooja snorted.

Maiah was eyeing Ryoo with a mixture of awed respect and abject shock.

"Don't give me that look, young lady, I had a life before you."

"I didn't know you were a professional, though," Maiah said, deadpan.

Mara laughed loudly at that.

"Speaking as the only one of us who was a professional," she drawled. She sat forward, lacing her fingers together. She seemed to consider her words. "Personally, Noura, I _never_ considered sex special – and that is even before I was using it as a weapon and a commodity," she offered. "It was an appetite I satisfied. It wasn't until I fell in love with Luke that I connected with emotional expression, and that didn't make me suddenly hate myself for all the casual sex I'd had previously."

Noura chewed on her lip. Her shoulders slumped a little, and she pursed her lips.

"I…just can't stop being so _mad_ I shared a significant moment with the wrong person," she said shakily. "I hate him. It didn't have to be a life-changing romance, but…it should have been…something."

"It can be next time," Jobal said simply.

She had her usual calm, kind expression on her face – a feat, Leia thought, since most of her progeny, excluding Sola, had just revealed some of their most explicit shenanigans. Noura looked at her questioningly, and Jobal nodded as if it were a non-negotiable fact.

"You take time to love yourself, and to recover," Jobal said. "You find things that help you build the confidence you want, and people who will support you, and lift you up, and then when the time comes, you'll have an intimacy that means something, and it will erase everything else."

Noura stared at her, and Sola did, too. She pursed her lips, and then said –

"Mami, I thought you only ever slept with Papi," she said, consternated.

"You thought wrong," Jobal said simply. She held Noura's gaze. "I know very well what it's like to love a boy who walked away the moment he got what he wanted. I remember that boy's name," she said, "but in fact, believe it or not, that experience made everything I had with Ruwee that much more important to me. Because I knew what it was like to _not_ have it."

Leia saw Noura's lips turn up as she smiled.

"People take different paths, Noura," Sola said honestly. "Bad feelings arise when others, dismayed at their own choices, try to combat that by tearing others down, or criticizing them."

"Exactly, that's exactly right," Pooja said. "I mean, look at your mother!" she said. "You're going through this difficult, sad moment, regretting having sex so young, with the wrong person, and she didn't start lecturing you, or telling you 'I told you so.' She offered you perspective, so you can take that, and heal!"

"Well, Mom never told us to wait for marriage or anything," Jaina piped up. "I mean, she wouldn't be saying I told you so. That was never her doctrine. Except about the contraceptive."

"Jaina," Leia warned lightly.

Noura twitched her shoulders, and grimaced.

"You did tell us so," she grumbled, and then she turned slightly, slowly, back to Leia. Still draped over her leg, she tilted her head at her curiously. "Why," she started. "What did you mean, can you get some help?" she asked.

Leia flushed. She pressed her tongue against her cheek.

"The rest of us 'fessed up about our sordid pasts, LeeLee," Maiah called.

Ryoo, evidently fed up with her grown daughter's attitude, dunked her under water. Maiah came up sputtering, outraged, and Sola laughed approvingly. Leia hesitated, considering Noura and Jaina for a moment, and then she rolled her eyes lightly.

"I've only been with your father," she said. She looked at Noura pointedly. "I couldn't have addressed your emotions."

Jaina squeaked.

"That's so cute," she squealed. She gasped. "Did you take his virginity?"

"No," Leia said, very dryly.

Sola quickly turned a laugh into some polite coughing.

Noura looked completely baffled.

"You – like, how old were you?" she asked.

Leia cleared her throat.

"Twenty-two," she said.

"Twenty – " choked Jaina. She breathed out, fanning herself. "Oh, I'm doin' all right," she muttered, feigning relief.

Leia shot her a look.

"Twenty-_two_?" Noura repeated faintly. "S_i_x years older than _I_ am?"

"Noura," Leia said gently. "Have you been listening? People take different paths; they have different circumstances in life. I was very cautious as a teenager, and very restricted by my position and responsibilities – and after, well," she sighed. "I'm sure I would have been in bed with Han much faster if I didn't have significant trauma to cope with."

"You and every other woman in the rebellion," Ryoo snorted.

Jaina gave her an outraged look.

"That is my _father_," she protested.

Ryoo grinned at her. Noura moved her mouth for a few moments, taking it in, and then to Leia's surprise, she put a hand to her face, and started to cry. Taken aback, Leia pursed her lips worriedly, and tried to gently pry Noura's hand away.

Pooja looked concerned and Jobal leaned forward.

"That just makes it harder," Noura cried. Her face flushed. "I want to be loved like that! And – and you and Jaina are all discerning, and careful, and I'm just," she waved a hand, "why didn't I inherit that?"

"You take after Dad," Jaina offered earnestly.

Leia leaned closer to Noura.

"You _are_ like your father," she said fiercely. "You're sensitive and smart and passionate and creative and bold," she said, "and your father, despite the many women in his past, is _the_ most faithful, loyal, reliable man in this galaxy. He's _never_ strayed. He's never, not for a _second_, compared me to other women or made me feel like I bore him because he's had other experiences."

Leia arched her brows pointedly.

"It is not about biology or some mythic construct that implies people 'lose' something every time they have sex. It is all about choice, and trust. You _will_ be loved, Noura. That boy doesn't matter. _Your_ feelings matter, and we will cope with them. Your body matters, and we will heal it. _You_ matter," Leia said, "and it has fuck-all to do with your vagina or what goes inside it."

Noura caught her breath, startled. Jaina arched her brows, taken aback. Leia smiled a little wryly, her eyes stinging.

"Winter would say something like that," she offered softly, to soothe her clearly scandalized daughters.

Noura continued to stare at her, and, after a moment, gave a watery, faint smile. Leia tweaked her chin, and leaned forward to kiss her forehead protectively. The last thing she wanted, that she ever would want, was for Noura to feel less than or ruined just because she'd had sex, just because some _boy_ lacked the sense to appreciate her.

She slid her arm around Noura, scooting closer so she could half hug her.

Noura clutched Leia's arms.

"It's like, I'm even pissed off because…the sex was _so_ bad, and I know it can't be that bad, or everyone wouldn't rave about it, so I want to do it again, but I'm scared to," Noura protested.

She laughed shakily, blushing – and she was not the only one laughing. She looked shyly at Leia and then back down.

"Maybe it's good I'm scared to for a while."

Leia lifted her shoulders, sighing.

"I don't really want that for you," she said honestly. "I don't want you to be _scared_ of sex. I was, for a long time, and it was difficult. You've had to come to terms with the consequences of your decision-making, and I don't think you'll make such a careless mistake again, but you have to separate these things as much as you can into what they are."

Leia tilted her head.

"You not using contraceptive is mistake that led to a pregnancy," she said. "Sex doesn't automatically result in pregnancy, even if you're not using anything, so extricate those things. Pregnancy isn't a punishment – it shouldn't be used as such, or framed as such."

"And considering your options regarding the pregnancy doesn't have anything to do with your personal, emotional opinions on sex," Mara added firmly, recalling her conversation with Noura back in Theed. "Women aren't entitled to an abortion based on how their sex life correlates with what's considered 'right.'"

Noura bit her lip. Leia nodded to encourage her – the point was, women with all kinds of sexual histories chose to have abortions, and women with all kinds of sexual histories chose to have babies, or chose to adopt an unplanned infant out. There was no singular story and no singular right way to feel; no golden path of righteousness that would result in total peace.

"Is it," Noura started. She looked cautiously at Pooja and Ryoo. "Is it okay if I ask…I, well," she bit her lip.

"You can ask me about Indy," Ryoo said astutely.

"You can ask me about my abortion," Pooja said, just as keen on where Noura was going.

Noura lifted her shoulders gratefully.

"Well?" she said faintly. She looked at Ryoo first. "You…had Indy," she said. "He wasn't planned."

Noura looked like she had feared Ryoo's reaction to this the most, but Ryoo's expression was kind.

"He wasn't," she agreed. "I don't even know who Indy's father is, which made for a very cringe-y conversation when he was old enough," she added dryly. "Indy wasn't planned, but when I found out I was pregnant, I decided I wanted him. I chose to want him, and then I also chose to get my life together, and be his mother. That was just how I felt, Noura. I wanted him. And when Pooja had an abortion, a few years later," Ryoo said pointedly, "I didn't feel like that was a judgment against me, and I didn't feel like she owed it to me to choose to have a baby just because I had mine."

Pooja nodded.

"I was kind of surprised when I got pregnant in that, like…I took more time to consider it than I thought. I was always pretty sure I didn't want kids, but I'd seen Ryoo be so happy with an unplanned baby, and I was in a good place in life – but ultimately, I didn't want to _change_ my life. And I would have had to. So I ended up getting the abortion, and I've never really thought about it since."

Noura licked her lips.

"Do you regret it? Do you feel bad?" she asked.

"No," Pooja said simply, answering both questions.

Noura looked at Mara, hesitating.

"Was it hard when you had Beru and Jade?" she asked softly. "Did you start feeling…bad?"

Mara shook her head.

"No," she said, arching her brows. "Motherhood has been so hard, in so many ways, that it reinforced my decision."

"Oooh," Sola said, nodding at Mara. "That is a very good point. I was very, very against abortion for most of my youth – and then I went through pregnancy, twice. Motherhood is hard. It shouldn't be forced on anyone."

Leia touched Noura's shoulder.

"Are you really conflicted about the abortion, Noura?" she asked.

Noura sighed. She scrunched her nose.

"No," she said dully. "I just wanted to hear what they thought," she said, looking over at Ryoo again. "Especially Ryoo," she said softly.

"Really, Noura," Ryoo said earnestly. "I had Indy because I wanted him. I was spiraling, and I was lost, and I had no goals in my life, but I felt very strongly that he was _my_ baby. That was _my_ time." She smiled a little wryly. "I didn't have him to make a point to other women, or to laws, or to politicians."

Noura smiled at her. She looked back at Pooja, and then Mara.

"It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels…relieved," she said. "Like I did the right thing."

Noura sat up a little straighter. Her back still pressed into Leia's knee, and she reached for the hot warmer at her side. It had slipped off her abdomen and she pressed it back against her, though she really wasn't feeling so many aftereffects anymore.

"I'm…always anxious about what everyone thinks about me," she said bravely. "And I'm trying to get better," she added, looking at Jaina.

Jaina winked at her. Noura swallowed, and then shrugged.

"I guess now that I…I mean, it's not like it never happened, I'm just," she paused, and sighed faintly. "I don't know what it's going to be like. If there are rumors or if…the guy, Axel," she said, scowling, "talks about me."

"You're rather lucky," Sola said dryly. "Everyone in this family can help you deal with public scrutiny and slander – and no one can do it better than your mother."

Sola gave one firm nod.

"If you've inherited an ounce of the grace your mother has – and I am confident you have – you'll be fine."

"Mom will protect you, though," Jaina said. "Dad, too. You _know_ Dad will," Jaina started to giggle. "Noura, Dad would be like – if there were rumors, he'd be like – _What? No, I'm the one who had an abortion, you should excoriate me _– and it wouldn't make any sense, but he's – "

"He's _Dad_," laughed Noura, nodding. "He's such a – a nerf – I doubt he'd say excoriate," she added, and bit her lip, thinking of him fondly. She missed him. She wanted to reach out and tell him she was okay, reassure him, and she felt a pang of sadness when she remembered she couldn't – not through the Force, at least.

"I'll tell him," Leia murmured quietly.

Noura leaned into her.

"If you are worried about that boy," Jobal said, leaning forward. "You listen to me, Noura Mé –"

"He hasn't said anything yet, I don't think, which is kind of weird – "

"Listen," Jobal said firmly.

Noura closed her mouth, obeying.

"If he decides to start boasting, or saying unkind things, he gives you all the power. All you have to do is casually mention that he is, oh, perhaps, quite small," Jobal stuck out her smallest finger, and wiggled it, "or solemnly divulge that he cries through the whole act, or is very, very quick about it and," Jobal spread her hands out, "you will see him break his neck trying to take it back and claim he never touched you."

Noura stared at her, and slowly, Jobal's entire family turned to look at her in a mixture of consternation and awe.

"_Mami_," Sola said, arching a brow slowly.

Jobal clicked her tongue.

"I did learn _some_ intrigue from Ruwee and Padmé," she said regally. "Or perhaps she learned a thing or two from me."

Maiah let out a _whoop_ of joy.

"Savage," she praised, standing up and pretending to bow. "We are not worthy."

Noura glanced up at Leia as if Leia might disapprove, and Leia picked up her comb, and pointed it seriously at her daughter.

"She's right," she confirmed. "The male ego is the most fragile thing in this galaxy. I once merely implied that a senator – who was lying about deflowering me, mind you, suffered from erectile dysfunction and he was back to calling me a frigid bitch immediately."

"Why can't they not call us anything at all?" Noura demanded, exasperated.

"Isn't _that_ the unanswerable question, my dear," Jobal sighed.

Noura sighed. She draped herself over Leia's knee tiredly.

"Tell me one thing," she said. "Tell me – I'm sorry, Mother," she added, dramatically. "It gets better, right? Like, the whole world isn't lying to me? Good sex isn't a hoax? It's going to blow my mind eventually, right?"

She had barely finished speaking, before she turned abruptly, and held up her hand to Leia.

"Actually, I don't need to hear from you," she said darkly, and swiveled sharply to Mara, "Or _you_."

Mara snorted.

"I could be talking about anyone besides Luke," she said.

"Fine," Noura said, "but since I know _you'd_ be talking about Dad," she hissed.

"You want Mom to have had _bad_ sex?" Jaina asked, affronted.

"I would like Mom and Dad to _exist_ as asexual beings!"

"Tough luck," Leia said.

Noura dramatically feigned shoving her finger down her throat –still a squeamish teenager, despite it all.

Pooja laughed, and held her hand out, taking Noura's in hers again. She nodded, squeezing her hand.

"Yes, Noura," she said. "It gets better."

Noura squeezed back. Leia gently placed her comb back in Noura's hair and started working through it again, fixing mussed spots, focusing on getting back to her braiding. Noura looked around – very gingerly, so as not to interfere with Leia – and then took a deep breath.

"I know what I want to marathon," she decided.

Leia paused slightly, wary of the sly edge in her voice. Noura looked at Jaina, and Jaina leapt up, pushing herself onto the side of the spring and cackling, clearly having pulled the information from her sister's head.

"Yes," she shrieked, nearly howling with laughter. "_Yes_ – every single bad Han and Leia Holo _ever_ made!"

Leia tilted Noura's head back and glared at her dubiously. Noura grinned at her, and though the idea was really repulsive – some of those were so, so excruciating, the genuine smile on Noura's face relaxed her, and soothed the wounds in her heart that had been aching for days – she'd been telling Han, Jaina, her father, herself, for days that Noura was going to be okay.

Now, she started to believe it.

* * *

In balmy twilight, the evening before she would return to Coruscant, Noura sat before the grave of Padmé Amidala. Her fingers moved lightly over the worn inscription lingering most often, and most poignantly, on the two letters she shared with her maternal grandmother – _Mé._

She dipped her fingers into the curls and swirls, brushing dirt and pollen out of the creased stone, her eyes closed lightly. She could not know how much she resembled her mother, sitting there in silent rumination with this imposing ghost, alone in thought. Yet Leia, too, had once sat in that very spot, young and troubled and searching for answers – the only difference was that the Force had, at that time, frightened Leia; Noura had been at peace with that power since the day she was born.

Noura opened her eyes. She sensed her mother's presence suddenly. Slowly coming up the path that wove through the expansive grounds to this restful spot – where Ruwee, too, now lay at rest – Leia sounded a gentle, silent alarm, warning Noura, and respectfully metering her approach so that Noura would know she could demand solitude if she still wanted it.

Noura merely acknowledged Leia's arrival without malice. She was open to company. She had come out here to be alone, but she had been here quite a while now – before the sun had begun its slow descent. She had meditated. She had written in the journal her father had given her. She was amenable to talking – unlike her sister, Noura craved social interaction after long periods of isolation.

Jaina was the one who was at ease alone.

Noura pursed her lips, letting her hand fall slowly from the lettering. She touched her palms together, mouthing the name – _Mé._ She'd always been told that she'd been given a variation of this name – _Padmé_ – to preserve it, to signify the stubborn, feminine strength that was in her blood, to remind her of who had come before her.

Leia always told them, her and Jaina, that they had been named in honor of women who had no one to tell their story, and privately, Noura had always thought Jaina got the better deal – no matter what she did, she'd amount to more than the first Jaina ever had, and Noura did not think that with any ill will or cruelty, but with frank logic. Jaina had not only effortlessly earned their mother's respect; she had been free of the burden of sharing a name like Padmé, having a legacy like Padmé's to live up to – at least, that was what Noura had used to think.

She was starting to see it differently. She was beginning to see quite a lot differently, in fact – this was just part of it. She hadn't been given Padmé Naberrie's name, not in a pure sense; rather, she'd been graced with a contemporary shortening of it, a modernization – she looked at it now not as if she'd been given a standard to rise to, but as if she'd been given an heirloom to make her own.

The Naberries were the keepers of Padmé's and all of them, working in tandem with Leia, and the Nubian authorities as a whole, had worked to restore her to galactic memory and instill her in her grandchildren's minds – Noura felt she knew more than enough about the inspiring cataclysm of a person Padmé had been – but she had never _known_ her.

She would never _get_ to know her.

And it was striking her so hard now, so acutely, because she thought, at some point, she'd started thinking of her own mother as an other, a figure, an _idol_ – she'd lost sight of just _Mom, Mama_, the simpler Leia – and she was sensitive to the fact that Leia, too, must have so many complexities, so much else there beyond just Chief of State or Princess or Ambassador or Mom – and she was living, and breathing, and there to be known, and Noura…couldn't bear the thought of taking that for granted.

Footsteps stopped on the soft grass behind her, and Noura turned slightly, looking over her shoulder. Face-to-face with her mother's knee, she smiled a little, and looked up. Leia touched the top of her head gently, and smiled at her.

"May I join you?" she asked.

Noura nodded, and Leia gingerly took a seat, folding her legs into a triangle. Her arms felt neatly to her sides, hands resting loosely on her knees, and she sat next to Noura, but angled enough to face her. Noura looked back to the name carved on the gravestone.

"_The acts of this life are the destiny of the next,"_ Noura read, easily interpreting the Nubian proverb carved beneath the name.

Leia's lips turned up.

"You were always good with Nubian," she remarked.

Of all of them, only Noura had really picked it up, and she read it better than she spoke it. She spoke Alderaanian, Corellian, and Basic fluently as well – a skill she shared with Jaina and Max.

"I like languages," murmured Noura. She studied the proverb. "Do you think it refers to a true afterlife, or more the...legacy we leave behind us when we die?" she asked.

Leia lifted one shoulder.

"Both, perhaps," she murmured. She smiled wryly. "Pooja would tell you it refers to myself and Luke," she noted, "but no one here knew about us when that proverb was chosen."

Noura pursed her lips. She cocked her head, and gave Leia a sort of funny look, as if she'd just realized something.

"There are a lot of unintended babies in this family," she noted.

Leia laughed.

"If you think about it," Noura said, "one of _any_ set of twins is unintended – so, _either_ your or Luke, Maiah or Iver, and Beru or Jade. Then there's Indy. There's Lytha, there's Max – "

"Max?" Leia asked quietly.

Noura sighed.

"Oh, Mom," she intoned; as if they'd all been trying to keep it a secret that they knew Max was an accident. "There are three years between Jaina and I, and then Max and I are less than two years apart?" she clicked her tongue. "Yeah, _oops_."

Leia pursed her lips, and Noura laced her fingers together. She looked at her palms.

"And me," she said.

"You were not unintended," Leia said firmly.

"No, I mean," Noura gestured vaguely. "Mine."

"Hmm," Leia murmured. "You didn't have a baby, Noura."

Noura rested her elbow on her knee, and then her cheek on her palm. She cocked her head, staring at Leia's profile.

"Mom," she said softly. "Do you honestly think it _isn't_ a baby if it's," she hovered her other hand over her abdomen, "a part of you still?"

Leia was silent for a little while.

"I think it is much more complex than that," she said finally. "I think life is inarguable. I think there are many who would say that since it cannot survive on its own, it is not a viable human being – but if I had left you in a ditch when you were two weeks old, and no one tended to you, you'd have died," Leia paused. "Infants can't survive on their own _outside_ the womb, either," she pointed out. "It's still much different to take a rock to an infant's skull than to have an abortion."

She breathed out.

"I think there is an almost religious contract with the Force that takes place when a woman decides to continue with a pregnancy and have a _baby_, and it has to do with maternal _connection_, which even non-sensitive women feel. If that connection isn't there, isn't consented to…I am not saying it changes the facts of life scientifically, but emotionally, philosophically?"

Leia gave a small, steady shrug.

"Call it cognitive dissonance if you will," she said.

She caught her breath for a moment, and then went on.

"I had two miscarriages," she said. "The first one, my first baby, was gutting. It broke my heart. I felt – in my cells – the death of baby I had wanted, that I'd been bonding with."

She swallowed hard.

"The second was…nothing. It was chemical. I knew I was pregnant and I knew it would never come to term. I was upset, I suppose – I _cried_," she remembered, her brow furrowing. "But it wasn't the same. I hadn't…become its mother yet. It was more that I had Jaina, then, and we knew we wanted another baby, so we were missing what it might have been."

Leia caught Noura's eye.

"I think it's what you feel it is," she said firmly. "I don't know if there is a universal answer."

Noura parted her lips slightly, her teeth digging into her cheek. She considered that, staring at Leia.

"Do you _feel_ like you had a baby?" Leia asked.

Noura shook her head, slow, but certain. Her brow creased.

"I can't imagine what it's like to _really_ have a baby," she said flatly. "You know, I always imagined, when you told me that, like, vaginas stretched, that it would be like," she popped her hand, "_smooth_, like an elastic. I feel very…betrayed. It was more like jagged ripping, like tearing open cellophane, so, an _entire_ infant _head_ – "

Leia closed her eyes, compressing her lips in exasperated amusement.

"Noura, I meant emotionally."

"I know," Noura said seriously. "I've just desperately needed to put _that_ out there," she went on dryly, narrowing her eyes. "So like, next time you give a body talk, maybe use a word that's more realistic than 'stretching.' I had…false hopes."

"Right," Leia said, deadpan. "Well, when I speak to Max about his vagina, I'll take that into consideration."

Noura grinned lightly. She looked down at her lap, examining her nails, and then shifted her head against her palm. She shook her head a little.

"No, I," she started. "I don't think of it as a baby. I think of it as like…a problem I fixed," she mumbled. "I guess," her voice faltered a little. "I guess I'm still struggling with like, how I feel, and how I think I'm supposed to feel," she admitted.

Leia nodded.

"I think that's to be expected," she said quietly. "It's reasonable."

She held Noura's gaze intently.

"It's important to remember that feelings are beyond your control. _Actions_ are the only thing within your control."

"I felt like Aunt Mara told me she always felt like the Force understood like it was…comforting her, forgiving her. It was on her side. _I_ felt like that, too. The Force was _there_, with me. Just…_with me_. It was painful but it didn't hurt."

Noura looked at her, searching for confirmation. Leia was quiet, again, for a while. She had not been through the same thing. When she had experienced the end of life with the Force at her side, it _had_ been painful; it had been _excruciating_. But she had not been ending an unwanted pregnancy; she'd been losing a baby she wanted and planned for.

The complexity of human emotion had to factor into this; it just had to – there was no other way to explain how multifaceted women could be when it came to _this_, motherhood, or repudiation of such. If the idea that wanting a life created life, and not wanting it ended it, was too unpalatable for men, or for those black-and-white minds of the worlds, then so be it; if the concept made women gods, then so be it all the more.

"I don't think forgiveness factors into this," Leia said finally. "You haven't committed any sins."

Noura straightened up a little, and looked at the grave.

"I feel like I need _your_ forgiveness," she said quietly.

"You don't," Leia said simply. "I am not angry at you."

"You _were_."

Noura watched as Leia closed her eyes lightly, sighed, and reopened them.

"Within reason," she said. "That is not the emotion I'm choosing to hold onto."

Noura drew her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. She swallowed hard a few times, her throat dry.

"I'm still _so_ angry at myself," she confessed hoarsely. "I – I'm _here_, and the abortion is over, and these past few days have been," she struggled to find the words – healing, enlightening, soothing? – they had been _something_, that was for sure. "I still want to go back and just…not do it. Not have sex. Or not have unprotected sex. I want to take it back. I don't want _this_," she spat the word, "to be part of my…of _me_."

Leia leaned forward. She bore her weight down on her arms, studying Noura.

"Noura," she said calmly. "You're going to feel that way for a long time," she said honestly. "Things happen, in life, whether by chance, or by unintended consequence, and it's part of the grieving process over – whatever it is – to rage against the fates. It can make you angry. It came make you despondent. It can make you bitter, and harsh, and," Leia stopped for a moment, "cold," she said, with a small, tired smile. "You _have_ to accept that it happened. You have to _feel_ it, and you _still_ have to move forward."

Leia pursed her lips intently.

"I'm not saying get over it. I'm not saying it's some special syrup that will make you 'stronger' or any nonsense like that. It will, however, be a part of your personal narrative. You'll take control of it. And there will come a day when it will be something that happened in the past, and your life will be so, so much more."

Noura, for the first time in such a very long time, looked utterly enraptured with Leia's words, and so Leia went on:

"The day will come when that bad thing will be so long ago that it's just tender scar tissue. It may still bother you in rare, darker moments. But everything else will matter _more_."

Noura took in her mother's expression, so fierce, and firm, and determined, and she took the words to heart.

"It is a teenage heartbreak, Noura, but you'll make it. You'll _thrive_."

Noura licked her lips.

"Is that what you did?" she asked. She caught her breath. "It's different, I know, you went through – I mean, _real_ atrocities – "

"Don't compare our pain. It isn't a contest."

"But it _was_ worse for you – and I shouldn't – "

"The foundation of survival is the same," Leia said quietly, "and you can't, Noura, you really _can't, _use someone else's life as a litmus test for your own, and for how _you_ look at yourself, and how you feel your own heartache and confront your own tragedies."

Leia reached out, taking Noura's hands.

"What I want for you, what I have always wanted for you, and what I still want for you, is to be _who you are_."

She nodded firmly.

"I _don't_ want you to be me, or Jaina, or Padmé Amidala – or Rouge, or Breha, or – Mon Mothma," she said, arching her brow a little. "You're _Noura_, sweetheart. I did not give you life so you could live it for someone else."

Noura turned her hands around and squeezed tightly, her chest tightening. It was so contrary to the ethos of so many parents, so many parents who wanted their kids to be _their_ legacy, their carbon copies – follow their rules and live curated versions of _their_ lives. Leia, Han, they'd never been like that, they'd never expected that, and Noura was coming to see that – coming to embrace it.

Noura looked from Leia's face to the weathered tomb, and back to Leia.

"You never knew her," she said.

"No," Leia said.

"And you never knew your other mom. Never got to know her as…as a woman, a friend," Noura said, struggling to express what she meant – that Breha Organa had always been a mother to toddler, then a child, then a teenager – Leia had never known her as Leia was coming to befriend Jaina, or as Maiah and Pooja now knew their mothers.

"Mom," Noura said, her voice trembling with tears. "I _want_ to _know_ you."

She squeezed Leia's hands again – wasn't that at the root of all of this trouble, misunderstanding? Noura failing to understand what Leia wanted for her, thought of her, and Leia misconstruing too much of what was going on with Noura?

The words tugged at Leia's heart, nestled warmly into her soul, and she smiled at Noura soothingly, lifting their hands. She pulled Noura's to her heart.

"You will," she said.

She hesitated, choosing to be as open as she could be; as blunt as was possible about the fragile position she was in, as a mother to teenagers – as a mother at all.

"Noura, you have to understand the importance of my being your mother before I can ever be your friend," she said.

Noura's eyes moved rapidly, warily, hungry for understanding, and Leia held her gaze, pragmatic, and resolved.

"I have to walk a fine line as you get older. You will likely benefit from my having been here before with Jaina – but even your sister and I are still balancing this process. She's my daughter; you are my daughter. If I am just a girlfriend, then whom can you run to when you need help? I have to be the law, with an element of compassion."

Leia lowered her hands a little.

"Do you understand the importance of that distinction? It is too difficult to code switch. Being a parent is about saying no. It's about being the experienced one, the authority, who you can come to when you need _help_, and protection, and support. Not an equal," she explained. "Not _yet_."

Noura curled her hands within Leia's, but didn't draw away. She lifted her shoulder, turning her face to wipe her eyes, but nodded – _yes_, she understood. She understood because she could see it in how Jaina, mature as she was, had immediately wanted to go to their mother, when all this started. She understood because she _wanted_ a mother, she did, even if she'd been _acting_ like she didn't for too long.

"Noura," Leia said. "I am so sorry that I have _ever_ made you feel not good enough. I am sorry that I ever made you feel like I didn't like you. I never meant to. And I love you – Han and I both love you – beyond anything you can possibly imagine."

Noura pulled her hands away abruptly, if only to cover her face. She drew her thumbs under her eyes, drying tears hastily, and nodded quickly.

"I know," she said. "I _know_, and I'm sorry I've always been so…combative, I guess? Sensitive? I get so inside my head about what people think about me, what you think, and _no one's_ opinion is more important than yours. And you're so…important. So…intimidating."

Leia gave a short sigh.

"Would you believe that there were years when every day of my life, I felt damaged, insufficient, and cursed?"

Noura sniffed.

"No one _else_ ever saw you that way."

Leia gave her such a pointed look, as if to say – _yes, that's the exact point I am making. _That dawned on Noura so suddenly that she blinked, her mouth falling open, and then she reached up to close her own jaw, sheepish.

"Ah_hh_," she breathed out.

She rubbed her hands together, then wrapped her arms around her knees again, and gave Leia a small, watery smile of gratitude. Leia leaned forward again, her eyes flicking first to the tomb, then to the sleek datapad laying near it, which she assumed Noura had propped up there after writing.

"It may be a good idea for you to sit down for a few sessions with a professional therapist," she said. "Not to discuss the abortion, unless you want to, or you have more things you want to unpack about your power over your sexuality. From a mental health standpoint if you, if you're," Leia paused, struggling once again with her own failure to pick up on it, "struggling with anxiety, you don't have to handle that yourself, or hide it, or feel like," Leia sighed. "I don't want you to think you don't deserve treatment for a problem just because you were born into privilege."

Noura didn't say anything for moment. She hesitated, staring over Leia's shoulder, and hesitantly probed for a bit at Leia's mind. Leia was open to it, and Noura was able to reason out some of what she was saying; Mara's concern that she had more anxiety than was healthy, some garbled fear about inherited trauma.

Noura blinked.

"Therapy?" she repeated. "You never went to therapy, did you?" she asked.

"No," Leia answered. She told Noura the same thing she told Han: "That doesn't mean I was right not to go."

"If you were okay without it, then what right – "

"Noura, what did I just say?"

Noura sighed. She bit her lip.

"I don't know," she said, nervous. "I," she gestured at the diary. "I think writing it out is helping. Meditating is helping," she added, a look of bliss flitting across her face for a moment. "A stranger? I…I don't know, Mom," she said.

"You can think about it," Leia encouraged. "I want you to know that option is there. Neither Han nor myself will think it's extreme or silly."

Noura dipped her head. She chewed her lip uncertainly again.

"Is there something else?" Leia asked astutely.

Noura seemed reluctant to answer. She set her jaw for a moment, resistant, and then unlocked it, and turned to Leia, the words coming out in a rush.

"I don't really want to go back," she said. "To my…clique, to the life I was living – I mean, I want you and Dad, and Max and Jaina and…well, all of you," she said. "I'm just…I'm different, I am. I can feel it. I won't act normal to them, and it feels like academy is going to be brutal, and it will be this…_awful_ reality," she said rapidly, her voice shaking again.

"Varykino has been idyllic but it's…a false sense of security. It's like armor that I have to take off, you know? And I – I feel such peace here, and I think I can find peace if I were to – do what Jaina's done, except more. Study here. Um," she swallowed hard.

She caught her breath, steadied herself, and then went on:

"I've just felt…so connected to the Force lately. Comforted. Stronger. I think it gives me balance. I just wonder if…it might be easier if I stayed here."

She stopped for longer, to chance a hopeful look at Leia. Noting that Leia's face was guarded, Noura swallowed hard.

"It wouldn't be one big party," she said. "You know how incredible Uncle Luke's academy is. My general education is done. I don't need broad strokes anymore. I think it would be good for me here."

When Leia still said nothing, Noura bit her lip.

"Mom?"

Leia kept her features unreadable – she was processing, and trying to phrase her answer the best way. She knew her answer was _no_. Still, she felt this was a pivotal moment, and she did not want it to shatter into the sort of snippy, biting arguments she and Noura were so good at.

Not when they had come so far, and there was no need for it.

Finally, she composed herself enough to answer.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Leia said evenly, "and I will not allow it."

She held up her hand gently to quell Noura's protest, but to her surprise, Noura did not immediately start arguing; she just continued to bit her lip, eyeing Leia warily.

"I understand what you mean, Noura," Leia said softly, "when you say this feels like a world separate form the one you're living in. It's an escape, it's a bubble – and that's why I brought you here."

Leia reached out to place her hands on Noura's knees. She tapped her kneecaps pointedly.

"That is one major reason why you can't stay," she said. "You have to come out of this to move forward."

She tilted her head.

"And that isn't all," she added. "I can't leave you here. I _can't,_ in good conscience, _leave you here_ – whether it's with Mara and Luke, or Ryoo," she trailed off. "You and I are in a better place than we have been in a while. It feels good, but it feels fragile. When those feelings settle, and we start going back to the, ah, normal – this won't look as perfect as it does now. It will look, and it will start to feel, like I abandoned you here after you made a mistake."

"No," Noura startled suddenly, shaking her head. "_No_, because I'm asking to stay, and it's not about you – I'm not trying to escape you – "

"But you are, in a sense, running away," Leia said carefully. "And you need to continue to heal with me, and with your father, at _home_. I won't leave you here, Noura. It's not the answer – I can't let you go. I can't look back on this moment and feel like I washed my hands of you too early. It will ultimately be your decision if you want to attend the Jedi Academy, but you will make it when, and only when, it's on its own merit, and not because you think it will redeem you."

Leia reached out to touch Noura's jaw gently.

"I need you to give it a year," she requested. "We can reevaluate when you'd be leaping towards something, and not running away."

Noura started to bite her lip, and Leia gently stopped her, pulling her lip away from her teeth with her thumb. She smiled tiredly at Noura, and let her hand fall.

"There is a disciplinary aspect to it as well," she said firmly. "You, your father and I are going to have a long conversation about trust, decision making, and maturity. We can't be good parents to you if we pawn you off on some other planet."

Noura wrinkled her nose.

"If I want to go it's not pawning me off," she muttered. She looked wary. "Mom, what if I...we…what if we just go back to how it was?" she asked. "What if I need to be away a little so I can be more who I am without you?"

The words stung, but Leia did her best to understand them – and she supposed she did, to an extent. After all she, who had always had a wonderful relationship with her mother, had run off to Coruscant as a Senator when it might have been more prudent for her to be learning more of the Queen's role.

"There is a time and a place for daughters," Leia said, "to go and do just that. That time is not sixteen years old, and right now, that place is not Theed."

Noura looked ready to protest, and Leia saw some of the familiar bold, defiant light in her eyes. She met it with her own firm resolve, and then lowered her chin, gaze boring into Noura's.

"Noura," she said emphatically. "I am not letting you go. I am not giving up."

Noura knew she wasn't just talking about Naboo. She meant it in every way – _I'm not giving up on you, I never did; I'm not letting you go; I never wanted to._ Noura's lips trembled.

The idea of going back to Coruscant was abhorrent. The magic of Varykino was already starting to fade; the good she'd felt, and the balm this circle had provided her soul, would fade with the smog and rust of the city, and Noura would have to come to terms all over again with certain things – learn how to cope in the cutthroat center of it all.

She was nervous about how she'd feel facing her father, and Bail, and even Max – even though all of them had been kind and supportive. She was worried about Rouge; she even felt odd about seeing Marisol again – would she still be able to giggle with Marisol, gossip, relate? Would Winter not want her around, would she be a bad influence? And her friends – her cohorts – whatever they were – and…_him_?

Noura took a deep breath. She let her legs fall into a butterfly type shape, and looked down at her ankles for a long time. She lifted her head.

"Would you let me get a tattoo?" she asked.

Leia looked taken aback at the abrupt question, seemingly of nowhere. She'd never considered one of them asking. She supposed she'd always assumed if one of her children ran off and got a tattoo, they'd either hide it, or do it when they were out of the house. She had never been particularly bothered by tattoos, or considered them a mark of rebellion – they were innocuous to her.

She pursed her lips, and nodded slowly.

"You can do what you wish with your body," she said. "Ink, piercings, the like," she said. "I would prefer you not damage it with narcotics or other sorts of drugs," she added dryly, "but as for the rest, well. Your body is your temple. Decorate it as you wish."

Noura looked impressed.

"I never thought you'd say yes," she admitted.

Leia compressed her lips.

"Oh?"

"It just seems like you'd…I mean you don't have any tattoos."

Leia lifted her shoulders.

"I don't need to have them to appreciate if someone else wants them," she murmured. "Your father has one."

Noura looked fascinated.

"Really? Where? Never mind," she said, in quick succession. If she and her siblings had never _seen_ the tattoo, it probably wasn't anywhere she cared to know about.

Leia smiled a little.

Noura pushed some loose wisps of hair back. Her hair was still beautifully woven into the intricate braids Leia had done a few days ago, and she patted them reverently, as if she'd just remembered the style was still there. She ran her fingertips over the plaits, and then down to her neck, and over her shoulder, where the ends fell.

"What is the significance of this style again?"

Leia reached out to tuck back some wisps. She ran her fingers along the crown of Noura's hair.

"Spring equinox," she said. "Fresh starts. New blooms."

She touched the twists above Noura's ears.

"There should be molushkas woven in," she murmured. "They're extinct."

"That's the flower on your pendant," Noura remembered, nodding at Leia's matrimonial necklace.

Leia touched it lightly, and nodded. Noura reached up to touch it again, her hand brushing Leia's. _Hair discipline,_ she thought, hearing her aunt's voice. It seemed silly, but perhaps it wasn't so at all. It was such a delicate way of honoring a physical part of yourself without making the body itself a crime for craving, or experiencing, physical intimacy.

Leia leaned in and lightly kissed Noura's forehead. She held their temples together; her eyes closed, and breathed out.

"I love you, Noura," she murmured sincerely.

As Noura let the words wash over her, verbally, and in her very core, Leia pulled away. She pulled her hands back to herself, studying her daughter in a distinct, maternal way.

"You're feeling okay?" she asked.

Noura nodded. She smiled faintly.

"Yes, Mom," she said softly.

Leia smiled.

"The Naberries want to have a long, luxurious dinner tonight, a lot of time spent together before we leave," she said. "If you're not feeling up to it, physically or emotionally, I'll let them know. It's up to you."

Noura furrowed her brow. She parted her lips.

"I'd love that," she said honestly.

She hesitated.

"I want to meditate a little more, but in a little while? When the sun is really gone? I could use their warmth."

Leia nodded. She got to her knees.

"I'll let them know," she said. "I'll let you meditate."

She had come out here because Noura had been gone for so long, and she was unable to resist the need to check on her. She knew, now, that Noura was healing the best she could, and though there would be struggles to come back on Coruscant, there was light on the forward path.

As Leia started to stand, Noura reached out and took her hand.

"Stay?" she asked. "While I meditate?"

The request was hesitant, but earnest. Without a word, Leia sat back down, her chest aching with delight. It was such a small request, and yet so monumental; Leia still remembered the first time she had asked Han to stay with her while she meditated, and he wasn't even Force sensitive. For Noura to trust Leia to be with her at her most vulnerable in the Force – that was something, something that hadn't been between them in a long time.

Leia rested her hands on Noura's shoulders, and rubbed them very slightly. Noura relaxed into the touch, and closed her eyes lightly. Fading, violent and azure rays of sunlight flickered through her lashes, and she felt, rather than watched, the sunset – opening herself to the Force, appreciating what was around her.

Her eyes stung and she felt so eternally grateful for the blessing she had in this place, in all these women, in this coven that surrounded her and told her their stories, both tame and wild. That kept her safe and let her learn and grow. She hadn't taken advantage of this wealth of womanhood before; hadn't seen it for what it was.

She'd been her father's girl while she was antagonistic to her mother, often hostile to her sister, and given to inexplicable bristling at the advice of older women, which she'd often perceived as slights and criticisms. She had chosen to feel intimidated, small, and alienated when that was never what her mother and her aunts and her would-be mentors were offering.

These women in their greatness and power had scared her because she had felt held up to them, or judged by them; she felt she would be diminished if they didn't like her, as if she wasn't as righteous, wasn't nearly as impressive. She had wasted so much precious time worried that her mother thought her vapid; her sister thought her stupid, and her aunts thought her foolish.

Where had those thoughts come from? From places she couldn't quite control, but also from a place of ignorance. She realized now, surrounded by them, that when she listened to their stories and experiences, their warnings and their advice, she did not lose her individuality; she was not diminished. She was not a chastised little girl dwarfed before better women, she was an acolyte, smarter, and stronger, and more capable, because they were there with the answers, and when they did not have answers – they had comfort, and laughter, and support.

She _needed_ these women, this sisterhood. She _needed_ female friends, good ones, and_ true_ ones. She would draw on this fountain of feminine strength when she faced her worst moments back on Coruscant.

She wouldn't survive without it, without _them_. She had the blood of the battle born and the enslaved, the damned and the victorious, the royal and the common – it culminated in her, undefeated, and she would find herself in it, and carry it well.

* * *

_-alexandra _


	8. Seven

a/n: and here we come to the last chapter. in so many ways, inspired by Carrie and Debbie. all trigger warnings apply, though pretty mildly.

* * *

Coruscant  
28 ABY

Seven

* * *

Leia was so grateful to be home. She was exhausted, and a little anxious about the days to come, but this place of hers – theirs – was a comfort and a sanctuary she'd once never thought she could find on Coruscant. Consumed as she'd been with concern for Noura and her desire to both guide her and mend their relationship, she hadn't quite paid attention to how much she'd longed for home, and for Han.

Here things were familiar, routine, and predictable. Here her children had grown up – where they still grew – and where the significant moments and memories whispered through the walls. Theed and Varykino were blessed escapes, but there was _rightness_ to this home and hearth, a sense of normalcy. Much-needed as the excursion across the galaxy had been, Leia felt that returning home grounded her, and provided the key context for a new beginning.

The context for that new beginning – for her, for Noura, for their relationship, and the family as a whole – was not utterly reevaluating the way they lived, but rather stepping back into the reality of their everyday lives, and leaping off from there.

This deviation with Noura _had_ to be situated into their narrative, not constructed from new material and then left out to be ignored by them, or allowed to consume and control them.

She wasn't sure Noura saw it that way. It was only their first evening back, thus it was bound to be a bit tense, but Leia hoped Noura's quiet reticence and nervous brooding were due to the adjustment of being home, and being face to face with her father and brother, rather than a return to…how things _were_.

Leia sighed, closing her eyes lightly. She slid her palms loosely over her ankle and then let them fall to the side. She rested her chin on her knees, which were drawn up to her chest, and inhaled the subtle aroma of the lotion she'd just finished working into her legs.

Han shook his hand through her hair, catching his fingers on slight tangles, and then rested his palm on her shoulder, massaging her gently. The touch indicated he was done pulling out her braids, and she smiled gratefully.

She lifted her head, lashes fluttering, and sat up more, stretching her legs out some. She tilted her head from side to side, working the tight muscles in her neck, and shot a look of gratitude over her shoulder at Han. While away, she had missed him more than words could say; missed him in such a deep way that her bones had ached for his touch and the quiet, stable strength in his eyes.

Han leaned back against the headboard. He lifted one arm above his head and let it rest there, fingers tracing into some of the runes carved into the wood.

"Wish you'd let me come to Naboo with you," Han murmured.

It wasn't petulant, or resentful. There was no reproach in his tone; he was merely wistful. His life had revolved around his children for close to twenty years now, and he felt lost, having been removed from a significant moment of Noura's life.

Leia sighed. She sat back gingerly, settling in next to him – _closer_ to him – and letting her head fall back against their headboard. She looked at him and shook her head, her expression gentle.

"You didn't have a place there, Han," she said softly. "Some spaces just aren't for men."

Han nodded. He shrugged. He lifted his chin and stared at their closed bedroom door, looking past it, as if he could see through it and into the hall – down the hall even, down to Noura's room.

Leia watched him and bit her lip. She stood by her decision to ask him to stay behind, to let Noura have the abortion, and heal from it, surrounded by women, but at the same time, she felt so deeply Han's complete and unconditional love for all of them, and she wanted – needed – to remind him that it was because he was a _man_, not because of the _kind_ of man he was.

He cleared his throat and spoke, before she could reassure him.

"She seems okay," he ventured. "Noura."

Leia rested her chin on his shoulder. She gave a slight nod. She again felt a fierce confidence that Noura would be okay, but she didn't know if their daughter was quite there _yet_.

"She's tough," was all she murmured.

Han reached out and touched Leia's thigh lightly, silently gauging her mood. His palm pressed into her skin heavily, until he felt the pulse of blood in her veins. He turned his head and shifted so he could look down at her face, studying her. Leia angled her eyes up at him, one eyebrow quirking a little.

"She wanted to stay," she admitted quietly. "On Naboo. I wouldn't let her just yet."

"On Naboo?" Han repeated, slightly skeptical. "At Varykino?" He supposed that didn't seem too weird. It was a palace unto itself, and Noura wouldn't have to face school or any of the shadows of Coruscant there.

"No," Leia corrected, pursing her lips. "With Luke and Mara, at the Academy."

Han blinked. He cocked his head, making sure he'd heard correctly. Leia's eyebrow twitched in tacit confirmation.

"…_Noury_?" he asked. Noura, expressing interest in the Jedi Academy? Noura, who used the Force because she could, because she was born to it, but who had always been a little flippant about the power – reluctant to train _because_, she told Han once_, it's not worth the galaxy putting me on Vader watch._ Han had never told Leia that she feared that – there was no reason to. Leia had also eschewed training with Luke; it was no skin off her back if Noura decided against that path.

Leia nodded. She sighed heavily. Han massaged her thigh in a firm little circle, processing that.

"She just asked you to _leave_ her there?" he asked.

Leia slid her ankle over his shin.

"I think she thought it would make it all easier," she sighed. "I told her there's no healing without facing it. Without…taking back your life with the…'bad thing,'" she said, snorting ineloquently, "being a part of it. I know that better than anyone."

Han let his head loll back. Skin crawled on his spine. If there was something, anything, he could have done to keep any bad thing away from Noura – he'd have given anything, sacrificed _anything_. But part of the burden of parenthood was never being able to protect your children from – well, life.

He sighed, Leia's words sinking in, too. _I know that better than anyone. _And she did, and that made Han's skin crawl, too. Was it not enough that she'd suffered through her own youth; did she have to see her teenage daughter suffer, too?

"How're _you_, Sweetheart?" he asked, wiggling his shin to nudge her foot a little.

Leia leaned into him heavily, thinking about it. It was a loaded question, a difficult one, and she tried to remember a time when a question that simple had just been mindless small talk, and she'd always taken for granted a swift answer of 'I'm fine' that had been the whole, boring truth.

_She's tough,_ she'd said, praising Noura.

Leia inhaled, and then pursed her lips, closing her eyes.

"I didn't want her to be _tough_ yet, Han," she confessed faintly. "I'm terrified this whole thing stole my baby girl's light."

Han lowered his arm from over his head and slid it around her shoulders, pulling her close. He rested his cheek on the top of her head, staring at their bedroom door again. He wondered if Noura was asleep, if she was up sneaking time on her Holopad like she used to, or if she was doing something else entirely, now, living in her private, solitary moments in a way they'd never be able to understand.

"Nah, not Noura," he said hoarsely. "Noura's brighter than stars."

He said it with confidence; he _felt_ it. She had such passion and such heart. Even the force of her anguish throughout all of this had been fleshed out and deep, and Han could not conceive of a blunted Noura – he _refused_ to imagine it.

Leia reached up and rubbed her nose hard. She sniffed, but her eyes were dry.

"I tell her she has to go back to school, she has to hold her head high, find herself, be herself, heal," she listed quietly. "I tell her all about resilience and strength and overcoming trauma but," Leia shook her head. "_I_ don't want to throw her to the wolves. I don't want her to experience any more heartache, or…well, I certainly don't want to return to being the villain. Be too hard on her too soon."

Han nodded.

"We're doin' okay, I think," he said bravely. "S'not like you're makin' her go _right_ back to school."

He and Leia had decided that Noura was allowed an additional week out of her academies. That would bring her total absence to about a month, and naturally, it had not gone unnoticed that she, Leia, and Jaina had taken an interlude to Naboo. Leia never spoke to the press regarding her children, however, and Noura's school was safely under the impression she'd taken a very short sabbatical to re-survey education options.

Leia doubted rumor mills, both political and teenage, had simply _stopped_, but she had no reason to believe Noura would return to a firestorm. She'd been told she was more than welcome to return to her schooling faster, if she wished, but a week was the maximum absence.

"I have this…fragile peace with her that I can't stand to lose," Leia said heavily, "but I also can't let that affect my mothering. I still _have_ to be a mother, and I think I got her to understand that, but," Leia sighed. "I also can't stand the idea of going back to being public enemy number one," she said dryly.

Han nudged her.

"I can be the bad guy for a while," he blustered.

Leia snorted.

"Hey, 'm serious!"

"Han, you let them cut school."

Han scrunched his nose sheepishly.

"You know about that? Chewie," he grumbled. "Rat."

"I know everything," Leia murmured. "You should know that by now."

Han grinned, but despite his amusement, their lack of knowledge hung between them thickly – because this whole ordeal forced them to ask how well they really knew their children. It wasn't necessarily a grim or frightening question; it was more that their adjustment to being the parents of burgeoning adults had been hastened. They were no longer the center of their children's universes, and that was normal. There were some things they might never know; some things Jaina or Noura or Max may never come to them with, or tell them about, and that was not always an indictment of their parenting or their relationship – it was just a reflection of life, individuality, and the _privacy_ that all people desired.

Noura needing an abortion at such a young age was not likely to create an utterly open relationship between all five of them; it was an outlier that all of them wished had never happened. Without it, would Leia have ever known her sixteen-year-old daughter had a sex life? Probably not. Would she ever have pried into Jaina's contraceptive methods? Unlikely. And that was all within reason; it was _fair_. Leia had been nearing twenty-five when her father came back into her life, and she'd had no interest in telling Bail she was living with a man.

There was a delicacy to having half-grown children, and it was thrown into all-too-sharp relief now. There was another element of complexity to add to the parenting mix: how to respect the ever-growing need for privacy, for letting them become them, while also ensuring that preventable incidents like these never occurred again.

"You talk to her about seeing a therapist?" Han grunted.

"Yes," Leia murmured. "She didn't like the idea," she said frankly.

"Well, neither did you," Han said, shrugging.

"As I told her," Leia conceded. "I _also_ told her I don't lead by example in _everything_."

"If you could go back, would you see a therapist?" Han asked curiously.

Leia shrugged.

"Go back to when?" she asked. "Yavin, Hoth? The weeks just after the war, or after Father were rescued? The Skywalker Reckoning?" She lifted one shoulder helplessly. "There was always too much. I didn't have time."

She bit her lip.

"What therapist could have seen me?" she asked, a little harshly. "Noura probably has anxiety. She's had an abortion. She has low self-esteem and a boy hurt her. Therapists are trained to deal with that," Leia paused, shook her head. "I know how I sound – and I don't mean to imply that I had it worse, but…I just don't think therapy would have done me any good."

"You're always going to think that," Han said.

"Yes, probably," Leia sighed tensely. "I won't ever know, but I won't let Noura repudiate the option just because I did."

Han ran his fingers through her hair.

"I got a few names from Evaan," he said. "Uh, for therapy. Evaan asked her therapist and then got me some suggestions. For when Noura's ready. If she is."

Leia nodded gratefully. Han's hand fell still in her hair. He touched his chest.

"_I_ think you could have used therapy the most on Hoth," he said seriously. "Might've been a lot less bullying me."

Leia dug her heel into his shin.

"How dare you joke about my mental health?" she murmured. Her lips turned up at the corner. "Bullying," she scoffed, as a smile played across her lips.

Her head lolled back, and she looked at him gratefully. It was a blessing that after all these years, he had lost none of his charm; he was still able to artfully and effortlessly make her laugh.

"I _hope_ Noura finds someone like you one day," Leia sighed. "She's so turned off to men – "

"Good," Han muttered.

"—but since men are her preference, I don't want this to scar her too badly. If it embitters her, like Rouge," Leia trailed off, frowning. "Well, we all tried to make it clear to her that good men exist."

Leia kissed his shoulder.

"I hope she has enough sense to see that you've set that example a thousand times over," she murmured.

Han's chest tightened. He wanted that to be true. He wanted his daughters to know their worth and demand nothing less than exactly what they wanted, and any man who wasn't up to their standard wasn't a man he'd ever approve of. He wanted to trust them, too, and stay off their backs about boys, and the ups and downs of teenage romance, because he couldn't choose for them and he didn't want to alienate them.

"S'there any good way I can tell Noura 'm not lookin' at her any different? Y'know, that I don't…_care_ she's havin' sex?"

Leia pursed her lips.

"Do you really not care?" she asked mildly. It wasn't that she didn't believe Han; she tended to always take him at his word. She also didn't think it was entirely out of line for him to be protective or wary of it, so long as that came from a place of concern for her health and well being, rather than archaic purity norms.

Han scratched his jaw tensely.

"Nah," he grunted. "I mean…she's…c'mon, she's like a little kid to me, she seems younger than she is, and it seems…impossible, and I know how men think," he said darkly, "And it makes things more complicated. But I ain't _mad_ at her."

"You've never thought like _those_ kinds of men, Han," Leia said.

Han shrugged. He'd never been violent towards women. He'd never been the type to consider force when it came to luring someone into bed with him. But he'd been young, once, he'd been a teenager, and he'd been in locker rooms and in groups of street boys and – he knew. He just knew, and it scared the hell out of him for his daughters' sakes.

Leia pursed her lips.

"I think she'd find it embarrassing if you tried to bring that up in so many words," she said honestly. "She's skittish around you and it's just something you're going to have to cope with while she really overcomes this. She'll get over it. It's," Leia shrugged, "it's uncomfortable and it'll pass. It's not _you; _it's the reality. It's weird to look your father in the eye when he knows you're having sex," she said bluntly. "I've been there. It's just nicer when you can all live in a world of pretend ignorance."

Han grunted. Leia kissed his shoulder again, murmuring softly:

"All you have to do is keep treating her like you've always treated her. Even if you feel like you have to walk on eggshells. Don't."

Han nodded thoughtfully.

"You really don't think she'd, y'know, like to…hear it?" he asked worriedly.

"I suppose I can't speak for Noura entirely," Leia conceded, "and in the end, you have to do what you think is best, as a father. Not what makes you feel better," she differentiated firmly, "but what you think is best for her and your relationship with her. But I'll tell you point-blank that when I was struggling with the way my father handled you, it would have never made me feel better or less awkward if he'd decided to earnestly tell me it was okay I was having sex with you."

Her voice turned a bit skeptical at the end, and dry with amusement. Han snorted at that.

"Remarkable as it may seem, when I think back on that first night he found out about you, the part I find _most_ mortifying is that you came out of my bedroom shirtless," Leia grumbled.

"Least I put pants on," Han said seriously. "I was sleepin' naked."

Leia smirked. She lifted one knee slightly, and Han rested his palm on it comfortably. He tapped his fingers there, tilting his head to study her profile.

"You'n'Noura are better, then?" he asked gruffly.

Leia tilted her head.

"Yes," she said softly. "Yes, I…I'm confident saying that," she said. "It's appalling that it took something like this for us to begin to see eye to eye – or at least acknowledge what we've lacked in understanding each other but…that's part of the reason I just could not leave her on Naboo," Leia sighed. "When things start to go back to normal," she said 'when' strongly, and confidently, "we have to be able to keep the breakthroughs we made. It would feel too much like giving up on her, or getting rid of her, to let her stay."

"'Course you couldn't let her stay," Han said, frowning. "She's _our_ kid," he protested. "She doesn't get to fuck up and go hide from us at the fun Skywalker commune," he grumbled.

Leia arched her brows.

"Like she'd get any structure or rules there," Han muttered. "They'd let her accidentally meditate herself pregnant again or somethin'."

Leia laughed.

"Ah, yes, because you're _such_ a disciplinarian here, Han," she teased, rolling her eyes. She shook her head. "I don't think we have to worry about Noura jumping right back in to sex. Unfortunately, she seems pretty thoroughly blaster-shy."

"That ain't so unfortunate," Han said tiredly. "She can just be young for a while. Without all that stuff."

"I agree," Leia said, "but I don't want her to be afraid of sex. I've been there and it's just, it's," Leia sighed. "It feels very...lonely."

"You were different," Han said. "You were assaulted."

Leia let her head fall back heavily.

"Yes," she said quietly, "but I was afraid of sex prior to that. In an abstract sense. Afraid of putting my trust in the wrong person. Afraid of feeling different, or diminished. More than anything else, fear kept me from engaging too much, sexually, with Giles," she reflected, "and being raped gave me a sick validation of everything I was scared of."

Leia licked her lips.

"I was cautious, but I was scared," she said frankly. "Part of that stems from the context girls are given about sex. _Losing_ your virginity. _De_flowering. _Giving it up_," she listed. "In the end I didn't lose _or_ gain anything when I had sex with you. I just was a person who had sex."

"What are you talking about?" Han retorted. "Didn't _gain_ anything? You gained heaven in the flesh, Sweetheart. You gained _paradise_. You – "

Leia dug her elbow into his ribs, and he broke off, smirking. She caught his eye, her nose turning pink, and he grinned charmingly.

"Yeah, yeah," he assured her. "I get what you're sayin'."

He was quiet for a moment.

"You didn't talk to them like that, though," he pointed out.

"I didn't – I tried not to have it in the house," Leia said. "But that's what's hard, that's what has always been so hard! We can't control the messaging outside. And they are _bombarded_ with bad messaging, in everything – in terms of beauty, sex, self-image," she listed. "If I tried to control it all, it would be sheltering them, and we can't do that either."

She ran a hand over her face.

"There's just no answer," she sighed.

After a long silence, Han said:

"They're _good_ kids, Leia."

He leaned over to touch his forehead to her temple, swallowing hard.

"And you're a good mother."

Leia's lips trembled. She reached up to wipe her eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered.

She reached up to touch his neck, brushing her fingers against his jaw. She held his head to hers, softly clinging to him, reveling in his presence. The return to Coruscant had been tiring; a travel day full of fatigue and anxiety. Leia knew Noura felt out of place and alienated, and it wasn't out of line for her to feel that way. They were all a bit uncertain with each other, all waiting to see how things would resettle, now that there was no choice but to continue on.

Han moved his foot against hers slightly, tickling the bottom of it. She ignored it, thinking it an instinctive caress, but when he did it again, Leia twitched her foot.

"Han, stop," she requested.

Han frowned, shaking himself a little. Before he could answer, she kicked him – _hard_.

"Hey!" he hissed, shattering the moment. He blinked, confused.

"_Stop_," she hissed, leaning back abruptly. She turned her head to glare at him, narrowing her eyes. Surely he didn't think she was in some sort of flirty, sexy mood – she wanted his touch, his affection, but he, of all people, should understand that discussing the sexual tragedies of their teenage daughter was not exactly a turn on -

"'M not doin' anything!" Han protested, indignant. He gestured, and then wiggled his toes for proof. "I'm all on my side!"

Leia sat up straighter. She eyed the edge of the bed, saw something move, and then her eyes widened. Her heart leapt into her throat.

"If that – if his – I will – "

The bottom of her foot was stroked again, and she realized the culprit was a warm, scaly tongue. Leia was out of the bed so fast it gave Han whiplash. Before he could blink again, she'd ripped all the quilts down to the foot of the bed and revealed Ork, blithely curled right near where her feet had been, flicking his tongue out lazily.

Han tried to stifle a snort. Leia held out her hand and their bedroom door flew open, banging against the wall. Han squeaked quietly, eyes wide.

"MAX ANTILLES SOLO!" Leia bellowed, shattering the tranquil reflection of the evening. Unfettered, raw use of the Force on Leia's part always thrilled Han a little, in that it unequivocally scared the shit out of him while also making him rather proud.

He knew, due to years of experience, that her verbal shout had echoed through an ethereal connection he'd never know, and he ran a hand through his hair, leaning forward in an aggressive lunge to scoop Ork up from the foot of the bed. Max was really in for it – if he thought tonight was a time to play a prank like _this_ –

"I'll feed you when she kills him," Han told the lizard solemnly. He'd always been rather fond of Ork, if only because the weird hijinks between Ork and Leia were legendary.

Leia stood at the foot of the bed, eyes piercing the doorway, and Han winced when Max appeared. He looked so disheveled, sleepy, and confused that Han sensed a spectacular act of innocence on the horizon, which would just make Leia go atomic.

Max scratched his wild, matted hair.

"What'd I do?" he asked, baffled. "Mom, it's like, the middle of the night. Can you _chill_?"

At that, Han considered leaving the planet. He almost choked on his tongue, eyes widening, incredulous.

"_Max_," he growled holding up Ork, since Leia seemed unable to get a word out.

"_Chill_?" Leia repeated, finding her voice. "I will 'chill' your attitude _in the caves of Hoth_ if you don't watch your mouth. You think a wampa is a monster? So help me – "

"I was _literally_ asleep until two minutes ago!" Max interrupted, baffled. "I don't under – Ork?" he said, breaking off. He saw Han holding the lizard, and frowned. "Ork," he said sternly, sounding just like Leia in one of her lecture modes. "Why are you in here?"

"Do not play dumb with me," Leia threatened icily.

"Leia, you're gonna wake the girls up," Han warned.

"She already did," griped Max. He pointed to his head, shuffling into the room. "She sent off _nuclear_ sirens," he complained. He held out his hands. "Ork, c'mere," he grumbled.

"Max, I have asked you, and I have told you, to keep the lizard in his cage. It I find him in my shower – in my bed! – _one_ more time – "

"He was in his cage!" Max argued. "I put him up before you got home, I swear!"

"You expect me to believe this thumb-less reptile let himself out and waltzed into my side of the bed – "

"Well, he _crawls_, for one thing," Max retorted smartly. "And I don't know _how_ he got in here!"

"C'mon, kid, give it up," Han said.

Max glared at him, affronted. Han arched an eyebrow. This would all be easier if Max would give up the ghost. Max stared back at Han defiantly, and Han saw Jaina poke her head around the doorframe into their room, blinking sleepily.

"I'm telling the truth," Max insisted.

"He is," Leia affirmed sharply, her brows going up. She turned her head, her expression a little shocked. "_Noura_!" she shouted. "Get in here."

Han arched his eyebrows. Jaina kept peeping at them without a word, as if she had nothing better to do. Han glared at her. She yawned, and folded her arms. There was a moment of silence, during which Noura sauntered into the doorway looking – Han noticed – rather wide awake and innocent.

Leia stared at Noura for a weighted moment.

"Did you put Ork in our bed?" she asked finally.

Han snorted, skeptical. Of all the insane things – to accuse _Noura_ of playing a prank? Noura, who – Han tilted his head when he saw the very subtle smirk on Noura's face – _Noura_?!

Noura shuffled her feet, and then held her hands out, palms up, sighing.

"I had to break the ice," she confessed, half desperate, half uncertain. She flashed a lopsided grin, reminiscent of her father's. "I – I needed to hear everyone laugh, I needed chaos, I - !"

She bit her lip, and Leia sensed the unspoken meaning that was there; Noura needed a moment where everything felt exquisitely normal. Leia's outrage at the reptilian intrusion evaporated, and she put her hands on her hips, gritting her teeth. Jaina snorted, then covered her mouth and tried to look solemn.

"And _Ork_ was the fall guy?" Max demanded, outraged. He held out his hand and whipped Noura's hair into knots. "What did he ever do to you?"

She swatted at the power, and pointed at Max, poking him in the chest with invisible fingers. Leia held out her hands between them, and stopped it all. She took a deep, tired breath.

"Go back to bed," she ordered dangerously. "Bed! _All of you_!"

Max shot her an aloof look as he took his time leaving. Han reckoned they'd be hearing complaints about his wrongful accusation for weeks. Max could channel Noura's dramatics, when he wanted to. Jaina gave them an amused look, yawned again, and turned to go after Max.

"At least they weren't having sex," they heard Jaina snort.

"Why would she be screaming _my_ name if they were?" Max retorted, horrified. "Better yet, why would I – _why would you get up and go investigate_ \- !"

Their voices trailed off, and Noura was left in the doorway, staring at them. Framed in dim light, her hair still ratty thanks to Max's brotherly attack, she looked between them, chewing on her lip. Her emotions were written on her face, something between anxiety, and an earnest desire to preserve the moment.

Leia took it for what it was. An act of boldness to lighten the mood, to break down barriers, to convince her parents, and herself, that she could bounce back from this, that they would all be okay.

Leia pursed her lips. She cocked a brow, but Noura said:

"No, yell at me. Like normal," Noura requested.

"She never really yells at you," Han reminded Noura pointedly.

Noura folded her arms, rolled her eyes. She bit her lip, and then she nodded.

"Yeah, I know," she said. She gave a small smile. "I put him in your bed 'cause I didn't want you up talking about me all night," she quipped. "Did it work?"

Leia sighed fondly. She beckoned to Noura. Noura came forward, and Leia kissed her forehead, rising on her tiptoes to do so. Noura licked her lips, and Leia touched her shoulders, pushing her gently.

"Go to _bed_," she repeated.

Noura glanced at Han, with less apprehension and shame than she had in a few weeks now, and Han smirked. He gave her a conspiratorial wink, like he always had when she was little. Noura backed away, and returned to her bedroom, leaving them alone together.

Leia turned. She pushed her hair back, and then propped one hip against the side of the bed, shaking her head, and giving Han a dubious look. Her heart still raced from the adrenaline – that sith-be-damned, scaly little thing always somehow scared the shit out of her – and she tried to recover from the absurdity of the incident.

"She doesn't want us talking about her all night," she mimicked.

Han shrugged.

"Guess she knows us pretty well," he said. Then, he nodded at the open door. "How's that for light?" he asked, smiling encouragingly.

Leia tilted her head at him, pursing her lips ruefully. Then, slowly, her expression softened into one of relief, and of quiet hope. One inane prank did not convince her that all was perfect, and all was well; she was sure there would be ups and downs to come for Noura – continuous adjustments as the days unfolded – but it was clear in this moment that Noura was as committed to getting on with their lives as Leia was.

* * *

Winter was pouring a lush, mahogany wine into Leia's glass, keeping one eye on the progress of the wine and her other on her daughter as Marisol continued to try and edge out the door. She carried on a terse, soft argument in Alderaanian, mother and daughter sparring calmly, but stubbornly.

Leia clicked her tongue softly when she had enough in her glass, and Winter set the bottle upright. She put a hand on her hip, shaking her head.

"That isn't _up_, Marisol, and you know it," she argued gently.

Marisol flicked a handful of long, pale blonde hair over her shoulder, frowning defiantly. She'd braided some of it in a tiara-like headband, but the rest was loose, and flowing down her back.

"It's braided," she said again.

"Braid the rest of it. Twist it at the nape of your neck, multi-braid it down your back," Winter instructed. "Your choice – as long as it's not loose."

"_Mom_!"

"These are the rules until you're of age; I don't see why you need to flout them now," Winter said blithely.

"It's _just_ hair!"

"It's tradition, and you are free to ignore it to your heart's desire when you are of age and out of this house," Winter said.

Marisol stamped her foot, which was about the extent of resistance Leia had ever seen from the usually quiet, shy girl. She reached up to touch her one braid, frowned, and narrowed her eyes at Winter.

"I'm a good teenager, you know. I'm very compliant, I never do anything wild – you have to find something to nag at me about, so it's my stupid hair, I guess, when I've always followed rules – "

"Yes, you have, and this newfound resistance to following them is tiresome. Go put your hair up."

"Surya is waiting for me!"

"You should have thought about that," Winter pointed out.

Marisol looked at her angrily, and then glanced at Leia, seeming to weigh the options of continuing the argument with an audience. Leia pointedly looked away; she did not get involved in the parenting trials of her friends. Not to mention she wanted to avoid being dragged into this, if Marisol decided to bring up that _Leia_ was Alderaanian, too, and _Leia_ didn't make Jaina and Noura wear _their_ hair up.

Evidently deciding against it, Marisol dumped her large, clunky handbag on the floor. She tossed her hair again, pursing her lips.

"Wearing my hair down isn't the _worst_ sin I could commit," she grumbled, mostly to herself – and Leia sensed she didn't quite have the bravery to have said it straight to Winter's face.

Marisol went storming off to attend to her loose mane, while Winter shook her head, sighed quietly, and sat down at the table with Leia. She filled her own empty glass, her lips compressing in a grimace.

"I'm sorry, Leia," she said. "I believe that may have been a not-so-subtle jab at – "

Leia waved her hand lightly. It probably was, but it was just a moody teenager lashing out. Marisol was a sweet girl, and she never did any harm to anyone. Leia wouldn't hold it against her, nor did she wish to dwell on it.

"She has started bringing things like that up lately," Winter murmured, sitting back heavily. "Mentioning she's so above reproach, so good in school, never in trouble, always obedient – as if being a good person is leverage to get whatever she wants _now_."

Winter snorted, and inhaled her wine.

"And here I thought I was doing so good in instilling in my children the value of being a good person because, you know, it's the decent thing to be!"

Leia laughed.

"Oh, there's plenty of that to go around, always. Teenagers still think life ends up being _fair_ that way. If you are good, you'll get good."

"Some adults still think that, too," Winter said dryly. "Self-righteous asses, mostly." She muttered. "I don't want her to be self-righteous."

"Jaina and I used to argue like that," Leia said, shrugging. She lifted one hand and moved it, mimicking Jaina. "_Mom, why can't I stay out after midnight? It's not like I do drugs! This isn't fair. Some kids do drugs!"_

Leia rolled her eyes at the memories.

"And I always thought of myself as lenient," she said, touching her chest. She picked up her wine glass. "Look where that got me."

Winter leaned forward and rested her weight on her arms, her wine glass on the table held neatly between her hands.

"There's not that much we can do when they get to these tricky ages," Winter said bluntly. "Is there?" she eyed Leia frankly. "Other than give them the right tools?"

Leia pursed her lips. Winter tapped the base of her glass. She glanced around her to see if Marisol had come back, and then leaned her head a little closer to Leia.

"I keep wanting to ask Marisol if she's having sex," she confided. "It's a miracle I haven't. I want to ask if she's being safe, if she is. I worry she'll blow me off. Roll her eyes…and then withdraw from me."

Leia grimaced a little. She lifted her shoulders.

"I never asked," she said. "I thought I left the door open enough, that I made it clear I wouldn't lock them in towers and throw away the key if they dared ask a question, or seek out contraceptive," she trailed off for a moment. "I considered that giving them the tools, yet respecting their privacy."

She took a sip of wine.

"I mean, _well_ – so, sue me if I felt that dragging my daughters to get contraceptive when they hit some arbitrary age was a bit overbearing and…inappropriate," Leia said sharply. "I was _twenty-two_ when I started having sex. You were fifteen. How am I supposed to determine the right age? That's for _them_ to decide, on their own."

Leia sighed.

"I didn't want to inject adulthood into their lives if they didn't need it yet, or weren't ready for it. And I certainly didn't want to put the idea into a," she floundered, found a random age, "fourteen-year-old's head that they should be having sex, or even thinking about it," she said.

She rubbed her forehead.

_"And,"_ she added again, sighing, "things aren't exactly the same for Max, though I guess I could have started him on the shot, but I didn't want to treat them differently. I was trying to teach decision-making. I'm not raising babies, I'm raising adults."

Leia trailed off after a moment, arching a brow. Winter lifted her glass empathetically.

"You tried, Leia," she said earnestly. "You did leave the door open. You were engaged. You've always been an engaged mother." Winter shrugged a little. "It's all you can do," she said, taking a sip. "They get to a certain age and…they're not _ours_ anymore. They're not…bright-eyed and innocent and looking to Mommy for all the answers."

As if to punctuate this nostalgic statement, Marisol came flouncing back into the room, and gathered her things. She slung her bag over her shoulder, dramatically showing Winter her now braided and bound up hair. Leia did not miss the two long, curled strands she'd left loose, hanging down and framing her face.

Ignoring it, Winter merely said: "Thank you, Solly," and smiled at her.

Marisol looked like she might make a smart remark. She hesitated, then frowned, then just gave a resigned nod. She looked at Leia, clutching her shoulder bag tightly.

"I hope Noura's doing well," she said with sincerity. "I sent her a few messages, but she hasn't answered."

"I'll tell her you're thinking about her," Leia said. "Don't take her silence personally. I think she's finding getting back to everyday life intimidating."

Marisol nodded. She turned on her heel, scampering to go.

"Marisol, be home at curfew!" Winter called.

Marisol didn't answer which, Leia noted, was a bit defiant for her. She smirked a little and eyed Winter, though neither of them said anything until a loud chime indicated Marisol was out the door to meet her friend, at which point Winter just shot Leia a defeated look, and took a sip of wine.

"She's so introverted and reserved," Winter said. "Usually. To be quite honest, until this came up with Noura, it didn't even occur to me that she might be having sex. She never brings boys home. Or girls," Winter noted.

Leia arched a brow.

"Well, neither does Noura," she said dryly. "Neither did _you_," she pointed out.

Winter smirked.

"I suppose there is a blind spot with your own children," she mused. "There's a reluctance to think of them as adults, or beginning to be adults, when it's not in your face," she sighed.

"Jaina brought boys home a few times," Leia said, shrugging. "Once or twice I sort of side-eyed her and asked if she had any questions but she usually scoffed at me. Told me it wasn't serious, acted like I was being silly."

"That's the thing, Marisol seems like the sort of person who wouldn't be physically involved unless it was serious," Winter murmured. "I mean, the child struggles to chose her academy courses for fear that she might chose something she regrets."

"I think perhaps I thought that would also be embedded in my children's DNA," Leia snorted. "Considering," she gestured dramatically at herself.

Winter snorted and took a sip of wine.

"You forgot about Han," she joked.

"Yes, I forgot about Han," Leia laughed. She ran her finger around the rim of her glass. "Though he does get somewhat insistent, sometimes, that he wasn't as promiscuous as rumors would have me believe. Which is odd, _since he started the rumors."_

Winter sighed affectionately.

"Oh, Han. Loveable idiot."

She licked her lips, and Leia tilted her head.

"What _is_ going on with Marisol?" she asked, glancing down the hall. "She does seem a bit more combative than usual." "That's a light way of putting it," Winter muttered. She flicked her fingers together, and cleared her throat. "Let's see, why don't we start at the beginning?" Winter pursed her lips. "_Marisol_," she said delicately, "got the part in the student film she wanted so badly."

Leia brightened, lifting her chin. She smiled. Marisol was in her second year at a film academy, studying theatrical arts. She had been in stage productions in a small way as far back as Leia could remember, and she and Noura had taken dance together when they were little. Marisol had ambitions to work in the film industry, though Leia hadn't been aware that she was interested in being in _front_ of the holos.

Winter held up one finger, as if to stay Leia's congratulations. She leaned back in her seat again, her shoulders hitting the back hard. She tapped her hand on the table.

"And do you know what her _only_ line is?"

Leia raised her brows, pursing her lips expectantly. Winter's tone was tolerant in a comical way, and she appeared ready to rock Leia's world with the announcement. Leia waited, and Winter delivered.

"'Wanna fuck'?" Winter quoted.

Leia blinked. She parted her lips a little more, tilting her head.

"Winter, this is so sudden," she quipped. Winter gave her a somewhat wry look, and Leia smirked, but arched her brows higher, processing the quote. "_That's_ the line?" Leia clarified.

"_That's_ the line," Winter confirmed.

Leia sat back heavily. She plucked her wine glass off the table.

"What?" she asked, a little bewildered.

"Oh, I know, I know. It's been an ongoing conversation," Winter said dryly. She sighed. "Really, it's very impressive she got a part in this film. It's a senior student's thesis work, and I'm sure it will be a very artistic, meaningful piece of art. I'm proud of Marisol for going after something she wanted so badly."

"In her defense, we know they use language like that all the time, behind our backs," Leia said carefully. "Noura does it to my face," she added under her breath. "Jaina's mouthy now, too, come to think of it."

"I'd probably get mouthy, too, if I had a married boyfriend."

Leia sighed heavily, and rolled her eyes. As Leia had delicately chosen not to tell Han about that particular discovery, she had confided it in Winter, whom she could obviously trust.

"It isn't just the language," Winter said, frowning. "The film requires a nude scene," she said, tapping the edge of her glass against her temple. "A _nude_ scene, coupled with her _only_ speaking lines being '_wanna fuck_?'" Winter blew air out through her lips skeptically.

"That doesn't sound like Marisol," Leia murmured, taken aback.

"She maintains that the art supersedes the content, and she adores the film student – they're a mentor of hers. The advisor to the film student is a well-respected independent director – and I understand, to an extent, the concept of art versus gratuitous sex but…she's barely seventeen," Winter said, exasperated. "And, assuming she is sexually inexperienced – which I really think she is – I don't know how appropriate it is for me to let her involve herself in a sexual atmosphere without any idea of the repercussions."

Winter sighed. She pushed a hand back through her hair.

"It would be, at the very least, a film screened at a small festival. That's hundreds of people viewing Marisol Celchu's naked, barely-legal body. And if it gained _traction_? Slews and hoards of men," Winter trailed off, shaking her head. "It isn't about her name, I don't mean to emphasize that as if I care about familial reputation, though I _do_ worry about Rouge's sensibilities," she muttered. "It is a bit of a concern that people pay more attention to us, by virtue of my association with the Organas and government in general – but when it gets done to it, I just don't think she's ready for the exposure. I don't think she has the maturity. She thinks – she thinks _art, art, art,_" Winter said, "and doesn't realize that she'll return to her academy, or go out to a restaurant, and grown men, old men, gross men, and classmates will ogle her. They won't see art. They'll see an object and for fuck's sake, we know how the world is. They'll see _consent_, just because she was naked in a film."

Winter touched her face gently, and then let her hands rest on the table in front of her.

"I've been trying to frame that for her, talk to her about it, but she gets angry. She thinks I'm calling her naïve, which I suppose I am – but she _is_ naïve. And while she's underage and in my home, I can still protect her, and feel good about that."

Winter pressed a hand to her chest, looking at Leia in disbelief.

"She says _I_ am being a prude," she said, incredulous. "Which is where the hair defiance comes in. She accuses me of being old fashioned, hypocritical in my progressive beliefs, but that's the thing, Leia, that's what irritates me about progressivism sometimes – I don't _have_ to use my children as a political statement to be liberal!"

Winter bit her lip.

"I don't _have_ to let my seventeen-year-old daughter be stark naked, peddling sex, in a student film to qualify as a feminist – and if I think I'm protecting her from situations she's not capable of handling yet, then I _certainly_ won't sacrifice her well-being to a..._a_ crass way of proving myself. We should always be working toward a better society, but while society continues to exist how it is, I'll armor my daughter. I won't offer her up to wolves."

Winter paused, and then shook her head, frowning.

"And, well, to be perfectly honest…maybe I have gotten a bit more restrictive in my old age, and under the influence of motherhood, but I'm just not comfortable with it."

When Winter fell silent, and looked at Leia expectantly, Leia leaned forward, lifting her shoulders.

"I _don't_ think you're wrong," Leia said firmly. "Winter, you were always the one who told me that if those pictures of me that Giles took got out I'd be ruined – and I was always claiming those were art. That was a completely different situation, but of course you want to impress upon Marisol the possible repercussions of displaying her body to the world if she doesn't think it through. No one has a right to her, or even to comment on her, or how she looks, but they will," Leia shrugged bluntly. "You're right, we know they will."

She licked her lips slowly.

"Noura accused me a few times of being concerned about my image – or the Organa-Solo image – if it got out that she had had an abortion. I think I got her to understand – eventually – that it isn't that _at all_. I'm proud of who I am, and who Han is, and who my family are, and anyone who would vilify Noura for what she chose isn't someone whose opinion I care about but," Leia held up a hand, "_but_."

She breathed out.

"The barrage is _exhausting_, as you said. I've weathered that storm for years," she held up her hand, ticking down fingers. "Monster, bitch, traitor, whore, angel, savior, cunt, ice queen, weakling, sithspawn," Leia picked up her wine dramatically, "I've run out of fingers," she quipped.

Winter smiled ruefully.

"It was difficult when I was young, even back when I had the power of the monarchy, of all of Alderaan, behind me to comfort me and support me. Then I was alone. I was the Empire's public enemy number one. I struggled with mental health in the public eye. I was a rape survivor on bases full of men who wanted to fuck the frigid out of me or saw me as a monolith who couldn't possible be a human with feelings," Leia took a sharp breath. "We've protected our girls from that, and the girls are _young_. They'll get it some day. They will."

Winter picked up the bottle of wine, thumbed the label, and then tipped some more into each of their glasses. She sighed, nodding – Leia was right, and of course, it was a blessing that they had each other to ruminate with. It was pure serendipity that they'd been given back to each other; pure fantasy that they were able to raise their children alongside one another.

"If I deny her permission to do the film, she'll hate me," Winter said, "if I try to get the writer to change the scene – cut the nudity – well, then I'm _that_ mother, and…she hates me."

"Hate's a strong word," Leia murmured. "It's indignation that she'll get over," she said, wincing. "I've made Noura hate me a hundred times over," she said. "I know it hurts. You want them to love you, all day, every day. But I think we both know kids can be like, like…pittins," she said, smirking.

Winter snorted.

"They're brave, independent little things but sometimes they need to be steered away from the electrical sockets."

Winter laughed, harder this time. She tilted her head back.

"Arlo stuck his finger in an electrical socket once," she murmured, shaking her head and folding her arms lightly across her chest. She sat for a moment, biting her lip, and then tilted her head, sighing. "Here I am monopolizing the conversation," she said ruefully. "You've had bigger issues on your hands."

"It all goes back to the same root," Leia murmured. "Raising daughters."

"Mmhmm," Winter hummed. "How's Noura?"

Leia had, of course, checked in a few times, but Winter had taken care not to pry too closely while they settled back in. That had been a few days ago, anyway, and things were bound to have progressed some.

"Well, she's going back to academy tomorrow," Leia said slowly. "She has an exploratory interview later this week to transfer into a more specialized fashion academy, more niche than the art academy she's in – and then next week, she wants to look at a linguistics academy, to get out of the general education for good."

Leia paused.

"Which Han and I are thrilled with. The clique she has always hung out with at the general academy is toxic," she said flatly. She usually took care to keep that to herself; she had always wanted Noura to make her own decisions on people, and felt being too contrary to Noura's chosen friends would be counterproductive.

"Linguistics? That's interesting."

"I mentioned on Naboo that she was the only one of us who picked up Nubian quickly, and remembered it with relative skill. She brought up the idea of looking more into languages," Leia smiled a little, cocking her head. "She said the more languages she learns, the more ways she'll find to express herself better than she has in the past."

Leia laughed quietly.

"I thought that was very astute."

"You were always good with languages," Winter pointed out.

Leia nodded.

"Mmhmm, true. Father says it was a skill enhanced by the Force, since I was unable to express it in other ways."

"Ah, well, she certainly got that from you – both skills," Winter said.

Leia nodded again.

"She's okay," she said quietly. "She's not gone right back to normal, but I don't think she will. Or rather, I think Noura's normal has changed. That's what she's adjusting to. Her new baseline emotions, her knew…outlook on her life. Our relationship is better," Leia added, almost shyly. Then, she went on, with the same thing she'd been thinking, and saying, since Naboo: "I hate that it took this for us to _hear_ each other."

"It's always a bitch to have gratitude in dark moments, but I guess that's some silver lining," Winter said bluntly. "Though I do kind of despise people who are always finding the light in bad things. It's rather…gruesome. At least it is to the victim of something."

Leia sniffed.

"She's a little skittish with Han," she admitted. Leia furrowed her brow. "Speaking of fathers – what does Tycho say about Marisol's potential film?"

"He's dead set against it. He's not even included in the conversation because his opinion is strictly within the paternal realm of 'over my dead body is my daughter a functioning woman.'"

Winter rolled her eyes.

"Which makes the conversation even harder. Unlike Noura, it seems, Marisol is not at all squeamish about the scene ever coming across her father's holo – _oh no._" Winter took a deep breath, and mimicked her daughter: "He's my _father_, he thinks of me like a _baby_, he knows it's not _sexual_."

Winter arched a brow.

"She's right, technically, it's not as if Tycho would view her with a licentious gaze," she snorted. "Still, I lost a really good deterrent."

Leia snorted.

"Han's all distressed because he's afraid he'll inadvertently lose his good relationship with Noura, if only because she's embarrassed, which he doesn't want her to be," Leia explained. "It _was_ hard for him," she admitted quietly. "He isn't…a caveman about it, but it shook him. It was a wake up call to the fact that we really, truly have young adults in the house in the absolute worst way," she said dryly.

Winter sighed heavily.

"Such an adult thing for Noura to deal with," she murmured. She rubbed her forehead. "Poor girl," she sympathized.

Leia appreciated the sincerity in her voice.

"I hate it, I really do," Winter said tensely. "It's hard to stomach all around. You know she should have known better than to have unprotected sex but – one time, and one _bad_ time?" Winter shook her head. "I was so lucky when I was a teenager."

"Some people are lucky. Some people aren't," Leia said heavily. "Good choices only play into it when you have good choices. Which – she did," Leia admitted, frowning a little, "she chose poorly, and she was unlucky. She has to live with that."

Winter tilted her head.

"And she's living with that okay?"

Leia swirled her wine. She looked down into it thoughtfully and then slowly she nodded.

"I think she is," she said. "She's tough," she said again, just as she'd told Han. "I wanted my kids to have thick skin and tough minds, but this is something I would have spared her."

Winter gave a quiet sigh.

"Of course you would have. It's difficult emotionally but physically, that alone is unpleasant, I'm sure, and Noura's just a girl."

"Not anymore," Leia said quietly.

She took a drink of wine.

"She got through it well. She recovered fine," Leia said. "She, from what I can tell, is – is just beyond relieved that she was able to get the abortion and now she can get back on track."

"Of course," Winter said again, sympathetic. "I hope you don't think me a degenerate for saying this, but had it been Marisol I think I would have…preferred she terminate."

Leia compressed her lips thinly.

"I hardly think you're a degenerate," she said bluntly. "I wanted Noura to have an abortion. Point blank." She paused, tracing her finger around the rim of her glass. She leaned forward, biting her lower lip. "I thought a lot about Mama," she said quietly. "What Mama would do if it were me."

"Or me, which would have been more likely," Winter said dryly. She tilted her head thoughtfully. "Oh, she would have been like you, Leia. Protective and supportive and firm."

Winter reached out to touch Leia's palm.

"You mother a lot like she did. I know you don't think you do, but I can see it. Pasha can see it, too," she complimented quietly.

"That's high praise," Leia said hoarsely. "I don't think I live up to Breha Organa. My girls – and my son – can be…scoundrels."

"Well, you aren't raising crown princesses or a future viceroy," Winter said. "There are differences. But the core of who she was is incorporated. It's honored. You never did Noura wrong, Leia."

Winter squeezed her hand.

"There just comes a time when we become less the law and more the guideline," she said wistfully. "As mothers. Like you said earlier – at that point, we can only hope we gave them the right tools, the right framework."

Leia nodded. She chewed her lip for a moment, and then looked up. She brushed strands of hair from her face.

"You know, on the trip back, I asked Noura – I asked her why she quit dancing. She used to love dance classes, she and Marisol. It always seemed like she did. She _glowed_ when she danced," Leia shook her head. "She shrugged and told me that her instructor told her she'd never be a prima ballerina, so she stopped. The instructor didn't tell her to stop, he simply told her she wasn't going to be the star, and she felt that…wasn't good enough. She wasn't good enough to pursue it, then, and shouldn't waste anyone's time."

Leia shook her head again, her eyes stinging.

"I had such a hard time responding to that. I tried so hard not to put any pressure on them – Jaina, Noura, or Max. I didn't want them growing up as heirs, or groomed to lead the galaxy, not unless _they_ wanted to," she murmured. "She says she felt like mediocrity just wouldn't cut it."

Leia turned her hand over in Winter's and squeezed.

"I don't think I was putting that kind of pressure on her. I _wasn't_! And she still saw it that way. That's valid, how she feels is valid, and Jaina never needed to be cossetted or reassured, so I was blind to Noura's needs. She's always been so vivacious and outspoken, but she wasn't telling me what she really needed from me. I wasn't paying attention."

"You paid attention, Leia," Winter soothed. "You've _always_ paid attention. You do balance better than most. You might have missed some subtle things, but you know – you know – people can't read minds."

"Well, actually, I can read her mind," Leia quipped shakily.

Winter laughed softly.

"Yes, but you don't. Out of respect for her privacy. You _gave_ her privacy. You and Han are good parents, Leia. You came through when she needed you. You took care of her. You loved her, and supported her. She's young but – and I'm sure you've told her this – she's old enough to make big mistakes, and they're her responsibility. They're not your fault."

Winter drew back, and picked up her glass, touching it to Leia's with a soft _clink_.

"It _is_ your fault she's such a strong, resilient young woman," she said sternly.

Leia lifted her chin, and smiled softly, lifting her glass in a small toast of gratitude. While Noura struggled with her readjustment to their everyday lives, Leia, too, grappled with insecurities. It wasn't so easy to return to motherhood as she had known it in the _before_.

She was acutely critical of every thing she said; wary of how Noura might interpret it. She was careful not to let the children pick up on it, but she felt herself second-guessing decisions that she previously would have made immediately, and with confidence, thinking – what will be the hidden repercussions of this? She was more afraid of failing than she had been in years and she ached, ached, for Noura to keep healing, for Noura to stay close, for Noura to glow.

Leia took a deep breath.

"She's spending the day with Rouge," Leia murmured. "They went out early this morning – a bit of shopping, and sith knows what. Rouge instigated it and Noura was very wary of the idea. She's still shy of them," Leia sighed, referencing Bail and Rouge, "she feels vulnerable."

"Understandable," Winter said, deadpan. "When I got pregnant, I was appalled at myself in Pasha's presence."

Leia smiled lightly. She took a sip, arching a brow.

"I expect Rouge will offer her own wisdom. Tell Noura about her own experience," she noted.

In Leia's absence, Rouge had apparently filled Winter in. It seemed that talking about it with Leia, after so many years, had opened the floodgates, and the water kept coming. She'd told Winter, and Bail mentioned that she seemed at least marginally less tightly wound lately – judging by _Rouge_ standards, at least.

"Ah yes, that," Winter said quietly. "Aunt Rouge," she sighed. "Never heard a goddamn whisper, back on Alderaan," she murmured. "Come to find out, Queen Mazicia was every bit the bitch she was reputed to be."

"As if anyone on Alderaan ever called a queen a bitch," sniffed Leia darkly. She nodded. "I felt a good amount of guilt for all the ways we've teased Aunt Rouge," she admitted.

"Me too," Winter agreed. "It was affectionate," she murmured. "We love Rouge. And though her story explains a lot, it doesn't excuse some of her attitude or behaviors in some respects. She was pretty elitist about Han, back at the beginning."

"I think it excuses it rather well," Leia said softly. "Her objections to him came from a place of hurt, and of deep concern for me. I won't fault her for that."

Winter inclined her head.

"You don't worry she might…turn Noura's head?" Winter asked. "She told me you refused to let her go with you to Naboo."

"Well, that had more to do with Rouge than Noura, to an extent," Leia said bluntly. "I think it's clear Rouge has dealt with repression longer than she's dealt with healing, and Noura was fragile. She didn't need the pressure. She certainly didn't need to feel like she had to have a baby to replace her aunt's lost one," Leia trailed off.

She didn't really think it would have been that dramatic, but she was familiar with Rouge's strong personality.

"I doubt there is anything that could make Noura regret having the abortion," Leia said, "so I don't worry that Rouge might do or say something that sends Noura into a spiral of depression or self-hatred. Rouge may encourage some sort of militant chastity, but Noura had such a wealth of girl talk at Varykino that I just….I rather doubt it will take hold," Leia admitted dryly.

Leia pursed her lips.

"I took Noura to Naboo for privacy and then I surrounded her by all the women in her family in a place that her biological grandmother had cherished, and she thrived on what they could teach her," Leia paused, and held up her hand, "almost," she said pointedly, "_almost_ all the women."

She gestured at Winter reverently.

"You, of course, are family," she said, "and Rouge. Rouge deserves her chance to comfort Noura, too. And to tell her story. And Noura deserves to hear it, and to know Rouge better than you and I ever did, or ever tried to. Rouge and Noura both need it."

Winter sniffed. Leia pointed at her sharply.

"_Don't_ cry. If you cry, I'll cry," she ordered.

Winter bit her lip. She lifted her glass, and buried her nose in it.

"Say something that's not…cry-worthy, then!" she cried, muffled in the red wine.

Leia parted her lips, thinking quickly. She snapped her fingers.

"I told Jaina if she found it too awkward to come to me with the more raw sex questions, she could come to you with full confidence, and I'll tell you not to tell me."

Winter nearly choked. She put down her glass, laughing.

"I can't wait, oh – oh I hope she's like you, and asks such innocent, weird questions – like you being all, _oh, Winter, I can't believe you did it that way already_ – then me, having to tell you, Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan, elected senator, that you can do it on your hands and knees _without_ it being _in the ass_– "

Leia, blushing furiously, kicked at her.

"I thought you swore to never bring that up again," she hissed, narrowing her eyes. "And aren't I _still_ the only one who has done it that way?"

"Uh, I do it on my hands and knees _all_ the time," Winter snorted.

"I mean in the – "

"Ohhh!" Winter laughed, cutting her off with a cackle. She toasted her with a large gulp of wine. "Yes, ah, that…crown…is yours."

Winter pretended to sober quickly, and gave Leia a very serious look.

"I hope one day Jaina can tell _me_ how to do it," she joked. "When she comes to me with her sex questions."

"I am not above tossing this wine in your face," Leia threatened.

"Ha! Like you'd waste it," Winter drawled.

She picked up the bottle, and tipped the rest of it into their two glasses, grinning. Leia leaned forward with a smile, her heart full of warmth, and her muscles at ease – always, she was grateful for Winter's friendship; for the sisterhood they shared.

Yet it was in moments like these that she felt the real magic of it, and she was humbled; she was in awe. That Winter was here at all, that she had survived, to marry Tycho, to have two beautiful children – it defied nature, it defied fate, and it was one of the greatest fortunes in Leia's life – that after all that she had lost, and all that she had fought through, she was able to have Winter by her side – through heartbreaks, weddings, and motherhood, raising daughters together, just as they'd once whispered they would when they were girls in the Aldera nurseries.

"You take care of my daughters if they come to you, Winter," Leia said fiercely.

"And you take care of mine," Winter said, her voice husky, and just as fierce.

There was a clink, wine glass against wine glass; tacit understanding and solidarity hung in the air, and Leia thought, with ever fiber of her being – _Noura, I hope you find your Winter._

She wanted it for her so badly. She knew, from that dark period when Winter had been lost to her, that it was difficult for a girl to fight through life without a friend like this.

* * *

Thinking hard on it, Noura didn't think she'd ever spent much time over the years alone with Aunt Rouge. She had when she was a child; Rouge had always doted on them – buying them things, taking them to upscale art museums and _proper_ sorts of playtimes.

She'd showed them off to society friends and fawned over them; she'd taught them everything she knew about Alderaan, general culture and royal culture. She'd take them shopping, or to charity meetings with her – she'd always been _involved_. But as Noura reflected, she realized, with some shame, that she and her sister – and Max – had all spent less and less time with Rouge as they grew older.

They spent less and less time with all of the parental, authority figures in their life; it wasn't just Rouge, and it wasn't for dislike of her, per se, but like Leia and Winter – though Noura couldn't quite know this – Rouge's beliefs and mannerisms became rather suffocating, as a girl grew older.

The tip of Noura's nose flushed as she thought about it, and she felt humbled, and saddened. Rouge had even more of a wealth of knowledge about fallen Alderaan than Leia did, and Noura had neglected that trove – she'd neglected Rouge, and probably Bail, too, though she wasn't quite ready to pal around with him just yet.

Even though he'd been wonderful. He was kind and caring and supportive, just as her father had been. It still felt…alienating to be around him. She thought it was more _her_ than him; her own struggle in coping with the situation. She'd spent a lot of time wanting to be more mature, to be an adult, and now she tended to cringe around her father and grandfather, thinking – _well, I didn't want them to see me as _that_ adult!_

Rouge had wanted to spend the day with her, and Noura wasn't sure what she'd expected. She hadn't really expected a _lecture_; in the past, Leia had always intervened immediately if Rouge ever got preachy, especially about 'propriety,' with her daughters, and Noura doubted Leia would let Rouge take her out and berate her for her behavior.

Needing to get out – Noura had been more reclusive these past few days than she had ever been in her teenage life – Noura had agreed. A bit selfishly, because Rouge mentioned purchasing new clothes, and Noura was always interested in that. The royalty of Rouge's previous life – though she didn't quite consider it a previous life, not as much as Leia did – still enveloped her, and she was never shy about spending ungodly amounts of money on trousseaus and accouterments.

She exclusively referred to her wardrobe with words like _trousseau_ and _accouterment_. Jaina always rolled her eyes about it, but Noura had always thought that was so regal and fancy.

Noura had also always thought that Leia had been wary of Rouge _getting to them_, so to speak. There had been an incident when Noura was rather young – Rouge had been regaling her with stories about princesses and grand balls and investment ceremonies, and Noura had asked when _she_ could be a princess. Rouge had told her, sadly, that Leia was the last princess of Alderaan, and had chosen not to have even honorary titles passed down to the children.

Noura, being all of seven, had _thrown a fit._

She didn't remember much about Leia and Rouge's quiet quarrel in the aftermath, but she knew her mother had been very angry.

It was an interesting relationship, the one between Leia and Rouge. They loved each other – _that_ was obvious. Noura had learned long ago that Leia was the center of Rouge's, and Bail's, universe; that she had been since the day she came into their lives.

She was their miracle baby, their unexpected joy – Noura had always been slightly jealous of it, thinking it must have been glorious to have that much attention focused on you by your loved ones; now she could step back and see how it might have grown stifling at times, particularly if every one of those relatives was trying to work out their own mistakes through _you_.

It didn't seem like Breha Organa or Bail had done much in that vein, but now Noura could see that it might have been the case with Rouge. The story Rouge had revealed, in bits and pieces over the day, was sobering and eye opening, and Noura was able to clearly understand the tension that had come to exist between Leia and Rouge.

It seemed Leia had only recently discovered Rouge's history, and was having her own reevaluation about Rouge's beliefs and attitudes over the years. Noura had barely started to clue into the complex dynamics when she'd found out, so she was able to put things into perspective quickly.

Rouge had been damaged by her experiences. She had internalized that in her own specific way, and that had influenced how she sought to condition Leia and Winter to men, to sex, to the _galaxy_. Noura now saw that Leia had tried to keep those influences away from herself and Jaina.

Leia and Rouge had lacked understanding. It wasn't necessarily all Leia's fault; she hadn't known. Noura and Leia had lacked understanding, and that was better now. Noura hadn't had secrets like Rouge's, but she had the tools to understand Rouge now, to relate to her.

Noura folded her arms, leaning back on a stone bench in the greenhouse. She stared up at the glass ceiling, through which afternoon sunlight streamed, and blinked at the burn of the rays.

The air was sweet and floral, filled with the musk of a hundred carefully preserved floras. In these Embassy greenhouses survived plants that had been extinguished forever with Alderaan's destruction. Their cultivation was one of Rouge's dearest hobbies; she had worked hard over the years to keep the most endangered alive, transplanting them to the haven on Yavin with meticulous care, and searching for other places where they might thrive again.

"I hope I haven't overwhelmed you," Rouge ventured.

She held a bouquet of flowers in her lap, plucking at them delicately as she arranged and rearranged them. Noura had watched her clip them with care and attention as she talked, finishing the story she'd begun this morning.

Noura shook her head, still staring up at the glittering glass. She lifted her head slowly to look at Rouge.

"No," she murmured. "I'm not overwhelmed. I'm just…well, surprised, I guess," she admitted.

"Ah, well, certainly," Rouge said, clipping a thorn off one flower. "You thought stuffy great Aunt Rouge was a virgin spinster," she said. Her voice was a bit wry, and she cut Noura a sideways look. "You needn't worry, dear, so did your mother."

The pink on Noura's nose spread to her cheeks. She pursed her lips.

"Aunt Rouge, I don't think I ever thought about your sex life at all," she said, arching a brow.

"Very polite of you," Rouge said.

"But why tell me now?" Noura asked, tilting her head. She looked at Rouge curiously, and bit her lip.

Rouge took a deep breath. She settled the flowers in her lap, thoughtful.

"I'd like to have told you before you went to Naboo," she murmured, "but your mother didn't want my emotions manipulating you or swaying your decision."

"She thought you would manipulate me?" Noura bristled slightly.

"No, no," Rouge placated. "I should not have used that word. No – rather, your mother had confidence in what you wanted. She was sure that you were sure, but she was worried my regrets might influence you."

Rouge paused.

"It was a difficult time for you, Noura. I don't think she was wrong," she reflected. "You were searching for guidance. You needed what Leia gave you."

"It doesn't sound like you regret having an abortion," Noura said. "I mean – well. It wasn't your _choice_, so regret isn't the same, is it? Like if I decide I regret it, then the only person who is responsible is me, because I was allowed to choose. But you were forced. You wouldn't have been able impress upon me that you regretted it, not in a way that was relatable."

"True. That's a very astute observation," Rouge allowed. "But personally, abortion can be a very tough subject for me. What if I had said something that made you feel obligated? Guilted you?" Rouge clicked her tongue. "I had just spoken about something I had repressed for a very long time, and your mother was right to limit our exposure to each other – two women whose emotions are running very high; mine conflicted over the past, yours conflicted over the future. Not a good conflagration for the present."

Noura gave her a small, soft grin.

"Rouge, you always talk as if you're granting a royal audience."

"It's in my very bones, my dear," Rouge said, lifting her chin.

Noura laughed. Rouge reached over to pat her knee.

"The thing is, while talking about it did bring up terrible memories I would rather leave buried, it was cathartic, as well. That's something your mother and I discussed. As difficult as it is, it's often healing to have a small circle of trust around you who know your traumas, and can sit in understanding with you. It gives them the ability to understand you fully, to know you."

Rouge drew her hand back.

"Now, I'll always be of the opinion that airing your private problems to the public is quite inappropriate, but perhaps that's old fashioned. And perhaps that's just not how I heal."

"I don't think that's how _I_ heal either," Noura said flatly. "It's obviously not how Mom heals. She's never talked about what the Imperials did to her publicly, even though some feminist groups say she's doing a disservice to women by keeping silent."

Noura sucked her teeth and narrowed her eyes.

"As if…she has to make a public spectacle to be an ally."

Rouge nodded, and Noura sat up a little straighter. She looked down at her hands.

"Mom…said that to me, what you just explained. When she was convincing me to let her tell you, and Baba. And um…convincing me that it would be helpful to go hang out with the Naberries for a little while. Even if it meant," Noura cringe, "everyone knowing."

"Hmm," Rouge hummed. "Your mother is a very smart woman. She always has been. It was, admittedly, rather obnoxious when she was your age," Rouge said wryly, "but a gem of a character trait now."

Rouge looked sideways at Noura again.

"She's an excellent mother, you know," she advised, a bit of matronly command slipping into her tone. "I know mother-daughter conflict is common in even the best of relationships, and I won't be so crass as to order you not to have arguments with your mother on behalf of me, because _I_ had such a vile mother," Rouge snorted, pausing. She sighed. "But Leia…she struggled very much with the decision to have children. She was so careful, weighing all the pros, and cons," Rouge tilted her head back and forth. "It may not have looked quite like it when you were a little girl, but you children were always her first priority."

Noura sighed. She reached up to rub her nose, and let her hands fall into her lap. She laced her fingers together.

"Aunt Rouge, I _love_ Mom," she said huskily. "I've _never_ thought she's a bad mother."

"Yes, I know that," Rouge said. "I didn't mean to imply you did. I only wish that you could understand how her heart aches for you right now. And it isn't because she's angry or ashamed of you. Leia, more than most, never wanted you girls to hurt. She's all too familiar with the way girls hurt."

Rouge fluffed her flowers.

"Naturally, she feels the same for Max. But around most of the galaxy, he has a bit of an advantage, being male," she murmured.

"I just…got so convinced she didn't like me, or didn't…respect my interests, or how I am," Noura murmured. "I couldn't shake that. I still…I mean, I'm trying to shake it. Still."

Noura sighed. She tucked some hair behind her ears.

"I want to say it will be better now, because we had some," her lip trembled, "some really good heart-to-hearts, but," she trailed off, voice shaking, "it's like there's this stain on me, and I know she doesn't want it to mean this, but it feels like…now I really have so much pressure. Pressure _not_ to fuck up like this again."

Noura winced.

"Excuse my language," she whispered.

"I will let it slide this time," Rouge said regally. She smiled. "We will just have to be sensitive to you, and tell you often that you aren't being closely watched to see if you'll fail. We're rooting for you, not judging you."

Noura wiped her face subtly.

"Thanks, Aunt Rouge."

"That is precisely why I felt compelled to share my story with you, darling," Rouge added, her voice turning earnest. "After the shock of it all – of hearing your situation, and of my…rather embarrassing verbal assault on your mother because of it – I began to worry you would draw away from myself and Bail. I worried about myself more. Bail is easily scandalized, but not so rigid as me. He's been far too used to Han for far too long."

"You've known Daddy just as long," Noura murmured.

"Yes, but he never charmed me," Rouge said coolly.

Noura laughed outright.

"What an absolute _lie_, Aunt Rouge," she accused.

Rouge sniffed, but did smile a little – Noura was right; Han had charmed her years ago. She'd grown accustomed to him as Leia's marriage had required her to, but really, it was watching him care for these little babies right at the beginning that had left her smitten with her niece's scoundrel husband.

"As I was saying," Rouge continued. "I wanted – _needed_ – you to know that Bail and I would never repudiate you for this. For anything at all, as a matter of fact. Bail was so young when all this happened that he was hardly told what was going on, but he was a sweet, sensitive boy, and as he grew older and learned the specifics, he never thought differently of me. He turned ire on our mother," Rouge said, "as did your grandmother," she added, thinking fondly of Breha.

Rouge reached out to take one of Noura's hands. She pulled it closer to her.

"I _couldn't_ have you dreading coming around us because you thought us so conservative that we would forever look down on you. I know it's hard to confront this. My father was long dead when I endured my scandal, but it certainly wasn't easy to face my mother and her ministers, all of whom were thinking some version of 'Ah, little Rouge is ruined' or 'Ah, Rouge is ripe for a fantasy now, is she?'"

Rouge scoffed. She squeezed Noura's hand.

"We had very different resolutions to our stories, even if we had the same procedure," she said softly. "We have different beginnings. But I _know_ what it feels like. I know, as you do, how it feels to realize that test is positive, and you _can't_ take it back. I know what it's like to stand before your mother and lay your private life bare. I understand _all_ of those emotions. And I _know_ it's hard to get back on track. But we'll get you there, sweetheart," she encouraged. "We will."

Noura looked down at their entwined hands. She smiled faintly, and then looked up at Rouge.

"I wanted that abortion, Aunt Rouge," she assured her. "Like…I really wanted it."

"I am glad to hear that," Rouge said, with a little nod. "Your mother knew your heart."

"I'm sorry you were forced," Noura whispered.

"So am I," Rouge said quietly. "You mustn't think that as a result, I resent you."

Noura shook her head. She took a deep breath, and drew her hand back delicately.

"No, no I," she began. She sighed. "I learned enough from Aunt Mara, and the Naberries, to feel less…bludgeoned by comparing myself to others. At least about _this_." She tucked some hair back again. "It's just…hard. It's one thing to hear people tell me they don't hate me, and they haven't written me off, and I'm not a failure, but it's another thing to feel it. And I don't know if I feel…better yet."

Noura furrowed her brow.

"Except, I do feel better, in other ways. I'm relieved. I want to…move on, and do things I love, and be on a better path. But what if I just get demoralized?"

Noura raised her eyes to Rouge.

"What if my friends," she said the word bitterly, "ask me questions about where I was, or bully me, or I'm not strong enough to be alone for a while, while I find new friends," she trailed off for a moment. "I want to start over at a new academy, for once studying things I enjoy, without caring about how it looks, but I also wonder if that's running away. Being afraid of…them."

Rouge nodded thoughtfully, considering all of that.

"Who are they?" she asked.

Noura chewed her lip warily.

"They? They're…well, Axel's _sister_, and…Iryna, and," she trailed off. "What do you mean?"

"I mean who are they?" Rouge repeated, dismissive. "You've told me before they can be cruel, unreliable, disloyal. _Bullies_. If _they_ are nothing to you, then feel nothing about 'running away,'" Rouge quoted that a bit distastefully. "Feel no guilt about taking care of yourself. Feel no cowardice."

Noura smiled faintly.

"I was friends with a lot of those girls because I knew I was safer as part of the clique," she said. Her brow furrowed. "But…um," she sighed. "They were kind of mean to me anyway."

She crossed her ankles, fidgeting.

"I was mean sometimes, too," she admitted.

"Then in the future, you will be nicer," Rouge said firmly. "You will be kind, and you will be yourself."

Noura turned. She rested her elbow on the back of the stone bench.

"I don't think I know who I am," she said heavily.

"Well, you know who you want to be," Rouge said.

"Maybe," Noura murmured.

"If you want to make your bones at this linguistics academy, then do so," Rouge encouraged softly. "If you want to be a fashion designer, then _do_ so. Study art, study Alderaanian fashions, put your soul into your hobbies," she said.

Noura hesitated. She flicked her fingers through her hair nervously.

"If I do want to be a designer, if I ever…get into that, people will say I got my start because of who my mother is, or my father. Our money, or our name."

"Of course they will," Rouge said bluntly. "It won't mean you don't have skill. Unfortunately, you can't escape that, honey. You _can't_ escape the name. You can't escape the privilege. You are damn lucky to have it. But – "

"It's about using the privilege correctly," Noura murmured. She nodded. "I know. Leia Organa raised me."

"She's still raising you," Rouge pointed out. "And she taught me that, too. Leia was in trenches even Bail never dreamed of."

Rouge sighed.

"I may be the odd one out saying this, but if you were to change your name, disown your family, eschew your trust fund, step away from it all, go live in a ditch or a hut somewhere – well, to start, you would be insulting all those who were born into that misery and truly have no way out. Even if you did that, you would still have us lurking, there to take you back. It is much more useful for you to instead examine your privilege and honor it."

Noura rested her temple on her knuckles. She looked down at the flowers in Rouge's lap, nodding slowly. Rouge was right; there was no way for Noura to stop being the child of Leia Organa and Han Solo – and that _wasn't_ what she wanted.

But she did want something all her own, that she did on her own.

Rouge reached up and chucked Noura under the chin.

"You'll thrive, dear," she said. "You'll find your way."

Noura smiled at her. She licked her lips, touched her loosely braided hair.

"Rouge…what is the philosophy behind hair discipline?" she asked.

Rouge lifted her brows slightly. She touched her own neat, tight braids.

"Well," Rouge began. "Your mother's never spoken to you about it?" she asked, quizzical.

"Oh no, she has," Noura assured her. "Marisol adheres to it, so it's not like I don't know, I just…I mean, you've _never_ worn your hair down in public, right?" she asked.

Rouge nodded.

"But it's not because you're a virgin, it's because you're unmarried," Noura said.

"Yes," Rouge agreed. "Many assume that hair discipline is associated with chastity, but it's not."

"_Why_ is that?" Noura asked. "It seems like it would be."

Rouge took a deep breath.

"Well," she began, breathing out. "Alderaan, prior to the matriarchal revolution, was much like everywhere else. Women were valued for their bodies, for childbearing – et cetera – but that value was considered diminutive."

Rouge pursed her lips.

"After the revolution, as the queens effected their reforms…well, it was still encouraged that young people, male and female, be circumspect, but women were acutely aware of the shame and heartache that so often came from making sexuality a taboo subject. There was a…desire to find a way to create a sort of coming of age ritual, a token of intimacy, that wasn't associated with shaming the body. Because that left lasting psychological effects."

Rouge smirked.

"It was also easier for mothers to braid their daughters hair than to bind their legs closed," she quipped.

Noura arched her brows, snickering softly. Rouge sighed.

"Well, I suppose it sounds a bit silly, explaining it now. Alderaan has been gone for so long, and it's a dying tradition," she trailed off, and touched her hair again. "For me it was like having this thrilling secret. The only person who saw my hair down was _me_, or _my_ close friends and family."

She compressed her lips thoughtfully.

"I don't think it's silly," Noura said softly. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately," she said vaguely. She hesitated. "Why do you think Mom stopped doing it? Never made us do it?"

Rouge sighed, long and soft.

"I think…your mother was very lost for a while. Mourning Alderaan. And then later, feeling unworthy of her Alderaanian identity, because of her connection to Vader. She was alone in the world. And then, I would say, it was in defiance. She was unmarried and being marketed to the world by political forces. But she loved your father. So, she let her hair down for the galaxy to see."

Rouge adjusted the flowers in her lap.

"What you do with your hair is about ownership and control. It's _personality_. It's intimate. There are so many origins of the tradition, and I suppose it will, in some ways, always be tied back to being restrained, and demure – but for me, you're right, I had never taken my hair down in public. And despite my scandal being well known at the time…I still had my hair all to myself. It was _mine_. It was _not_ exposed."

Rouge nodded to herself.

"I always disliked Leia's decision not to enforce it," she admitted. "Though now I see the value in how she's always wanted her children to choose their fates. In whatever small or large way that may be."

Noura ran her hands over her hair. Rouge tilted her head back and forth.

"Alderaan's matriarchy, over the years, got caught in bit of a golden trap," Rouge said. "Breha was fixing that. When the queens took over, they made massive strides in equality, and so much of it was _good. _Men trained as caregivers, trained to bear equal emotional loads, and so on – violence framed as an abhorrent, primitive reaction to things, rather than a staple of manhood."

Rouge crossed one leg neatly over the other, tucking her bouquet against her waist.

"By the time I was in my youth, however, women had been elevated so high we were on _pedestals_. Sure, our sexuality was no longer considered the property of our fathers or husbands, but it started to be considered a thing to be bestowed upon men. We were the _purest_, the most untouchable – rape was nearly unheard of on Alderaan, but so was unbridled passion, and because we knew the rest of the galaxy was not like us, women were taught that preserving chastity was the highest form of feminist resistance to men."

Rouge paused.

"It gets messy both ways," she admitted. "After what I went through, I _vigorously_ clung to that idea. Instead of rejecting it as the thing that was hurting me, I decided my mother must have been right. If I had behaved, if I had stayed on my pedestal, instead of being a flesh-and-blood woman, I _never_ would have been hurt."

Rouge licked her lips.

"That is how some of us deal with trauma. To cleave to the very narrative that damaged us. That," she said heavily, "is why some women choose to argue that they might not have been hurt if they'd just been stronger, or less provocative, or," Rouge sighed, and trailed off.

She swallowed hard.

"It's…late in life for me to change my tricks, to change my ways," she said. "Noura, I don't want you to take the wrong things away from this. I don't…want you to be like me. You're young. You're part of a vibrant generation that's free from shackles. And Leia and Han didn't want aristocracy and old-fashioned rules for you. Don't let a boy drive you into a golden cage or throw you in the dirt because you had a tryst. Live your life."

Noura blinked, her eyes stinging.

"Rouge, do you mind if I," she broke off, flushing. "Did you…ever, like…well the affair you had, it was good? The, um…physicality of it?"

Rouge narrowed her eyes a bit.

"Yes, Noura, it was enjoyable," she said carefully.

Noura flushed darker, but kept going, bravely.

"Well, mine…wasn't," she said. "He was…like, not attentive and…it was uncomfortable," she said haltingly. "So I…there's more than one reason I'm…going to be…circumspect. But your whole experience clearly – you said it drove you to cling to the protection of chastity, so did you – "

"Noura, this isn't like you. Spit it out."

"Did you ever have sex again?" Noura asked.

Rouge's lips parted in surprise. Then, after a moment, she decided she shouldn't be so surprised by the question. It was certainly a question Leia and Winter would kill to know the answer to, and Rouge considered her niece for a long moment, thinking very carefully.

She nodded.

"Yes, I did," she said. "Though not for a rather long time."

"Was it…good?"

Rouge gave Noura a look.

"Do you, like…_currently_ have sex?" Noura ventured.

"Noura, that is enough," Rouge warned.

Noura bit her lip. Rouge did not budge. She did not answer. After a moment, Noura deflated a little, though with a little smirk on her lips. Rouge looked down at her flowers, moving some stalks and petals primly, and then sighed. She sat back, relaxing.

"You will know romantic love, Noura," she assured her. "You're sure to know some more heartbreak, too. You've stumbled, but you're on your feet again."

Rouge turned to the side. She bent down, and plucked a box out of one of the many shopping bags between them. She held it in her lap – a deep, glittery purple box with a pearlescent ribbon tied around it.

"I do…have a suggestion, for you own good, before you run out and try again," she said.

She held the box out to Noura. Noura eyed it, taking it gingerly.

"You don't have to worry, Aunt Rouge," Noura said faintly, a recurring, grudging assurance she kept offering. "I'm like, beyond petrified of getting pregnant, even with an implant. I'm – "

"I'm sure. I understand," Rouge said wryly. She cocked a brow. "You open this."

Noura stroked one of the ribbons, and then pulled it, opening the box. She removed the top, pushed aside some silky, rustling paper, and drew her hand back slowly, eyeing the object. She pursed her lips, and very carefully raised her eyes, looking at Rouge through her lashes.

"Rouge," she began under her breath, dropping the _'aunt'_ out of disbelief alone.

Rouge, pointed not looking at her – very interested in her flowers – cleared her throat.

"It might allay any overpowering lust you feel," she said. "As you've found out yourself, you can't rely on men for pleasure, and as you navigate men for the rest of your life, perhaps if you have this at home – "

"_Aunt Rouge_," hissed Noura.

"— then you'll find it easier to put the men off, if you wish, until you're sure they will respect you."

Noura picked up the item delicately.

"Is this a _vibrator_?" she demanded, voice still hushed.

"I believe you know very well what it is," Rouge said primly.

She had purchased it while Noura was trying on boots at a women's department store. She had no intention of implying Noura needed to use it to stop herself from seeking out relationships or romance, and she didn't want to tell Noura to wait until she found a man who deserved her – but she had come to the conclusion, that if more young girls got the message that they could treat themselves, that they didn't need men – well, there might be a lot less seeking out men to satisfy that…urge.

"I will thank you not to tell your mother or your sister about this," Rouge said, "they will never let me hear the end of it."

Noura let the vibrator fall into its frilly box, and stared at her aunt, incredulous. Delight glinted in her eyes, and she fought the urge to laugh – not to make fun of Rouge, but to revel in her. This day, which she had anticipated with a bit of wary dread, had been curative in ways she could not have imagined, and she felt invigorated, ready to face the return to the real world that had scared her.

At a loss for anything else to say, Noura lunged forward to hug Rouge. Rouge caught her with some surprise, and then squeezed her tightly. When Noura pulled back, she tried, in bright-eyed silence, to convey how appreciative she was of this communion they'd had.

Rouge lifted a flower from her bouquet, and slid it behind Noura's hear, tucking it into her hair tightly. She cupped Noura's face in her hand, and saw herself reflected in the girl's expression – she saw a world of wonder and achievement, burning in side Noura, ready to be unleashed.

She hesitated, and then murmured:

"Noura, what you're feeling isn't so isolated. You're part of a generation of children with an Alderaanian parent, or family, who will never know the home they hailed from. You're part of a generation that was born after the Empire, after the war, yet still lives and breathes every day with its veterans. You're part of the bridge between the old and the new in so many ways. Of course that is difficult to navigate. Of _course_ it's hard to find who you are. Your mother was the last of an ancient royal inheritance. For all I know, one day the diaspora may choose you to lead them, just as she did. As an _elected_ princess. Something new. Something we've never had before. Or maybe you'll do something entirely, dramatically different. My world is gone, and Leia's been building a new one. Everything is at your fingertips."

Noura smiled at her, trembling, unable to speak.

Rouge thought about Noura's potential with intensity, and reflected on how those eyes of hers were so similar to Leia's, and how it was painful that they now had a darker, solemn hue to them – just as Leia's had, when Rouge had first seen her again after all those years.

The shadows had left Leia's eyes, and they would leave Noura's.

Noura grinned at Rouge, and she thought about all that had passed between them today, filing away yet another powerful story into her heart, in the place where Mara, and her mother, and the Naberries, burned fiercely and warmed her.

She thought about healing, and finding herself, and how that wouldn't be an immediate process, and it would take time, and she'd have to resist her self-doubt with all the strength these women gave her – and she thought she was definitely, _immediately_ telling Mom and Jaina about the vibrator.

* * *

Two kaf mugs sat on a marble patio table; one tinted with cream, and sprinkled with a hint of cinnamon, the other black as night. Steam curled languidly from the fresh brew inside, and the harsh Coruscant sun – always, somehow, too orange and too metallic – bathed the spacious balcony, which faced inwards towards a private courtyard, rather than out to the frantic traffic of the city planet.

Just around the corner of the penthouse level high-rise home was the greenhouse room Leia had counted as a staple back when she and Han were searching for a new home to start a family in. Floral scents wafted out of it, and Leia reflected idly on mornings past, when she and Han had dragged themselves out of bed, exhausted, frazzled, rushing to feed the kids breakfast and hustle them out to that area to play so maybe, maybe, they could wake up with a cup of kaf in peace.

That sort of chaos was no longer a real part of their lives. No longer did babies or toddlers or primary school aged children burst into their room at ungodly hours – even on the off-work days! – to demand attention or shriek about some slight from a sibling. With teenagers came the return of quiet mornings, mornings during which they could sit in silence and enjoy each other and their kaf, casually griping that their lazy kids were going to sleep the entire day away.

They were grateful for the peace. And Leia, unlikely as it seemed to some, was not militant about forcing her kids to get up just to be active. A lifetime of early mornings, late nights, and hard days had taught her to let them be idle when they had the privilege of it.

She taught her children to value and embrace their downtime, especially now. They'd have full lives with jobs and demands and perhaps relationships and families some day, and sith knew it had taken Leia herself too long to learn how to take a personal day.

So, on this morning, Jaina slept – though she wasn't at home. Whether she was at her suite of apartments at her grandfather's residence, or skulking around that paramour's house, Leia didn't know, and she did not pry. Max slept; Leia had heard him toss himself into bed at the crack of dawn after a marathon night of video games. Noura slept, fresh off her first few days back at her academies.

And Han and Leia, permanent early risers after nineteen years of parenthood, basked in sunlight and the privilege of enjoying their kaf hot in the quiet of late morning.

"D'ya think Noura was tellin' the truth when she said school was fine?" Han asked abruptly.

He hadn't touched his kaf yet; Leia picked up hers.

"I suppose there's no need for me to ask where your head is," she murmured, blowing on hers neatly before taking a sip.

Han reached up to rub his neck, tilting his head to the side until the bones cracked. He straightened a little, shrugging, and stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankle. He was barefoot and in sweatpants, sans shirt. As he slouched down a little, Leia eyed him sideways, through her lashes.

All these years, and he still looked good.

She glanced down at her kaf, grinning. Han lazily reached over to toy with his mug.

"You sayin' you're not thinkin' about Noura?" he retorted.

Leia sighed. She was; she always was. Three sections of her mind were always on her children, though it would be a lie to claim she wasn't dwelling more heavily on _Noura_ of late.

"I don't think she was lying," Leia said fairly. "She said it was fine. That isn't exactly glowing praise, or a brutal indictment."

"What if it was real bad, and she didn't want to tell us?"

Leia tapped her teeth against her tongue, her lips closed tightly. She lifted her shoulders.

"I'm sure it was a complex experience, going back," she murmured. "I think she'd be more likely to go in depth with Jaina than us," she warned him.

Leia curled one foot into her chair with her, tucking it behind her into the notch between the cushion and the seat's back. Han grunted, skeptically, and finally took a sip of coffee. His hair was ticking straight up in the back, as it always did in the morning. Noura's had always done that too, when she was a baby, and her hair was still short and wispy and fragile.

"She liked that linguistics academy?" Han asked.

Leia had toured it with her, in a somewhat unique turn of events. Leia was certainly much more available mid-day than when they were younger, and she had been Chief of State, but it was still usually left to Han to tend to day-to-day things like that; on the rare chance their teenagers needed them.

"She did, she seemed sincerely interested," Leia said. "She'd elect into main program with certain familial language and then they boast of graduating students with fluency in four languages."

"She's already fluent in four languages," Han scoffed.

"She's good," Leia agreed, "but she's not native level in Corellian or Nubian."

Basic and Alderaanian had been the primary focus, as Basic was a necessity and Alderaanian was dying.

"She told the instructor she'd be interested in language preservation," Leia said quietly. "Dead and dying languages."

Han held his mug in both hands, resting it on his abdomen. He looked over at Leia, brows raised.

"That's somethin'," he said, interested. "That's…ambitious."

"Oh, she's always had ambition," Leia said. "If something I said to her on Naboo stoked her interest in this field, I hope it suits her. If she decided it doesn't, I hope she's just as impassioned to keep looking."

"The fashion suits her, Leia," Han said, his voice taking on an edge. "S'not just wearin' and buyin' clothes. She's always been into that. She was always dressin' you and Jaina and Max up when she was little."

"Don't leave yourself out there, hot shot, Noura put you in tiaras all the time," Leia quipped.

Han snorted. Leia took a sip of her kaf slowly.

"I don't have a problem with her pursuing an artistic field," she said, defending herself. "I never have. My resistance to it is something Noura concocted. I don't say that to be dismissive, but I…am, going forward, doing my best to make it clear to her that if she loves something, and she's good at it, and she wants it, that's what I'll support. That's what _we'll_ support."

Han shifted a little uneasily.

"What if she does wanna go back to Naboo in a year?" he asked warily. "Train with Luke full time?"

"Then that's what we'll support," Leia repeated firmly. She tilted her head back, smiling at him softly. "I know you'd hate it. But they'll all move away one day, Han," she warned.

"They don't have to go to another planet," he grumbled.

Leia smiled to herself. Her whole life, she'd never flinched at moving from planet to planet; even as a teenager, she'd hardly batted an eye at long separations from her parents, and the idea of perhaps permanently living somewhere else. She was prepared for an empty nest to a certain extent; she didn't think Han was.

Han likely would have _embraced_ raising a baby for Noura. And Leia couldn't fault him for that – but that was not what Noura had wanted.

"You think you two can keep this," Han began vaguely, lifting one hand and waving it, "good thing goin'?" he asked gruffly.

"Us two?" Leia quoted innocently. "This good thing?"

"You and Noura," Han said dryly.

Leia sighed. Her shoulders slumped.

"Han," she started.

He looked over idly, and then straightened a little, sobering.

"Ah, Leia, I didn't mean…didn't mean to sound like I was accusin' you of somethin'," he said hastily. "Or blamin' you. Just seems like you been gettin' along better and it's – it's nice."

"It _is_ nice," Leia said huskily. Her eyes stung, but she blinked back tears. "I'd like _this good thing_ to remain," she said, quoting him fervently. "I can't believe I ever let it get so – so rough, that I ever made her feel marginalized or disliked," Leia trailed off. "I go over it in my head all the time. What ways did my behavior hurt her?"

Han leaned forward. He took a long sip of kaf, then set it aside, resting his arms on his knees. He shook his head, breathing out heavily.

"I didn't mean you were doin' anythin' wrong," he said again. He looked over at her, arching a brow. "Seems like we're always tellin' each other this, back and forth, but y'know – all three of 'em are different kinds of people. What worked with Jaina didn't work with her," he shrugged. "You and Noura just don't see eye to eye sometimes, 'cause you're different."

"We aren't that different, Han," Leia said softly. "I _wasn't_ much different than Noura when I was her age. I had a different position, and different expectations, but I was passionate. I was bold. I might have been Noura, if I hadn't had to be…a revolutionary."

Leia shook her head. She took a deep breath.

"I think maybe I saw a lot of my younger self in Noura. A lot of potential mistakes I may have made if I hadn't had the constraints of royalty, or the responsibilities of the rebellion, and in the back of my mind I started to think, if she doesn't get serious, she'll get hurt."

Leia swallowed hard.

"And she did. And I didn't know how to stop it, because the things that stopped me from being young and wild and volatile…were horrifying."

Han scooted his chair over. He leaned closer and kissed Leia's temple. His lips lingered there, and he ran his hand over her hair, tucking strands of hair back into her braid gently.

"We protected them from that," he comforted. "No Empire, no wars, no fightin' in trenches," he reminded her. "Y'know, when I looked into getting' her a therapist – which I guess she's still on the fence about," he said, as Noura had yet to express to them that she was on board with the idea, "I got bogged down in lookin' at statistics, too. Or parentin' articles about teenagers."

Leia made a soft, groaning noise under her breath. Han glared at her softly.

"It wasn't like back when they were babies and I used to go crazy," he defended.

Leia smirked.

"'M just sayin' – and I know it's not a huge comfort, 'cause you don't want it to happen to your kid – but this sorta…is pretty commonplace," Han said grudgingly. "More common in places with bad education and stuff," he added.

Leia turned her head towards him slightly. Han shrugged.

"I mean, my ma was a kid when she had me," he said. "Ryoo didn't mean to have Indy."

"Hmm," Leia murmured. "Noura did point out there were quite a few unplanned babies in this family, including myself."

"And her brother," Han muttered.

Leia laughed huskily.

"'M just sayin', you know, it happens to all kinds of girls, all over, which means it happens to their mothers – good mothers, bad mothers," he said. "I know you been thinkin' we did somethin' wrong. I have, too. And maybe we fucked up a little somewhere, but…we didn't fail her when she needed us," he pointed out. "We didn't kick her out'n abandon her."

She eyed him thoughtfully; gratefully. She felt like she'd left Han a bewildered, shell-shocked, scandalized father, and she'd come back to a sage philosopher with a good handle on the situation.

She pursed lips.

"Listen to you," she said. "You're a self-help parenting guide."

"I had a lot of time to think while you were gone," Han said gruffly. "Doin' nothing but making sure Max showered and kept his pets out of your closet and ate somethin' other than cheese and nerf jerky."

"And how many times did Max actually get himself in a 'fresher while I was gone?" Leia asked.

"Prob'ly twice," Han answered seriously.

She rolled her eyes. She lifted her kaf to toast Han.

"Imagine," she said, "the fact that we are sitting here, comforting ourselves with the idea that having a pregnant teenage daughter was actually a mundane problem."

Han grimaced.

"I never want anythin' like that to happen to her again – never wanted it at all," he said distastefully, "but if I got to get some perspective on the whole damn mess, well," he said, a little harshly, "least I didn't have to identify her dead body."

Leia shuddered. She closed her eyes, swallowing hard – he was right; he was so _right_ in that respect. These days, Leia was not one to try to mitigate her own personal struggles and problems by comparing them to those who had it worse, but she was so grateful that they still had Noura.

Noura had suffered, yes; but this was something that with support, and community, she could come back from; she would be fine. There were other things – other traumas – that were not so forgiving.

Leia breathed out heavily.

"You and I know more than anyone that things don't just," Leia snapped her fingers softly, "spring back to _normal_. In some cases they never go back to normal," she said, "but I think everything I did – we did," she corrected respectfully, "gave Noura the foundation to move on. I think there will be rough patches – she's still sixteen," she said, bluntly, "and I'm still the mother."

Leia tapped her nail against her mug.

"But…I don't think she's haunted by having an abortion. I _don't_ think that's something we'll need to keep confronting over and over. She's relieved. I'm _relieved_ that she feels she made the right choice. I do think it will take her a little longer to shake the insecurities she feels over her body, and her worth, and how people look at her, but…she'll be okay, Han. I think she'll be okay."

He rested a hand on Leia's knee and squeezed. She twitched her leg out at him hard.

"Don't do that," she whined. "You know I'm ticklish."

Han grinned, but he was distracted, nodding.

"Yeah, I think you're right," he said gruffly.

He reached out for his kaf to take another drink. He worried about Noura incessantly – not that he hadn't before. He didn't want her to hate herself and he certainly did not want to be a factor in why she thought less of herself. For the past few days, he'd followed Leia's directive, and he hadn't gotten in Noura's face to beg her to understand he didn't think poorly of her.

Noura had settled in and warmed up gradually. She was, it seemed, going to be permanently more reserved for a while, but Han didn't want to hassle her about that. The last thing she needed was her parent nagging her about her changes if she'd decided she wanted to make some changes.

She was going to come out of this changed. Han didn't necessarily think it was a 'for better or for worse' type deal; she was just going to be changed. She'd been _forced_ to grow up. She'd have to adjust to the maturity she was saddled with now, and how it would guide her life.

They heard a noise behind them, and Han straightened a bit to look over his shoulder. Leia, flaring her senses and identifying the interloper as Noura, gave a quiet, fake gasp, and waved one hand at Han.

"Quick, they're up, put away the sex toys," she demanded.

Han glared at her.

"_Ew_," Noura said, stepping into the patio doorway. "That's literally _never_ been a funny joke," she griped, having heard it multiple times before – mostly when she, or any of her siblings, were so rude as to barge into their parents' room without knocking.

Leia compressed her lips primly, and tried to share a look with Han before turning. Han, however, had dropped his glare, and was looking at Leia a bit warily. No – not warily; he looked bewildered, but like he was trying to hide it. Cocking one brow quizzically, Leia turned, assuming Noura must be wearing something objectionable.

She set eyes on her daughter, and she stopped, her lips drawing together in a small mien of interest. She felt – she supposed, like Han looked; a little bewildered, and taken aback.

Noura stood in the doorway, her arms spread out to the side, braced against the glass doors Leia and Han had left swung open. She squinted a little in the sun, and looked between them silently. She had a worn duffle bag slung lazily over her shoulder, tight, ribbed compression socks snaking up her shins, and she wore a brand new leotard, a short, light puffer jacket, and a filmy ballet skirt.

It wasn't the attire that provoked silence, though; rather, Noura had pulled her hair up into two neat circles just around her ears. She had woven twists and braids into the style, and set it lower on her head than Leia had ever worn it, but that traditional Alderaanian style was still obvious.

It was the style little girls first wore their hair in on Alderaan when they reached the age of hair discipline. Noura had added her own unique, plaited touch to it, but it was recognizable, and it was a statement.

"Good morning," Noura said carefully.

Leia lifted her chin. She nodded.

"Morning, Noura," she murmured.

Han kept staring at her, as if he expected Leia to say something. Leia ignored him – what did he expect her to say, _take that down, why are you wearing that?_ Noura could do whatever she wanted with her hair; that had always been Leia's exact _point_ in not enforcing Alderaanian hair traditions.

Noura silently looked at them for a moment, and then reached up and touched one of the buns near her ear.

"Does it look right?" she asked brazenly, addressing the new style directly. "I know it isn't like, exact tradition," she said, "but I wanted to add my own taste to it."

Leia eyed the style. She simply nodded.

"It looks lovely," she said.

Noura took a deep breath.

"Well, I hope it holds for a pirouette," she said.

Han relaxed a little.

"Where are you goin'?" he asked.

Noura cleared her throat.

"I'm going – well," she broke off, cleared her throat again. "I'd like to go to a dance class at the rec center," she said. "If that's alright."

Leia's heart brightened, not just because Noura was asking permission politely, but – _dance_! She wanted go to dance.

"With who?" Han asked patiently. It was part and parcel of some of the new ground rules Noura had – for now, while they all re-established trust and good communication, Noura had to tell them where she was going, and who she would be with. She had drop-dead curfews rather than negotiable ones, and she was allowed one night out per weekend while she focused on school, and herself.

"Marisol," Noura answered. She paused. "And, um, Yenna, remember my friend Yenna?"

Leia nodded.

"Well," Noura took a deep breath. "I…had kind of reconnected with her, and yesterday at lunch we…I mean, I talked to her about some stuff and she's…she's going to be there, anyway," Noura said hastily.

She was a little humbled by how quickly her friend Yenna had been willing to hang out again. Noura hadn't always been very nice to her, absorbed as she was with other cliques. But Yenna was an earnest, unassuming person with a kind soul, and she'd…been so accepting when Noura, yearning for some kind of connection at school, even so soon, had told her everything on a whim, and at her own risk.

"So, yeah. Me, and Marisol, and Yenna. A dance class, just like, a for fun one," she said. "And, um, after that we might stop to get ice kafs or something."

Leia nodded.

"That's fine," she agreed.

"You got to be home for dinner," Han said bluntly. He tilted his head. "Bring Yenna and Marisol if you want."

"Marisol has, like, a concert tonight, or something," Noura said, shifting her feet. "But…okay. I might ask Yenna," she agreed.

Han nodded firmly. Noura shifted her feet again and smiled at them hesitantly.

"Rouge get you some new dance stuff?" Han asked.

At the mention of Rouge buying her things, Noura bit her lip, and shot a look at Leia. Leia smirked, and then sternly controlled her features. After that little secretive exchange, Noura turned back to Han, and nodded.

"Mmhm," she murmured. "She's been good to me. Baba, too," she added, with another glance at Leia.

There was silence for a moment, and then Noura adjusted her bag on her shoulder, gripped the strap, and took a step back. She nodded as if to dismiss herself, and thank them, and took a few steps back. Leia, feeling like more should be said, straightened a little, setting her mug aside.

"Noura, wait," she called.

She'd been toying with an idea for a few days now, but this morning she made a decision; it felt right. Here was Noura, up early on an off-day, striving to get back into things that made her happy, to reconnect with friends who were good to her – Leia wanted to make her offering, as well.

"The Core Elite Aristocratic Dress Show is in six months," she said, though she knew her fashion-minded daughter was well aware of it.

Noura's eyes flickered.

"I thought I might attend this year," Leia said mildly – she usually never attended events such as that. She had when she was a young princess, but as she'd grown older and more severely political, she'd left egotistical royal charity events alone, and eschewed more frivolous balls and festivals.

This show, however, was something Noura had begged to attend in the past. It was a high society event. And, as star-studded and self congratulatory as it could be, it was a charity event. Leia could pull strings to secure a worthwhile charity this year, and make it palatable enough to go.

"Would you be interested in going with me?" Leia asked.

Noura's eyes flicked to Han, and Leia smirked.

"You won't be putting him out; he doesn't want to go," she quipped.

Noura smiled a little warily, and Leia went on:

"It would be high visibility, and you could talk to some people in the industry. I also thought you might like to dress me for the event."

Noura stared at her. She was silent, and her mind went in a million different directions. Once upon a time, she might have defensively snapped at Leia – _you're just patronizing me! _And part of her did instinctively bristle a little, concerned her mother might be bribing her or – or –

But she caught herself, and refused to be swayed by the bubbling anxieties and insecurity.

Instead, she took a deep breath, and smiled brilliantly.

"Mom, that would be _incredible_," she said, barely containing her excitement. She caught her breath. "Promise me you'll wear whatever I pick – _promise!"_

As silly as it seemed, she was suddenly ecstatic about the idea of dressing _Leia Organa_ – sure, that was her mother, but in that sort of setting, that public, that prominent? It was such a – a thrill! Leia had people try to pay _her_ to wear their designs!

Leia arched a brow, and bravely nodded – who knows what Noura might put her in.

"I promise," she said firmly.

Noura flew forward to hug her. For good measure, she darted to the side and hugged Han, too, pressing a kiss to his cheek. She squeezed them both tight, and for a moment, she was a carefree little girl again. Han squeezed her shoulder. Noura drew back, and Leia caught her wrist.

"Wait," she said softly.

She gently turned Noura's head, and tucked some loose strands of hair deep into the circled buns. She patted gingerly, set Noura's head right, and nodded.

"There."

Noura smiled, straightening up. She touched her scalp reverently. Leia opened her mouth, and then closed it. She hesitated, and then started again.

"Noura," she began. "Your hair – are you going to keep it up?"

Noura compressed her lips. She straightened her back, and adjusted her bag on her shoulder again, her knuckles turning white in a firm, confident grip. She nodded once, without saying anything, and her eyes shone bright and fierce with strength. She held Leia's gaze for a moment, and then she took a few light steps back, waved at them, and dashed off for her day.

Leia looked after her a long time, until Han touched her shoulder. She turned to face him, and he looked worried, conflicted.

"Are you…are we okay with that?" he asked warily.

He was worried it meant she felt she needed to guard herself, cage herself; restrict herself, the way Rouge had. Han probably would always associate the pinned up hair as an odd, puritanical virginity emblem. Leia felt his concern; she felt a little nervous, at the idea of Noura adopting that custom late in her teen years.

Yet – if in that, Noura found a way to armor herself, to in essence say – _I'm taking back my body to be my own, untouched, private, and in my control_ – then who was Leia to look down upon it? Perhaps Noura would find salvation in Alderaanian customs that had turned to ash in Leia's hands during the war. Leia blinked back tears, but these were not tears of concern, or anguish. She was happy – and she leaned over to kiss Han, touching his face, her forehead resting against his.

"Yes," she whispered. "We're okay with it. If that is who she is, we are okay with it."

He put his arm over her shoulder, and inched her a little closer, and Leia closed her eyes – it would be okay, they would all be okay. Noura was a survivor, and she had the blood of so many survivors. had once pointed at constellations and said: _Mama, Alderaan stars now! _Leia now looked at her daughter and wondered: _Noura, Alderaan is you now:_ a fragile, burgeoning, fighting people learning to live in a brave new world.

* * *

"I'm not raising babies, I'm raising adults." - Michelle Obama's mother.

_-alexandra_

_epilogue to follow! _


	9. Epilogue

.

* * *

_Epilogue_

_6 months later_

_Coruscant_

* * *

The grand ballroom was full of sound, a cacophony of highbrow conversation, the clicks of high heels, and the melody of crystal glasses clinking together. The illustrious patrons of the Core Elite Aristocratic Dress Show lingered about in the aftermath of the stunning display of colourful, artistic gowns. The runway lights had gone dim, the models had fluttered away to find more comfortable attire, and the expansive room with its high vaulted ceilings and gold filigree décor now witnessed the milling and murmuring of a thousand or so of the galaxy's nonpareil nobility.

Flushed, and slightly overwhelmed by the genteel fray – though she'd never admit it – Noura Solo stepped slightly back from the small circle she had gravitated to, and turned her head to the side to take a deep breath.

She caught sight of her reflection in a uniquely displayed mirror, a glitter-stained, cut glass achievement of art that took her image and reflected it back to her in sunny iridescence from a smattering of puzzle pieces. It gave her a disjointed picture of herself, and she pursed her lips, meeting her own eyes.

She stared back at herself; at the image of clear, piercing blue eyes that others said were like her mothers', no matter the difference in colour. She studied her bold pink lipstick, purchased just last week for this very event, her charcoal black mascara, which provided a dark, edgy outline to her subtle, muted pale shimmery eyeliner and eyeshadow. She tilted her chin up, eyeing the delicate lace neckline of her dress, admiring the way it mimicked a pearl choker. Her hair, twisted up into pert, loosely woven knots on top of her head – one on each side, wrapped at the base in thin braids and peppered with opal-tipped pins, courtesy of Aunt Rouge – gleamed in the bright lights, so dark it almost shone blue and – despite the clear modern, personal nuance – screaming _Alderaanian, Alderaanian; do not dare forget where I come from._

Noura smiled at the pieces of herself, and felt whole. She lifted her hand, and ran her fingers around the delicate lace cuffs of her dress, smoothing and straightening them, and then looked down to take in the full effect – the gown was short, delicate, and ethereal. Snow white and stitched with a design that almost looked militant, and yet dreamlike all at once, she'd worked with her Aunt, an Alderaanian seamstress, and her Academy to ensure it was just right – her vision, for her body.

Her father said it was too short, grumbling under his breath about it, even as he complimented her on her raw design skills. Her mother had touched it reverently, handed over a pair of her white heels, and then waited for Noura to reveal what she'd chosen for her to wear.

_Noura,_ Leia had sighed, anxiety whispering in her tone, when she'd seen the mass of silky fabric her daughter had picked for her,_ I haven't shown that much skin in years. I haven't worn white in years. _

Noura bit her fingertip with a grin, turning away from the mirror, her heart leaping at the memory.

_You promised_, she'd reminded her mother; _you promised, whatever I pick!_

Leia, always one to keep promises, had pressed her lips together worriedly, and it took Noura a moment to realize that it was insecurity in her mother's deep brown eyes. She'd been thinking she hadn't worn something like that since before she had children; she was past the age of high slits and bare midriffs, and the innocence of white –

_It isn't white, anyway; its cream, _Noura had argued pointedly, sliding her fingers over the filmy material. _It's going to remind people of the Alderaanian traditions; it's going to make them remember you when you were younger, and appreciate all you've done since then, Mom, with so much grace –_

Leia wavered; she knew she had made a promise. She expressed concerns about her stretch marks; Noura scoffed – she pointed out Leia had never been shy about exposing the gruesome, permanent scars and bruises on her spine; why should she fear showing off her stretch marks? Those were scars she'd asked for – _Your bloodstripes,_ Noura said, _and besides, you're taking me to the show, and I'm a stretch mark, technically. I made them!_

_Whose work is this?_ – Leia had asked, sliding into the gown earlier this evening, warily running her fingers over the exposed skin. Noura adjusted the cap, letting it flow elegantly, and peered at Leia shyly over her shoulder, eyes meeting hers in the mirror.

_It's mine,_ she'd confessed, _it actually...got me accepted to the Conservatory._

Noura relished the look on her mother's face then; the surprise, the pride, the outright joy. Noura had spent the last six months diligently working towards a goal: admittance to Hosnian Prime's Niamh Conservatory, one of the galaxy's premiere advanced fashion design academies. She hadn't told anyone she'd been accepted until - until tonight.

Leia knew how hard she had worked for it, taking art classes and theory classes, studying all sorts of disciplines that didn't always connect directly to her fashion interests, but somehow augmented her artistic vision.

Noura had spent weeks on edge, doubting her own skill, nervous for the results – she had requested a blind portfolio review, meaning she had submitted her work for judging without any biographical information. Though the Conservatory's resources and recruitment office knew her name, knew who she was, the admissions committee – the elite reviewers – were given her work and _only_ her work, and _after_ they had made their decision had they been told the student in question was the daughter of Leia Organa and Han Solo.

That had felt _incredible_; better than anything – to know that in this one thing, at least, she was praised and evaluated on her own merit, and her name - assuming the Conservatory really had kept her identity a secret - had nothing to do with it.

Still, she had felt apprehensive asking her mother to wear the finished product; some small part of her, the anxious, doubting part that would always be there, chastised her that Leia wouldn't like it, it wasn't her style, she'd feel silly in just a simple gown her own daughter had designed, like some gauche, horrible walking billboard. It had taken a dose of bravery to cajole Leia into it, to admit it was her very own product.

_Noura_, Leia had whispered, staring at her in the mirror, her eyes roving over the finished product. _This is gorgeous. This is…breathtaking. I am so proud of you._

Winter had tended to Leia's hair for this event, but Noura had focused on making sure the dress fell right, that it was arranged in the correct fashion, and that Leia wore the proper undergarments for it, mindful of that high slit. She'd felt her mother's eyes on her all evening as she tended to the work, and felt the sense of admiration and pride that swelled up through their connection in the Force as Leia recognized the look of concentration and the sense of hard work emanating from Noura, recognize her thriving in her element.

_I can't believe you put her in that,_ Jaina had teased, shaking her head. _Daddy's going to_ _want to tear it right off; why would you encourage them like this?_

Noura snickered, Jaina mimed sticking her fingers down her throat, when their father saw Leia he was speechless, and then he said – _Sith, Sweetheart, you look the same as you did the day I met you…you look the same...and better._

Noura swelled with pride, practically giddy. It was what she had wanted; what she had in mind. Her portfolio for the Conservatory had been an expansive project, a coterie of gowns based on ancient Alderaanian fairytales, culminating in the deceptively simple magnum opus she'd dressed her mother in.

In her statement for the admissions committee, she had titled it: _Castle Lands._

She felt her mother's hand on her wrist, and looked up, shifting nervously. She was so keenly aware of all the eyes on them all the time; she was known even though none of these people really knew her, and the gazes, the stares, the behind-the-hand-whispers, were intimidating and exhilarating.

She was grateful her mother had protected her and her siblings from the public, and she wondered fervently how Leia had spent so many years in the thick of all this and survived so well.

"Noura, this is Isra Vai Lennoxx," Leia introduced quietly, tilting her head at a wraith of a woman in front of them. "Her father designed a gown for me once. She inherited his empire."

Noura put a hand to her chest and inclined her head respectfully.

"My daughter, Noura," Leia introduced.

The small woman studied Noura thoughtfully, a studious smile on her lips.

"Her Highness says you have talent in fashion design," Isra Vai said.

Noura blushed, pursing her lips. _Lennoxx, Mom was introducing her to a Lennoxx!_ The name was iconic -

"I love fashion," she said. "I _want_ to be good."

"Noura has been admitted to the Niamh Conservatory," Leia said, her lips turning up in subtle smirk of pride. "She is finishing out her traditional schooling here on Coruscant, and then heading to Hosnian Prime after a gap year."

Isra Vai appraised Noura, interested.

"What will you be doing in the interim, if I may ask?"

Noura cleared her throat nervously.

"Well, I – I'm sure you know my Uncle," she said, still a little starstruck – everything here had left her starstruck. "I'll be taking about – about a year to train at his Jedi Academy, in Theed," she said. She swallowed hard. "Then I am going to do some work with my Aunt Rouge, at the Alderaanian Haven. Language things," she said, licking her lips, "many of the second and third generation Alderaanians are losing our language," she said, "we're starting language immersion programs."

The designer nodded. She shared a look with Leia, which Leia returned with fierce pride.

"Well, Her Highness tells me her gown is a piece of yours," Isra Vai murmured. "If it is indicative of your entire repertoire, I am sure we will see more from you before long." She paused, and smiled wryly. "If you ever find yourself interested in intimate design, do not hesitate to send me your sketches. The highlight of my father's career was working with," Isra Vai bowed her head at Leia, _"the_ Princess Leia."

With that, Isra Vai excused herself, and Noura was left alone with her mother for the moment – a rare thing; it hadn't yet happened all evening. Noura, eyes wide, let out a slow breath.

"How do you do this all the time?" she asked in a hush.

With so much attention on them, it was impossible to be unguarded. The pressure was visceral, almost crushing; somehow, it was both intoxicating, and horrid. Noura could see how some could come to be drunk on the high of so much slavish adoration and self-congratulation, but she wasn't sure she liked it.

"Years of practice," Leia said smoothly.

She turned to Noura, and reached up, tucking a thin – very thin – strand of hair behind her ear. Noura smiled, eyeing Leia's hair to see if she needed any freshening up. Leia's hair was tight and neat, all of gathered into a high tail with a simple aquatic braid wrapping around the base. The ends of her locks touched the back of her neck, and the simplicity of the style left all the focus to be on her gown.

Leia lowered her hand and gently touched Noura's lip, whisking a bit of lipstick off the corner of her mouth. She studied her and smiled, nodding approvingly.

"You'll be in quite a few Holos tomorrow," Leia murmured. "You have to remember not to judge yourself or dwell on things you don't like," she advised. She paused, touching Noura's chin, and sighed wistfully. "You're in your prime," she added. "You'll look beautiful."

Noura touched Leia's wrist, pulled her hand down, and held it.

"_You_ will, too," she said, with a little teenage roll of her eyes. "You are your own worst critic," she pointed out. "You look _incredible_. Dad was beside himself."

Leia clicked her tongue, amused.

"It isn't so hard to get your father going," she confessed, arching a brow. "He's a very easy man."

"_Gross_," Noura whispered brightly.

Leia smiled. She looked around them, drawing in her breath quietly. It had been a glittering, conspicuous event, fraught with the aristocracy and _noveau riche_ Leia had increasingly avoided as her trajectory became more militant, more progressive, more political in all sense of the word. She had been nervous to expose Noura to this, but Noura seemed both fascinated and put off by this world – a blessing, in Leia's eyes.

"Madam Chief of State, Your Highness, if I may."

Noura looked to the left, and a holographer stood there, his head bowed reverently, his hand touching his heart. He requested permission to photograph them, and Leia glanced sideways at Noura. Noura nodded, and Leia slid her arm around Noura's waist, lifting her chin.

Noura felt a thrill up her spine – an official photo, a photo with her mother wearing one of Noura's designs, Noura on the galactic society pages! – she couldn't help the smile on her face, and she knew the photo would reflect a serene, collected, wise image of her mother and an ecstatic photo of her – and though Noura towered over Leia, Leia would no doubt look larger than life.

"Thank you, thank you," murmured the holographer. "To be accurate – Your Highness, this is Jaina Solo, am I correct?"

Leia smirked a little – after all this time; her efforts had proved successful. There was still confusion over her second daughter's and her son's name. She demurred, glancing at Noura, giving Noura the voice to answer, and Noura pursed her lips.

"I'm Noura Solo," she corrected.

The holographer touched his heart again. He was clearly no stranger to these aristocratic circles.

"Wonderful, wonderful. Miss Solo," he said. "May I ask how old you are?"

"Seventeen," Noura supplied.

He inclined his head, thanked Leia, and hurried off. Noura turned to Leia, breathing out, and Leia simply nodded, one brow raised, as if to say, silently – _so it goes, always. _

"I cannot believe you spent your whole life at functions like these," Noura murmured. "How did you ever figure out who you were?"

Leia tilted her head.

"It wasn't easy, Noura," she said delicately. She caught Noura's eye. "You know it isn't easy, no matter how you grow up, or who you are."

Noura nodded. She cocked her head.

"You want a glass of champagne?" she whispered conspiratorially.

Leia smirked. She nodded. Noura grinned, slid her arm around Leia's waist, and squeezed her in a small hug before she sashayed off in the direction of the drinks.

She placed an order for her mother, while turning to fix herself a glass of the non-alcohol infused sparkling punch. She tended to the fragile glass gently, careful not to allow even a drop to splatter on the elegant tablecloths or herself. She stepped aside and waited for Leia's drink, surveying the room.

It was full of royalty and other aristocratic types, all casually throwing money at a charity to make themselves feel and look good. Noura felt slightly contemptuous of many of them. How many had truly struggled, like her own mother had? Few, very few – and yet, too, Noura was careful not to be too hasty in judgment; she herself was privileged beyond belief, and she had faced her own demons. Aunt Rouge, she had faced her own demons, too.

Noura's goal this evening – in wearing white, in dressing her mother in the subtle, cool cream, had been to revise the traditions of Alderaan in unique and poignant ways. Leia in a variation of white, recalling her home, exposing the scars she'd received since then – and Noura in bright, sparkling white, wearing the traditional upstyles of Alderaan with her own twist, her dress the right colour, but not quite modest. An indication that the past could be honored, and tradition could be held dear, without it becoming a regressive trap; an indication that Noura was free to be her own person without it being an indictment of who she was a part of.

It was as much a reminder to herself as to the galaxy.

The bartender handed her a champagne glass, and Noura murmured a thank you. She turned, and as she did, she heard her name – sharp, a little mocking, and unmistakable.

"Noura! Oh, _look_; Noura's come out of _hiding."_

She turned, her jaw tightening. Xippa's voice. She lifted her eyes, and found herself face to face with her old friends – rather, the girls she'd once surrounded herself with. Xippa, Irina, and a handful of new girls Noura didn't know as well, though she recognized one as a girl they'd often made fun of. She must have found favor with the clique when Noura made her unceremonious exit.

"I thought your mother didn't allow you to sully yourself at these things," Irina said silkily, a death stick hanging lazily from the corner of a red-lipped smile.

Mixed emotions churned in Noura's stomach: she felt apprehension, anger, anxiety, shame. She had all but disappeared from these girls' orbits, cleaving back to old friends, old hobbies, spending time immersed in her own interests, finding herself and who she wanted to be. She had worked hard to maintain the new, close relationship with her mother; she had cultivated friendships with old friends shed abandoned, and new friends she'd found. She had endeavored to recover from her mistakes and be at peace with her choices – and she _was._

It had not always been easy. She still fought with Leia. She still felt insecurity. She still sometimes hated the choices she'd made in the past, and hated that she could never take it back, could never have a second chance at an experience that she rejected and detested. She had bad days and dark days and mundane days in between, but her life was good, and she appreciated it. She valued what she'd been through, even if she wished she hadn't been through it at all.

Yet she had found her own way. She had found solace in her mother and her aunt's old traditions; she had poured inner conflict and personal self-doubt into artwork and achievement, and she had slowly, slowly, grown into who she was, and who she wanted to be – and the venomous glares of these girls may try to bore cracks into her, but they would not succeed.

She said nothing. She'd known these girls would be here. They were always at these sort of things. When she was younger, Noura had always raged at Leia for keeping _her_ home.

"She's a princess now, Irina," Xippa said, shaking ice cubes in a glass of gin, once she certainly wasn't legally entitled to. She gestured at Noura's hair. "Look at her hair."

"Ahh, right," Irina sneered. "She's too good for us. High-and-mighty," she sighed, sarcastic. "Or, she couldn't take the heat."

Xippa crossed her arms, tapping her glass.

"Is _that_ it?" she asked, cocking her head. "Or was it…I never did get to ask you," she said innocently, widening her eyes. "I heard a rumor my brother fucked you," she said coldly, and then smirked, "and you ran off to Naboo and got your Mommy to cover up an abortion."

Still, Noura said nothing. She wasn't sure if her face changed. She thought it didn't. She thought of her mother, and of all the times Leia had faced ridicule and vitriol and appeared to let it roll off of her like the inconsequential slime it was, and she channeled that. Her story was none of their business, and she refused to be baited – though the anxious parts of her railed in anger, wanting to burst out, to shout and rage in the way she used to -

_\- before my notebooks and my art and my reconnection with my mother and my roots and all the women who came before me -_

Her silence made them uncomfortable, but Noura had learned over these past few months that she did not owe anyone anything; she only owed herself strength and resilience.

It was Irina who sneered.

"_Bantha shit_, is what it is," she snapped. "Noura's too much of a good girl for any of that. She doesn't have the guts."

Noura let her silence continue. She tilted her head slightly, eyes darting between each of them, and then they settled on Irina. She felt her mother's presence moving closer, in the vicinity, alerted to the tension – and all at once, Noura let the tension go.

"You know what, Irina?" she asked softly. "I _am_ a good girl."

She looked from Irina, to Xippa, and back again.

How many times had she considered the implication of those words – _good girl?_ How many nights had she spent berating herself, hating herself? How many different stories had she heard, all complex, all from good women, who had once been good girls, no matter _what_ their narratives contained?

Other words bubbled to her mouth. She thought about throwing it in their faces – _I did fuck your brother, you heinous bitch, and I did have a fucking abortion_ – but what was the point? Irina, Xippa – they grappled with insecurities, too; they struggled in the same world Noura did; the difference was that they lacked the home life Noura had once taken for granted.

They would never understand until they had their own reckonings, and Noura was beyond their influence.

Instead, she said:

"You're good girls, too."

The words surprised even her, and she felt odd, saying it – but it was true. Good, in the sense they said it, was a shallow, meaningless word, fired at young women to make them behave to make them conform, to make them beholden to others. Good, in the way Noura viewed it, was valuable; all women were good, even if they sometimes made bad choices, and _good_ was not a word to be used just to differentiate between the sexually pure and the sexually wanton.

Noura had escaped the confines of the word, and she had spent weeks, _months,_ making peace with herself, telling herself – _I am good, I am worthy, I am important, and I am valuable._

"You'll figure it out some day," Noura said. "I did."

She raised her glass at them, not quite mocking, but not quite conciliatory, either. Their faces blurred, and she turned away, forgetting them instantly. Her heart felt shaky, but she took a deep breath – _so there are rumors, so some people maybe…talk_ – but she tucked that knowledge away, refusing to dwell on it.

Rumors were rumors, and her truth was her truth. That was all that mattered.

She'd made her mistakes. She'd made her choices. She had recovered. She was strong.

"Noura," her mother touched her wrist, her eyes sharp, studious. She took the glass from Noura's hand. "Are you alright?"

The rest was unspoken – _I saw you speaking to those girls; I know who they are._ Noura turned to her, her eyes burning fiercely. She nodded, pursing her lips, thinking of all that she had ahead of her, and of all the support she had behind her, and she leaned forward, and kissed her mother's cheek, pressing her temple to Leia's.

"Good," she whispered. "I'm good, Mama."

Leia touched her cheek gently, and the next morning, when the Holos ran images of the ostentatious, extravagant dress show, it was not the posed, neat Holo of Noura and Leia that headlined the image galleries, it was _this_ one, candid, and raw – mother and daughter, intimate, and connected, in a crowd of outsiders.

* * *

_a/n: thank you for taking this journey for me! i know it was quite different, even if i write about abortions a lot. i appreciate the support and all your thoughts, and your continued interest. this story is dedicated to debbie reynolds and carrie fisher. g'night, fuckos! _

_-alexandra _


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